Random thoughts, ALPHABET style. Off we go....

 

A is for Angle, by one and all the shoo-in choice for the KOTR crown. So many of us are cheering for an end to the Mac-Helm Terror, that we are applauding a feud over Steph as an improvement. Alas, in thinking about it, I'm finding more and more that Jericho would make more sense as the KOTR - Angle and HHH have no hostilities, yet. Given that this angle (pardon the pun) has been on slow boil since NOVEMBER of last year, jumping Angle into a title feud would seem to be rushing it just a tad.

 

B is for Bull(shit) Buchanan. He sucks, yes he does. I cannot believe that B.S.B is getting a KOTR push. To quote good amigo The Authority, "fetch me a bat!". Let's just say if he wins the KOTR, the rioting at [slash] and Oraclesville will reach L.A. proportions.

 

C is for Crash Holly, who seems to be in comedy angle HELL with Brisco and Patterson. D'lo needs something to do -why not start a feud between the two of them? Add them into to the mix with Deano, Taka, and Funaki, and there's a good start to a LH division, I would say.

 

D is for D'lo (speak of the devil) who some are saying should head to WCW. I, sadly, have to agree with Scott Keith here. He's buried in midcard HELL while Patterson and Brisco get 5-10 minutes of TV every week. It's apparently that he has heat with the management re: Droz's tragic injury, and will not be pushed at least until that is a distant memory in the minds of the fans. Go to WCW, and at least get some exposure. By the time his contract is up and it's time to return home, he'll be a name.

 

E is for  E-C-Dub, and that damn mess with TNN. Be you work or shoot, it's not making for much in the way of entertaining TV. Paul E. can't make the payroll either - what a tough plate of problems heading towards the Heat Wave PPV.

 

F is for "For the Benefit of Those With Flash Photography," Christian has proven himself to be gold on the mic as a heel. He's, daresay it, the better of the two on the stick! Whothunkit, eh, Becky?

 

G is for G.I. Bro, which died a horrible death on Monday. Thank Benoit that Booker T is back. 'Nuff Said.

 

H is for Hardcore Holly. Still one of the "best" wrestling talents that has not been nabbed from Atlanta recently; seems to be in a holding pattern until after the KOTR. PUSH the Chickenhawk!

 

I is for Intolerable, as in Justin, the ECW World Champion. Why can't we push Jerry Lynn this way?

 

J is for Johnny the Bull's partner, Big Vito. Major props to him for a WAY PAST COOL hardcore title match. This guy definitely has potential. But as impressive as he is, I wish the Mamalukes (Paisans, whatever) would have stayed together to help glue together the tag team division.

 

K is for Kane, who is back, and being pushed. If you gotta give one of the Mega-Faces the title, this is the guy who could benefit the most from a run with the gold. Scary how over this guy is.

 

L is for Lance Storm. I've liked his debut so far. Good job, WCW. Now, let's DO something with him this week on Nitro. The "he doesn't work for this company" deal is the same way they entered Bigelow, and you know how THAT worked out.

 

M is for the Main Event and Perfect Shawn, the two guys with ripoff gimmicks that are now officially the Wayne and Garth of WCW. Well, Edge and Christian are the Bill & Ted of WCW, and they haven't done anything as cool as mess with the production truck, and DAMN, WCW almost made these two losers interesting, so what can I say? It's a real tossup as to which fed's "goofy" duo is better. Edge (no pun intended) to E & C, for the "poses."

 

N is for naughty, a word that Joel Gertner is certainly familiar with. And believe it or not, the guy that used to cause riots with the Dudleys is now an asset in one of ECW's primary angles. Did you HEAR the heat the Cyrus-Gertner spat drew on last week's ECW on TNN? Paul E. really IS a genius - he managed to make GERTNER important.

 

O is for Oracles: we're starting a website. It's True, It's True. Until it opens though, go to The Oracles War Room and amaze yourself with the Eric S.-approved© OWF, run by infrequent [slash] star Patrick "I swear to god, I'm not related to Bob" Barker. Shilling over - for the moment - back to the article.

 

P is for Patterson and Brisco, who are rumored to be having an evening gown matchup at KOTR. Good grief, WHY, VINCE, WHY? We can't go a PPV without some silly stunt. I am still scarred for life from Mae Young, must you traumatize the audience again?

 

Q is for queasy. That's the feeling I get whenever I see Tajiri kick somebody's head in. His match with Corino stole the show at Hardcore Heaven. This guy is GETTING THE REACTION~!, Paul E. 

Let's channel Sean Shannon for a second:

 

 

In conclusion, PUSH THE BADASS! He gets Rock-esque pops for KICKING SOMEONE'S BRAINS in. How hard can it be? Moving on....

 

R is for Russo, that hotheaded, Crash-TV loving, you better respect my authoritah smirking, son of a gun. Off TV for sure, gone from WCW? Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya, New York tough man. WCW is ALREADY looking 1000% better from my doorstep.

 

S is for Stratus, as in Trish, the hot babe that brings heat to Test and Albert. I'm digging this "vicious physical interference" Trish. It's obvious that she's NOT quite ready to use the mic to get her fares over, so good job to whoever thought that up. Nice bit of continuity with Test remembering that gee, I REALLY shouldn't like Stephanie. I'd be remiss NOT to plug Butch Rosser's own www.delphi.com/wehearttrish/start while on this topic.

 

T is for Too Cool, your WWF Tag Team Champions. Despite their act being a little stale, I gotta feel good: I remember when these guys were gonna get married, and wore fruity tights to the ring. I remember when these guys were wrestling Al Snow and making stupid "Head and Shoulders" jokes. Fast-forward past Russo's jump, and they are MASSIVELY over tag champs, plus we have enjoyed a series of excellent matches with Scott and Deano for the Light Heavy Weight Title.  

 

U is for Undertaker. I was one of your biggest fans from 1993-1996, pal. But watching you wrestle is REALLY sad. Take a hint from Mick Foley, and do retire after putting HHH and Rocky over. Thanks for the solid decade of memorable markouts to those bells, Mark.

 

V is for vicious, which is what this Val-Rikishi Phatu feud needed to make it memorable. Rikishi doing the SUPERFLY splash off the stage will be on the highlight reel for years to come. Last minute addendum: Rikishi just snagged the IC Title from Benoit. Congratulations - you've come a long way from the Sultan.

 

W is for wrestling, something that has been appearing in large doses on WWF TV. Edge-Jericho for 5.5 minutes? Just makes me want to see Edge-Y2J, 20 minute version. "No creativity my ass", the wrestling *SELLS*, bookerman. How else do you explain the MONSTER reviews for Judgment Day?

 

X is for (Oldies beat) "Can't job NO, no,no,no, hey Vince please, don't job me, or I phone it - IN SO SLOW - yo Hunter babe, can you change that finish: who gives a shit about Kay Fabe? Hey Hey Hey, I can't JOB - it (pause) gives me NO satisfaction - but I'll try - and try and try - to make you look good - before I squash you, YO! I can't job, NO, no, no, no it makes me cry. and cry...and cry!" X-Pac. Couldn't even wait for Benoit to lock in the 'Face before tapping out, could ya X-POT? - and you had to escape the suplex, the headbutt, and the 'Face the first time -and both Dudleys to run-in. Even THE ROCK jobbed relatively cleanly to Benoit, ferret-face.

 

Y is for Y2J, the man who seems to be on the edge of main-event status. As I discussed earlier, it seems to me that a fullblown HHH-Y2J feud would make more sense than launching into the Angle-HHH feud, especially since that one is slowly boiling right now. I'm still wanting to see the Benoit/Y2J blowoff.

 

Z is for zero, which is the amount of time we have left for this article. See ya next time!