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The Pacc Report
Random Thoughts by the man under the cheesy bandana


Hola Folks.

This week, I thought I'd share some the conversation I had with Jim Ross at the 2001 "Less Known Internet Writers" convention and
celebrity bar mitzvah held in the luxorious Polyester Room at the Hotel Six in Boulder, Colorado.

Jim was in a jovial mood, having just polished off a fifth of Smirnoff and a bevy of Thai prostitutes. He stuffed my head comfortably into the crack of his huge, sweaty armpit, the proceeded to reel off an impressive stream of profanity whilst punctuating each sentance by slugging me in the kidney. I pissed blood for six days after, but I think you'll all agree that it was worth it.

So here, for the first time, you can all read what Jim REALLY thinks about the WWF, Wrestling, and life in general.


No cute picture this week. Deal with it.

The Wit And Wisdom of Jim Ross.

From where I sit, D'lo Brown has one of the best turbans in Sports Entertainment today.

Expect Owen Hart to return from the dead as a heavy fan favorite. This will happen sooner than most people think.

The Light Heavyweight division is under used, for my money. I wish we could find a way to showcase them, but the freakish little dwarves don't earn us Jack, so screw them.

Triple H could very well be the greatest WWF champion of all time, no matter how much I shill for Austin.

Dean Malenko is the David Arquette of WWF.

Big Show is still an asshole, although progress is being made. Look for him to continue being an asshole well past Wrestlemania.

I am astonished by the lack of respect shown Billy Gunn on the internet. I thought most of you knew that he's only here because he blows Pat Patterson.

Mark Henry has lost 429 lbs since he died in October. Many people backstage take this as a sign that he's willing to take his game to a higher level.

Is there anyone with more potential than Essa Rios? This young stud could one day be the best in the business. However, that goofy-assed accent will probably keep him a jobber on Heat until he dies a bitter, broken man, in my view.

Look for some quality Al Snow squashes in the coming months, as we continue punishing him for talking to WCW. Nobody jobs better than this poor bastard, in my opinion.

How good would Tazz be if we ever let the munchkin in the ring?

Look for an increasing number of Shawn Michaels teasers in this column. Shawn is back near 100% physically, and still has a lot of great self-promotion in him.

Chyna will be in New York this Saturday, frightening young children and complaining that people still ask if she's really a girl. If you haven't read her book yet, save yourself the trouble and just mail me your bank codes.



Thanks to all the people that wrote me last week requesting that I mail them a pair of unwashed panties. I wish I had time to kill you all, but there's just not enough hours in the day.

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