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| Guest Columns | Mr. JF |
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PULP BOOKERMAN Episode 5 Another day, another episode. That's a catchphrase of mine. Have you noticed? Anyway, I'm still sick. Might be the flu, likely just a cold. winter has arrived, and as I'm a viking, I tend to ignore the cold and wear way too little when I go out. Alcohol is another villain in this drama. It keeps you *feeling* warm, kiddies, but don't be fooled! One good thing about the general shittyness of having a sore throat, headache and whatnot is that you can always blame your mistakes on it. Hence, I blame my cold for having Kevin Nash go by three different names when it comes to naming the "speaker" in the last episode. He was "Nash", he was "Kev", and he was, as he should be, "Kevin". Sorry if that bothered anyone. I'm likely just rambling, and no one understands shit of what I'm saying. If so, I BLAME THE COLD!! And it's not like people even read the intros. CRZ doesn't, he says. Let's try it: Chris is a big dope. Will he notice? (Mr JF is a noodle brain - CRZ) OK, so now that I've bored everyone to tears and have scared away any first-time readers, it's time to get into what you came here for. . . Pulp Bookerman! Concept is Pulp Fiction with wrestling characters. Past episodes might be found here, here, here, and here, if Massa Chris wills it. If those 'heres' aren't links, I bet you have the intelligence to go find them yourself on the site. Come on, are you up for the challenge? That's all. Let's get it on. (ACHTUNG! May contain old jokes. ACHTUNG!) PULP BOOKERMAN episode 5 The scene starts with a close up of a bald, angry looking man. That's Goldberg. He's not the one doing the talking, though: that's a bigger, bald, orange man. Hollywood Hogan. . . Hogan: I think you're gonna find -- when all this shit is over and done with -- I think you're gonna find yourself one smilin' brutha. Thing is Bill, right now you got push. But painful as it may be, push don't last, and your days are just about over. Now that's a hard, brutha, fact of life, but it's a fact of life your butt is gonna hafta get realistic about. This business is filled to the brim with unrealistic bruthas who thought their butt would age like mine. If they mean it turns wrinkled and floppy, it does. If they mean it keeps getting title reigns, it don't. Besides, Bill. How many undefeated streaks you think you got in you? Two? Wrestlers don't have an old-timers' day. They have WCW. You came close, but you never made it. But if you were gonna make it, you were gonna make it a long time ago, back in your first reign. Hollywood Hogan holds out an envelope in front of Bill. Hogan: You my jobba? Bill: It certainly appears so. Hogan: Now the night of the fight, you might feel a little like Sting. That's pride, messin' with you. Screw pride! And screw Sting! Fight through that crap. 'Cause a year from now, when you kickin' it in Memphis, you're gonna say: "Hollywood Hogan was right." Bill: I got no problem with that. Hogan: In the match, your ass goes down. Goldberg nods. Hogan: Say it! Bill: In the match, my (struggles with the word). . . butt. . . goes down. Shot from the outside, we see Scott Hall open a door. Hall: Vinny Vegas, our mang in McMahonlang! Diamond Dallas, our mang at the local strip joint! Get your asses in here! Yo, mang, what's up with them clothes? DDP: You don't wanna know. Kevin: Where's the big man? Hall: The big mang's right over there takin' care of some business. Why don't you hang back for a second you know, 'til the white boy leaves. Kevin: How you been? Hall: I've been doin' pretty good. You know, I'm a bartender, so this is pretty much heaven for me. How 'bout yourself? Kevin: Alright. Hall: So, I hear you're taking Eric out tomorrow. Kevin: At Hollywood's request. Hall: Have you met Eric? Kevin: Not yet. Scott Hall and DDP look at each other. DDP starts to laugh and a big smile breaks out on Hall's face. Kevin: What's so fucking funny? DDP walks off, still laughing. Kevin: Look, I'm not an idiot. It's the big man's bitch. All I'm gonna do is sit across from him, chew my food with my mouth closed, and laugh at his fucking jokes. And that's it. Hall: Hey, I'm Hall, and this is between y'all. Kevin: Then why the fuck you ask me about it for? Asshole. Goldberg walks to the door, and passes Kevin Nash, who is looking at him. Bill: You looking at something, friend? Kevin: I ain't your friend, Goldturd. Bill: What's that? Kevin: I think you heard me just fine, speary. Hollywood (from across the room): Kevin Nash in da house? My jobba! Get your butt over here. Kevin Nash walks over to Hogan. Goldberg stays to look at him for a short while, then decides it's best to leave. . . Mr JF [slash] wrestling Mail the Author |
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