Everybody else was talking about how great the WWF is - so I figured I'd better switch up, and talk about how bad the WCW is instead

People often write me as if it's MY fault that WCW sucks. If only I'd cut 'em some slack, they'd MAGICALLY not suck anymore!

Sadly, it doesn't work this way.

No, what's REALLY at work here is actually an axiom based on an old mathematical property I learned at UC Riverside - I call it "Zimmerman's Reflexive Property of WCW" and it goes like this:

WCW sucks because WCW sucks.

The corollary is WCW sucks, but not just because CRZ says it sucks, and I hope that I can educate everybody who takes time out to write me decidedly UNeducated hatemail.

To that end, and because there are many of you who have requested I go into more detail about what's been bugging me about WCW of late - just for you folks, here's a hodge-podge of general WCW bitching and bashing.

Every time I see that NWO logo with the word "new" underlined, I have to just shake my head in amazement. You can't BOTTLE irony like that.

So, did I just see the Outsiders turn face again? Hall's survey on Thunder sure made it look that way. But wait - they're NWO!

Hey, it's our good friend the Demon! He's an unstoppable monster - oops, Bigelow just pinned him in five seconds, breaking his winning streak that went all the way back to...well, actually Demon lost to Terry Funk in his FIRST appearance on Thunder, didn't he.

Scott Steiner, who I believe WAS a heel, gets giant face pops Monday for showing off T&A and invoking the name of Steve Austin.

With all these turns within the NWO, can anybody tell me how Bret Hart is supposed to turn out? Is he a face, siding with Nash and Hall where he was when he left and just ignoring he was feuding with Goldberg? After all, they (tried to) get away with it before...or does he stay a heel, as he was when he left, and try to stay consistent, not to mention limit his turns this year to...hell, what's it been, seven?

WCW continues to manifest more schizophrenic tendencies than when they wanted us to believe David Flair...oh wait, HE stopped being crazy Monday, didn't he.

Now, if you're one of the brain (ha) trust in charge of making this thing work, what do YOU do? What decisive action do you take to turn things around and bring WCW back to prominence?

That's right! Shuffle the commentary teams!

Now, I'm not saying Mark Madden isn't a capable commentator - obviously, he is - but think about it. In the infinite wisdom of the WCW brass, isn't it just a matter of time before the ratings are examined? After noticing that for the FIRST time ever, the USA Network beat an unopposed hour of Nitro with "Walker, Texas Ranger" - WALKER, FREAKING TEXAS RANGER - and by *10%* (3.3 to 3.0) at that! - after noticing that this *first* time just happens to coincide with the *first* appearance of a two-man team of Schiavone and Madden...

The heavily-hyped matchup to compete with the competition's offering Monday was Flair vs. Funk in an "I Quit" match - they would have been better off rerunning the 1989 match, of course, but instead they decided to do it in 2000. Oh, and with David in place of Ric. Do you really need the benefit of HINDSIGHT to see why this would fail to work?

Even with this in mind, Thunder features Scott Hall vs. Jeff Jarrett in the main event - all the while making reference to Razor Ramon vs. Jeff Jarrett matches from 1995 - from the WWF.

It reminds me of trying to hook up with an old ex-girlfriend who liked you once, but wants NOTHING to do with you now even though you HAVEN'T changed at all. "What's wrong, baby? You used to LIKE it when I did this..."

How can the WCW brass resolve conflicting ideas? They seem to simultaneously that think they can appeal to our sense of nostalgia for the NWA of old by booking a Flair/Funk match - *and* they want to get across that they have absolutley NO need to exploit the rich history of their own World Television title! Schizophrenia!

You gotta love the Thunder tech crew, though - they get SO worried about naughty hand signals and words like "BUTT" and "GAY" on signs that it's a new game to play while watching Thunder - "find the pixellation/blotted out sign" - first one to spot it gets the strongest drink. Thank GOD they protect the 37 viewers still subjecting themselves to this show from the word "SUCKS!" Isn't it FUN to watch THUNDER as if it were a pan-n-scan version of an old SuperScope flick, with Elizabeth half in the picture and half out, and the top of everybody's head chopped off like that one aunt was behind the camera? Hey, all this post-production sure beats trying to work magic with...THE BOOKING!

AND - is Kid Romeo one of the top eight Cruiserweights in WCW now? Sadly, he JUST MIGHT be...thus explaining his participation - and quick job - in the tourney.

What the heck happened to Curt Hennig? He's just about the only upper-midcarder they've got left - and yet they seem to have made it impossible for him to be on screen without major storyline problems manifesting themselves...and yet, that wouldn't usually be enough to keep a guy off the screen, so who can say.

One more and I'm out for now. I am SICK of all the people who say "Well, it's just 'cause Goldberg's out - it's just bad luck. They wouldn't be in such dire straits if only they had Goldberg to put on top, give him the ball and let him score a touchdown with it." Hey, guess what? Goldberg is out because of the WRITING - somebody WROTE that limo attack. Somebody looked for ratings out of the ring - and that's what they got.

Perhaps somebody HAS learned from this.

On Monday, RAW scored an 8.1 with - get this - WRESTLING.

Not "crash TV."

WRESTLING.

Not a bad time to be a wrestling fan, actually, now that I think about it. Just a bad time to have ANYTHING to do with WCW.

And I love it.

CRZ