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PULP BOOKERMAN Episode 6 Short intro, I've got places to be. The concept is Pulp Fiction with wrestling characters. To give Chris something fun to hyperlink (he loves that, I hear), you can go read the previous episodes: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. So there. Oh, and watch the movie as often as you can. It'll make you go crazy like it made me, but it's a *good* sort of crazy. On a related topic, is being a noodle brain a good or a bad thing? Because I don't want to come off as pushy, I won't even mention that I want feedback. OK? Let's get it on. [ACHTUNG! May contain old jokes and outdated material. ACHTUNG!] PULP BOOKERMAN episode 6. The scene: A living room at someone's house. Prince Albert and Darren Drosdov are talking, while Kevin Nash is sitting quietly in the background. . . Albert: It's like it turns every part of your personality into a joke like Val Venis. Droz: Wow. . . You know those dumb-ass stipulations they use to they use to give you a dress, they don't use that to when you get a stupid name, do they? Albert: No way, those stipulations go against everything about stupid names. Every dumbass name in the WWF, they got as if it was their real name; Meat, Puke, Beaver Cleavage, Ivory, Test, Val Venis, Viscera, Prince Albert. . . Kevin, obviously surprised at hearing this: Excuse me, but why would anyone go along with a name like Prince Albert? Albert: It's a cheap heat thing. Helps pushing. A voice calls from another room. It's Konnan. K-Dawg: Kevin-O! Step in my office. They step into his "office", a plain room where he sells his stuff. Three huge plastic bags containing wrestlers lie on the bed. K-Dawg (pointing to first bag): This is Dandy, from Mexico. Very good stuff. Now, this is Parka. Different, but equally good. And that is Vampiro, from the Rocky Mountains in Canada. Now the first two are the same, 300 bucks. Those are friend prices. But this one (pointing to Vampiro) is a little more expensive. 500. But, when you job him, you *will* know where that extra money went. Now, there's nothing wrong with these, this is real, real, real good shit. But this is a bowdy-bowdy madman! Kevin: Remember, I just got home from McMahonland. K-Dawg: Am I a chicano? K-Dawg pauses for a moment. Then he looks over his shoulder and walks over to the window, where he pulls down the blinds. Then, he unplugs the phone and goes back to where he was earlier. K-Dawg (whispering): No, I'm not. Now, fly white guys who know the difference between good crap and bad crap, this is the house they come to. Now, my crap, I'll take the Kunze star ratings challenge with that McMahonland crap any old day of the bowdy-bowdy week. Kevin: That's a bold statement. K-Dawg: This ain't McMahonland, Kev. This is the bookerman's market. Kai en tai is bowdy-bowdy dead as. . . death. Luchadores are coming back in a big bowdy-bowdy way. Kevin: OK, give me three-year contract of madman. If it's as good as you say it is, I'm gonna come back for another lifetime sweat shop-type contract. K-Dawg: I just hope I got some left for you. But, I'm giving you some from my own private stash. That is what a nice guy I am. Erm. . . I'm out of crates, is a body bag all right? Kevin: Yeah, that's cool. K-Dawg: Right, let me get one for you. (calling out the room) Honey!? Can you get me some body bags and twistex from the kitchen? Voice from outside the room: 'Kay! K-Dawg (to Kevin): Hey, what do you think of Droz? He ain't got a boyfriend. Wanna hang out, get wasted? Kevin: Which one was Droz again? The fat-assed, hairy-back one with all the crap in his face? K-Dawg: No, that's Albert, that's my wife.Droz's the freak-ass guy with puke-breath and all the crap in his face. fat-assed, hairy-back one with all the crap in his face. Kevin starts laughing embarrassingly. Kevin: Ow, that hurt, man. K-Dawg: Thank you. Kevin: No, I can't, I got to be some place. K-Dawg: Alright, no problemo. Kevin: I'll take a rain check. Prince Albert comes in and hands over a body bag to K-Dawg. Albert (mimicking what K-Dawg should've said): "Thank you Albert". K-Dawg pushes her out the door. K-Dawg: Hey, still got the limo? Kevin: Aw, man, you know what some fucker did the other day? K-Dawg: What? Kevin: Fucking drove a damn Humvee into it. K-Dawg: Aw, man, that's bowdy-bowdy. Kevin: Tell me about it. I was in it for five fucking seconds, and some dickless piece of shit fucked with it. K-Dawg: They should be bowdy-bowdy jobbed, man. No trial, no jury, just straight to jobberville. Kevin: I wish I could have caught the guy doing it. It had been worth him doing it and us hyping the hell out of it for so long just to catch him doing it. K-Dawg: Management "forgot" about it? Kevin: There's nothing more annoying than not delivering something that hyped. But it's WCW, so, what can I tell ya? You don't deliver on the hype. K-Dawg: You don't do it. . . Kevin: It's just against the rules. Hey, mind if I shoot up my ego here? K-Dawg: Hey, mi casa, su casa. Kevin: Muchas gracias. . . Close ups with accompanying music as Kevin Nash shoots up his ego, by pulling out Vampiro and squashing him easily. Looking in his eyes, you can tell this is giving him a considerable high. . . Mr JF [slash] wrestling Mail the Author |
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