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This is something a little different from what I usually write - it's a random topic's column with a twist. Normally, I don't ask for email, but please drop me a line and tell me what you thought of this first-time effort - hey, I can write more of 'em. On to your ABC's for the week!

A is for Awesome, the sellout. "Selling out" is usually a term I avoid - after all, we don't pay these guy's mortgages and buy groceries for their kids, but there's a right way and a wrong way to do business - and just jumping, without even facing your former boss, or doing the time honored tradition is wrong. Here's hoping his WCW stay works out - because he just burned any WWF and ECW bridges. Otherwise, Mike Awesome - XPW champion has a nice ring to it, you think?

B is for Bischoff and Iron Man "Vince Russo": the new Powers That Be: hey guys, we're sick of the McMahons putting themselves over on TV - you don't have HALF the charisma. Knock it off already.

C is for the Canadian Crippler, Chris Benoit, who looks SWEET wearing the WWF IC title: most definitely a Radical move heading to WWF, Chris. See ya with the WWF title in a year [if that long.]

D is for D'lo, who FINALLY got out of the Deputy Assistant Pimp deadend role on Smackdown. You go, D'lo. Hey, WWF, I'll plop down PPV dollars to see 10-20 minute D'lo-Benoit IC matches - hint hint.

F is for Flair, Ric Flair - the guy that could carry a broomstick to *** at least - take a hint from another F, Foley, and retire while the WCW regime is still respecting your legacy. How long before you're in the insanitorium again, courtesy Easy-E? This one also goes out to another F, Terry Funk.

G is for the former Giant, Paul Wight, who they've turned into a comedy act. Win,lose,or draw, this guy have never been over based on size - blame Bischoff, blame Sullivan, blame whoever you wish - The Big Show just doesn't have that intangible something, that differentiates monsters from "big guys". Best of luck on getting over as the comedic heel, Big Funkey.

H is for Hulk Hogan [or Hummer, if you prefer]. Hats off to Hogan and Kidman for the first interesting Hogan fued in YEARS, but if Hogan ends up squashing Kidman at Slamboree, I will never, E-eeeeeeVER, buy a WCW PPV, agayne.

I is for Impact Players, who are slowly starting to grow on me - I still can't stand Credible, but their ringwork is good, and Dawn Marie is something else again- but going by the HHH rule, if they don't do the time honored tradition, and elevate another team [Chetti/Nova, Doring/Roadkill, Dangerous Alliance], I'll be bitching if they are still on top after Hardcore Heaven.

J is for Jericho, WWF Champion! The awesome vidcap of Jericho wearing the belt should be emailed 1000 times to Madden, as sort of a "fuck you" for his fathomless rantings. Let's see: Y2J has (so far) had three t-shirts (Y2J, Jerichoholics, and Ayatollah face shirt), one upcoming action figure that I know of, one feature commercial (Jakks Trash Talkin' Stage... and the "don't try this at home", if you count that), one WWF Magazine cover, one Raw Magazine cover, two PPV posters, two I-C belts, one European belt, and what I'm going to call one WWF Championship - in six months with the company. Jericho never mainevented ONE show, got one t-shirt, and a TV title reign in WCW. Yep, definitely should have stayed with WCW, the master of the "job'n'wait" push: what are they putting in Madden's twinkies? [Thanks to Andy Moseley, the Kevin Nash of [slash], for the Y2J info. :-)]

K is for Kimberly, and maineventer {Bischoff's back!] hubby DDP. She's pretty, but like Torrie and Trish, SHE CAN'T TALK! For the love of Meltzer(™CRZ), please keep her and Bischoff arm-in-arm, and AWAY from any microphones for our sanity's sake. DDP is widely ridiculed, but I think he's a good choice to put in the Millionaires, because he's put over the young'uns for the good of the company before, and he can work [or he could - did someone bring him back too early from that back injury? Let the man heal, he's a decent ring worker when he's healthy.]

L is for Latino Heat, the phrase that is Jerry Lawler's newest "shout it 4 trillion times until we just want to club him with a week old pizza-and-meatballs sub in the nuts" annoy-o-phrase. [I'm still dreading the return of Austin - if only for the fear that he'll bring back Debra - and that will bring back "Puppies".] Eddy Guerrero and Chyna, on the other hand, are outstanding performers, and Eddy is proving to be yet another good candidate for that top heel spot. On the flip side, yes, this is a blatantly racist character and I don't condone racism in any manner or form. But he's over, so I'm sure the WWF lemmings will go, "oh well." File this one with the cancer angle and any of the zillion stupid Mark Henry angles: I ain't on board.

M is for the former Meat, Sean "the Perfect One" Stastiak. Record this on your little tape recorder - YOU SUCK ROCKS. Go back to the Power Plant or whatever, and get off my screen until WCW main eventers can't outwrestle you with their eyes closed.

N is for Nova, the highly skilled and highly underrated ECW star. The self-dubbed "Innovator of Offense" has coined more unique spots than any of his Big Two counterparts, yet he languishes in ECW tag team undercard HELL with equally talented buds Chris Chetti & Danny Doring. Give the man a push!

O is for optimistic, which I am about WCW's chances of being entertaining again, but don't jump on the bandwagon yet - as I [and others] have said, the glass ceiling is broken, but will anybody move up to the top floor, or will they end up with bloody fingers?

P is for poetry, the art that Road Dogg has yet to master, and if he and Xpac get the tag straps/ it'll be a disaster/Let E & C get over, don't let their push rot /for the sake of the two smoking pot. Rhyming is FUN! I think we need to continue that heel turn thing for 2Blonde. Or something - go visit Rebecca's Rants for 101 Evil, Direly Wrong Things that the WWF is doing with Christian.

T is for Trish and T&A. Uh, sorry, I like Trish and all, but Test showed the huge potential he had in the wedding angle, and anything else now seems to be a disappointment. Plus the chemistry is just NOT there between Test and Albert. I could be wrong, but I don't see T&A lasting much longer after Backlash.

U is for Unger, as in Daffney, the valet of David Flair and Crowbar. Good god, I *LOOK FORWARD* to Crowbar/Flair matches now, and not just for the cool goth chick, either. Man, if there is one thing I can commend WCW for doing in the last year, it was getting this tandem of odd performers over and the booking for their characters [until recently, anyway.]

Y is for Young, which apparently has taken on a new definition in WCW. I'm *not* complaining about Booker T's push, but he's been wrestling since 1989 - 11 YEARS! Ditto for Scott Steiner [1988], Brian Knobbs [1987], Buff Bagwell [1990], Curt Hennig [like you have to ask?]. Granted, they're not up there like Nash [1986], Hogan [1979], Scott Hall [1984] but still. New Blood vs Millionaires is okay, but add a small third group - let's call it the "Boyz" or something, for established stars that are not spring chickens but not dinosaurs and make some sense of this mess.

Main BLAH	IN QUOTES Quote this: TWO columns? In a row? That's what three days off will do to you. Since Local Sports References are So Cool: Go Stars! We're gonna do back-to-back with Da Stanley Cup. [Sorry, CRZ, the Sharks are going DOWN!] This is something a little different from what I usually write - it's a random topic's column with a twist. Normally, I don't ask for email, but please drop me a line and tell me what you thought of this first-time effort - hey, I can write more of 'em. On to your ABC's for the week! A is for Awesome, the sellout. "Selling out" is usually a term I avoid - after all, we don't pay these guy's mortgages and buy groceries for their kids, but there's a right way and a wrong way to do business - and just jumping, without even facing your former boss, or doing the time honored tradition is wrong. Here's hoping his WCW stay works out - because he just burned any WWF and ECW bridges. Otherwise, Mike Awesome - XPW champion has a nice ring to it, you think? B is for Bischoff and Iron Man "Vince Russo": the new Powers That Be: hey guys, we're sick of the McMahons putting themselves over on TV - you don't have HALF the charisma. Knock it off already. C is for the Canadian Crippler, Chris Benoit, who looks SWEET wearing the WWF IC title: most definitely a Radical move heading to WWF, Chris. See ya with the WWF title in a year [if that long.] D is for D'lo, who FINALLY got out of the Deputy Assistant Pimp deadend role on Smackdown. You go, D'lo. Hey, WWF, I'll plop down PPV dollars to see 10-20 minute D'lo-Benoit IC matches - hint hint. E is for Earl Hebner, who I'd feel safe wagering a few dollars will be working as the referee in the main event at Backlash. You heard it here first. F is for Flair, Ric Flair - the guy that could carry a broomstick to *** at least - take a hint from another F, Foley, and retire while the WCW regime is still respecting your legacy. How long before you're in the insanitorium again, courtesy Easy-E? This one also goes out to another F, Terry Funk. G is for the former Giant, Paul Wight, who they've turned into a comedy act. Win,lose,or draw, this guy have never been over based on size - blame Bischoff, blame Sullivan, blame whoever you wish - The Big Show just doesn't have that intangible something, that differentiates monsters from "big guys". Best of luck on getting over as the comedic heel, Big Funkey. H is for Hulk Hogan [or Hummer, if you prefer]. Hats off to Hogan and Kidman for the first interesting Hogan fued in YEARS, but if Hogan ends up squashing Kidman at Slamboree, I will never, E-eeeeeeVER, buy a WCW PPV, agayne. I is for Impact Players, who are slowly starting to grow on me - I still can't stand Credible, but their ringwork is good, and Dawn Marie is something else again- but going by the HHH rule, if they don't do the time honored tradition, and elevate another team [Chetti/Nova, Doring/Roadkill, Dangerous Alliance], I'll be bitching if they are still on top after Hardcore Heaven. J is for Jericho, WWF Champion! The awesome vidcap of Jericho wearing the belt should be emailed 1000 times to Madden, as sort of a "fuck you" for his fathomless rantings. Let's see: Y2J has (so far) had three t-shirts (Y2J, Jerichoholics, and Ayatollah face shirt), one upcoming action figure that I know of, one feature commercial (Jakks Trash Talkin' Stage... and the "don't try this at home", if you count that), one WWF Magazine cover, one Raw Magazine cover, two PPV posters, two I-C belts, one European belt, and what I'm going to call one WWF Championship - in six months with the company. Jericho never mainevented ONE show, got one t-shirt, and a TV title reign in WCW. Yep, definitely should have stayed with WCW, the master of the "job'n'wait" push: what are they putting in Madden's twinkies? [Thanks to Andy Moseley, the Kevin Nash of [slash], for the Y2J info. :-)] K is for Kimberly, and maineventer {Bischoff's back!] hubby DDP. She's pretty, but like Torrie and Trish, SHE CAN'T TALK! For the love of Meltzer(™CRZ), please keep her and Bischoff arm-in-arm, and AWAY from any microphones for our sanity's sake. DDP is widely ridiculed, but I think he's a good choice to put in the Millionaires, because he's put over the young'uns for the good of the company before, and he can work [or he could - did someone bring him back too early from that back injury? Let the man heal, he's a decent ring worker when he's healthy.] L is for Latino Heat, the phrase that is Jerry Lawler's newest "shout it 4 trillion times until we just want to club him with a week old pizza-and-meatballs sub in the nuts" annoy-o-phrase. [I'm still dreading the return of Austin - if only for the fear that he'll bring back Debra - and that will bring back "Puppies".] Eddy Guerrero and Chyna, on the other hand, are outstanding performers, and Eddy is proving to be yet another good candidate for that top heel spot. On the flip side, yes, this is a blatantly racist character and I don't condone racism in any manner or form. But he's over, so I'm sure the WWF lemmings will go, "oh well." File this one with the cancer angle and any of the zillion stupid Mark Henry angles: I ain't on board. M is for the former Meat, Sean "the Perfect One" Stastiak. Record this on your little tape recorder - YOU SUCK ROCKS. Go back to the Power Plant or whatever, and get off my screen until WCW main eventers can't outwrestle you with their eyes closed. N is for Nova, the highly skilled and highly underrated ECW star. The self-dubbed "Innovator of Offense" has coined more unique spots than any of his Big Two counterparts, yet he languishes in ECW tag team undercard HELL with equally talented buds Chris Chetti & Danny Doring. Give the man a push! O is for optimistic, which I am about WCW's chances of being entertaining again, but don't jump on the bandwagon yet - as I [and others] have said, the glass ceiling is broken, but will anybody move up to the top floor, or will they end up with bloody fingers? P is for poetry, the art that Road Dogg has yet to master, and if he and Xpac get the tag straps/ it'll be a disaster/Let E & C get over, don't let their push rot /for the sake of the two smoking pot. Rhyming is FUN! I think we need to continue that heel turn thing for 2Blonde. Or something - go visit Rebecca's Rants for 101 Evil, Direly Wrong Things that the WWF is doing with Christian. Q is for queasiness, which closeups of Rikishi's ass tends to induce. KNOCK that off! R is for Rant Central, at www.ncw3.com/rantcentral [You owe me $5, Brian. Heh heh.] S is for Sytch, as in Tammy and Chris Candido, congratulations to you and Tammy on making it back to the Big 3. Keep clean, and stay on my TV screen, ya hear? T is for Trish and T&A. Uh, sorry, I like Trish and all, but Test showed the huge potential he had in the wedding angle, and anything else now seems to be a disappointment. Plus the chemistry is just NOT there between Test and Albert. I could be wrong, but I don't see T&A lasting much longer after Backlash. U is for Unger, as in Daffney, the valet of David Flair and Crowbar. Good god, I LOOK FORWARD to Crowbar/Flair matches now, and not just for the cool goth chick, either. Man, if there is one thing I can commend WCW for doing in the last year, it was getting this tandem of odd performers over and the booking for their characters [until recently, anyway.] V is for Val Venis - babyface in dire need of direction. Porn Star had money stamped ALL over it in the WWF Attitude era - what happened? W is for Wrestling, something that is actually APPEARING on WWF shows! Glory be... X is for XFL, the "Smashmouth" football league. Please, shut up about the damn thing until we see a game. It's gonna be a failure, it might work .....Grrr.... Y is for Young, which apparently has taken on a new definition in WCW. I'm not complaining about Booker T's push, but he's been wrestling since 1989 - 11 YEARS! Ditto for Scott Steiner [1988], Brian Knobbs [1987], Buff Bagwell [1990], Curt Hennig [like you have to ask?]. Granted, they're not up there like Nash [1986], Hogan [1979], Scott Hall [1984] but still. New Blood vs Millionaires is okay, but add a small third group - let's call it the "Boyz" or something, for established stars that are not spring chickens but not dinosaurs and make some sense of this mess. Z is for zero, which is the number of things I have left to say for THIS column. Take care all! Mr. T King of Vague References, Ham Radio Operator, Webmaster Extraordinare, Employee of the Year and the cooler, better looking co-founder of Rant Central [slash] wrestling Email the author Visit Rant Central	BLAH
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