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/wrestling /guests /Turner |
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/wrestling /guests /Turner |
| Guest Columns | Brian Turner |
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MY DIRTY LITTLE SECRET The first is always the hardest. You don't know me. You don't know what this column is about. Hell, CRZ doesn't even know me or what this article is about. So it's up to me, in this, my first column for CRZ.NET, to both introduce myself to you and to give you a column worth reading, and worth coming back for. This isn't going to be a gimmick column, I'm not going to put on an attitude and call myself a heel. I'm not going to play fantasy booker, and I'm not going to blather on and on about how one promotion kicks ass and the others are just insulting crap. I'll try to write in properly capitalized and punctuated complete sentences. I promise that I'll always run a spell check before I submit my column. Oh yeah - I promise that I will never get it in my head that I am some kind of wrestling "insider" - I'm just some guy, watching from the outside, like all the rest of you. This all being said, let's get on with it! I enjoy being a "smart mark". There are those who say that the animal doesn't exist. That you can't be outside of the business and claim to be privy to the inner workings. That you can't enjoy the show if you know the players by their real names. To these I say, simply, bullshit. Wrestling has evolved. It is acknowledged to be something different than once wore it's name. It took an evolution before fans were even able to poke their heads behind the curtain, it takes a second evolution to step back outside into the arena and enjoy the show. We have all been compelled to smarten up. That's why we're here. We gained an appreciation for pro-wrestling that compelled us to learn more about who these giant men were, how they could take such incredible punishment, and if Bastion Booger was actually that guy's real name. Marks are children and old ladies who just can't understand, and we can no longer bear the falsity. And this is a good thing. We have seen something in our world and sought to explain it. But we have to go all the way. Once we pull back the curtain, we can no longer, with a straight face, discuss "Who would win - Goldberg or Austin?" because we know that the answer is "Whoever the booker told them would win!" To temper this cold, hard, reality, it's important that we never lose sight of the show going on in the front of the house. If we pull back the curtain to reveal Oz, then the Emerald City immediately ceases to dazzle. It's true that we may develop an appreciation for the wizard pulling the levers, but it's vital that we never forget why he's there in the first place. Magic is necessary in our lives. We need the possibility of the unreal because reality can be hard. We need to know that sometimes Spike Dudley can prevail against giants. We need to believe that men who have been broken and defeated are able to return and eventually prevail, and that the bad guy will eventually be put down. With the dreams of victory in the face of overwhelming odds, we are able to slay our own dragons, and overcome our own travails. And on top of that, there's nothing wrong with enjoying the artistry in a good performance. It's cool to mark out. It feels good! Knowing the backstory does not give any of us a reason to sit cynically on our hands when Steve Austin, Ric Flair, or Buh Buh Ray Dudley work a crowd into a frenzy. When D-Von Dudley climbed the turnbuckle and put Chicago down, you'd better believe I was beet red, jawing back at him, defending the city where I occasionally drive to do some business, if I can't avoid it otherwise. Did I care when Bret Hart put down the USA? You betcha! When wrestlers like Ludvig Borga no longer can drive us to hating every stinking one of those bastard Finns, we have lost our ability to enjoy the show. (BTW - I'm still keeping an eye on those Finns. The Danes, too. It's the quiet countries we've got to watch.) So how do we go back to enjoy the show once we've seen the wizard pulling the levers? Easy. By walking back out into the front of the house, pulling the curtain shut, and taking our seats. How can we ever lose ourselves in a match if we're busy with a stopwatch measuring bell to bell times ;-) ? What actual reason would I have for watching David Flair do anything, anywhere? And just how can I honestly believe that Meng is the most fearsome predator on the face of the planet when I'm running to show my wife the immense PANTS OF DOOOOOOM while holding my sides in hysterical laughter? Sometimes we have to suspend our own disbelief. We have to yank the curtain shut and just enjoy the show. We must do this. If we don't, then we will no longer derive any pleasure from the sport, and our cynicism will infect those around us. So that's me, I guess. I want wrestling to, first and foremost, be a sport that I enjoy watching. All of it - the promos, the matches - all of it. I also want to keep enjoying the backstories. The "What does Rena Mero ever actually believe she's going to accomplish?" part. The "Whatever became of Man Mountain Rock?" part. The "I'm sorry, Mr. Heyman, I won't cash your check even with ID." part. I don't know what I'll be writing about as time goes on. I'll try to keep it timely, and I'll try to be where the fun is, be it in front of or behind the curtain. That said, and without knowing if I'll ever be asked back, I'd like to thank some of the folks who have made wrestling fun for me over the years, and today. First, thanks CRZ! The recaps have been great, and I'm looking forward to reading them for years to come. Thanks go to Mike Samuda, Al Isaacs, Dave Scherer, Rick Scaia, Blake Norton, Forever T-Boz's Guy, and all of the other internet news writers, whether their products are still around or have slipped into shadows. Big thanks to Ben Treutler for his FREE WRESTLING HOTLINE (630)585-3789, for being mostly just plain reliable news. Thanks to his predecessor, David Prazak - "These nuts are green, these nuts are blue". Finally, thanks to the performers, promoters, and everyone else who has presented this exceptional entertainment form in the past, today, and tomorrow. You keep receiving our attention and praise because you keep earning it. Brian Turner freelance Mail the Author |
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