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Lone Wolf

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BLAH

The Return of Rock'n'Wrestling

Hi there!

Remember me?

It sure seems as if some of you do, including my co-workers, because I got letters. Tre-mendous, because that's what makes this all worth while. Well, aside from the vain hope of one day being an online celebrity of CRZ's lofty status.

Now rest assured, there is an actual columm behind this mess but I've just got a few things to address before we get into the good stuff.

First off, my thoughts on WCW are, as of this week, f*ck 'em. Nitro was horrible, Thunder was even worse. I advise all to go read Netcop's column on it and you'll see what I mean. Four matches. FOUR F'N MATCHES??!! Bah ...

Addressing those letters I received earlier, I have only one thing to say: Only YOU can prevent Hogan title reigns!

Smokey, eat 'yer heart out!

Say, that's an idea for a banner ... note to self: you're acting like the others. More ranting, less rambling.

Well, that's a very nice segue into a small critique on the actions of my fellow Slash-ites.

What the hell are you guys doing?

Seriously, I'm noticing a little feud starting up between Franck, a guy whose back I got, and CR Wilson, whose also been friendly to me.

And this is over about your thoughts on Monday's crop? Sigh ... hopeless.

So, with myself taking the part of the voice of the wisdom which is an exceedingly odd position for me, stop it! Feuds suck outside of a wrestling ring!

Get to writing!

Less rambling!

So one last thing before this formally starts:

((WARNING!! SHAMELESS PLUG ALERT!!!))

Looking for one great e-fed? Looking for the perfect combination of Sports and Entertainment? Great angles, great matches, who'd a thunk it possible??

Then look no further than the IWA! Run by yours truly, we truly represent some of the best roleplaying wrestling you'll find.

And we're on the grow.

So apply! If you're good, you'll get in! If you're not ... uh ... sorry.

Now that I've completely bastardized this column into what I hate, unless it's from my glorious boss CRZ or el savior known as Netcop, it's time to begin with that which is known in conventional terms as "the column."

And so without further ado ...

Witness the return of the Rock n' Wrestling connection.

Perhaps some of you have heard, perhaps you haven't, but on that wonderful network known for showing gratuitous T&A like Britney Spears and a bunch of no talent corporate creations such as N'Sync(God, I spelled that right, shoot me now) will be gracing us with yet another sure-fire hit from the world of Sports Entertainment known as ...

"WWF Week."

Oh, man.

Let's run down some of the "features" from this venture:

Credit for information(quotes): TWNPnews.com.

  • ... the week kicks off with "Wanna Be A WWF Superstar," an open call for wrestler wannabes "auditioning" in MTV's Times Square.

    Oh good lord. Remember how the fabulously annoying twig known to MTV afficionados as Jesse was found? It was through this exact same process of "auditioning."

    Wannabes from local wrestling schools battle it out in a series of tests including ring skills, interviews, and mic skills."

    I could take a really cheap shot right now and say "since when do ring skills matter in wrestling?" but I'm not that classless. No, really I'm not.

    Question: How do "mic skills" differ from "interview skills?"

    Just think about this thought for a second. We'll be witnessing thousands of MTV watchers trying to prove they've got what it takes to be a WWF superstar. Thousands of skinny kids, fresh wrestling school enrollees, probably attempting to execute DDTs, People's Elbows, THOUSANDS of stunners, pile-drivers and the like.

    Now unless they're only accepting trained amateur or Independent wrestlers, which isn't implied by "wrestling schools," you've got a damned catastrophe waiting to happen there. Remember the kid that was killed by a botched piledriver? Or the kid that was nearly decapitated and ended up dying as a result of a stiff clothesline?

    But even if it safe, the "ANNOYANCE FACTOR" will be at an all time high. This will suck more than a HHH interview.

    Sample:

    "I think I should be a WWF superstar 'cuz ... STONE COLD SAYS SO! OH HELL YEAH!! ... so did I win?"

    I'll have to program my TV to edit out the "suck it"s ahead of hand so if I even accidentally flip to MTV, I won't be completely driven INSANE by this hopeless fiasco waiting to happen.

    But that's not even the best part. The winner will have to "become a WWF superstar." Well, I'm glad to see WWF is above such corporate pandering bullsh*t that WCW pulls. I also know I probably won't be watching that particular segment of WWF television.

  • ... (WWF Week) continues with a week of daily specials leading into "True Life: I'm a Pro Wrestler" at the end of the week on Sunday, taking viewers inside and behind the scenes at America's most popular 'sport.'

    This actually could be interesting. But I'm not holding my breath considering this is MTV and WWF will be heavily screening what we get to see of their "perfect, little world backstage."

    Propaganda at its finest.

  • On Tuesday, August 10th at 4:30PM (ET/PT), WWF Superstars The Rock, Mankind, and Triple-H & Chyna, reveal their favorite music videos and most memorable wrestling moments during "WWF Rocks," taped on location from the Continental Airlines Arena in East Rutherford, NJ.

    "WWF Rocks?????" And aren't you eager to learn what fabulous music Hunter listens to? Aren't you? What do you mean that might clash with his history considering he USED to be a blueblood.

    I refuse to listen to that nonsense!

    And of course, I'll find it hard to believe that Mick Foley really likes that Backstreet Boys song that gets a comfy little #6 spot on his list.

    I wonder if "Gettin' Cheffy wit' it" will make the Rock's list ... we can only hope.

  • On Wednesday, August 11th at 4:30PM (ET/PT), uber-superstar "Stone Cold" Steve Austin stops by the MTV Times Square studio for "Stone Cold TV." Stone Cold will chat with MTV's Carson Daly and take questions from in-studio and online fans. Fans then battle it out in a Stone Cold trivia contest to see who knows more about this WWF superstar.

    Now, if Steve Austin acts out of character like he does on the 'Stern show and a couple other places, this could be humorous. But I highly doubt that and I wouldn't be surprised if the guy's a little scared of the fans that probably know what color his sh*t is.

    This next one is one of my personal favorites:

  • On Thursday, August 12th at 4:30PM (ET/PT), coming from the "Isle of MTV," WWF superstars battle it out on the mic in "World Karaoke Federation." Hosted by MTV's Dave Holmes, the WWF's Droz, D'Lo Brown and The Godfather compete for the coveted "WKF" belt by singing their favorite tunes karoake style. MTV's Matt Pinfield and Ananda Lewis judge their style, accuracy and performance.

    Wow. That's all I can say.

    I mean ... wow. This will break whole new ground in the terms of "suckage."

    "WKF????????"

  • On Friday, August 13th at 4:30PM (ET/PT), MTV airs "Countdown to SummerSlam," taped on location at the "WWF Raw" in Chicago. Hosted by rapper Snoop Doggy Dogg, this special features a look at WWF fans, wrestling moves, celebrities who have appeared at past "WrestleManias," and a behind-the-scenes look at "WWF Raw," as well as a preview of WWF's big summer event, "SummerSlam." WWF's "SummerSlam" is scheduled to air on Pay-Per-View on August 22nd in Minneapolis with Gov. Jesse Ventura acting as guest referee.

    Can you say "cash cow?" Now, the behind the scenes part might be interesting.

    But ... Snoop F'n Doggy Dogg??? Was Eminen unavailable?

  • Finally, on Sunday, August 15th at 10:00PM (ET/PT), MTV News' "True Life: I'm a Pro Wrestler" takes viewers inside pro wrestling from the bush leagues of the independent circuits to the big league of the World Wrestling Federation. This MTV News special uncovers the hopes, dreams, triumphs and failures of the entertaining professional wrestler.

    "I'm a Pro Wrestler" goes on the road with Triple H and Chyna, the "first couple" of the WWF, giving viewers access to the organized chaos that makes professional wrestling the craziest and most unpredictable industry in the world. Viewers will also meet 24-year old Matt, whose lifelong dream brings him to a Cincinnati professional wrestling school. In addition, "I'm a Pro Wrestler" looks at the trials and tribulations of Tony Atlas, former WWF Superstar and at the hopes of Steve, a rookie about to make his pro debut as "Rapid Delivery Rory Fox," the fastest newspaper delivery boy in the state of Iowa.


    This was filmed a while ago, I'm assuming. So I'm glad the WWF really did give Tony Atlas his big chance. Was it on Super Astro or something?

    And, I know the WWF bookers have created some horrendous gimmicks, Doink comes to mind, but ... a newspaper delivery boy?? Excuse my outburst of laughter at that one.

    One last note, I can't stand HHH talking for fifteen minutes. How the hell am I supposed to take an hour of him? And what the hell does this "first couple" business mean? Because I'm sure Randy Savage and Liz were a wee bit ahead o' ole' Hunter and the man-beast.

    And that wraps up the wonderful spectacle that will be "WWF Week."

    My god.

    I thought WCW was the company taking wrestling leaps back. I thought WCW was the company that was trying to re-live the 80's.

    I guess I was wrong.

    The "Rock n' Wrestling Connection" is making a revival as you can see. In place of Hulk Hogan, his modern day equivalent, Steve Austin.

    I just want to know two things:

    Do we get those spiffy cartoons again?

    And ... will Snoop be a guest commentator for Summerslam?

    Go ahead, WWF fans, defend THAT one to me and why it's so much better than Master P.

    Scared for the future of the wrestling business, I am the one, the only ...

    The Lone Wolf
    Join IWA! We'd kick celebrity's asses if we used them!

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    E-feds suck ass. - CRZ

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    Guest column text copyright (C) 1999 by the individual author and used with permission