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Justin Transue

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BLAH

ALL IN A DAY'S WORKRATE

"You guys can either stay in this ring and take a beating, or you can backup the guy who gave you your opportunity, who gave you your CONTRACTS!!!"-Triple H, proving you still can't be 100% sure with guessing wrestling.

Hello [slash] readers, the best readers on earth (now THAT is cheap heat!). I am currently working on the WCW roster but I had to stop for a minute and do the Tuesday Review and Rumors column. By the way WCWs roster chart at WCW.com is one of the worst organized and painful on the eyes roster listings I have ever seen!

WWF
Well, well, well....all you heard on the Internet was "Cactus Jack will have to take Eddy G.'s place in the battle Vs. DX", I think not! Vinny Mac, is on a damned roll! I would think that his time would be spent on his new XFL. Rather, he is creating some of the greatest wrestling shows in a little over a year! Raw is War was terrific tonight, not only did you have the WCW4 turn heels perfectly, you got the damned Dudleyz, Acolytes/Hollys, Angle Vs an impressive Mark Henry,a superb main event and much more(WWF ought to pay me to schill like I have been lately). Lets starts the Raw review. The NAO took on the Canadian Blondes in a *** tag match. Road Dogg has really been giving a better effort as of late and Gunn was kinda watchable, just think this is the team that called for a food/smoke break just 2 or 3 weeks ago at the Rumble. Then we get to see Mizark Henry take my and your hero, Kurt Angle. Henry actually looked impressive! I had to pinch myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming and then check my pupils in the mirror to make sure I hadn't been drugged! Anyhow, he was impressive even though the match was kinda mediocre, Angle Olympic Slammed the Hell out of Mae "I sure ain't" Young, cool but if everytime she gets hit she wants to show her puppies PLEASE DON'T HIT HER!! Hollys/Acolytes was kinda blah actually though I truly do enjoy both of them. When the "the love child of Mr. T and Fat Albert" slipped coming out to attack the aPa, I just about died laughing. Did you see how fast that fat man got back to his feet???? What an example of conditioning that was. Next up was Y2J(where was Chyna?)Vs. Viscera 'The Hut'. WTF??? I have never, eeeevveeeer seen Jericho screw up so many spots in my life! V-man was missing his share too. This match beats out Hollys-aPa for the nights dud. Then we had the Womens Title. OK match I guess, the Impaler that Gangrel gave Jackie was NASTY!!!! Afterwards was the first vignette I have actually seen since they introduced Razor Ramon, and WOW, WWF has this whole marketing and production thing down to a freakin' fine art, props. The was Rocky Maivia's interview, only thing worth mentioning was how when he was telling the WCW4 to shove their contracts up their collective ass, he wanted them to make sure and put tiny rubber bands around them, lol. Next we saw the 'Pimp Nation' Vs the (damn) Dudleyz. D'Lo looked to be returning to form a bit in this match and the Dudleyz, well they are just the shit everytime out (by the way they did some great mic work earlier on in the show). Remember people, shilling for my favorites is what I do best. Place lips on ass and cue the sucking noise. Not seriously, well, maybe...I can't tell anymore, what was I talking about?? Then we get "HHH, Chris Benoit, Dean Malenko, Perry Saturn, and X-puke" Vs. "Rocky Maivia, Cactus Jack, II Cool, and Yokozuna's cousin" Put this match on PPV replace II Cool with the Hardyz or Dudleyz and give the match an hour or a even a bit more!! This match was great (except Brian Christopher is really insulting to people who try to make this stuff look real) and though I loved all 9-10 minutes I wanted MORE!! You throw this many great, not above average but great, people in a ring and your bound to have marks and Internet marks creaming their pants worldwide and needing to smoke a cigarette afterwards! I won't really get in to what happened but if you didn't see it, go find a friend who taped Raw because this match was ***3/4 just on being a spot match! Imagine if they had time?? Then Kane came back acting crazy and violent again!!! I LOVE IT!!! Ok, I need to calm down. Vinny Mac and the WWF are just on fire.

WCW
I didn't actually watch any of Nitro but I did catch Jarrett and Hall jawing at each other and then Jarrett SLAMMING (for real) a guitar on Hall's head to make sure Sid won. I kinda like this angle, as I think that, at least with the more educated fans and hell maybe even the fad fans too, that a feud with these two over the world title would be the shit. On to the review. This may be short of content like the show was just to warn you. The only untalented member of 3Count Evan Karaigis Vs. Norman Smiley. Why am I the only person who detests Norman?? He makes me feel sick, and putting him in a match with "retardo" Evan K. is bad booking. Who's gonna carry who??? Bad skits ensue, zzzzzz. nWo comes out. Scott Steiner is still the God of heel heat, for God's sake HE WAS PROMOTING THE WWF!!!! I love him, nobody except maybe Triple H gets crowds pissed off like he does. More bad skits, zzzzz take 2. Guess what The Wall just went cleanly over Booker!! WTF??? If you want to know my thoughts on this check out D'Lo Browns part of my WWF roster review. Bastards. Yet more skits, zzzzzz. Why does Brian Knobs get so much TV time? Barbarian Vs Tank Abbott, Abbott wins and keeps the push alive, 'nuff said. Next 10 minutes is sad: MORE SKITS, Oklahoma interviews, Mean Gene, Terry Taylor, and clips of matches from 1989!!! I am about to boycott WCW. Funk Vs David Flair, see what I mean? Book the TALENTED people please! Stevie "Fruit Booty" Ray Vs. Disco Inferno.... SV actually won?!! I'm taking bets on if people think think that they are booking this SHIT on purpose, contact me. Ballerinas, women tennis players, bums, and intelligent fucking chimps could book a better show than this!! Bam Bam Bigelow won the hardcore champ with a little help from Fit Finlay or something like that, this is the first outcome and first ANYTHING I have enjoyed so far. Kidman won, yay. I would be more enthused but I just knew something like a Lex Luger interview with Jimmy Hart in it, I was right. Next is Sid Vicious(sp) vs. Hall, ummm the ending was good though. WHEW! Now that I feel violently ill and barely able sit upright I am done! And that's just reading the results, I didn't even watch!! Say a prayer to WCW because they are on their deathbed unless something drastic happens. I don't grade show but if I did last nights Nitro gets a big fat F.

ECW
I only watch the TNN show unfortunately so that's all I'll review. Show starts and Joel Gertner is the man, Cyrus can suck it. Anyhoo, Duthty Rhodes/Tommy Dreamer (in WWF he'd just be called "Dreamer" lol) Vs. Steve Corino/Rhino. This match was OK but with Duthty in there being old and average it wasn't anything great. Rhino is really scary in case you didn't notice. Dreamer needs to get healthy again. The spot where all the good guys had all the bad guys in a figure-4 was a huge classic mark-out moment for me, props for that spot. Next up an interview with the Impact Players. These are my fav EC-Dub people so I loved it. On a side note: Dawn Marie is the sexiest woman in wrestling....'nuff said. Next up is chicken boy(no, not Doring! I meant Roadkill) with his partner yapping and his manager looking like a real cheap whore, joy. Danny Doring is a great wrestler though. Mickey Whipwreck got the HELL beat out of him by RVD, good match I give them credit. Mike Awesome was yelling to end the show. Average show. Kind of slow paced.

Ok, this column seemed weird. Should I review EVERY match??? Write me and let me know because, personally, I thought doing every match got kind of...something. Let me know what you think and I'll change format, I may anyway.

I decided I'll do wrestler of the week on Fridays from now on, and do a random thoughts if I actually have any about this stuff.

Random Thoughts

  • Triple H is the man. Long live Triple H.
  • Dean Malenko was actually pretty good on the mic tonight....weird.
  • Dawn Marie, mmmmmmmmmm.
  • How many girls do you think REALLY want to ride the danaconda??
  • Rocky was calling Kevin Kelley a virgin. Nothing like some good ol' 7th grade humor.
  • No Mike Awesome, dammit.
  • I just got 8 HBK tapes that are each 6 hours long spanning his entire taped career, I am so happy I could burst.
  • I love bootleg wrestling tapes
  • Dawn Marie in a skimp bikini this week, last week her ass was visible because her skirt was so short, mmmmmmmmmmm AND:
  • What would you do for a Klondike bar??

    OK, thats it for the Tuesday Review and Rumors (I didn't do rumors did I?? I must be tired, I'll do them in the future though, SORRY)I need to go do some school work. Later on people. Don't forget: Criticize Me! Praise Me! Just Write Me! kingsize@mailcity.com. Hope you all have a great day/evening. Until we meet again....

    Justin Transue
    freelance

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