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/wrestling /guests /Kelly-Marie |
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/wrestling /guests /Kelly-Marie |
| Guest Columns | Kelly-Marie: Super Vixen |
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KelMarSuperVixen Versus The Void Okay, first off the JJ: Woman Beater Angle. To quote Barney Fife, "we have to nip this in the bud." Here is an interesting point brought out by Jerry Root, who forevermore shall be known as the Paragon of Infinite Rasslin' Wisdom: After all, Jarrett's ripping off an alleged comedy act done to death (literally) by Andy Kaufmann. It wasn't funny then, and it sure as hell isn't funny now. Good point, Chief! And furthermore, for those people who are upset that this is derogatory to women and promotes the abuse of females, here's the fucking deal... Moolah could kick Jarrett's ass 20 years ago, Moolah could kick his ass last week, and Moolah will be able to kick his ass in the year 2020. And if Chyna wanted to shoot, I firmly believe she could kick JJ's ass at the drop of a dime. For those of you who take this shit seriously enough to say that the whole angle (and let's remember that it is an ANGLE) is promoting the abuse of women AREN'T GIVING WOMEN ENOUGH CREDIT. Plenty of women could kick Jarrett's ass. And Billy Gunn's too, for that matter. Well I guess we all know why Eric was answering his own phone when I called last week. Hahahahaha. Poor bastard, on top of getting "das boot" (That's my Berlyn impression, how'd you like it? Actually, don't bother emailing me to tell me I've just said The Boat, as in that really boring movie of the 80's... You see, the humour here is I butchered German just as well as Uta Loogiedorfer... err... Lutenhauser... whatever... does...), he has to sit idly by and watch Vince take the strap. That is just hilarious. Do you think that maybe, just maybe, Vince sort of did that on purpose? By the way, have you ever noticed how much Vince looks like Sammy "The Bull" Gravano? Why can't I put my finger on what rankles me about Vince? Is it that he reminds me of a komodo dragon? Is it the way those sharkskin suits looks so right on him? Is it the fact he has almost Jimmy Johnson hair... The kind of hair that stays in place regardless of how much Gatorade is poured over it? I truly cannot say. Oooh, sorry. Tangents in the eyes again... Back to Bischoff. (Who also had bad hair, whatever colour it was.) I actually think there is a future for Eric in the Internet Service Provider business. ISP people also provide an entertainment service and run their companies with little regard to what the customers wants or needs. Although most people have now found a way to live without WCW. Except those pesky Benoit fans, who even though he does kick righteous ass, as admitted publicly that he only signed again with WCW for the money. Which makes him a sell out. And before all you Benoitites start giving me shit, ask yourself one question: if you took $750,000 (arbitrary figure) a year to work for a company you KNEW sucked more ass than the Washington DC Federal Prison System, then you know you sold the fuck out. Now if you took less money and took a bigger chance that you might be in for some better story lines and title shots, that says you got hair on your nuts. Benoit has bald balls. Raven, on the other hand, has won my complete respect. When Raven walked out of that meeting and quit WCW, he proved he didn't just have hair on his balls, he had fucking dredlocks. But I digress. I am not here to praise Raven's balls, but to bury Bischoff. Eric Bischoff is no more. That makes me happier than the time someone (I forget who) pulled down Ric Flair's tights at a show in Largo Maryland back in 1984 (ish). That was when Ric was still so damn hot and I was a teenage raging hormone factory. I lived on that ass memory for months. But I digress. I come here not to praise Flair's ass but to bury Bischoff. Eric Bischoff came so fucking close to ruining wrestling for me forever. He took credit for coming up with ideas he never came up with and drew the story lines out longer than that goddamn Thornbirds miniseries. This guy kept me waiting for 16 months to brave a fucking blizzard to get to Starrcade, only to see Sting win the belt in a manner so fucked up only Brett Hart could have pulled it off after Hogan created it. I AM STILL PISSED OFF ABOUT THAT. Eric Bischoff is gone. I haven't hated anyone one this much since Jerry Garcia. (I'll share with you my favourite expression for old Jerry G: Jerry's dead, and I'm Grateful!). But now I feel a void in my soul. I need another whipping boy, and I need one fast... Here's an idea, let's have a competition! I'll throw out a list of people, and you the reader can choose who should be the next victim! You, the reader, can vote based on the list and whoever gets the most votes will get their ass kicked on a weekly basis. That way it's all democratic and shit. LIST OF COMPETITORS FOR SUPERVIXEN'S WEEKLY SHITLIST! 1) Okay I'm starting out with the Mean Street Posse. I FUCKING HATE MSP. Please God! Vote for these fuckers. Not only do they suck, they are probably getting major ass because they are on TV! It's not fair! They suck, they can't work a stick, and they all have fat girly asses, and they are getting laid and you are not! Isn't that reason enough?! 2) Konnan: if he were a prison bitch, I doubt he'd sell for a carton of cigarettes. 3) Sid Vicious. ISN"T IT SOFTBALL SEASON SOMEWHERE NOW GODDAMMIT?!?!?!?! 4) Jeff Jarrett: I have hated this piece of shit since he weaseled his way into the Four Horsemen. He is a natural suckfest. I even hate the stuff he does right, it's that bad. 4) Billy Gunn: if for no other reason than maybe he'll put his ass away and end all of our suffering. 5) The McMahon of your choice. 6) Whoever takes the book for WCW: Let's see how long it takes them to sink to lows even Jules Vern couldn't fathom . 6) This is your "Write-In Vote." If you want to see someone else get beat down on a weekly basis, then you better have a damn good victim and a damn good reason. And don't bother writing in Hogan. As long as I have a keyboard and he has breath in his body, I shall stalk him like a 17 year old Brad Pit fan. So get crackin' you bunch of scallywags! I need a reason to justify being pissed off all the time. Kelly-Marie [slash] wrestling Mail the Author |
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