CORRECTION: It was TONYA, not TANYA.

AWARDS: Already got sixty ballots! By next week, I'll have a webified version, but you should go find it on Usenet NOW! Here's a link to the call for votes if your browser has a news server specified, a link to the past winners and category descriptions, a link to the list of nominations, and finally a link to the official ballot. Jump on board!

WOW! Wizard of Oz on Saturday! Get your copy of "Dark Side of the Moon" ready!

Highlights of Thunder from Manchester's MEN Arena - and the men were in full force, doing manly things and being men at their most man...ah, hell, it's just an *acronym* for "Manchester Evening News" - why am I breaking into THIS shtick? I can't be BORED ALREADY, can I? That would sure suck. Oh, and there's the close captioned logo...

Last Thursday in Oberhausen, Deutschland, the Boogie Knights won the tag team titles! Please ignore the fact that General Rection is in this clip - just focus on the German lad there - there you go. Our story will be that Disqo was severly injured during the match. Got that? Disqo injured DURING THE MATCH. Okay.

Earlier Today, Lex Luger came to Mike Sanders with a big proposal to get big ratings. Mike Sanders says he's already booked a return bout for Jindrak & O'Haire which will set it off...and his deal will be the icing on the cake...but before we find out what it is, Chuck Palumbo comes in and says that Sean O'Haire has been punked out. We walk with the crowd into the wreckage...

Coming back...live, maybe, Mike Sanders delivers a statement - we WILL have a world tag team championship match tonight. Since O'Haire is injured, and since Disqo is injured, he's gonna make it the Perfect Event vs. Alex Wright...and a partner of his choosing that we'll find out later. Tonight's main event will be a world title match...Booker T. vs. Lex Luger. "Enjoy the show!"

Tank Abbott, Vampiro, the Great Muta, Demon, Daffney...see if you can figure out what all these performers have in common...besides appearing in these Opening Credits

WE ARE BACK AND LIVE from the Richmond County Civic Center in Augusta, GA (down there we have a good time, we don't talk, we all get together, any kind of weather and we do the camel walk - HEY!) 20.11.2K and on the air on TNT. THIS....is Monday Nitro!

(YUN) YANG (with Leia Meow) v. JAIME KNOBLE (already in the ring) - interesting choice. Punchfest to start - Yang takes control - into the ropes, shoulderblock, up and over, leapfrog by Knoble, caught the boot, backflip, Knobole with a headscissors. Clotheslined out of the ring...climbing the corner - somersault cannonball off the corner onto Yang!! Here's a giant picture of the PlayStation box for "WCW Backstage Assault" which blocks the action - DOWN IN FRONT!! Back in the ring, stomp by Knoble, into the ropes, caught and powerbombed down by Yang. Both men slow to get up...Jaime (pronounced "Jamie," but spelled "Hymie") tries a punch, but it's caught and Yang works the body while keeping the arm hooked - form of a uranage from there. Yang outside, and bringing a chair back in. Referee "Blind" Mark Johnson takes the chair from him, though. Boot to the head by Yang, tossing Knoble outside. Nice sideburns on Yang. Meow up on the STEEL steps and posing...and there's a scaryrana! And a kick for good measure. Yang goes outside and puts Knoble back inside, mounts and punches. Johnson finally pulls him off and warns about the closed fist. Knoble with a pull of the tights schoolboy for 2. Dueling backslides, nope, clothesline from Knoble ducked, full nelson attempt from Yang, Knoble drops down and rolls him up...for 2. Knife-edge chop by Yang, chop by Knoble, Yang, discus chop by Knoble, chop by Yang, right by Knoble, into the ropes, do si do, Knoble with a Russian legsweep. Going to the second floor - guillotine gets 2. Knoble signalling...and climbing the corner closest to Meow - dummy. Distracted just long enough for Yang to pop up and grab him...got the legs over his shoulders and OHHHHH sitting back in a piledriver! (Rev. Ray says it's a "Super Double Leg Back Piledriver" - thanks, Mr. Gannosuke!) SURELY that'll do it...ohhhhhh, Knoble grabs the bottom rope after 2! EVAN KARAGIAS is out to louse up this match, but 2...ERR, 3 COUNT *also* appear and bust him up. Back to the ring where *somehow* Knoble is up - short-arm clothesline is ducked off the reversal, but the next clothesline hits. Springboard plancha onto Helms & Moore? His opponent's in the ring! Sure enough, Yang is ready to suplex him back in after the elbow - but Knoble slips it. Back elbow off Yang breaks the waistlock...next one is ducked, Yang grabs the leg, Knoble does a full rotation while in the grasp, rollup - 1, 2, 3!! (4:46) Well, shut my mouth, a (relatively) clean finish. Post-match, Moore & Helms hit the ring and beat down Knoble - Yang joins them - but now Karagias is in and working on Moore - gutshot, DDT. Yang decides to toss Helms. Now Karagias and Knoble toss Yang...and there's an uneasy staredown...but quick, nobody cares about this!

Backstage, we look at the EXCITING DOOR of Ric Flair's office - out comes Luger, which an assurance from the CEO! Flair says he'll make sure he "does the right thing," then disappears behind his door. Luger gives the camera his "oops, I did it again" smile and disappears.

Let Us Take You Back to Thunder, where Scott Steiner trussed up Sting like a turkey after losing to him - then made merry with the lead pipe. Hudson lists off a litany of fake injuries.

Backstage, we see Alex Wight on the cel phone...talking to Disqo. Spying Kronik, he walks over and tells them he has a job for them. Adams asks "how much money you got? You know the gimmick." Wright asks if they'll take personal cheques. Clark says "Do THE ACOLYTES take personal cheques?" (He didn't really, sorry.) After they walk off, the Filthy Animals enter the picture...then chase off Wright with....ice balls? WHATEVER

"Courtesy Battle Dome" .... no, I don't think so.

THE MAN heads out to the ring. "Wooo!" Mayhem is 6 days away - just ask the graphic!

Backstage, Kevin Nash asks Fit Finlay if the Thrillers are around...then asks him to relay a message - Big Sexy's here tonight, and he's not alone.

Promotional consideration paid for by Crown Books' "I'm Next," Slim Jim (Savage), America (ha!) Online 6.0 and Mag-Lite!

PAMELA PAULSHOCK stands backstage with Team Canada - tonight, Skipper and Duggan have a tag match against Kwee-wee and Themonstermeng and she's looking for comment. Skipper says he's been chosen by Sanders as Wright's tag team partner, but he's found a replacement for HIMSELF - and points to Storm. Storm says it'll be a perfect night. Not only will Skipper defend tag gold, but Duggan will take care of Meng and Storm will show the hicks from Augusta how a REAL wrestler performs. For some reason, Duggan spends the ENTIRE segment with both hands over his mouth and his eyes bugged out. Gunns says "Don't blame Canada, blame yourself" and Paulshock, having studied at the feet of Okerlund the Swearer says "what a bitch!"

Another shot of Wright getting the pinfall - and the titles. Did he have different music in Germany?

WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES: ALEX WRIGHT (with Deutschland flag) and "PRIMETIME" ELIX SKIPPER

WCW Mayhem ad - you cannot imagine something something something

"The following is a paid announcement by Mancow" - NEXT

Paulshock stands with Kwee-wee, Paisley and Themonstermeng. Kwee-wee says "the Kwee-wee" a few times, then gets Angry. He says HE'S gotten someone to take HIS place tonight - and brings out General Rection. His sights are set on Storm. THEMONSTERMENG RIPS THE STICK!! "DUGGAN! When I was starting out, Kiwi help me. But tonight, I'm gonna rip off that cross eyes of yours and straighten out permanently! AHH!"

Sanders watches the doin's. Jindrak shows up and asks him what he'll do about this, since he'd planned on having Kwee-wee worked over and all before Sunday. Sanders says he can "take a hotshot kid like that on my worst day." Jindrak and Sanders say "set it off" a few thousand times and show us they have no business making any sort of delivery on a big ol' national show like this. Anyway, "let's just say Kiwi's next." They do the SOL spot - quak quak quak.

Reno and Perfect Event are WALKING! Reno breaks off....but gets punked out by Big Vito. "Marie says hello!"

Your hosts include TONY SCHIAVONE & SCOTT HUDSON & I MISS STEVIE RAY ALREADY. Who is Kevin Nash's ally? WHO? We take a break to see THE BATTLE DOME "WARRIORS" having a chat with uberlord of security DOUG DILLINJA - let's take an ad break before this situation could POSSIBLY become **any more EXPLOSIVE**

Paulshock stands with Alex Wright, who says he wuz robbed. CEO Flair would have been looking into this if he'd been a member of any other team, but they are SCARED of the Boogie Knights.

When we come back, the Battle Dome Warriors tell anyone who'll listen that they're not leaving. RICK WOOF WOOF walks out at this point with the Battle Dome belt - is he limping? For some reason, Steiner gets muted every time he says "boys," presumably because they're brothas. Mayhem is 6 Days Away! Steiner drops "You want some? Come get some! You don't like me? Bite me!" T-Money hits the ring....and goes down. Three other warriors (two of 'em are white, even!) hit the ring and the numbers take over. Security does NOTHING. Oh, wait, there they are, finally. I could have been washing my hair, but NOOOOOO, I had to RECAP NITRO. Are the fans chanting "You suck" or "this sucks?" Kevin Nash's ally MAY be revealed when we come back! HEY! Ummm, you still there???

Promotional consideration paid for by Crown Books' "I'm Next" (again), justformen.com (WHAA?), America (again!) Online and Mag-Lite (again)

See the stars of WCW live in action...while you still can! Good seats still availble for Mayhem in Milwaukee, as well as Rockford for Nitro, Kearney, and Lincoln for Nitro

Stasiak tries to order pizza, but Reno barges in and demands a match with Big Vito. "You set it up and I'll set it off." This sets off another thousand "set if offs," an SOL, and some bleating

Moments Ago, Rick Steiner fell to four Battle Dome Warriors - NEXT

Backstage, General Rection addresses the Misfits. They take no prisoners...especially when they're Canadian! Loco says they got his back - I think that means they'll turn on him either tonight, or at the PPV

KEVIN NASH is out at five minutes to the hour - he's got his hair pulled back, which probably means this is a "talk only" moment for him. "Augusta, GA! Big Sexy's in the! Y'know, I woke up this morning and came to the realisation that I've got thirteen months and ten days left on my contract. And I've decided that those thirteen months and ten days, Big Sexy's gonna do nothing but have the time of his life. I drove today from Atlanta with a real good friend of mine. Somebody I can count on to watch my back. Now I just sat in the back and watched the Thrillers be given the tag team titles, so Sanders, bring your jacked up greenhorns out here, because at Mayhem, I got a partner, and I want a shot at your belts." Out come the five remaining NATYRYL BORN THRYLLYRZ. Sanders: "You know, Kevin, you want a shot at the world tag team belts? Hell, I don't know, friend, that might be a breach. I mean, what you gonna want next - you wanna fly first class, you self-centered son of a bitch, lemme tell you somethin'... You wanna shot at the belts at Mayhem? I don't have a problem with that. But, I've been doin' a little research in the back, and you're not a very popular guy around here. Let me tell ya somethin'..." "Now before you go any further, I'm gonna teach you guys something about this business. Chief Jay Strongbow told me a long time ago you can make friends or you can make money. I make money." "Yeah, that's - that's what the guys in the back said, you know, they were - they were putting you together with the rest of these Cheez Whiz suckin' trailer trash individuals." "Where'd you get that, Cheap Heat 101?" "What did you say?" "I think you heard me, what's that, Cheap Heat 101?" "Once again, you don't Get It. You're gonna get your title shot at Mayhem; however, you've come down to the ring like you've came down to the ring many times, alone. Which I guess that pretty much makes you SOL..." "...and you know what that means." Bleat bleat bleat. "Now, what makes you five greenhorns think you can take me out in the ring when you can't even hang with me in the bar?" Sanders hits the ring - right hand takes him out. Big boot for Stasiak, right for Jindrak, right for Reno, but Palumbo gets in a right and the numbers swarm.

Thunder ad

When we come back, we're backstage as Paulshock stands with Luger, who is SHOCKED that she'd accuse him of deceit and manipulation! He's doing this for Goldberg! A Goldberg/Luger world title match is what he WANTS! Luger asks him to think about it..."I KNOW you'll do the right thing!"

Let Us Take You Back to Last Week when Gunn (and the TV-14-DL ratings box) turned...and Themonstermeng came to Kwee-wee's aid

LANCE STORM & HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN (with Major Gunns) v. THEMONSTERMENG and GENERAL RECTION - "If I can be serious for a minute...I need your undivided attention!" "USA!" "It's been two weeks now and I can't believe you haven't finalised your presidential election. Now I realise that Americans aren't that bright, but how hard is it to count? It's simple addition! I can't believe you screwed up the single most fundamental part of your Consitution! It's not too late - you can still save yourselves and join Canada. All rise for the Canadian National Anthem!" First man to speak over the anthem is Tony Schiavone - SHAME! Shockingly, the gong of Themonstermeng's theme takes over the sound system instead of the MIA music. Anthem lasted (:18). I *still* have a 1995 Nitro tape with Duggan taking on Themonstermeng - these guys NEVER stop fighting each other! Schiavone: "This is Meng - he will eat you now." Meanwhile, Themonstermeng's found his COOL PANTS! Mayhem is 6 Days Away, according to this graphic. Why do they zoom into Gunns so close that we can see the little fake boobie implant creases? Here we go...I guess. Storm and Themonstermeng. Big "USA" chant...again. It hurts Duggan's ears! Lockup, right by Storm, right, right, Themonstermeng powers him to the corner, chop, chop, right, right, into the ropes, big boot. Off the ropes...but Duggan puts a 2x4 in the back. Tag to Duggan, held for the open rights. Themonstermeng fires back, Duggan goes to the eyes - in the corner with shoulderblocks, rights, arm wringer, punching the kidneys. "USA!" BUT THEMONSTERMENG IS FROM THE KINGDOM OF TONGA! Duggan tried to headbutt him - and hurt himself. Themonstermeng drops a headbutt but misses - tag out to Storm. Into the ropes, kick, karate thrust, again, TONGAN DEATH GRIP!! But Duggan is in to break it up. Storm to a front face - beind referee "Blind" Charles Robinson's back, Rection gets the tag, but he can't come in because Robinson turns around to keep him out. Into the ropes, duck, double clothesline. HOT TAG!! HOUSE ON FIRE! Right for you, right for you, right for you, right for you, off the ropes but PRIMETIME ELIX SKIPPER is just in time to swing the flag into Rection's back...and he falls into a three-point stance clothesline by Duggan. Right hand. Right hand. LT. LOCO & CPL. CAJUN & SGT. A-WALL come out and take care of Skipper. Meantime, Duggan is set up for ANOTHER three-point stance clothesline....but Meng pops him in the back and they brawl long enough for Rection to surprise him with a rollup. 1, 2, 3. (3-Eleven)

MIKE SANDERS joins the commentary team. The tag team title match stands... "but I'll come up with something before Sunday." He doesn't want to talk about that, though. So why's he here? Probably to watch the next match...

KWEE-WEE (with Paisley) v. COLD BEER (entrance 1:05) - For some reason, the commentators are actually SURPRISED that Goldberg is the opponent. Why are they talking about golf clubs that don't admit brothas while Goldberg walks out? The world may never know. (Jackhammer -> pin 0:29) Post-match, Goldberg freezes Sanders' hysterics by invading his personal space. "Let me tell you something, boy! ["Boy" isn't muted] Case you didn't know it, I'm my own man. I don't find your battles, I don't fight anybody's battles...(unintelligible)...far as I'm concerned...(unintelligible)...and you never know...who's next!" Now here comes THE MAN with some words for Commissioner Woooo. He's got some problems being both a wrestler AND the Commissioner. Flair says "Kiwi," then says that Sanders is a wrestler now, and he's next.

COLD BEER v. "ABOVE AVERAGE" MIKE SANDERS - well, at least he lasted longer than Kwee-wee. (0:36) Goldberg will appear on "Live with Regis" on Friday. Replays of a Kwee-wee springboard into a Goldberg spear, Goldberg's spear on Sanders, Goldberg's jackhammer on Sanders, and the 1 2 3. Super special extra long extended post-match for Goldberg. "One by one, boys - NO ONE'S safe!"

Close captioning for the hearing imparied (eh? What's that?) is made possible by Wizards of the Coast - makers of the WCW Nitro trading card game!

Paulshock stands with Booker T, who tells Luger that it ain't gonna be that easy tonight. This is Harlem! Bizness! Don't hate the playa, hate the damn game!

Let Us Take You Back to Halloween Havoc, where Franchise gave Cat the chained fist to help Sanders win the commissionership. The next night, he gave Mz. Jonez a backbreaker.

FRANCHISE (with Torrie Samuda) is out. "Cut the damn music!

FRANCHISE (with Torrie Samuda) v. BUFF DADDY BAGWELL (with "The Wedding Singer" graphic) - three-way hardcore match at Mayhem: Reno, Crowbar and Vito. Yikes. Bagwell riles up the crowd. Lockup, knee by Franchise, forearm to the back, anothe forearm, kick, taunt, head to the buckle, kick, kick, into the ropes, Bagwell slides under, clothesline ducked, *Franchise* misses a clothesline, off the rope siwth a cross body for 0, arm drag takeover by Bagwell, gutshot, swinging neckbreaker, pinwheel. Torrie grabs Bagwell's ankle, allowing Franchise to hit a Samoan Drop. To the chinlock with the knee between the shoulders. Choke on the second rope - holding him for a slap from Torrie...then allowing Torrie to choke him on the second rope while he occupies the attention of referee "Blind" Scott James (not Armstrong anymore). PILEDRIVER!! Franchise springs off the bottom rope with the stomp - another - standing on the neck. Franchise outside - pulling on the neck. Hey, I think he's picked his body part! Back inside - neck vice by Franchise. Bagwell tries to stand...but Franchise goes to the eyes. Scoop...and a slam. Back to the neck vice. Bagwell slides under - got him on his shoulders - and falls back with the electric chair. James puts on the count...up to 5...6...both men up. Bagwell blocks, right, right, left, right, into the ropes, back elbow, right, into the ropes, head down, Pittsburgh Plunge...only gets 2?!? Head to the buckle, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, pulling him up, blatant choke, into the opposite corner, back elbow up by Bagwell, another back elbow, Vaderbomb, ONLY 2! Right hand, into the ropes, clothesline, dropkick, right, scooped up...slammed down. Over to point to Torrie...pose...Franchise tries to clothesline him from behind, but Bagwell's got eyes in the back of his head and ducks...and Franchise collides with Torrie! Gutshot, double underhook DDT (Scott: "Kobashi DDT!" Me: "HUH?") Sure enough, JEDOUBLEF JADOUBLEREDOUBLET is out to prevent the Buff blockbuster...but here's a surprise - CAT is right behind him. Wailing away on Jarrett on the outside. There's the Blockbuster on the INside...1, 2, 3. (5:45) Cat and MZ. JONEZ come into the ring to help Bagwell celebrate - Jones carries a briefcase...wonder what's in it. I have a feeling we just MIGHT find out. Cat tells Franchise he'd like to get it on right now. If he beats him, he'll "crawl across the ring, pucker up, and kiss Mark Madden's fat nasty ass." Somebody call his momma! Jones *did* bring out the red shoes - "now hit his music!" Jones dances, Cat dances, Jones AND Cat dance, Bagwell laughs. I guess Franchise isn't gonna accept the challenge. I dunno. Who cares.

WCW Magazine ad

WHITE THUNDER is out by himself. Sting's so injured he won't be able to take his title shot next Monday? Steiner has some Kleenex with him. "Sting...Sting...I...(dabs his sunglasses)...Sting, I sincerely say (takes out ten tissues)...stay with me, Sting....(drops it all)...Sting, I would like to say I'm sorry, if I was, but I gave you fair warning that when you faced me, I was gonna hurt you, see I seen you shaking in your shoes in the shadows, and I gave you fair warning to walk away, 'cause you were no match for the genetic freak. I seen you trembling in your boots and I gave you fair warning to walk away, 'cause you were no match for the man with the largest arms in the world. But what'd you do, Sting? You listened to the cheers of the fans, and look where it got you. It got you hurt! So Sting, when you're sittin' at home tryin' to recuperate, I want you to think about this. When you come back, I guarantee I'M gonna hurt you again. Now Ric Flair, the Nature Boy, the new CEO, but when I look at you I see an old son of a bitch...still trying to screw me out of my world title, because n- tonight, you changed the stipilation in the main event, but before you made that stipilation you shoulda asked Goldberg first. 'cause, case you didn't see it, I gave Goldberg his worst defeat of his career, and he don't want no more o' me! I proved to him that he was just a mere mortal against the genetic freak! Sit down, white trash! So Ric Flair, I'm gonna give YOU fair warning...you keep crossing my path and I don't have a problem with hurtin' you either. Booker T, at Mayhem, I'm gon' look at you, and I'm gon' look at the whole world, and I'm gonna say Vinny, Viddy, Voochy. And I know that's not in your Ebonics handbook, and I know none of these white trash know what it means, but at Fall--- at-- at Mayhem, I'm gonna give you the same thing I gave Sting...I'm gonna give you the worst defeat of your career, and I'm gonna put you outta wrestling, too. Booker T, you think about this: I am the man with the largest arms in the world, I am a genetic freak, if you thought I punked your ass at Halloween Havoc, things are gonna be worse, because it's in a cage, and there won't be anybody to save you. At Mayhem, you're...your career's gonna be in jeopardy, and I'm gonna end your reign as world champion. So all you white trash right now, sit down, get on your knees, and pay homage to the next world champion!" Steiner joins the announce team during the next entrance...

LEX LUGER (with giant WCW Backstage Assault N64 box graphic) v. AD BREAK

NEXT: Booker T is WALKING!

LOOK! It's an EXCITING DOOR!

Mayhem promo #2 (I think)

WCW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: LEX LUGER v. BOOKER T. - WCW Mayhem is 6 Days Away! Lockup, side headlock by T, chain wrestling to a hammerlock, Luger grabs a rope. Lockup, arm wringerby T, wrenching it in, Luger reverses back, T reverses again, big heel kick. Right, into the ropes is reversed, T slips the attempt and throws a back elbow. Luger puts T through the ropes to the outside...and follows. T puts up a kick. Into the safety rail is reversed and T hits hard. T put back in the ring - Luger in - big double axehandle. Into the ropes, big elbow to the back. Again. Big death suplex. Big cover - 1, no. Big whip into the corner, big whip back to the first corner, big powerslam, 1, 2, no. Big sledge, big sledge, into the corner, back elbow up from T, boot up from T, pump kick, into the ropes, clothesline, into the ropes, reversed, holding up, knee in the gut, off the ropes but Luger knows the axe kick is coming and tries a clothesline - T ducks it, kick in the abdomen, off the ropes and the axe kick DOES hit. T breakdances back up...and COLD BEER pops up at ringside. Steiner removes his headset and we're treated to feedback for quite a while. Steiner and Goldberg go at it on the outside, while inside...well, we don't see it, but T is left laying in the centre when we look back. Big Ace toolbox elbow to the back of the head, perhaps? SECURITY separates them but apparently Steiner got a good rake of the eyes while they were tied up. Luger's got a chair, meanwhile...referee "Blind" Billy Silverman is outside with THAT melee, and not paying attention. Goldberg in the ring, and motioning T aside - spear for Luger! T covers and hooks the leg - 1, 2, 3. (3:46) T and Goldberg...have words? T must think Goldberg wanted to spear HIM....well now Steiner's in the ring and on Booker T - all the refs and security hit the ring, but they can't keep them apart. Ring the bell a MILLION times and bring up those credits!

You're watching BULL!