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My
NWO Signs. Study them. Love them.
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What,
ME a Hypocrite?
Some folks have wondered how I can defend our Dread Lord and Master,
Triple H so vehemently, yet attack Austin using
the
same arguments that folks ususally use against H. It's simple:
Austin
deserves it. Brewhahahahahahaha!
Bear with me a moment
while I relate a story. I promise they're be a point at the end.
Maybe.
A few years back a
friend
of mine invited me to a Superbowl party. I declined, as I'd never
watched a football game before in my life. I told him it'd be
boring
for me, because I wouldn't know who to root for. He replied with
epic wisdom that has changed my life:
"Don't root
for
anybody. Pick a team to hate, and cheer against them. It doesn't
matter
why- maybe you think their mascot is goofy. Maybe you don't like
the
color of their helmets. Flip a coin; who cares what the reason is-
just pick one, then spend the game anticipating their destruction."
Vicarious
Revenge
Wrestling is the same way. While it's important to have a Hero,
it's equally important to have a Filthy No Good Bastard that you
want to see bleed. There really doesn't have to be a reason. You
wanna know why I REALLY hate Steve Austin? It's because I was
born
and raised in a two-bit redneck town, and I fought my whole life
not to end up a Domestic Beer Drinkin', Pickup Truck Drivin',
Bird
Flippin' Pinhead like Austin's character. And yes, I know it's
a
character- That's why I feel good about hating him. He's fictional,
so hating him is fun.
So, at NWO, I'll be
cheering
for the Cerebral Assassin to beat the hell out of the Texas Rattlesnake.
I'll take "Smart" over "Redneck" any day of
the week. I'm in an excellent position here- I get to see my favorite
guy take on the wrestler I hate the most. (Notice I didn't say
"least
favorite." Austin is actually pretty high on my Favorite
list,
simply because I want to see him lose.)
Y
Pac's Guide To Hating Folks
In the interest of helping fans who haven't picked a wrestler
to
hate yet, I've compiled a small list of wrestlers, along with
a
perfectly serviceable reason to hate them.
| TRIPLE
H |
Yearbook photos
make him look like a world class dork. |
| THE
ROCK |
Popular
for no currently discernable reason. |
| EDDY
GUERRERRO |
Cousin of the
Gobbledygooker.
Wears a mullet. |
| CHRIS
BENOIT |
Poor dental work.
Freakish torso. |
| CHRIS
JERICHO |
Used to wear his
hair in a Sailor Moon-esque ponytail. |
| LITA |
Dating Matt Hardy
instead of you. |
| BILLY
GUNN |
What, you need
a
reason? |
| X-PAC |
Never jobs. Easy
to remember the "X-Pac Sucks" chant. |
| BIG
SHOW |
...ATE
a BABY! |
| STEVE
AUSTIN |
Hasn't realized
that talking in the third person is out this year. |
I'm outta here for
this
week, but stand by for my No Way Out recap early next week!
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