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Matt Talbot

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THE OUTSIDER'S EDGE

I think that every single wrestling fan on the web thinks that they are better than the non-web fans. The thing is that we don't consciously think that. See, I'll go onto the 1WrestlingTalk.com message board and see people calling themselves marks and I do the exact same thing. I think of myself as a mark, as a true fan of most types of wrestling. Deep down, though, we are all elitists, when it comes to dealing with true "marks." We try to hide those feelings in a tide of tolerance (except for LigerMark) and talk about how we all enjoy 'rasslin on a "markish" level. So, you can see my chagrin when I was at band practice the other day (Go Phonezz). Oh wait, you can't, since I have yet to write that paragraph.

Some of the bases were trying to explain to a couple of girls several moves. One guy attempted to do a Scorpion Deathlock and then a Figure Four. He started off both moves in the same manner, by flipping his right leg around her left leg (somewhat like the start of the Figure Four) and then trying to flip both of the them over. After he flipped em over he tried to stand up and bend back down. The time when he tried to do the Deathlock he came close getting something of a mini-Deathlock around the ankles. The time that the base went for the figure four, he ended up with some really weird reverse figure four/grapevine leg lock. Don't ask me how he got that. Then, they tried to explain exactly what a piledriver was. That segment of the lesson was at least passable as they used such words as "upside down" and "smashed head". Then, they started laughing about and badly paraphrasing parts of the Rock-Mankind "Esto es su vida" segment from the 9/27 Raw.

At this point, you might be getting bored as I really haven't done much to justify the plot details of "A Day in the Life of Matt Talbot", but don't worry justification, as pathetic as it may be is on the way. For that was the point, where I almost started to talk to the bases. Two things, though, stopped me. One, they are huge! Two, I realized that I am a wrestling elitist. Yes, I admit it, I am a wrestling elitist. I invite people over to my dorm to watch Japanese wrestling to show them REAL pro wrestling. I discuss the finer points of RVD vs. JL Hardcore Heaven with people who have such a lack of idea of what I am talking about. I even use my political position as Senior President of Bowles Hall to make random announcements about RikiDozan or Shawn Michaels losing his smile. While I might be humble around the message boards (cause I know I could get jumped by some of the wrestling historians over there), I let it all hang out around "marks".

Why do I this? It is hard to tell. I do not think I am alone in my elitism. I would have to think that almost everybody else I see on the web does something like this. On the message board some people try to impress other fans with their knowledge and that is when we, other wrestling fans, would know what they are talking about When we get around people who have no idea what we are talking about, we must go into overdrive. I think it has something to do with the fact that when you say you are a wrestling fan, other people scoff and mock. Perhaps it is some huge insecurity, we, as wrestling fans, have. When other people go "You like that stuff, you know it is fake, right?" We all go something to the effect of, "Yeah, well on August 20, 1995, Mick Foley did something that is nothing if not real." (By the way, I am not sure if that is the exact date for the King of the Deathmatches Tourney, but it is somewhere around there)

We feel some need to justify our watching of the shows. When we are around other fans on the web, then we all calm it down a bit and talk like real people (except for LigerMark!!!!). They understand the reasons why we watch AJPW or ECW or WWF. When we are around "marks" or non-fans, then we have to prove why we watch wrestling. That proof includes extreme knowledge of the "sport" to make it look like there is so much more to wrestling than just Rock-Mankind altercations (which there is).

Is it so bad to think that I am better because I can tell you the main event to every WWF PPV in 1998 or the dates of ECW tour with FMW? I would have to say YES. I am not some how improved because I know all this information. Only if I apply this info correctly can I somehow improve myself and talking about it with people who could care less is not really a good application of the knowledge. I think that the whole Internet community, myself included, tends to apply this info the incorrect way. We just need to sit back and enjoy the shows sometimes instead of trying to analyze the events on Raw or Nitro. It is bad to have to tell yourself that you should've liked a segment instead of letting your gut feelings tell you. Technical wrestling is not always great and wrestling from Japan is sometimes *, but we try to watch and learn from them. Not to impress the other wrestling fans on the 'net, cause somebody else will always know more about a subject than you, but to brag to the people in the real world.

And that is why I am a wrestling elitist. Not to impress the people reading this right now, but to make myself look like a wrestling connoisseur to those who don't really care. Looks dumb, don't it.

Anyway, if you have any comments, concerns, complaints, or questions, or just wanna chat about playing AC/DC's Thunderstruck on alto sax, then please email me at talboito@uclink4.berkeley.edu

PS I WAS LIGERMARKMARK!

PPS I realize how disjointed and odd this whole tirade sounded. I'll try to do a better job next column.

Matt Talbot
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