Good, Bad and Ugly in Quotes: I have just one thing to say about this weeks Good, Bad, and Ugly:

WHOOOOO! [Steals Jerry Lawler's crown, and does full Owen Hart celebration [1994 King of the Ring] to the tune of "It Just Feels Great To Be King" from the original Lion King Movie! Also knocks out Don King with one punch.]

Ahem. On with part 2 of Mick Moments. This installment covers January to August 30th, 1999. Enjoy! Here's a link to Part One. [Chris, aren't you glad I figured out how to do my own links? :-)]

MANKIND is on the way to the ring. Let's Take You Back to two weeks ago as Mankind takes it to Shane, then applies Mr. Jocko to Patterson (ugh). "I swear it was the first time I'd ever grabbed a man's testicles in my life. Patterson I gotta tell ya, in a rugged, manly kinda way, I enjoyed it." Humm. "It was also the first time that Mick Foley used the words 'suck it' without a 'please' in front of it." And also, he has a new hobby that he really enjoys, kicking the McMahon family's guts. Mankind asks for a title shot at the Royal Rumble. "And I think I deserve it! Not because I made your son Shane cry like a 2-year old with a poop in his pants. Not because I bounced your head off the kegs like Ricky Ricardo playin' the bongos." Foley says he deserves the shot because he DID beat the Rock at Rock Bottom. "Can I say ass on television? Get your ass out here now...DAD!!! I'm waiting for you, Mr. McMahon." VINCENT K. does walk out. "You're nothing but a disillusioned, decrepit, disfigured monster. You, asking to be the #1 Contender for the World Wrestling Federation?" Vince says he'd had his shot, and he didn't listen to McMahon, he listened to the fans. Vince makes fun of all the sacrifices he'd made "for them." Mankind soiled the McMahon name when he put his hands on Shane. "Let me say this, you know and everyone in this building knows, you don't deserve the RIGHT to be the #1 Contender. You haven't paid your dues, Mankind, Mick Foley, Cactus Jack, Dude Love, whatever the hell your name is, if you even know - you haven't paid your dues. Maybe one day you might come back up the ladder and attempt to take the Hardcore title away, but you've even failed in that as of late." Vince says it's not even funny enough to laugh at his request. So, basically, no. "You will never, ever, again have that accolade. However, being the benevolent individual I am, Mick, I'll tell you what I will do for you, and I'll do it tonight. You will have the opportunity to enter the Royal Rumble - see, you can get close to the title but no cigar - story of your life." Tonight, Mankind will take on Triple H (Vince actually uses the words "Hunter Hearst Helmsley!") in a match - winner going to the Royal Rumble - loser not. Oh, and by the way, there's a guest referee - Shane McMahon. Vince rolls some footage of Mankind preparing Mr. Socko for Shane to let us know that Shane may have some payback to dish out in his role tonight. 1.4.99

TRIPLE H (with Chyna) v. MANKIND - during the entrances, Shawn makes his way to the commentators and promises that he'll call it "right down the middle." Shane has a funny look as we start. Lockup, Mankind pounds him down. Right hand, rake of the back, arm over the shoulder and yanked down. Again. Triple H with rights to come back. Now HE'S yanking on an arm. Mankind doesn't give up, go figure. Hey, who's SUSHI X and why is someone holding a sign for them? Ha ha. Up we go, Mankind with some pounding, whip into the opposite turnbuckle, bulldog as he walks out. Triple H pushes him off, hits a back elbow and a clothesline. Right hands. Mankind pushes him through the ropes, then hits a baseball slide dropkick. Triple H - back in - nope Mankind hits him again and he falls. Head to the gut as Triple H comes back in again - Sunset flip - Mankind holds the rope - Shane kicks Mankind's arm off the rope and counts a lightning fast 123 and calls for the bell (2:57). Triple H is in the Rumble and Mankind's been screwed again. H takes the mic. "Mick - hey, I'm sorry, but business is business - a win is a win - and when it comes to the WWF Title, I'll take it any way I can get it. Hey, but I will say one thing - happy new year" and then he Pedigrees Shane, who was raising his arm. The DX theme plays again. "Hey - he's all yours" and H leaves the ring. Mankind takes the mic. "I wanna show you a little move that Jim McGonnagal taught me back at Ward Melville" which Dan S. emailed to say that was the Long Island high school that Foley attempted. [ATTENDED, Zee :-) -T] Mankind says he's going to break his (beep) shoulder (which I guess would be "Goddamn") - "Vince, Vince, I've changed my mind. You see, I no longer desire a title shot at the Royal Rumble - I want a title shot tonight." Shane is screaming nicely - what is that, the Rings of Saturn? Vince is very unhappy, but agrees. Mankind says, "not good enough - I want a stipulation - no DQ" Vince: "All right! No DQ! You got it. Just let him go!" Vince has a real Achilles heel in that lad, you know. Vince IS a real Achilles heel, har har. The Musketeers retrieve Shane, who holds his shoulder convincingly. At the top of the ramp, the ROCK comes out to express his disapproval. Rock is SO mad he repeatedly forgets to say "the Rock," and instead uses the verboten word "I" when referring to himself. 1.4.99

THE ROCK (with Team Corporate) v. MANKIND (with D-Generation X) in a no-DQ match for the WWF Championship - Man, Earl Hebner must have SPRINTED from that ambulance to the ring to officiate this match! Oops. Apparently, neither Lawler nor Cole heard what H and 'pac said before Shawn left the building because they're really confused. Rock's in a warmup suit, because he wasn't prepared to fight tonight. Shane is still in his ref outfit and still selling the arm. Rock punches away to start. Mankind to the apron, now outside. Shamrock gets in a shot (see, no DQ) but Rock says no need, he can handle it on his own. To the commentary table, Mankind blocks and takes Rock's head to the table. Right hands - Rock is trying to escape but nothing doing. Whip, reverse, Mankind flies over the STEEL steps. Lawler says we're not getting a wild "shmozz" tonight, Cole adds "not like the other league." Is it like that tonight? Rock slams the steps onto Mankind, then slams the OTHER set of STEEL steps on the first one (which is gently resting on his shoudlerblades). That's worth a 10-10-220 Double Feature, i'n't it. Snap suplex by the Rock on the floor. And now Rock has grabbed Cole's headset and he's going to provide a little commentary. Mankind comes back quickly, though, pounds on Rock while Lawler calls for help. Rock taken to the timekeeper's table while Mankind grabs the headset and does some commentary of his own. Rock LEVELS Mankind with the bell. HE RANG HIS BELL! Ohsorry. Choke with the mic cable. Lawler offers "he's all choked up," all right. They're both on the table - URANAGE THROUGH THE TABLE! No commentary now. One more 10-10-220 Double Feature. Mankind is wearing a J.O.B. Squad T-shirt under his corporate shirt and tie. Back in the ring (finally!) sees Rock with repeated rights and a cover but only 2. Both men are back on headset now. Choke on the second rope - Shane gets a shot in. Lawler: "This isn't a title match that's gonna start two minutes before we go off the air!" Lawler is TONY! 1, 2, no. Maybe Lawler has a point, of course. Whip, charge, Mankind puts up an elbow. Big ol' barrelin' knockdown. Whip, reverse, back elbow by Rock, scoop and a slam - must be time for that Corporate elbow all the kids are talking about. Rock punctuates it with a Mr. Socko impersonation before dropping it. 1, 2, NO! Both men up, right hand from Rock, duck clothesline, Mankind with a swinging neckbreaker! But both men are down. Manind up, Bossman holding the leg while Test slides the belt into the ring. Belt shot, that's it. 1, 2, NO!! How is that possible? Rock has the belt again - but Mankind ducks - kick to the gut, belt falls - DDT on the belt! 1, 2, no! Rock was watching the ref the whole time. Mr. Socko is out. Mandible claw is on!! Shamrock is in the ring - chairshot! Billy Gunn comes in and rushes Shamrock! Now it's all breaking down - DX and Team Corporate - when I hear glass - and STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN is out, dressed to hunt - big chairshot on Rock - he drags Mankind onto Rock - Hebner is over for one of his patented slow counts - 1...2....3!!!!!!!!!!!!! MANKIND WINS! MANKIND WINS! MANKIND WINS! MANKIND IS THE NEW WWF CHAMPION!!!!!!! Austin flips the double bird to McMahon and walks off. Team Corporate collects Rock and helps him off as Mr. McMahon gives a healthy array of pained expressions. McMahon promises to the Rock that he'll get the belt back around his waist. The ovation here is phenomenal. Jesse James announces the NEW World Wrestling Federation Heavyweight ChampionoftheWooooooooooooooooooorld - Mankind! "Hey Vince, I gotta tellya, this feels pretty damn good." Shane screams randomly. "At the risk of not sounding very cool, I'd like to dedicate this match to my two little people at home and say - BIG DADDY-O DID IT!" Vince: "That makes me wanna PUKE..." Foley takes a lap with the belt.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new WWF Champion. (8:48) 1.4.99

D-GENERATION X are out, hopefully to explain that whole bit with Michaels last week, ha! The music is cut and the predictable bits start - Dogg cuts off the crowd to tell us that actually, they're bringing out "the Heavyweight Champion of the wooooooooooooorld" and MANKIND comes out with new music and the title. He poses on the ramp, Gunn says if we're not down with that, we got one word for ya (Socko), then they take off and Mankind makes it to the ring. "Well, I know one thing - it's about damn time I got some new entrance music. Am I the only one that noticed that on every frame on that video, well, I'm kind of getting my ass kicked, aren't I? Well that's all right, because that's the story of my life, and everybody knows that Mick Foley takes a licking [crowd joins in] and keeps on ticking!" Backstage, we see McMahons, then the Rock. "Now last week was without a doubt the greatest moment in my 15 year career, but I didn't get there by myself. I'd like to tell you just a little story about how, for, oh I guess 10 or 11 years, once a year I would call the World Wrestling Federation, and I'd offer my services, and they never even returned my damn phone call. The word I got years later was that Mick Foley did not LOOK like a star. So what I'd like to do is thank one person who knew Mick Foley was a star, except after Vince McMahon, twelve years later after I made my debut in the World Wrestling Federation - that man's at home right now, and I'd like to say thank you, Jim Ross, and get better soon because I want to hear you call a Mankind Championship match. Now, upon further review of the videotape, I realise that I didn't exactly win that title on my own, so I'd also like to thank DX for watching my back, and there's another guy who helped out just a little bit, too - I even believe he's from the state of Texas (big pop) and I know he's a little shy, but I hope he won't mind my saying 'Thank you, Stone Cold Steve Austin.' And I guess, Stone Cold, that I owe you one. Because I realise the name of this pay-per-view, as the Corporation calls it, is 'No Chance in Hell' - I'm here to say, Steve-O, that as long as there's a Mankind in the world, you've got ONE chance in hell. I understand everyone believes that I achieved my dream last week, but there's one last dream in the live of Mick Foley, and that is the main event of the biggest show in the world - WrestleMania. As far as I'm concerned, well, a WrestleMania just is not a WrestleMania without Stone Cold Steve Austin in the main event. So publicly, I'm going to state that there is nothing I would like better than to wrestle Steve Austin at WrestleMania - not because I don't like him but because when I think about the possibilities, by God, it makes my skin break out, and I can guarantee that mankind and Stone Cold would tear the house down at WrestleMania." Well, that's enough - THE ROCK is out with VINCENT K. & SKIPPY. Shane asks him to hold the phone, then runs him down, calling him a "disgrace" to the Federation title. Shane says there's nothing they can do about the fans, but there IS something they can do about D-generation X. Vince has ordered a "Corporate Royal Rumble" tonight between DX and the Corporation - the grand prize is that the winner will get the coveted #30 spot in the REAL Royal Rumble. Rock accuses Mankind of trying to be the Rock - Mankind NEVER beat the Rock for the title, he needed help from that piece of Texas Trailer Park Trash. Austin's day is gonna come - smack will be laid down and all that. Back to Mankind, he looks like monkey crap. "These people WANT the Rock as the WWF Champ!" lotsa boos "These people NEED the Rock as their WWF Champ!" more boos "They want a man who's intelligent, they want a man who's articulate, and they want a man who's pretty damn good lookin' on top of all that. Mankind, the millions, my God and the millions of the Rock's fans WANT the Rock their WWF Champ! Mankind, the least your unworthy ass can do is give the Rock what is rightfully his, and that's a shot at his WWF title - Royal Rumble - 1999!" "Well, you're right about a lot of things, Rock, but uh, I've already beaten your ass twice (pop) - there's uh, there's no third try, Rock - you're simply not Championship material!" Rock says it can be no DQ as well. "Well, Rock, uh - I smell what you're cookin' - doesn't smell all that good, you see we've already been there, we've already done that - I'm gonna have to take a pass on that." Rock ups the ante to no DQ, no countout. "No disqualification, no countout, no thank you Rock, not good enough for me." Rock offers one more stipulation - no members of Team Corporate at ringside. "Well Rock, I think I know what you oughta do, and that's check your own self into the Smack Down Hotel - and walk your monkey ass down to the corner of Knowyourrole Boulevard and Jabronie Drive because YOU get no title shot!" Rock tells Mankind that he should take his sock and put it on and then feel around between his legs, 'cause he obviously has nothing there. Mankind's ire is raised - one day he WILL stick Mr. Socko between a pair of legs - but not his - oh no - then we shall find out for sure what the Rock is cooking. Finally Rock says he quits trying to get - and Mankind says "I accept" Huh? Oh, an "I Quit" match. Mankind says no DQ, no countout, no Corporate members at ringside, no stopping the match for excessive bloodloss - because there will be excessive bloodloss - no knockouts, "I Quit" match. Mankind says he won't use any submission holds, he'll just beat the hell out of him until he can't take any more - and has to say "I quit." Vince: "Now that we have established - now that we have established that the Rock is the #1 Contender at the Royal Rumble for the WWF Championship, what makes you think you'll be the Champion, in less than two weeks time? Because tonight, in THAT ring, you will defend the WWF Championship, and by God, tonight, you'll defend it against KANE." "Vince you remember one thing - I am the WWF Champion until I'm not - if you smeellllllllalalalala, what the SOCK is cookin'!" Rock looks rather unhappy about the title match announcement. 1.11.99

Let's take a Special Video Look at the "I Quit" match between the Rock and Mankind for the WWF Championship match. Clips from last week's opening interview setting up the match, then clips from NEW interviews from the two participants as we look at other clips. So if the Rock loses, will he say "the Rock quits?" Nice "Green Eggs 'n' Ham" bit from Mankind, nice reference to the "Chinese Announcers' Table" from the Rock. Other than that, this is filler. Make it go faster. You're giving me epilipsy here with all that damn flickering, too.

MANKIND v. BIG BOSSMAN in a Hardcore Rules, nontitle match - they are brawling out from the entranceway as the credits appear and the TV-14 box highlights that the War Zone has started. Brawling here, brawling there, almost to the ring as Bossman hits the STEEL steps hard. Lotsa stompin'. There's a 10-10-220 Double Feature of the stair shot. They're FINALLY in the ring and the bell rings to start the match. Bossman comes back and stands on the throat. Whip into the corner, follow splash. Bossman boots him until he hangs out of the ring, then brings him back in, whip into the opposite corner, Mankind puts a boot up and hits a lariat. Legdrop. 1, 2, no! That legdrop NEVER works! Right hand, right hand, again, Mankind chokes him on the second rope. Boot to the head. Into the corner we go, repeated rights. Running knee to the head. Mankind out, elbow to the noggin and Bossman falls outside. Mankind casts a weary eye to the commentary table - no, they go to the timekeepers house and Bossman has a seat. Bossman manages to pick up Mankind and side suplex him onto the chair - DAMN. That chair looks bad. Mankind to the STEEL stairs. And again, and again. 10-10-220 brings you another shot of the chair being mangled by Mankind's head going through it. Rolled back in the ring, Bossman steps on his head an uses the ropes for leverage. "Bossman sucks" chant means he's a perfect partner for Shamrock, ha! Right hands by Bossman, big KO blow. Bossman straddle as Mankind is against the second rope in the corner. Mankind actually gets in some rights before Bossman whips him into the corner - as he backs out, their heads collide. Both men slow to get up but up at the same time. Bossman strikes first, whip off the ropes, double underhook DDT by Mankind! Mankind might be bleeding, but I don't know from where (under the shirt?) Mr. Socko is out and the Claw is applied. Well, here's THE ROCK with a chair - chairshot and referee "Blind" Earl Hebner calls for the bell (DQ? In a hardcore match? 5:17 between bells, lots before) Rock makes a brief stop to provide commentary, then goes back into the ring and delivers ROCK BOTTOM ON THE CHAIR (!) 1.18.99

MANKIND appears at the top of the walkway as his music plays. "Why don't we give a nice round of applause to the Rock, as he's got my belt. While we're at it, give me a hand too, 'cause I've got his money! Now I gotta tell you, that outfit looks terrible -" and then he tosses some money to the crowd. "This is for piano lessons!" Hey, there's no WAY that's the whole $100,000 - it's not heavy enough. ESPECIALLY seeing as those are tens. Lawler: "Wha - a hundred thousand dollars in ten dollar bills?" Good for you, King! Foley is wearing a nice bandage on his head and the same WWF Superstar tie he was wearing last night. Mankind says he doesn't remember saying "I quit" last night, so he went to the fine folks in Production and put together a little set of clips to 'splain it to us.

Let Us Take You Back to Last Night's Heat (which should air LIVE at 4 on my coast, DAMMIT), where Mankind talks to Shane, saying that the Rock will be screaming "I quit, I quit, I QUIT!!!" Shane responds with "Thank you very much for those kind words!" Further clips from the Rumble show Mankind failing to quit when the Rock asks him to. (Notice that we DO hear the Rock say "I quit" while asking Mankind to say it - oops) Again, we cut to a clip of the Rock asking Mankind to say "I quit" (while saying it himself) - this time followed by Mankind's voice over the PA. "Now what the hell, Rock, do you think these people are stupid? Don't those words sound identical to the words I said on Heat?" Cole falls over himself to say "I KNEW IT KING I KNEW IT! MICK FOLEY NEVER SAID 'I QUIT!'" Umm, Cole, you *never* said you thought that ONCE until now. Loser. Foley tosses another fistful of tens into the crowd. Mankind decides that the perfect remedy for this situation is a special challenge match during halftime of "the big game" (because you CAN'T say "Super Bowl" for some reason) - in FACT, he'd like an empty arena match (Peter Wolf comes to mind - your hip 80's reference for the week) for Halftime Heat. Rock accepts, 'cause he wants the money, I guess. "Have a nice day!" 1.25.99

Mankind still has the Rock's money - he asks to rent Max Mini. Who's he asking, the slavemaster? That's racist! Anyway, $487 will get you Max Mini for three days. Direct all inquiries to Titan Towers. I believe this is the first SuperAstros crossover to reach RAW. 2.1.99

MANKIND walks to the ring carrying the WWF Championship belt on his shoulder. FINALLY there's a "Foley" chant in an arena (Lawler accuses it of being a recording, hmm). Before he gets very far with whatever he was going to say, THE ROCK is out on the ramp. "Rocky sucks" chant. Rock goes through every phrase that pays despite apparently nearly losing his voice. The Rock asks for his $97,000 because he knows the phrase that pays. Mankind says he feels pretty bad about that, because it's down to about $72K. Mankind says he changed his mind, and he's really NOT gonna give the cash back. Mankind says, in Rock voice, that he is "the BIGGEST horse's ass in sports entertainment today!" If he wants a rematch, all he has to do is ask. Rock proposes a "Last Man Standing" match. Mankind accepts. There's your main event for the St. Valentine's Day Massacre. Rock says smell what he's cookin'. This seems to take a long time but maybe it's just me. 2.1.99

This show is en espanol donde sea disponible and also closed captioned for the hearing impaired (huh?) and here's COMMISSIONER SHAWN MICHAELS, who welcomes us on the Road to WrestleMania. Right off the bat, Shawn introduces the two men to take place in the main event as determined by last nights events - "by kickin' Vince McMahon's ass - STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN." And out he comes. After the obligatory four-corner suckup, Michaels introduces the (STILL?) WWF Champion, MANKIND, to the ring. He's walkin' a little gingerly there. No corners for Mankind. As a staredown ensues and Michaels starts - "As we go to WrestleMania..." "No Chance in Hell" starts up and out walks VINCENT K., resplendent in neck brace and bandaged noodle. He's in pain, you see. "I stand...I stand before you...I stand before you tonight a broken man. I stand before you tonight...a humble...a humble man. Austin-" ["asshole" chant] "What do you want, BLOOD?" he snarls. The crowd is happy. "Austin, you put twelve stitches in my head...[pop]...you threw me off the top of a cage...but I-I wanna be a better man. I wanna start all over. I..." lotsa boos even as McMahon tears up. "I wanna bury the hatchet. I just wanna bury the hatchet. I want a fresh start. I-I'm just askin' you...what's the matter with you people?" "Asshole" chant is louder. "I'm simply asking you Austin to bury the hatchet, let's start all over...all I want you to do...I just...all I want is for you to say 'I'm sorry.' That's all I want." Crowd erupts. Austin gets the mic from Michaels. "You want me to say - you want me to say I'm sorry?" "please." "all right, all right, I can handle that. I'm sorry...that I didn't beat your ass worse that I beat it. And if you think that Vince McMahon (mute) gimme a hell yeah." "All right, Mr. Commissioner - that's your - that's the man that's gonna face the WWF Champion at WrestleMania - and he's gonna face Mankind. Then why don't you do your job, okay? Why don't you for once give the people what they want? Shawn Michaels, Mr. Commissioner, wants to give the people what they want - dammit, you know full well that Mankind didn't win that match last night. These people DESERVE a rematch! They DESERVE that rematch here tonight! And they DESERVE Mankind to face THE most electrifying WWF superstar in the world today, the Rock! Now do your job. You know the Rock was coerced into defending the title to begin with, you know that. C'mon Michaels, give 'em the match they want, and dammit, give 'em the kind of match they want." Mankind: "Hey Vince, even by my standards I feel pretty crappy tonight, so how about you give me seven days to get ready for this thing and we'll do it next week on RAW." Before anything can happen, the music fires up - smell it? It's DA ROCK come out to make sure "next week" is tonight. "Rocky sucks" chant starts up nicely. "Mankind, you want seven days, but as far as the Rock is concerned, you don't even have seven minutes. FOr the las tfive months the Rock has done what he's said he's gonna do, and that's bash your living brains in. Tonight, the Great One, and the millions - and millions of the Rock's fans wanna see your fat cellulite ass go one on one with the Great One - so HBK Shawn Michaels, as far as for the Rock is concerned, you are no more than a rooty poot candyass - so what the Rock wants you to do is know your damn role and make this damn match tonight in front of all the Rock's fans." Mankind says "testicular fortitude," then goes on to proclaim his testicles FULL of fortitude. McMahon says let's make this a final match - a LADDER match. Michaels tels off Rock, calling him "nickel-and-dime chump change...jabronie." And yeah, a ladder match it shall be. McMahon says oh, one more thing - there's a special guest referee in the title match - and out walks PAUL WIGHT, who calmly stares a hole through Austin's cranium. Austin responds with a double bird and Wight doesn't even flinch. 2.15.99

MANKIND v. DA ROCK in a ladder match for the WWF Championship - Hmm, 20 minutes to the hour. "Finally, the Great One has come back to Birmingham - Collectively, the largest collection of trailer park trash the Rock has ever seen. But speakin' of trailer park trash, there ain't but one of the biggest piece of Texas trailer park trash walkin' in Stone Cold Steve Austin! Now the Rock plans on grabbin' Man-" and waiting for the "Rocky sucks" chant to start up. "You can have your chants of Rocky Sucks, but the fact of the matter is this - is that tonight in front of thousands and thousands of Rock's fans, and the millions - and millions of the Rock's fans watching live, the Rock will proceed to climb that ladder rung by damn rung by damn rung, reach up, and snatch the Rock's WWF title. So Mankind, the Rock has said it before, he'll say it again, if your fat cellulite salty, then the Rock will be your tequila, so what the Rock wants you to do is sprinkle some salt on your hand, take a lick, and take a shot of the Rock, but don't get drunk, or else you'll wake up with the Rock's foot in your ass and his fist in your mouth if ya SMEEEEELLL - what the Rock - is cookin'." WHY did I just transcribe that? Let's take a break! Mankind's WALKING backstage!

Encore presentation ad - the St. Valentine's Day Massacre can be relived TUESDAY night!

Mankind noticably limps down the ramp and Cole announces that we have no more commercial breaks tonight. Before we can start this match, though, we need to get STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN out here to provide some "colour" commentary - which in this case means an awful lot of swearing. Mankind starts off giving a shot to Rock, who had been facing Austin. So they're gonna fight outside the ring instead of in it, yup. Rock whips Mankind hard into the STEEL steps and he flies. Rock has a chair. Everybody's in the ring and the knee is DRIVEN into the chair repeatedly. Rock puts the ladder into the ring. Mankind is up - chair to the ladder - now with the Rock under the ladder on the canvas, Mankind takes the chair to the ladder several more times. Scoop and a slam as M&M's provides the doublefeature. Mankind - People's Elbow? YES! Crowd goes absolutely nuts. Cole calls it "Mr. Elbow," fine. Mankind sets up the ladder. He's up four rungs before Rock is up and putting the chair to the knee. Mankind falls to the canvas and the ladder falls on him. Rock continues kicking behind the knee. There's a clip. Rock puts Mankind's leg in the ladder and takes the chair to the ladder several times. Ladder set up and here's the sloooow climb - Mankind gets behind him, throws some shots, then takes the Rock off the ladder, where he gives himself a hot shot on the top rope. Mankind with the chair to the gut, chair to the back. Mankind up the ladder but Rock is up with the chair - Mankind falls and wraps his arm in the top two ropes, yow. Rock with the free shots until Mankind frees himself - whoops, there goes his trick knee. M&M's Double Feature and now they're out - now they're over the barricade and into the crowd. Rock through a security railing and Mankind drops an elbow. Mankind tries another elbowdrop but Rock rolls away and Mankind elbows the railing. Rocky takes Mankind back over the barricade - Austin says he should have left him alone and gone for the ladder and I'm thinking the EXACT same thing....hmm. Rock takes Mankind to the ramp - there's a suplex. Rock stomps him. Sock thrown in - Rock takes it, spits on it, and throws it back. Now there's a cable choke from the Rock. Mankind manages to reverse a whip over the STEEL steps - then Mankind throws the steps onto Rock. Mankind takes Rock to the Spanish announce table - oh no - no, Rock with a Golotta - ROCK BOTTOM through the table! M&M's Double Feature of the stair shot and uranage through the table while ROck sets up the ladder. Mankind is SOMEHOW back in the ring and he manages to hit a Golotta on Rock. Gut shot - double underhook DDT! Has Mankind got anything left? Socko is out! But Rock takes the ladder to Mankind's head. DDT! Rock climbs the ladder while "Rocky sucks" chant is up - Mankind up the opposite side of the ladder. Rock with rights - Mankind goes down - while Rock *touches* the belt - MANDIBLE CLAW! Crowd going apeshit - aww, here's PAUL WIGHT with a buzzkiller. Rock comes to while Wight takes Mankind off the top of the ladder with ahhhhhhhhhhtheCHOKEslam - Rock climbs one more step and gets the belt. Wight throws another look to Austin and walks off. Rock celebrates in the ring as Austin says it'll be a hell of a match at WrestleMania, even WITH Paul Wight as the special ref. Austin gets in the ring - and before Rock turns around to see him, we fade out. Just as well. I don't NEED to see a Stunner to go home happy. (12:58) 2.15.99

You know, the LAST time they had a big title match in the MIDDLE of a show, it's was the "Rock/Austin" match on RAW Saturday Night...I wonder...anyway, MANKIND makes his way into the ring complete with stripes on the shirt and stripes on the sock. VINCENT K. walks out as the credits are displayed and the TV-14-V box re-appears as we turn the hour. "I regret to inform you that the proposed WWF Championship match here tonight is, ah - not going to happen. Therefore you're going to have to take Mr. Socko and put it away where the sun don't shine. Nice try, Mick, nice try..." and the Rock's music fires up.

ROCK v. PAUL (might makes) WIGHT for the WWF Championship - it certainly APPEARS that this match is going to take place. McMahon looks stunned that Rock would walk out. "Vince, the Rock wants you to go and sit at the announcers booth with those two jabrones 'cause you damn sure don't want to get in between this. Now Paul Wight, the Rock says you bring your rooty-poot candyass down that damn walkway so the Rock can put his fist in your mouth and his foot in your ass!" Wight has pretty cool new music. Cole AGAIN calls him the Big Nasty. McMahon is despondent, his commentary turning into a defiant snarl. Ring the bell! They ring it again! Rock shoves Giant, look I did it again, dammit, Wight shoves Rock HARD - and now Wight's attacking MANKIND and Rock's joining him. McMahon is laughing in an overacted matter. Well, we fell for it again (I *guess*). Both men even hold Mankind for McMahon to throw a right hand. "No Chance in Hell" plays for the MILLIONTH time and the triumphant trio leave the ring all smiles and hoping Austin got a good look at it. Hey, where IS Austin, anyway? Oh right, Howard Stern, Regis & Kathie Lee, okay. 2.22.99

UNDERTAKER (with Paul Bearer) v. MANKIND - Cole tries to get McMahon to explain the significance of the bear, and Mr. McMahon says he will not respond to "personal" questions. McMahon says just maybe Mankind will join the Corporation - wha?? Sign in audience: "FOLEY FLAKES" Undertaker has his way with Mankind to start, then lets referee "Blind" Tim White know that he's calling the shots in this match. Mankind pounds away to try to come back, whip into the corner, Undertaker steps aside and the shoulder hits the post. Undertaker continues an attack on the arm and shoulder. Time for the tightrope walk, but Mankind catches him in a Mandible claw as he leaps off the top rope. Out of desperation, Undertaker falls - and takes Mankind through the ropes to the outside. Big boot to the face and now Undertaker is outside as well. Whip is reversed and Undertaker hits the STEEL steps hard. Mankind with a running knee, sandwiching Undertaker's head between knee and steps. McMahon leave the commentary table as Mankind grabs a chair and runs - Undertaker puts up a boot and Mankind absorbs the chairshot. Chair to the back by Undertaker. Mankind rolled back in - and apparently, even though he was turned towards and talking to Paul Bearer the whole time, Tim White has been counting to ten, and that's a victory for Mankind. (COR 3:09) Not exactly CLASSIC, was it. Undertaker turns to McMahon. The tabletop is lifted off the commentary table - McMahon placed on it - Undertaker standing on it - no way. Chokeslam? No, BIG BOSS MAN is out with the nightstick and it's on. The crowd perks way up as the MINISTRY OF COMIC BOOK SALES it out and Boss Man and McMahon make a hasty escape through the crowd. Undertaker's music plays (hey Undertaker, you lost) and he makes a spooky face. Then he climbs back in the ring, where Mankind hasn't been paying attention. There's a chokeslam. BONG...BONG... Completely lost in all this is the fact that Mankind will INDEED be the second referee for the WrestleMania main event. Maybe it'll be mentioned after the ad break. 3.1.99

MANKIND v. STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN for Mankind's guest ref spot with "BLIND" PAUL WIGHT (NOW) as guest referee - Mankind enters first, then Wight, then Austin. Huh. I think Mankind just got screwed there! Austin demands to Wight that Mankind be checked before the match, and Wight accedes. When Wight turns to check Austin, Austin is a weasel and declines. Eventually, Austin lets him check. Mankind tries to attack while Austin is talking to Wight but Austin gets the gut shot in instead. Off the ropes, kick, Stunner attempt is shrugged off as Mankind goes outside. Austin folows but Mankind gets the shots in first. Wight decides that counting both men out won't accomplish anything so he goes outside too. Austin's head meets the STEEL steps. Mic cable choke. Austin kicks back. Mankind blocks a head to the commentary table shot and delivers one of his own. Austin laid across the table and Mankind's up on the apron - Austin walks off before we see a cool spot or something. Hey, this is FREE TV! No cool spots for you! Mankind runs at Austin, who back bodydrops him over the commentary table to the floor. Rock is furious that Mankind landed in his drink. Back in the ring, vertical suplex from Austin - 1 count seems a LITTLE slow, but we don't know his cadence. Mankind to the apron - Austin trying to suplex him in, Mankind countering with a hot shot. Mankind on him now with kicks. Rock calls Mankind a "jabrone, flunky, hamburger." Hamburger? Austin to the outside, Mankind crotched on the post. "Monkey piss" gets bleeped. Austin wraps Mankind's leg around the post twice. Elbow to the forehead and Mankind falls outside the ring. Rock calls a spade a spade, which must mean - nah. Both men back in the ring - Austin with successive rights - I *think* Wight should be breaking that up. Both men on the outside again. Austin's head meets the STEEL steps. Mankind runs at him, but he ducks and Mankind's knee hits the steps. Head to the steps, again, again. Both men back in - off the ropes - sleep appplied! Mankind pushes him off and HE puts the sleeper on. Austin with a jawbreaker to break the hold. Choke on the second rope - Austin comes off and goes for the straddle but Mankind is out of the way. Mankind with a - well, they didn't show us - 'cause we HAVE to see the Rock speaking. Anyway, it's a 2 count kickout. Mankind with a chinlock and Wight and Rock are jawing at each other. Austin punching out, now there's a double clothesline. Both men up at 6, Austin getting in the first shot, punches in bunches, stompin' a mudhole in him, choke on the second rope - off the ropes, THIS time the straddle succeeds. 1 count and Mankind rolls out. Austin takes exception to the count - Mankind from behind, gutshot, double underhook DDT. It's time for Mr. Socko (wearing sleeves) to make an appearance. I notice several fans in the front row swinging socks. Austin is up - claw attempt ducked - Stunner attempt pushed off - Austin off the ropes and they collide. Austin to the outside while Mankind puts the claw on - Wight is now counting at the SPEED of light. 8, 9, 10. Mankind is your winner (COR 9:01) and now Wight gives Mankind a chokeslam just to make sure you're good and confused. VINCENT K. is out to do some badmouthing, but he's preventing Austin and Wight from fighting. Wight is out - Austin hangs on to Vince (hey, he's not allowed to do that!) but before Austin gets himself fired - Rock is in the ring and on Austin. But Austin fires back, culminating in a clothesline that takes him out of the ring. Wight holds back Rock and Vince barks at both of them. All three men walk off and we can only assume that we'll learn a bit more of how all this fits into Vince's plan...NEXT WEEK! 3.8.99

THE ROCK & PAUL (if loving you is wrong, I don't wanna be) WIGHT v. MANKIND & STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN - Rock hits about six buzzwords and catchphrases during his entrance. Wight enters to "No Chance in Hell" despite the fact that we heard music for him at the top of the show. He's got trunks and no shirt and this is his WWF debut, don'cha know. Rock still wrestling in the warmup suit, apparently. These are the important details that the readers CRAVE. Maybe... Mankind, apparently not knowing better, immediately starts in on Wight before the bell. Rock and Wight have little problem with him when suddenly I hear glass and Austin makes his entrance. Austin and Rock are toe to toe, back and forth with punches, Rock with a big boot, Austin with a lariat. It's LOUD in here. Off the ropes, reverse, duck, Thesz press by Austin! Punches, elbowdrop off the ropes. 1, 2, no. Austin to the face, tag to Mankind. Rock gets the momentum with rights. Mankind turns it around and pummels Rock with some rights of his own. While Rock sits in the corner, Mankind charges and smashes his face with his knee. Austin holds up his knee brace, Mankind takes Rock to the brace and tags in Austin. Arm wringer, but Rock punches away. Off the ropes, sleeper by the Rock. Austin turns into it, and hits a sleeper of his own. Rock backs him in to the corner. Rock with rights. Austin trades places with him and hits some rights of his own. Whip into the opposite corner is reversed - Austin puts up the boot, though - gut shot, Stunner attempt misses and Rock slides outside and walks up the ramp. Austin follows and hits a clothesline on the ramp. Right hand. Back to the ring we go. Rock with a kick as Austin comes in. More stompin'. Rock distracts Mankind to tie up the ref - but nothing happens as Austin hits a double leg takedown and covers. 1, 2, no. Tag to Mankind. Austin with a stomp, Mankind with a slam. What? What? Maknind is going to hit the People's Elbow! Except Paul Wight kicks Mankind as he comes off the rope. Rock with a DDT for 2. BIG-TIME "Rocky sucks" chant. Rock stays on Mankind, runs him into the big boot and tags in Wight. Boot to the midsection, repeat, repeat. Big clubbing blow. Again. Wight with the boot to the throat. Choke on the second rope. Crowd chants "Socko." Headbutt. SIDE RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP. Unbelievable. Tag to Rock. Rock puts the boots to Mankind. Right hand, again. Whip into the opposite corner, but Mankind puts up an elbow. Right hands from Mankind, off the ropes, Rock throws up an elbow. Bodyslam. Now it's time for the most electrifying Corporate elbow. 1, 2, Austin pulls Rock off him. Rock turns to Austin, who get shte double bird. Mankind makes Rock moon us (ugh), and hits the inside cradle for 2. Rock with a lariat. He makes the "drinky-drinky" motion to Austin, which pisses him off, I guess. Anyway, tag to Wight. Knee on the face. Wight stands on the bottom rope, which is on Mankind's neck. Rock in to distract referee "Blind" Earl Hebner, and there's a blatant low blow while his back is turned. We haven't seen Wight and Austin lock up yet, so we COULD still play with the conspiracy theory... Rock continues to choke Mankind on the rope. Off the ropes, Mankind ducks a clothesline and hits his double underhook DDT. Both men down. Tag to Austin! Repeated clothesline from Austin, he's stompin' a mudhole in him now. Off the ropes, clothesline ducked - Austin caught - Rock bottom attempt is somehow countered with a series of elbows - gut shot, Stunner attempt shrugged off, Austin off the ropes with a swinging neckbreaker. 1, 2, NO! Off the ropes, Rock ducks and Wight is there to catch him by the neck - before anything can happen, Mankind is in and on Wight. They trade blows and Wight wins while Rock and Austin continue on each other. All four men outside now. Rock and Austin take care of JR's table while Wight slams Mankind on the floor. Cable choke of Mankind as Austin and Rock brawl outinto the crowd. Now back and on the Spanish commentary table - an elbowdrop breaks THAT table. One table left! Oh, shit, we're out of time. Well, hell, who WON? (11:46 before signoff). 3.15.99

MANKIND v. THE ROCK in a nontitle match for the guest ref slot in the main - Mankind enters as we see the credits, the TV-14-V ratings box and the turnover of the hour. I hate it when they tell me WrestleMania is on at 5 when I KNOW Heat won't be on until 7 on this coast. Fuckin' USA Network! Well anyway. Rock starts with the punching and soon Mankind is outside the ring. Rock follows and he's still punching. Head to the apron. Right hand, right, whip into the STEEL steps is reversed and Mankind takes the big mo' away. Rock pops up with a clothesline, though. Kick, kick, right, these moves are ELECTRIFYING and this IS the biggest RAW in history! Referee "Blind" Tim White takes the chair from the Rock before he can use it. Mankind comes back with a right, then takes Rock's head to the commentary table. More punching. Suplex attempt is blocked, Rock reverses to a suplex of his own. ON THE FLOOR! Stomp, right, Mankind rolls into the ring, narrowly averting the countout I'm sure. Rock with rights at "Rocky sucks" chant pipes up. Whip into the corner, elbow up, scoop and a slam by Mankind. Looks like he's going for Mr. Elbow, but Rock pops up and it misses. Kick, choke on the second rope by the Rock. Right hand. Head to the turnbuckle repeatedly but Mankind's trick knee acts up and Rock takes a shot in the 'nads. Mankind with a high knee and a punch. Rock manages a double leg takedown and then a BLATANT low blow. Rock picks him up by the hair and then throws him through the ropes to the commentary table - head to the table and oh boy, he's gonna take Cole's headset and provide commentary. Fortunately, Mankind takes control and puts a stop to that. Rolled back in, off the ropes, head down, there's a kick and a clothesline. Stomp, stomp, stomp, right, right, right, off the ropes, Rock puts HIS head down so Mankind hits a swinging neckbreaker. Mankind with repeated rights. Whip is reversed, clothesline ducked and Mankind NAILS Tim White. Rock hits a DDT but there's no ref to make the count. Off the ropes, duck, duck, Mankind with HIS DDT but there's STILL no ref. Oh oh - we see Socko - now we see THE BIG SHOW PAUL (no relation) WIGHT - up on the apron - Mankind clocks Wight, Rock clocks *Mankind*, there's aahhhhhtheCHOKESLAM but White had come to and disqualifies Rock (DQ 6:36) so Mankind will be the special referee in tonight's main event. Mankind gets a chair and Rock heads for the hills. Wight is visibly upset, but really he has no one to blame but himself...3.22.99

VAL VENIS v. MANKIND - Val gets the mic and tells us his dick is really big, or something. Is this a face vs. face match? Mankind is still wearing his homemade ref's shirt but a new tie. *Mankind* takes the mic and says "Hello....Long Island! Well it took a little while, but look who finally made the cover of Newsday! And if you're not down with that, I've got two words for ya ... no, not 'suck it.' MMMMM BEEFY!" That's funny. Lockup, arm wringer from Venis, bump'n'grind, Mankind with the right hands, knocks him down and he's outside the ring. Mankind ready to fly - Venis runs off. Cole says the "unedited" interviews by Mr. McMahon are available at wwf.com - this leads into a big tirade by Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler about the conspiracy theory between ABC & ESPN to make Monday wrestling look bad in the hopes that it will help the ratings of Monday Night Football. Wednesday night Mr. McMahon will be on 20/20 (I think that's what they said) and Mr. McMahon will appear on ByteThis Thursday at 4 (7 on the East Coast). It's weird hearing Lawler act as the WWF ambassador here - but aren't they really preaching to the choir? I mean, there's nothing WRONG with encouraging the loyal viewer to keep the faith, but that whole "freedom of expression" thing falls a little flat when they get all hypocritical about the freedom of expression of Disney's television networks - doesn't it? "Who cares?" Touche. Anyway, there's a filler match in here - gives Mick something to do I guess while they preach. Mankind hits the double underhook DDT and brings out Mr. Socko - Mandible Claw! Val's out and it's over (ref stop 4:46) Nice shot of a "Pittsburgh Loves Socko" tie a fan probably gave him. 4.5.99

Backstage, Mankind asks to be directed to the boiler room. Asking the desk guy if that's a hockey hat, Mankind casually mentions that he "used to play some tonsil hockey with Al Snow" as he walks by. What's Snow paying Mankind for the mentions and should Hyatte and I be paying each other for the same service?" 4.12.99

Back in the Boiler Room, the Ministry is taking out Ken Shamrock and Mankind. Ryan's screaming but apparently held. Ken's chloformed and they carry him off - Undertaker stopping to tell Ryan that SHE'S the one responsible for what happens to him now. Ross: "Even the Undertaker's fans can't condone what he's doing now!" Translation: "WHY THE HELL ARE YOU STILL CHEERING THIS GUY? ARE YOU DAFT? BOO THIS GUY ALREADY! HE'S A BAD GUY NOW! GOD DAMMIT, DO WHAT WE SAY!" Sorry, got carried away there. 4.12.99

MANKIND v. TRIPLE H (with That Slut Chyna, RAW credits and TV-14-DLV ratings box) - Let Us Take You Back to Last Week where Mankind took out the Mean Street Posse, despite the revisionist history of the Special Guest Commentators. Oh yeah, Triple H uses "No Chance in Hell" 'cause I went a whole HOUR without hearing it and that won't do. The verboten word "Hunter" is spoken. This sure feels like an awful lot of wrestling for the WWF, doesn't it? Lockup, side headlock from H. Right hand, again, again, chain wrestling to a wristlock, takes him down by the hair. Back up - lockup, off the ropes, back elbow from Mankind. Mankind with rights to take him to the corner. Off the ropes, Mankind knocks him down. Chyna calls him over - then ko's him. Mankind not smart there. Ross says the forbidden word "Helmsley" - oh my, the fines this week! Mankind fires back with punches after absorbing Triple H's punches. Into the ropes - Triple H ties himself to the Tree of Woe and Mankind drops an elbow on 'im. Right hands. They keep saying "beefy and juicy" even though those raviolis, to my knowledge, have never been characterised as "juicy." Anyway, Mankind misses a splash in the corner and hits his head (we are told). Taken to the outside, Chyna hits a nice scoop and a slam. Triple H with a baseball slide dropkick and know he's punching away on Mankind right at the commentary table. Head to the STEEL steps. Rolled into the ring - H follows. Vertical suplex - running kneedrop. 1, 2, kickout. Triple H to the face. Head to the buckle. Mankind fights back with rights. Going off the ropes, head down, patented facebuster on the knee. Mankind clotheslined to the floor. For the first time, somebody reminded us that Triple H is from Greenwich! Must have been an accident. Triple H on the outside, Mankind blocks the stairs shot and takes Triple H to the steps. But a whip into the steps is reversed and Mankind goes over them. H breaks the count and grabs Mankind, then throws him back in the ring. Kick to the gut, again, right, rightwhip into the opposite corner, kick to the gut, Pedigree attempt, Mankind with a double underhook instead - H kicks him off, he hits the corner and falls, headbutting H in a sensitive area. Mankind up first - Socko is out - but Chyna grabs the leg and drags him to the post. (DQ 7:07) BIG BOSSMAN & TEST are out - they and the Posse take turns stomping on Mankind. Chyna delivers a chair to the ring - Triple H sets him up for a Pedigree on the chair - but THE BIG SHOW is out, shaking his head. Triple H pushes Test at him, so here's ahhhhhTHECHOKESLAM, which I think Ross must want us to call "Showtime," and the Corporation scatters. That awful awful music plays and Mankind gets the mic. "Big Show, Big Show, don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't appreciate the sentiment - thank you very much - but in six days, we still have a date with destiny in my Boiler Room. And I'll see you then. Have a nice day!" I'm hurt - he forgot to say "mmmmm - beefy!" Nobody says "Paul Wight" a SINGLE time during this exchange, although "the Big Show" is said MANY MANY times. 4.19.99

MANKIND (with RAW credits and TV-14-DLV ratings box) & WELL, IT'S THE BIG SHOW v. BIG BOSSMAN (no relation) & TEST - Let Us Take You Back to Last Night and some exciting still shots of that exciting Boiler Room brawl from Backlash. Mankind's hand is taped up, Big Show is sporting a nice band-aid on his forehead. Let Us Take You Back to last night's Heat where we see that the Corporate team ain't getting along all too well and stuff. Bossman and Test argue a bit over who will start - it ends up Test and Mankind - guess who gets the better of THIS exchange. That's right, it's all Mankind - nice legdrop to the back of his head. Tag to Bossman, who has better luck with Mankind, punches, whip, Mankind puts the boot up and hits a clothesline for 2. Bossman with a kick, runs him into Test's boot. Tag. Test promptly loses the advantage and Mankind takes him out. Test reaches for the tag and Bossman turns his back and admires some fan signage. Whip off the ropes, reversal, dropdown, Bossman gives Mankind a shot and Test's big boot takes him down. Bossman makes the tag on his own just to confuse us. Here's the Bossman straddle across the second rope. Bossman deposits Mankind in his corner, where Test applies the cheapshots and Bossman distracts referee "Blind" Mike Chioda. "Scintillating" right hands by Bossman. Now Mankind's punching back, now Bossman hits a throat shot and some more of that general pounding. Whip into the opposite corner, reversed, but their heads collide as Bossman backs out. Both men slow to get up - both partners awaiting a tag. Tag to Big Show, right hand on Bossman, headbutt, big boot. Bossman staggers over and tags Test. Test is less than enthralled with this prospect, so Big Show brings him in with an armdrag over the top rope. Big Show signals, but Bossman comes in to hit a Golotta. Double clothesline is ducked, Big Show hits a double clothesline of his own - he signals again - Bossman AGAIN pushes Test into Big Show - but this time, he dumps Test off to Mankind, who hits the double underhook DDT, while Big Show stalks the Bossman. Mankind brings out the sock (ugh, that better NOT be blood - that's kinda unhealthy) and Test loses consciousness (ref stop 4:38) Bossman has some unkind words for his partner, and Test takes him down with a right. Test goes to leave, but there's a nightstick from behind. And there's another one. "He's got to learn to live and learn!" Huh? Well anyway. 4.26.99

Before Shane can finish, at the top of the ramp are the four folks Shane boasted about hurting so badly last night. MANKIND, KING KEN SHAMROCK, WELL IT'S A BIG SHOW, and TEST, all with 2x4's in tow. "Well, lookee lookee what we've got here, Shane. Every one of us at one time or another worked for the Corporation - and now every one of us stands here as - well, I guess you can call us Disgruntled former employees. So what we've done, Test, Shamrock, the Big Show and myself, is we've ah kinda banded together to form a Union. Now, we do not have fancy initials - we're not FIST for the Federation of InterState Truckers - we're not SAG for the Screen Actors Guild - we're simply a Union of people you oughta respect, son! Wait wait wait - Union - people - you oughta respect - well I guess we DO have initials, you can just call us - UP YOURS, Shane!" Wight advances but Mankind stops him. "Wait Big Show - wait wait - you see, your dad used to come out here and the whole crowd used to chant A-hole, A-hole, and maybe they were right. But at least when Vince was running the show, we were compensated - I think I speak for all of us when I say that since you took over, our paycheques suck, Shane. So you may think you have our financial future in our hands - but you mess with the Union, you little twit, and you will find that we have your testicles in ours. Hey! Let's go grab some balls, guys!" And they advance on the ring. The Ministry stands their ground until met with 2x4's - a hasty retreat is beat, leaving the Union in the ring. Shane promises that they'll go down later and they haven't seen the last of him. Crowd chants "YOON-YUN" and let's take an ad break! 5.3.99

MANKIND (with 2x4 but without American flag) v. ACOLYTES (with shovel) in a Hardcore Handicap match - the Acolytes rush the ring but Mankind gets first shot with a 2x4 across the back of Bradshaw. Gutshot for Faarooq, and again. Mankind stays on Faarooq, apparently forgetting Bradshaw has a shovel. That waylays him. Double team is on - whip, double elbow. 1-800-COLLECT brings us the double feature. Now he's outside the ring and grabbing whatever's handy. Something very soft hits Faarooq, and Faarooq wisely nosells the cotton candy shot. Steps thrown in the ring - Bradshaw whips Mankind into the steps, held by Faarooq. JR makes an obscure Kentucky Derby reference. Thrown outside the ring again. "Foley" chant as Faarooq works over Mankind with the 2x4. Back in the ring again - Off the ropes - Mankind with a double clothesline! Faarooq thrown through the ropes, Mankind follows - let's hope he does better than cotton candy -oh boy, a box full of plastic peanuts! Again, Bradshaw wisely ignores that shot. Acolytes work him over again, head to the STEEL steps. Ross says Mankind usually has time to prepare some better weapons. I wonder if they're poking fun at something here? Mankind whipped into the timekeeper's table. Now Faarooq standing with one leg on the table and one on the barricade and punching away - Mankind manages a nice kick to the nuts but Bradshaw hits a bell shot. Mankind FINALLY finds a suitable weapon - a trash can to both Acolytes' heads - DDT of Bradshaw on the can! Cover - 1, 2, Faarooq with a chair to the back to break that up. Faarooq rolls him back in the ring. Stomp, stomp - chairshot while Bradshaw looks for more plunder. Another chair in the ring - Bradshaw holds Mankind for the chairshot - well you know he's gonna hit his partner. Sure enough- Bradshaw knocked cold. Mankind with a double underhook DDT on Faarooq! Mankind up - time for the sock - Mandible Socko for Faarooq - but Bradshaw hits his "clothesline from Hell." 1-800-COLLECT brings us the inadvertant chairshot replay. Bradshaw winds up and chairs Mankind in the back. Faarooq kicks. Chairs set up a la Wight's chokeslam - assisted powerbomb on the chairs. 1, 2, 3. That was the right result, you know. (5:40) Many replays, including one with sound (they seem to like doing that tonight) Mankind shows off his sock one more time while Lawler crows about puppies later tonight. 5.3.99

MIDIAN & VISCERA (with garbage can, cookie sheet, RAW credits and TV-14-DLV ratings box) v. CACTUS JACK (with basketballs) in a Hardcore Rules Handicap Match - Midian rushes up the ramp and gets met with a basketball to the nuts. Jack picks up the conveniently dropped cookie tin and bashes both men with it. Nice "Foley" chant. Midian whipped into the STEEL steps, Viscera whipped into Midian. Jack with a forward somersault off the apron into Midian and a "bang bang!" Turning around and into a belly-to-belly suplex (wow!) from Viscera. Midian stomps and punches. Everybody in the ring (huh?) and here's a whip - low bridge with the chair. Chair now laid across the face and there's a double elbowdrop (they ALMOST connect!) for 2. Midian holds Jack and Viscera chairs him in the back. Midian kicks and Jack goes through the ropes. Midian follows with the chair. CHAIR TO THE HEAD! I thought he wasn't gonna take those for a while. Yow. Midian rolls Jack in where Viscera is waiting - and standing on him. 1-800-COLLECT provides the Double Feature. Choke on the second rope with a sizable amount of pressure from the devious duo. Off the ropes - somehow Jack manages a double DDT! All three men down, referee "Blind" Teddy Long puts on the count - Jack is up first! And he's got the garbage can! Can to Midian! Can to Viscera! Can put over Midian's head - Jack gets a chair and whacks the can with it. Viscera clotheslines him, though. Viscera grabs the chair, hits Jack's back, then throws the can at him for good measure. Another Double Feature. Viscera and Jack on the apron - Jack's head to the buckle, Jack's trick knee acts up and crotches Viscera, who falls backwards to the floor. Jack takes the chair and lets fly from the apron to the floor. Cover - 1, 2, 3! (4:35) "One night only - Cactus Jack! He came, he saw, he kicked some ass!" We linger on some guy collecting the basketballs...umm, okay. 5.10.99

MR. ASS v. MANKIND - Gunn breaks character by taking the mic and saying "Now I know I haven't done this in a while, so I hope that you didn't forget it - IF YOU'RE NOT DOWN WITH OWEN HART, I GOT TWO WORDS FOR YA!!" For some reason, Mankind's graphic says "with PMS" but no. RAW credits appear after Mick's entrance, followed by the TV-14-DLV ratings box. Ross relates a funny story of Owen hiding his hat on three consecutive TV tapings. Gunn takes control in the corner, meanwhile, then drops his hot pants to reveal his thong - uggh. Mankind fires back, concluding in a back bodydrop and clothesline that takes Gunn out of the ring. Head to the STEEL steps and Gunn collapses. Right hand. Back in the ring, right hand, off the ropes, Gunn dropkicks the left knee. Focusing on the left knee with stomping and then standing on it. More kicks to the knee. Gunn drapes the knee over the second rope and pulls. Mankind fights out but Gunn keeps kicking. Chop block. Gunn goes outside for a chair. Before he can use it, though, Mankind pulls out Mr. Socko and applies the Mandible Claw. For some reason, referee "Blind" Earl Hebner continues his 10 count and Mankind wins. (COR 2:59) Mankind takes the mic. "Owen Hart, this one's for you - whooooooo!" 5.24.99

No ad break - instead we show the credits and pop up the TV-14-DLV box again as MANKIND walks to the ring. Let Us Take You Back to Triple H and Chyna doing some lead pipe damage to Mankind last Sunday. "So, the Ministry has tried to take out our fearless leader - well it's time for the Union to get a little payback! So what I'd like to have tonight, I'm going to ask real nicely, is I'd like to have Triple H in this ring and I'd like to have the match with no disqualifications - and I would like pinfalls to count anywhere in this building! And you see, I've got two good reasons - first of all Triple H, at Over the Edge, you did quite a job on me with that pipe, and I do not enjoy a pipe job! Second, and I don't mean to drag this up, but I've gotta clear my conscience. You see Triple H, the word in the dressing room is that, well, Chyna has kinda been ... checking me out. Now I don't know if it's my rugged good looks, my boyish charm, or that fateful, fateful night when I was in the shower bending over to get the soap, and I turned around wearing only my birthday suit (which I look pretty damn good in) and I could see in her eyes that she wanted to TOUCH me - in an impure way! Now Chyna understand this and get this through your head - I'm a married man, and you canNOT touch Mankind's manhood. But tonight, I'm going to give you the chance to LOOK AT THE MERCHANDISE, if you smelllllalala where my SOCK is hiding! Have a nice day!" 5.31.99

MANKIND v. TRIPLE H (with That Slut Chyna) in a Hardcore Rules match -Triple H runs at him and it's on - early advantage to Helmsley, but Mankind turns it around and hits the punches of his own. Whip into the opposite corner, off the ropes with the bulldog. Near fall. Off the ropes - facecrusher on the knee by Triple H - Mankind goes out and now Triple H follows. Rights by Mankind. Over the barricade we go - back over the hard way. Mankind with the backslide (!) for 1. Mankind knocks him over, then takes his head to the barricade. Vertical suplex? no, the attempt is reversed. Looking under the ring, Triple H eschews the cookie sheet while Chyna takes Mankind to the STEEL steps. Meanwhile, H has found a sledgehammer. Aiming for the head?!? Fortunately, he missed. Nice dent in the STEEL steps, though. To the commentary table we go - now Mankind rolling him back in the ring - he brings a chair in with him - piledrive attempt is countered by a Triple H backdrop onto the chair. Head to the buckle. Helmsley kicking away, now hitting rights in abundance. Whip is reversed, HELMSLEY FLIP! to the floor. Mankind outside and here's a whip into the barricade. Mankind has the chair but Helmsley puts up a foot and Mankind's head hits the chair. Now Mankind's head hits the STEEL steps. Pedigree attempt - no, Mankind takes him down and his head hits the chair. Catapult into the ringpost! Right hand from Mankind and "Bangbang!" Meanwhile, Chyna has the chair and that means Mankind gets the chair - in the head. Mankind shakes it off but before he can do any damage, Triple H is up from behind - the elbow to the back runs Mankind into Chyna, into the STEEL steps! Tripls H ignores Chyna and rolls Mankind back into the ring. Off the ropes, Mandible Claw! But Chyna has the sledgehammer between the legs, and now up really hard in a sensitive area. Chyna seems kinda PISSED. "Come on!" Mankind turns to face Chyna - who shoves aside referee "Blind" Mike Chioda and hits a right hand on Mankind. Again the referee (he's BUSY tonight!) tries to stand between them, again Chyna manhandles him to the corner. While they discuss policy, Mankind brings out Mr. Socko - and there it is on Chyna! Triple H has FINALLY come to - and he takes the handle of the sledgehammer Kerrigan-style to Foley's knee. Pinfall is academic (6:32) and Chyna makes the appropriate "bleah, nyah" sounds because we all KNOW where that sock's been. EVERY referee comes out - even the SuperAstros one! to surround Mankind - Helmsley, halfway up the ramp, decides to come back in the ring - all the refs fly - Sgt. Slaughter takes a shot! Now Helmsley wrenches the knee and repeatedly drops the elbow - there's a vice -eeewwww... THE ROCK is out to chase them off but it's too late. 5.31.99

Mick was out from 5.31.99 to 8.16.99 due to knee surgery.

TRIPLE H v. THAT SLUT CHYNA for the #1 Contender's position - seems a little early in the show for THIS match, doesn't it? Staredown? No, Chyna CLOCKS him to start the match. Kicks and elbows, European uppercuts laid into Triple H. Returning to the kicks. Whip into the opposite corner, but H puts up a back elbow. Hairpull - hard right. Vertical suplex - no, Chyna scoots out of the attempt and hits a DDT for 2. Triple H in the corner - elbow, knife-edge chop (woooo!), again (woooo!), off the ropes, Triple H manages a facecrusher on the knee. In the corner, kicks and rights, referee "Blind" Earl Hebner tries to push him off, and H pushes him away, then continues stomping on Chyna. Argument between Triple H and Hebner - Chyna kicks back but Helmsley returns with the knee. Off the ropes, duck, high knee from H for 2. Right hand from H. Picks her up, puts her down with a right. Chyna pulling herself up by the ropes - H charges, she dumps him over the top rope. Hey - MANKIND is out! And he's taking it to Helmsley! STEEL steps - whack! Chyna covers - 1, 2, 3. (3:38) Mankind grabs a chair and goes after Triple H, who runs off. Mankind follows. Chyna, left in the ring, makes that cool "I want da belt" hand motion. Mankind is back in the ring. Hey, he and I have the same tie! "Hold on, Chyna. Now I know there's always been a vague sexual tension between us - you and your revealing little outfits, and me in mine. I'm gonna try to put all that aside, and tell you that *I* want a piece of SummerSlam. And if you've got the testicu- the ovarialogical fortitude to give me a shot tonight in this very ring for that #1 Contender role, how does that sound, Milwaukee?" and then he climbs into the corner to gauge the reaction - so Chyna gives him a Golota. "In case you don't get it, that means no." As she walks off, Mankind meekly throws an "Are you sure?" out. Ha! It's not over yet, though, as MR. WHYSPYR makes an apperance at the top of the ramp, stopping Chyna in her tracks. "Now Chyna, honey, sweetie, buttercup, the last thing I wanna do is (beep)s you off. Because it seems to me, every man that upsets you winds up gettin' his (beep) stuffed so far up his throat, he starts to choke on 'em! But you know, old Mick, Mankind, I got a special place in my heart for that guy - Mick, you want, you shell receive. Tonight, YOU, my little buttercup, will wrestle Mankind right here on RAW to determine WHO will be the #1 Contender at SummerSlam!" 8.16.99

MANKIND v. THAT SLUT CHYNA for the #1 Contender - although the ring announcer says this will "once and for all" decide it, I have an uneasy feeling - there's still forty minutes left in this show, after all. Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight where Mankind conked Helmsley with the steps to secure Chyna's second assisted win in #1 Contender match in as many weeks. While Mankind and Chyna staredown, we cut backstage to see Triple H being restrained by a bevy of officials and referees. Chyna strikes first when we come back to the ring. Kicks aplenty. Mankind reverses, winds up - and fails to punch, because he's tenderhearted and stuff. So Chyna decks him. Backstage, Triple H is making a bit of progress against the phalanx. Mankind manages a beal. Mankind and referee "Blind" Mike Chioda having a chat while Chyna winds up for the infamous Golota. I *believe* that's a DQ in most territories... One more shot of Triple H. Chyna pounding away - BODYSLAM! TRIPLE H & FRIENDS appear at the top of the ramp, distracting Chyna. When she turns around, there's Mr. Socko. Chyna falls to the mat and Chioda counts - 1, 2, 3. (2:06) Triple H finally makes it to the ring and attacks Mankind. Mankind and Helmsley brawl in the corner until Chyna pulls Mankind off, just long enough for Triple H to chop block the formerly damaged knee. Five refs, Slaughter, Dave Hebner, and Garea aren't enough to restore order, so MR. WHYSPYR comes back out to Commish us around. He announces (again) that Mankind is the New #1 Contender. And now to FURTHER confuse the issue, SKIPPY appears at the top of the ramp. Yo yo yo yo. "I've already had to take care of one personal problem this evening. It seems I have to take care of another. You see I promised Triple H that I would stay out of your business at SummerSlam as long as you were #1 Contender," but now that he's not, and since Shane is in fact the OWNER of the WWF, he demands a match for tonight between Triple H and Mankind, and furthermore, he's penned in himself as the Special Guest Referee. For some reason, Chyna's TOTALLY cool with this. Michaels says that he'll okay the match as long as it's a No Holds Barred, Falls Count Anywhere match, AND if there's a second referee - namely, himself. So it's apparently on - a third match for the #1 Contendership. 8.16.99

MANKIND v. TRIPLE H for the #1 Contendership - Quite Possibly, Once and For All - in a no holds barred, falls count anywhere match - Triple H enters alone...hmmm. Punches exchanged to start. Mankind gets the upperhand. Knee to the head. Gouging the face. Helmsley turns it around and rains down punches - Mankind with a dobule leg takedown. Going outside now. Shawn and Shane having problems coexisting, go figure. Mic cable time. Here's a clothesline out on the floor. Helmsley taking Mankind to the barricade. Now they're out on the ramp - back body drop from Mankind. Mankind covers - both refs count - 1, 2, no. Austin doesn't know who dropped the cinder block on his head. WHO DROPPED THE CINDER BLOCK? DID HE DRIVE THE HUMMER? Well now finally THAT SLUT CHYNA is out, with a "surprise" blow on Mankind.

"Helmsley throttling his neck on the edge of the ramp. Mankind turns it around with a Golota - he learned that from Chyna, I think. Vertical suplex attempt is countered with an inside cradle - 1, 2, no. Neither ref likes trying to count pinfalls on the ramp. Whip into the STEEL steps is reversed and Mankind goes over the top. Helmsley back on him - stomping on the knee as it rests on the steps. Head to the apron. Everybody back in the ring. Chop block by H - elbowdrop on the knee, again, working on the knee. Kneedrop on the knee. Triple H with a buttdrop on the knee as it's draped across the bottom rope. Figure four coming up? Yes! Of course, Mankind never gives up... he does make it to the ropes, where Chyna puts on a rope choke. Right hand by Helmsley, right, right. Mankind falls out, Triple H follows. Right, Mankind over the barricade - Helmsley takes Mankind's head to the chair, Mankind bounces H'S head in return. Back over the barricade we fly - Mankind hitting a clothesline on H. Helmsley manages to take Mankind's head to the STEEL ringpost. Thrown back in the ring - Triple H nabs a chair on his way back in. Michaels wrests the chair from Helmsley before he can use it. Shane starts arguing with Michaels - fingers are pointed - meanwhile, Mankind hits a double underhook DDT and both men are down. The refs are too busy arguing to put on a count. Looks like Mr. Socko is out now - and on. Helmsley with a desperation back suplex onto the chair - both men down with an arm draped over the other - both refs count a pinfall - 1, 2, 3 (9:34) - but each man has a different idea about who's won the match - Shane says Triple H while Michaels says it's Mankind. So what do you do? That's right - declare them BOTH winners and declare the main event at SummerSlam a Triple Threat Match! 8.16.99

TRIPLE H v. MANKIND for the WWF Championship - Triple H is alone with Chyna still feeling the effects of her kabong. I have a tie just like Mankind's, you know. H starts punching away before the bell. Rock: "Who is booking this crap? The Rock against Billy Gunn. The Rock against Gangrel. I mean, next week the Rock will be laying the smack down on the Brooklyn Brawler, for Chrissakes." Mankind reverses, and lays in with rights. Running knee to the head on the seated Triple H in the corner. Into the opposite corner, off the ropes with a bulldog. Mankind covers, but Shane chooses that moment to warn Rock about getting involved in this match, conveniently avoiding a count. Mankind's ALREADY going for his sock. But the Mandible claw goes down deep into the gullet of SHANE and not to Triple H. Shane ends up going over the top rope. Mankind is distracted just long enough for Triple H to try for the Pedigree, but Mankind backdrops him. Triple H tries for a Sunset flip, but Mankind stops taht by putting on the mandible claw. Here's THAT SLUT CHYNA, but Mankind puts down Triple H and puts the claw on HER - then takes her outside the ring. There's an underhook into a DDT - the crowd counts to 10 but referee "BLIND" EARL HEBNER is there so late Triple H can kick out after 2. Mankind boots Triple H out of the ring and follows. Triple H reverses a whip, sending him into Chyna, who hiptosses him into the STEEL steps. Triple H takes Mankind to the commentary table. Mankind wanders over to a conveniently placed chair, but Triple H kicks it into his face. Repeated rights by Triple H. Rolled him back into the ring, Mankind manages a back elbow, and a headbutt. Triple H with a neckbreaker, but only 2. There's a facecrusher for 2. Triple H takes the sock off his hand and throws it out. Umm, can't he still do that move without the sock? Oh well - repeated stomping and then Mankind is driven into the corner shoulder first. Rollup for 2. Mankind is punching when he gets back up (Rock: "Mankind's coming back") but he falls after a high knee (Rock: "Mankind sucks") 2 count. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, finally Hebner pulls Helmsley off of him. Time for a brief discussion between the two. Mankind tries to get in an shot, but Helmsley lets loose with forearms. Mankind manages another shot, but Helmsley put him into the corner. However, Mankind clotheslines out for 2. Headbutt from Mankind. Mankind clotheslines him over the top, and he follows over the top. Chyna gets on the apron to distract Hebner. Shane, who's FINALLY come to, takes a chair to Mankind's back - it doesn't do much to Mankind, who turns around - but it DOES distract him long enough to take a chair from TRIPLE H to the head. Then Triple H waffles the Rock one for good measure. Yow! Shane rolls Mankind into the ring, then pulls out Hebner and ko's him with a right cross. Triple H, meanwhile, hits a Pedigree and Shane makes the count. 1, 2, 3. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new WWF Champion. (8:43) 8.23.99

MANKIND v. MEAN STREET POSSE in a Handicap Match - the music plays but we don't see him - well NOW we do. Now THAT'S a tie. Mankind is accompanied by referee PEANUTHEAD, but Shane says he won't need to be out there - HE'LL be happy to ref the match. Oh, and if Mankind takes a swing at him, as ref, he'll be immediately disqualified and lose his title shot. Tripleteam to start. Shane attempts to get Pete "Gas" in the corner, while allowing the remaining two to doubleteam him. Mankind ducks a double clothesline and hits one of his own. Todney to the corner. Punches in bunches. Joey Abs taken into the corner, where Rodney is, then pushes through the ropes. Mankind rips the neckbrace off of Pete and takes his head repeatedly into the corner - ten times, if you're counting. There's a clothesline for Pete. Running knee into Rodney, still slumped into the corner. Joey Abs manages a shot with a conveniently placed cookie sheet. Ross: "Shane McMahon conveniently didn't see that, King." Lawler: "Well, typical official!" Abs in the ring - clothesline. Stomping on him with his good leg. Pete throwing trashcans in the ring. Abs with a trashcan to the noggin. Now Pete, now Abs, now Pete. Shane turns around and asks what's up with the cans - Double suplex on Mankind. 1, 2, no, much to Shane's chagrin. Tag to Rodney. Abs brings a DO NOT ENTER sign into the ring. Whoops, Mankind ducked and Rodney got clocked. Double underhook DDT on the sign for Abs. Pete is in with a shovel, but before he can use it, Mankind puts it in a sensitive area. Whack! to the back. Shane finally turns around and assumes the position - but finds that *Mankind* is the one still up. Shane refuses to count, and instead tries to roust his friends. Meanwhile, Mankind's got the ol' Sock. Taste it, Shane, mmmm. TRIPLE H is out - Mankind knocks him down, Triple H gets back up again, repeat, repeat, meanwhile Shane's called for the bell (DQ 4:22) and he and Triple H make their way back up the ramp. Of course, Garcia announces Mankind as the winner. Aww, geez, Tony Chimel is sitting RIGHT THERE BEHIND HER. Anyway, Shane is down to correct the situation, then they make another escape before Mankind gets to the floor. 8.30.99