|
/wrestling /guests /(Bitchfactor) |
|
|
/wrestling /guests /(Bitchfactor) |
| Guest Columns | (Bitchfactor) |
MainBLAH |
ROCK'N'WRESTLING PSYCHO CIRCUS Hi there. Back with a short, easily digestible piece this week. We *both* win that way! You know, just because I'm a chick doesn't mean I don't like eating pork and watching "Road House" and giving blow jobs and... pfffft... ahahahahaaaahahaaaHAAAA! Oh God, I'm sorry, I just can't do that with a straight face. You'll have to get by on me actually writing about something other than ME. But if I could write about me for a second (ahem) I have to say that in spite of CRZ's earnest shilling, all in the interest of yours truly I'm sure, I received *no* mail regarding my stellar (if somewhat subdued) piece on MTV's "WWF Rocks!" bit of television-type programming. I was disappointed, but not too terribly shaken. I'll live... no, really... I'll get by... [sniff] Anyway, on to a little prognosticating in re: the event which is sure to shake the very foundation upon which WCW stands. Indeed, I am speaking of the mighty and imminent debut of KISS. Of course I'm joking. Okay, so what has KISS done for any of us lately? Other than totally fucking up Argent's "God Gave Rock and Roll To You" and forcing me to sit through a fucking THREE HOUR PLUS "Unplugged" shoot which made me realize that if I had to listen to either "Beth" or "Rock and Roll All Night" one more FUCKING time I'd have to take to the nearest bell tower? Jeez, the only *good* thing in recent memory was Nick Bakay's impression of Gene Simmons on "The TV Wheel." ("What am I, a Kabuki demon? A clown that kills people?! Tell me, I really wanna know!") Well, taking all these good deeds into consideration, WCW had the wisdom and foresight to add the craggy ol' dinosaurs to its hallowed list of lameass musical variety-show tie-ins. Oh, but it makes perfect sense. Now that the No Limit deal is a fucking joke to the degree that Snoop Fuckin' Dogg is skipping around merrily with the WWF (and *not* during Raw, you'll notice, hint hint Bischoff?), Megadeth did what was required of them and went away, and then Chad Brock... (uh... you don't think they're actually going to *remember* that little storyline happened, did you?) well, damn, I give up. At least these other appearances had *some* modicum of promotional logic to them. Now, for the sake of sanity, I struggled and struggled to come up with a corporate tie which would have made at least a thimbleful of sense and logic in the WCW/KISS scheme of things. But KISS is an Island act, putting them under the Seagram's umbrella. As for "Detroit Rock City," a New Line Production... memory serves that New Line was once a promotional sponsor of WCW, but that was ages ago, and now they've got the likes of tough actin' Tinactin and Judge "Funky Drummer" Wapner doing their respective things. The New Line connection is farfetched, but it's possible. But... but... but it still makes no sense! We're talking about KISS for chrissakes. They might as well dial up the Bay City Fuckin' Rollers. Hell, drummer Derek just got nailed for kiddie porn. At least the guy has EDGE. And a mullet too. Hey, there's an idea! BCR could help sponsor a new crew. The Mullet Militia. The Plaid Posse. The Tartan Titty-Twisters. The possibilities are endless, and a feud (or alliance) with Disco Inferno is virtually ready-made. Of course, leave it to WCW to *not* nail that one down with each successive week.... Speaking of feuds, there *could* be one dreamy piece of work to come out of the KISS deal, but really, it's just a result of me thinking too much. Still, something truly STUNNING could result from this whole KISS thing if someone somewhere decides to smile upon us. In Gene-O's chat with Billy Kidman (who is, indeed, a "chick magnet"), the guy finally uttered the moniker "Filthy Animals" (Almost convincingly! Almost not-unconvincingly! Go Kidman!) which has been threatened -- I mean, floated around as the possible name for his lil' clique for some time. Now, God knows where the hell they got it from, but I'm sure many of you know that Mötörhead's drummer is commonly known as Phil "Philthy Animal" Taylor. With that in mind, wouldn't it be beautiful if Lemmy & Co. showed up on WCW? Not to perform, no, but to beat the living SHIT out of KISS once and for all. Well, just Gene and Paul, anyway. Space Ace and Peter can just hang out at ringside, smoke a couple of fatties, and laugh their asses off. That'd be cool. Just get Lemmy in there with his badass Rickenbacker and let him go to it. Damn, that'd be great. Of course, it ain't gonna happen. But it's sure nice to think about, isn't it? And by the way, last I heard, the deal with Kid Rock and WCW is just imaginary. Good thing too, because Kid Rock sucks. Not that that wouldn't make him a perfect match for the fed, but whatever. Less screen time for Kid Rock BENEFITS HUMANITY. Remember that. Until the next time inspiration strikes, I remain, Kim (Bitchfactor) [slash] wrestling Mail the Author |
BLAH |
Main |
||