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WORD FROM THE BUTCHSTER

All right, Butchaholics! Strap yourself in, let's get ready to mark out together and say hello to SLASH...IS...ROSSER!!! As usual, the newest recipient of the RED SLASH OF APPROVAL is here to assure your fears, allay all your worries, and answer all your questions. Unless you like WCW, in which case PRAY TO YOUR GOD! Can I get a whut whut to the LOVEly Jennifer, who turned 21 yesterday. Who knows? Maybe we can go out for shots together. We can only dream. And by "we" I obviously mean I. Now then, ain't got no time to prance, I'd give Jenny a kiss hailing straight from France, this rhyming ends next week when the Duds kick nAo's ass so it's the time on CRZ OR RANTSYLVANIA WHEN I CORE RESPOND DANCE!:

Horace Jarrell, Jr. wants questions answered, damnit:
Why the hell is the WWF wasting D-Lo in this miserable angle with the Godfather? Do you honestly think there is ANYTHING that the WWF could do wrong right now?
-->In order: hopefully to set up a heel turn and a big ass push, and not unless they show Mae Young doing Paul Bearer legit.

ADRgizmo also has questions (just when the hell did this become Dear Abby, anyfuckingway?!):
When are we gonna see Trish Stratus? Is Savage coming back? Is Nash getting released? When does RVD's contract expire? Can he ever go to the WWF?
-->Again, in order: soon, probably around WM2K (if you just can't wait to punch the midget, www.trishstratus.com), I hope not and don't think so even though I miss GG, in four years, probably, but not anytime soon by my guess. And before I get the deluge of these kind of preguntas every damn week, just go to www.prowrestlingtorch.com cause they F'N RULE.

And my main man, SMILEYSAM:
I read some of your columns & I saw that I'll need to read them from now on. My week won't be complete until I watch my wrestling & read your rant. How cool is that? New Jack needs to start kicking ass again... --> It's damn cool. Nice to know the following I refer to in the opening isn't a three-count of me, myself, and I. And for Foley's sake, get the Baldies the hell off my screen yesterday. It's Black History Month, damnit! Let New Jack win once!

And the best new artist should go to Christina Aguilera, cause Macy Gray rules and the sooner CA and Daly die in a plane crash, the better the world will be for democracy. One, five, is this on? I ain't Jimmy, but I'll hit you with some of dat LISTO DEL FUEGO shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit....

15) **HARRISI SCREW UP NITRO**
Let me get this straight: no Torrie or Kidman, no Lash or Booker, but these two losers all damn night? And I'm not watching why?

14) **LA PARKA!**
Damnit, let La Parka do some cool stuff. You want someone with charisma and a good workrate who SHOULD be TV Champ? Let La Parka reign, damnit! Write WCW if they still let people do such things!

13) **TANK PULLS OUT A KNIFE**
The thought floating through all 8 SBX viewers: "Ah, if only that was my throat."

12) **MISEDUCATION OF BOOKER T**
I'll ask again: Bill Watts or Krusty? One of the two, it's gotta be.

11) **DUGGAN AS TV CHAMP?**
And this is because I've angered God in some way? Look, it's nothing against Jim. The man beat cancer and like him or no that deserves props. I just don't think he should have it when certain kick-ass luchadores that wield chairs and dress like Skeletor are getting nada.

10) **VISCERA KILLS THE BABY**
And Mae Young has now taken 9 more bumps this year than Hogan since 1997. Kill the angle, please. Thank you.

09) **TOTAL REQUEST WORKRATE**
First, the Hardys. Then, Edge & Christian. Now 2 Cool. Is this damn PLANET being run by 12-year-old girls now? Did I miss that memo?

08) **SUNDAY NIGHT HEAT**
This is the WWF's 3rd show. THE THIRD! And that hour f'n rocked! Essa, Y2J, Jeff Hardy, title matches, hot babes, attention paid to plot...shit. Don't tell me I'll start having to tape this, too!

07) **DON OF HEELDOM**
He is the untouchable. There's a big showdown brewing between him & Paul E and whoever jacks him up first (if such a thing is to happen) will become instant face. Voices may carry, but words win championships. Or take them away. Or something.

06) **RUDO EDDIE!**
Did ya HEAR that "Eddie Sucks" chant? Or that "Guerrero Fears The INS" sign? Can you imagine what it's like when he actually GOES BACK TO WRESTLING?! Ah, life is good.

05) **DX EXPRESS**
And completely lost in all this is the fact that they just LEFT X-PAC THERE! Are we brewing a turn of some sort?

04) **FLAIR & LUGER**
WHOOOOOO!!! Break Hogan's arm, break both of them! Get the legs! KILL HIS OLD ORANGE ASS DEAD! DIE, HOGAN, DIE! aahahahahahahah...um, I mean...er...they're BAD MEN! Very, very bad men! I think that kept the cops away from the door another week.

03) **6 REFS GET PUNKED OUT?**
The perfect end to a perfect show. See Kevin Spacey in the shower at the start of American Beauty (MOVIE OF THE DAMN YEAR, BY THE WAY! Go see it now! This'll keep! Get up and GO SEE IT NOW!) for what I bet at least half the people in attendance were thinking.

02) **NORMAN JOBS TO THREE COUNT**
When I say suck, you say fest! SUCK!!!!!!

01) **HEAD CHEESE LOSES AGAIN?!**
What kind of f'ed up world is this anyway? We get a Moment of the Year candidiate as Steve-O lets out his inner groove thing, and then they lose? Oh, I bet the ratings take a nosedive for this.

@LARGE: Scott Hall-who knows?, TAFKAPI as Champ?, Sign at SBX: "I Want My Release", Pushing Billy Kidman(?), James Brown apperance, Sting Is Back! (Kinda), Dustin turns on Funk, Wall just blows, Chyna spread coming out soon (no, people! NO! People!), RVD stripped of TV strap?, Bulldog & Test back (isn't Benoit the HC champ now?), Too Cool & His Phatness break out the concrete jungle boogie.

Looking for something to read? Glom the ICON's rant in multifed here (LINK it up, C-Money) as my kinda pick of the week. Over the weekend, you'll see if I can make like Henning and be perfect again with my No Way Out predictions, and of course, keep supporting whatever site you're looking at. And I promise I'll try not to ever, EEEEEEEEEEEEEVER let you guys down! I'm outta here like I stole somethin'!

Butch Rosser
Supreme Overlord for Life, Future Husbands of Jennifer Love Hewitt

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Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission