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WORD FROM THE BUTCHSTER
Hey, what is up? Gratuitious plug time: my article is still up (CRZ, can I
get a LINK LINK?) so read that after this. Why? Cause you're a good
person. Or pure evil. You are what you are and you can't change. What? I
write a wrestling column? Oh, yeah. Well, I started off in January
SLASHing it up, and as almost a sidebar, previewed the Royal Rumble. But
something happened on the way to me wise-assing: I actually predicted the
whole damn thing. Even some of the little stuff. (And since I'm bragging
so damn much, CRZ if you would link THAT as Exhibit A, I'd be much obliged.) (Don't push it, Rosser. - CRZ)
And considering this was s'posed to be the "throwaway" PPV between the
Rumble & WM2K, Vince & Co. have done a damn good job putting history behind
each match and teasing them with little pieces on the cable. So, then, 7
big matches that will actually mean something a week later (ah, the WWWF,
home of the sledgehammer of plot.). Here we go, kids!
TOO COOL & HIS PHATNESS (w/Biggest Ass This Side of Marty McSorley)v. NEW
RADICALI (Deano Machino, The Truth-teller Perry Saturn, and Internet Deity
Chris Benoit)
Background[B]: Yo, yo, see, dis is what the deal is, yo. These new punks
show up and dey turn on CJack and there's a 10-man match where dey and the
Man gonna beat down Rock & CJ, know how I mean? So Oliver Sudden 2C & RP
rizock the hizouse and ever since there's been some drama cause even though
they real homies and such, the Man ain't trying to deal wit dem, yo! So he
sends his new strawberries out to steal their guns before they can unload!
Word.
What I Hope Will Happen[WI]: Fun 6-man hilarity. Mandatory: Das Wurm, GMS
strapping on goggles, 3-way trip to Germany. And let the new kids win one.
Can the Radicals get what they give? Or will they be crying like a church
on Sunday? I hope I just didn't give away the ending, but someday we'll
know how it turns out. And that someday is Sunday.
What I Think Will Happen[WT]: The Radicals begin their search for
immortality with a solid win with a soupcon of chicanery.
{NO HOLDS BARRED} BIG DADDY KANE v. X-PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAC!(x-pac.) (w/That
Jezebel Tori)
B: So, I'm a big tall guy who got burned in a fire. In August, I get my
first friend ever. He teaches me how to laugh and love. In September he
turns on me. I am pissed. Then I get hot girlfriend. Then last month she
turns on me and goes to him. Now I'm really fucking pissed off.
WI: Somehow they don't go on Springer? OK, this is interesting. However,
the stip allows for XP to get his shit handed to him, have his buddies
interfere, and get a bitch win. (I'm just cursing up a storm, aren't I?)
WT: Same. But it'd be cool if they let Kane go over clean.
{#1 Contenders for Tag Titles Match; winners get 'NSync}
TOTAL REQUEST WORKRATE 6: EDGE (I think I know him, therefore I am) and
CHRISTIAN (oh, yeah, that other guy) vs. HARDYS (w/o MILFotY Terri Runnels)
B: In the last installment of this fued, the H's were bad, bad men. The
Territourney was a cool way to a)get 5 solid matches b)hype the new talent
c) realize that EVERY WWF arena is cold and d)all of the above, all
culminating in the Match Of The Era @ No Mercy wherein the Hardys went over
and both teams got a Titan audience to cheer for wrestling! (Keep in mind,
pre-Radicals).
WI: 4 star lock. Who cares who wins? They both rock.
WT: I unno...give me Hardys to win but EC to cover the spread.
{WWF WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE} Gap Band's Fave Tag Team THE DUDLEYS v. nAo--new
Age outlaws
B: OK, kids! Time for science! Team A has attacked women, generated
massive heat by acting like heels, and has a cool 2 MAN finishing move.
Team B are two singles who don't work seperate stuck together out of
necessity, seperate finishing moves, and act like faces even though they're
supposed to be heels. Just guess, damnit!
WI: nAo BLATANTLY gets the DQ, allowing them to be turfed outta DX to be
faces officially, and for the Duds to have enough heat on them to get the
winners of TRW.
WT: Outlaws win and job at WM2K.
(#1 Contender's Match-Winner gets World Title Shot @ WM2K):
THE GREAT ONE (w/Eyebrow) v. CAPTAIN INSANE SHOW (w/o Goofy Haircut)
B: As certain people predicted, Rcok won the Rumble. Except he didn't.
Show got proof that Rock touched the ground right before he did, earning
this match that he wanted. Of course, hHh is no chump and realized "Why let
this big dumb moron get the shot outright when I can get him vs. the guy I
hate with a fury and get one of them less than a 100% for the big one?" and
set it up.
WI: Rock wins. Big Show does well. Actually, a match I watched in WM2K was
good. Show hit the Stopper on 3H TWICE, but each time, he was too close to
the ropes, rebounded, Pedigree, lights out guerilla radio. Something like
that would be fine.
WT: Rock wins. Fiery, white-hot babyface of doom push for WM2K begins in
earnest.
(INTERCHRISINENTAL TITLE): EUROCHAMP, OLYMPIC HERO, MAN ABOUT TOWN,
RACOUNTER, OSTRICH MEAT SALESMAN OF THE MONTH AND CHARTER MEMBER OF THE
CHRISTINA AGUILERA FAN CLUB, KURT ANGLE v. SUPREME OVERLORD CHRIS "WWY2JD?"
JERICHO (w/Wonder #9)
B: Angle wins Eurochampionship. Comes out to bash the Ayatollah.
Surprisingly, instead of sitting down and settling things like adults,
they've chosen to fight. Angle has delivered a belt shot to Chyna, hit
Jericho with the Kurtains (that's what I call it) and pinned him in tag
action. Of course this means he hasn't a chance in hell.
WI: Solid 3 to 4 estrella match. Walls of Jericho. Bring on Benoit.
WT: See above. Can't spell Jericho w/o IC ya know.
***MAIN EVENT***
{Hell In A Cell; if Foley loses, he (all 4 versions) are GONE and oh yeah,
also WWF/WCW WORLD FREAKING TITLE MATCH!!}
Rey de Muerto Match CACTUS JACK v. Face of Pure Evil hHh, the Game-uh,
HUNTER-UH HEARST-UH HELMSLEY-UH (con Yoko McHelmsley)
B: When we last left these two, hHh did a blade job like a man and Pedigreed
the returning CJ into thumbtacks to retain. H, feeling good, decides to
proffer CJ another match w/o the crazy shit, as long as he agrees to pack it
up and move it out. CJ chooses HITC. Let the insanity begin! (Sidenote: I
don't think a RAW has gone by without Foley getting pinned by H or Benoit
since then)
WI: Just a kick-ass match in which Mick doesn't try to kill himself to make
us happy.
WT: A preface. I loved Mankind since the JR interview. Once I knew Mick
the person, my respect grew. I bought "Have A Nice Day" for full price the
week it came out (something I've never done before or since). That being
said, WM has a plan AND THOU SHALT NOT STRAY FROM THE VIRTOUS BABYFACE
PINNING THE EVIL GUY TO WIN THE TITLE. H retains. Foley gets to ride off
into the sunset with the biggest standing O in the history of wrasslin' and
joins JR & Kingfish for commentary down the line. Also allows Rock to
avenge him, et al.
Damn! Big card, big fun? We'll see Sunday. And I'm outta here like I
stole somethin'!
Butch Rosser
Supreme Overlord for Life, Future Husbands of Jennifer Love Hewitt
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