You are here /wrestling
/guests
/T
Guest Columns

Mr. T

Main

BLAH

DON'T QUOTE ME ON THAT

Hi! I know it's been a little while yet since I wrote, but I had another column idea yesterday and I thought I'd try this out. Don't Quote Me on That is basically my look at RAW/Nitro for the week, but I'm sticking to entertaining/amusing quotes and phrases that I hear on the program, rather than a more "typical" format.
 
Feedback is welcome and (as you can see here) sometimes begged for!
 
Oh, and Quotes are credited & copyrighted to their authors and reproduced as close to said as possible for me and my somewhat-sharp ears.
 
Did I Say That?
 
"On the behalf of the World Wrestling Federation, I am proud to bring RAW to our great friends in ATLANTA, GEORGIA!"  -- Vince McMahon, at the start of RAW.
    I'm sure you are, buddy! Who cares about that Russo guy? Raw IS winning!
 
"What is [Triple H] waiting on? There's no anchor tied to his a$$!" --Jim Ross, on HHH's obvious reluctance to get in the ring with Austin.
    Heh heh.
 
"SAFE!" (w/ on camera umpire signal) - Bobby the Brain Heenan
"[It's A] Hard Table, isn't it? Pretty Solid." - Tony Schiavone --Commentary to Kaz Hayashi, who was tossed into the commentary table and slid across it.
    Damn, the first time Tony's cracked me up in years!
 
"Kane, you're so DAMN hard-headed!" -Xpac to Kane 
    The kid (despite getting his ass handed to him every week) is still going             out there and getting his tail kicked in the name of proving himself and KANE is the hard-headed one? Uh huh.
 
"Bobby: No date yet on when you will return to tag team wrestling?
 
Kevin Nash: How about July of 2012? (laughs)
 
Bobby: You heard it here first! If you're still alive in 2012, you can see the return of possibly the greatest tag team ever!"
 
---Bobby Heenan questioning Hall & Nash about their return
    Gee, do it! My 32nd Birthday falls on a Monday that year -- perfect timing.
 
"[I've heard that] That crown belonged to King Henry the V!"
---Jerry Lawler, on Mae Young's crown
   
"Lawler: You mean you can't do a huricarana, JR?
 
JR: No, of course not. I can't even spell it!"
---Commentary on JR's upcoming tag match with Austin.
    Well, I tried to anyway......
 
"Lawler: What will you wear?
JR: How about I borrow your boots? I hear they never leave the canvas."
---More JR match commentary
 
"[Jim Ross] has no business being in that ring! He is NOT a sports entertainer, he's a broadcaster!"  --Michael Cole
    This one speaks for itself.
 
"[Pimping] may not be easy, but it sure looks like fun!"
--Michael Cole
 
"Cole: Where is Jarrett taking that laundry hamper?
Lawler: To the nearest laundry-mat!"
---Commentary on Jarrett's entrapment of Chyna in a laundry hamper
 
Quote of the Day
"[Sid's] 128-0. The reality is this: regardless of what it [the streak] really is, it is awesome. It has to be taken into consideration, and it will collide head on with Goldberg on Sunday night, October 27th.
 
---Tony, at the beginning of the Van Hammer/Sid match.
 
Quotations (Or: A Fancy Name for my weekly thoughts)
Positives: RAW started out really hot, with the HHH/Austin confrontation.
 
Cheers (for once) to the WWF for the (DCOR) ending in the Terri Round 4 Match: that means Match #5 will be on the PPV!
 
The Godfather's back on RAW! 
 
Jarrett stuffing Chyna in a laundry hamper! Coolness.
 
On the WCW side, I could bear to watch it (for once). You can definitely see that the product is beginning to pick up focus, with solid storylines beginning to form with Animals/Revolution, and such. 
 
Negatives: Um, dropping somebody off a 5 ft tall step in a plastic laundry hamper does NOT inflict wounds equal to a five-alarm bladejob, sorry Chyna.
 
BOTH MAINS with no finish? That really takes away from the delivery of the show. At least you could have had Jarrett help JR win, to humiliate Chyna, if you absolutely had to protect HHH/SCSA. The dog(****) was a nice touch, but DON'T PLAY THE ROCK'S FREAKING MUSIC, HE DIDN'T WIN ANYTHING!  
 
Is Jesse's voice worn out from recording that album? Give the Road Dogg some time off from the mic -- he sounds like a sad self-parody of his former greatness.
 
Speaking of mic time, what happened to the Holly's mic time? Bob Holly was really starting to win me over with his hilarious rants ("How about you, Dracula, you fat bastard?") and they suddenly yanked the mic out of his hand. ARGGH!
 
Quoth the T, nevermore?
 
I realize I didn't say much about WCW this time around, but the parts I saw were pretty good -- I fell asleep because I worked 17 hours yesterday (not because of the product for once !!!!), and didn't get to finish watching Nitro on tape before I got back up to finish this off.
 
Here's what I'll do for you: if you liked this fine piece of work, email me and tell me so (tanaka@ncw3.com) and if I get enough feedback, I'll get out my Nitro tape, and do a Part II dedicated to Nitro on Wed. Hopefully I can avoid being doubled up at work and stay awake next week to deliver "Don't Quote Me on That" in all it's glory.    
 
Oh, before I give up for the night, I dare to toss out a question:
 
Even though I realize that they are the #2 shows, would anyone be interested in a takeoff of this column for the Thursday shows?
 
That's it for my debut -- All feedback, be it positive or negative, is appreciated and I WILL reply to all feedback. Thanks for reading!  
Mr. T
freelance

Mail the Author

BLAH

Main

Design copyright (C) 1999 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications
Guest column text copyright (C) 1999 by the individual author and used with permission