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WORD FROM THE BUTCHSTER Royal Rumble Preview What is the dilly, my peeples? By the way, gratiuitious plug time: my article is still up HERE [don't think I'm too good to answer your letters!] and read the Benoit tribute thing HERE, which was without a shadow of a damn doubt the funniest thing I've read since Jesus turned heel. It's January, and w/me being a grande WWF mark, it can mean only one thing: the annual Royal (w/cheese?) Rumble. A few title matches, a little T & A, and the best gimmick match of the year, with the winner getting a shot @ WrestleMania. So, then, are you ready? Nuh-uh. I *said* ARE....YOU.....RRRRRRRRRRREADY?!?! Then for the 1000's reading this over the Internet, and the millions (and millions!) downloading from WWF Divas while they do so, and hell, just cause any CRZ exposure is good exposure, ladies and gentlemen....luh-et's get ready to PREVIEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW:
What I'd Like To See Happen[WI]: Terri & the Kat make out, pudding gets involved, more nudity Parent's Council be damned! What's Probably Gonna Happen[WP]: Some sort of fight between Jackie & Ivory since they've gotten into a series, and Lawler to pass out.
WI: Benoit comes out with a WCW World Title replica, bashes Angle to get DQed, tears Olympico a third corn chute, shoots all over creation, takes replica and burns to a huge pop. Shyeah. And Jennifer Love Hewitt's gonna give me a table dance in 19 days when I turn 21. WP: Not sure. Rumors have listed everyone from the Taker to Shamrock to Tazz to Gillberg. Either way, unless it's Shamrock, Angle's going down the river here.
*for the BUTCHSTER'S WWF UNITED STATES TAG TEAM TITLES* WI: Early Match of the Year candidate with Ross & Lawler crapping themselves as crazy-ass moves fly all over the Garden, the Hardys pull out a narrow win but the Duds earn everyone's respect. WP: What I just said, except the Dudleys might go over, and the tables will probably be lit for a bonus.
WI: Acolytes beat the holy hell out of nAo, winning the straps and teasing another DX breakup that would occur most likely @ WM. WP: This thing has screwjob written all over it. nAo get DQed or counted out on purpose, Triple B throws in some on-the-fly stips, somehow the Acolytes win the battle but not the war.
[Triple Threat--WWF INTERCHRISINENTAL TITLE MATCH] WI: Three words: Jericho better win. WP: Jericho wins, barely, to set up a match between him and the odd person out since, for some dumb-ass reason, this isn't a elimination-style match. Why, I don't know, wasn't someone supposed to be the UNDISPUTED I-C Champ?!
WI: 20-minute slugfest that ends-well, in a multitude of ways. Yoko misses some foreign object shot and hits hHh. The MacMen hit son-in-law with a car. Tazz chokes out somebody. Somehow, on this distant planet on this day, Cactus Jack wins Terra Ryzing's belt. WP: WM is going to be hHh v. Rock. There's a formula, people. hHh wins by DX interference or just plain luck.
WI: Someone who isn't the Rock eliminating the Rock to win and set up a match a SVDM. A Big Show, Hellfire & Toothpaste, D-Lo?? Edge, mayhaps? What about Rodney? No? WP: Rock survives but someone jumps him after the match. Well, whoomp, there it is. It's so simple when you break things down scientifically. I'll come back with one of these next month. Till then, read "Word From the Butchster", come to the slash, and don't trust anyone over 30! Oh, yeah, I'm outta here like I stole somethin'.
Butch Rosser |
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