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| Guest Columns | Mr. JF |
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PULP BOOKERMAN Episode 2 Another day, another Pulp Bookerman episode. For you unknowing people who are stumbling upon this thing for the first time out of general boredom or whatever, I shall again explain the concept. Others, close your eyes. OK, so I watch Pulp Fiction a lot. I get visions of Diamond Dallas Page and Kevin Nash being in the movie. Soon, a bunch of other wrestlers also enter my visions, finally leading to the point where I can't watch the movie without thinking of ways to incorporate wrestling hilarity into the scenes. The logical step is then of course to write these visions down and release the great beast onto [slash] readers. That's the concept. Now, three episodes showed up on [slash] a few weeks ago. Now, however, I have written a bunch of other scenes, and these new ones will join up with the old three in the new serial. This is because I want you people to enjoy the skits in thew way they're supposed to be enjoyed: in the same semi-order as the actual movie. Therefore, this may be the second time for some people to be reading this particular episode. Either way, it won't cause brain damage (I think. . .), so feel free to read it again. Oh, and a warning: Because some of these were written a while ago, some jokes may be outdated. IGNORE THAT! 'Nuff introductory rambling, let's get it on! PULP BOOKERMAN episode 2. The scene: Diamond Dallas Page and Kevin Nash, two top Bookermen under the employment of Hollywood Hogan, are on their way to an assignment. Nash has just returned from a visit in McMahonland. . . DDP: -- okay. So, tell me again about the profanity? Kevin: OK, what you wanna know? DDP: Well, profanity is legal there, right? Kevin: Yeah, it's legal, but is ain't a hundred percent legal. I mean you just can't walk into a ring, grab a microphone, and start swearin' away. I mean they want you to swear backstage or on certain designated programs. DDP: Those are the RAW shows? Kevin: Yeah, it breaks down like this: It's legal to think it, it's legal to say it backstage and, if you're the competitor on a RAW shows, it's legal to say it on camera. It's legal to use it in a catchphrase, but that doesn't matter 'cause -- get a load of this, alright -- if the officials hear it, it's illegal for them to fire you. Firing you for incredibly stupid reasons is a right that the officials in McMahonland don't have. DDP: Oh, man -- I'm goin', that's all there is to it. I'm scummin' goin'. Kevin: I know baby, you'll dig it the most. But you know what the funniest thing about McMahonland is? DDP: What? Kevin: It's the little differences. I mean, they got the same shit over there that they’ve got here, but it's just there it's a little different. DDP: Example? Kevin: Alright, well, you can do an interview segment in McMahonland, and drink a beer. And I don't mean just an old paper cup, I'm talking 'bout a can of beer. And on RAW, you can drink beer before you wrestle. And, you know what they call a Ham'n'Egger like Reese in McMahonland? DDP: They don't call it a Ham'n'Egger like Reese? Kevin: No, they got the Oddity system there, they wouldn't know what the fuck a Ham'n'Egger is. DDP: What'd they call it? Kevin: A Silva. DDP (repeating): "A Silva". What'd they call a Big Lazy? Kevin: Well, a Big Lazy is a Big Lazy, but they called me "Big Daddy Cool". DDP: "Big Daddy Cool". . . What do they call a Dusty? Kevin: I dunno, I didn't go into a booking meeting. But you know what they put in angles in McMahonland instead of plot holes? DDP: What? Kevin: Continuity. DDP: Aw, man! Kevin: I seen 'em do it. They fuckin' drown 'em in that shit. DDP: Uuccch! Mr JF [slash] wrestling Mail the Author |
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