Well, I certainly called THAT one, didn't I?

I *hated* No Way Out. Why?

It was depressing as all hell - when Mark [ugh] Henry is the only face on the undercard to pick up a win, you know you're in for a hell of a emotional rollercoaster. Yes, I know that Too Cool and Rikishi won, but that was only .5 of a point, as it seemed to me that the Radicals should have gone over. My last article praised the WWF for doing so well at sending the crowd home happy, even in the face of a "Heels rule the day" show, such as this one. Whoops! They royally blew this one.

Well, everyone's entitled to make a mistake - so let's see what the WWF can do to make it up to us at Wrestlemania 2000. Five weeks and counting!

"Just before the match FINALLY starts, out comes...Dude Love? "Can't we all just get along? The Dude does not feel a lot of love here tonight. We all know there's only one cat who can bring peace to the WWF, and that's Dude Love!" Dude does a lot of talking, until Vince has enough of it and pushes Love down. "That's a big mistake!" Dude tries to give Vince...the mandible claw? As Vince tries to fend off Love, Austin comes in from behind, and the next thing we know, AUSTIN is eating a mandible claw. So, ladies and gentlemen, what have we got? Dude Love turns on Austin, turns (apparently) on Vince McMahon (who know is outside, being held back - apparently, he wants a piece of Dude Love for stealing the spotlight)." 4.13.98

"Dude Love has a new interview segment - "the Love Shack." Before Dude can get into it, Vince McMahon comes out and borrows the mic. "With one arm tied behind his back, I had the opportunity to humiliate and embarrass Stone Cold Steve Austin - and you prevented that. You interfered. And for that, I'm fining you a sum of five thousand dollars. Don't ever, EVER, interfere in my business again." Dude wants us all to understand that when he made his way down to ringside last week, he only wanted to create a little peace, love, and understanding, but ended up the victim of a sucker attack from behind, by Austin. He then goes on to talk about all the chicks that the former World Tag Team Champions used to get - that his were beautiful, and his were dogs. Dude Love says that he'll forego the match this Sunday as long as Steve Austin begs him by the end of the show. " -4.20.98

"Time for the Love Shack - Dude is accompanied by two teeny-bikini'd, body painted and glittered, still fine lookin' anyway, women. Dude runs down last night's title match and praises Steve Austin a little bit, and HIMSELF a lot more - receiving boos. Dude was apparently so tired from the match, all he could ask the ladies to do was hold him. Dude puts the bad mouth on Steve Austin - saying he wanted to take the easy way out with a countout (except McMahon shamed him into coming back into the ring by challenging his manhood), and then, he took the easy way out by disqualifying himself by hitting Vince McMahon with a chair. Dude says we have three choices; one, find Shawn Michaels and hold a match between Dude and Michaels to determine the champ; two, a tournament with Dude as the #1 Seed; three, fire Austin, strip him of the belt, and hand it over to Dude." -4.27.98

"TERRY FUNK v. MICK FOLEY in a no holds barred, falls count anywhere match - Foley is announced as "Mick Foley" and has no music. Before we start, a special referee is announced - and it's Pat Patterson. "What in the hell is this crap?" says Austin. I don't know why Austin's unhappy about that, but oh well. Lockup, to the corner, clean break. Funk with a punch, and many more. Funk takes Foley outside and follows. Folely with a right and a backrake. Funk grabs a chair but Foley takes him down before he gets a chance to use it. Funk comes back up and chairs Foley. Twice. Three times and Foley goes down. Funk throws the chair on him, and slaps him in the face. Foley is bleeding. Foley takes Funk's head to the steps, then chairs HIM. Chair thrown ito the ring. Clothesline on the outside. Funk comes back and slams Foley's head into the commentary table. Funk takes Foley to the barricade. Both men back in the ring. Whip into the ropes by Funk. Foley turns it into a swinging DDT. We hear the funny static-y sound and Austin's mic goes out. Angered, Austin takes Lawler's headset. Meanwhile Foley gets a 2 count on the outside. Austin's had enough with the technical difficulties (which had continued) and KO's Lawler, who disappears. While Austin argues with Jim Ross, Funk has thrown Foley into the steps again, and swings at Patterson for good measure. Foley comes back - the pads have been pulled off the floor - the piledriver attempt is reversed with a back body drop on the cement. Funk throws Foley over the railing but the railing collapses. They're in the crowd! Austin is yammering on and not contributing to this match. Foley turns to a "hot dog guy" and slams him. Apparently, they're back in a concession area. Funk takes a plastic soda display case and waffles Foley with it. Climbing into the next level - I smell a big spot coming up here. On the railing - he IS! Funk with the MOONSAULT on Foley and the vendor! Funk complains of a stinger. Foley destroys a popcorn display. Austin actually says "This is quality wrestling" and isn't sarcastic. Foley takes Funk on a table - piledriver! Now they're rolling under the set of bleachers. The camera can't follow so we'll take an ad break.

During the break footage shows more backstage brawling, a table, a garbage can, and a 2 count.They're still toe to toe backstage, and out a door and back to the arena. Foley uses - well, I don't know what it was. They're back to the ramp and Foley hits a DDT on the steel walkway. 1, 2, NO! Foley throws Funk into the ring. Kick to the head, kick to the head. Kick to the head. Funk struggles to climb back up but meets a clothesline and both men are out again. Foley takes the top off the commentary table and throws it at Funk. Funk is draped across the commentary table and Austin roots for Mick. Foley grabs a chair, leaps for Funk and drops the chair across his head while Funk falls off the commentary table. Foley and Austin argue for a minute. Back in the ring, Foley tries for a pin. 1, 2, no. Double underhook DDT - 1, 2, no! Foley with a vicious piledriver. Back to the chair - Funk is piledriven on the chair! 1, 2, 3. (16:32 including ad break). But Foley isn't done! Funk's head is repeatedly driven into the chair. Austin is up to the ring - and throws beer into Foley's face! Foley puts the mandible claw - whoops, on Patterson. Foley and Austin go back to jaw jacking - Patterson has a chair! He was going to hit Austin! But Austin turned, saw it, and hit the kicktothegut Stone Cold Stunner. Austin's music plays - then *Dude Love's* music plays! Vince McMahon and the Dude-ettes come out to Foley - Vince: "I KNEW you could do it!" He hands the Dude Love garb to Foley - and then - well, I guess he's Dude Love again. He's dancing, the fine lookin' women are dancing, VINCE is dancing, and a message, apparently, has been sent to Stone Cold Steve Austin. " -5.4.98

"VINCE McMAHON comes out to announce that tonight, WWF Champion Stone Cold Steve Austin must participate in a tag team match tonight in the main event - no partner or opponents are announced. McMahon instead quickly turns his attention to introducing "a man who has proven he has what it takes to once again be considered #1 Contender." Out walks DUDE LOVE, in a suit, a fresh shave, new teeth, glasses, copy of the Wall Street Journal in hand. Dude gives an interview where we meet him again for the first time, then shakes McMahon's hand - he goes on to say that McMahon helped him "find his smile - and a handshake won't do it this time, baby" and they embrace. Vince announces that he has some surprises for the Dude Love/Steve Austin main event at the next pay-per-view - there will be a special guest timekeeper (Gerald Brisco is introduced) AND a special guest ring announcer (Pat Patterson is introduced) AND, for an encore, there will be a very special guest referee. Vince goes on to describe this guest referee as only Vince can - but the gist is he's *this* close to sainthood. No one comes out, so Vince goes to the back to check. After about a million years, Patterson announces "the guest referee - the best there is, the best there was, the best there ever will be ... VINCE McMAHON!" and out comes his buffness, in sleveless zebra shirt." 5.11.98

"DUSTIN RUNNELS v. DUDE LOVE in a #1 Contender match - Runnels is all over Dude Love until Runnels tries to followup while Dude is outside. As we see Patterson and Brisco suddenly appear at ringside, Dude gets a good kick in on Dustin's knee. We also take a break to see Austin in the back watching the match on TV. The end is Gerald Brisco jumping up to the apron, Runnels trying to take a swing at him, Dude sneaking up from behind with the Love Handle (Mandible Claw) and Runnels losing consciousness (2:19) so now Runnels has to wrestle for a month without pay. The Yes Men escort the Dude back. Dude, by the way, has "VKM" and a giant heart on his arm. Ross lets it slip that Vince's middle name is "Kennedy" and now I'll NEVER forget it." -5.18.98

"THE UNDERTAKER v. STEVE AUSTIN - Before Austin comes out, Undertaker walks up to McMahon, who takes a step back - UT takes another step forward - McMahon takes one more step back - UT takes another step forward - And Undertaker CHOKESLAMS McMahon! Before we can see McMahon tombstoned, though - Kane runs to ringside. They brawl for a while on the outside, and then over the rail and out through the crowd. Meanwhile, Brisco and Patterson have come out to help McMahon - and that's the cue for the broken glass. Stunner for Brisco - Stunner for Patterson. Austin ties McMahon in the ropes, and grabs a chair - before McMahon can take any MORE punishment, DUDE LOVE storms the ring with a chair - Austin swings his chair at Dude's chair and with a mighty *crack* down goes Love. Meanwhile, McMahon is snuck out of the ring. Cue Austin's music while we see replays of everything we just saw. Austin flips the double bird and walks offstage as we fade out." 5.25.98

"MICK FOLEY has staged a sitdown strike in the middle of the ring. Fans boo lustily. "It was not a good night in Dudeville last night - I lost my teeth, I cracked my face, I lost my teeth, I lost the match. Hell, I might as well come right out and admit it - Stone Cold Steve Austin kicked my ass last night. (pop) That's all right, because now I realise that I've made a few mistakes, not the least of which was listening to the wrong people, and I think it's about time that the Dude gave a little apology. So if you'll accept that apology, I'd like to call out Mr. McMahon." Who should arrive but VINCENT K. himself. He's not too happy. "Well Mr. McMahon, I realise that I let you down, and due to what Stone Cold Steve Austin did to my face last night, the Dude's gonna be out of action a little while, but I would like to think that based upon that tremendous match we had last night that the Dude will once again be the #1 contender. So I apologise for letting you down, but I'm gonna come back at 100%." "You want me to accept your apology. You want me to accept an apology from someone who was a miserable failure as a WWF superstar and a failure as a human being as well, you want me to accept your apology? Well then, let's begin by you getting down... on ...your ...knees...." "You are kidding. This is a joke." "You're the joke GEDDOWNONYOURKNEES!" "I think we've got ourselves a little problem, Vince. See I came out here to apologise but I want you to understand my kids are watching this show and I will not alllow you to embarrass me on national television." "You don't have to worry about that, because you're already an embarrassament to me, you're an embarrassment to fans all over the world, you're an embarrassment to yourself and I dare say you're an embarrassment to your own family. GEDONYOURKNEES!" "You call me a failure? I think you've failed to realise what a tough SOB Stone Austin really was!" "You've got it wrong. You see, I didn't underestimate SCSA's abilities, I just OVERestimated yours, Dude." "I've got a little confession to make, and that is, when I took that steel chair last night and wrapped it around your skull, (pop) deep inside, it felt pretty damn good..." (big cheers) "Why don't you do it again?" Tumultuous cheers! "Why don't you do it right now? There's the chair, come on, come on, make my day, Dude, come on." And Dude picks up the chair. "Come on! HIT ME! COME ON! COME ON! HIT ME WITH THE CHAIR! COME ON! BLAST ME! And just think about that college fund, that college education for your kids, going poof, come on! How about that house you just bought! You know, twenty year mortgage! Twenty years! Come on! What about that fund you set up for your parents! Come on! Come on, Dude! Hit me! Dude! COME ON! HAVE SOME GUTS FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE! COME ON! HIT ME WITH THE BLOODY CHAIR! COME ON!! Let me tell you something. The only reason I haven't fired Stone Cold Steve Austin yet is because *he* *makes* *me* *richer!* You know what you make me, DUDE? All you do is make...me...SICK! I'll tell you what. Your services here in the World Wresling Federation are no longer required." And Dude Love's music plays...one last time? Vince does the swagger dance and then leaves Dude, head hung low, sitting in the chair, alone in the ring. " -6.01.98

"As the pinfall DOESN'T happen, out runs - MANKIND? And with a mandible claw, he inserts himself in the match. McMahon is smiling broadly - "*I* don't know what he's doing here, I *fired* him!" Undertaker pushes Mankind back outside. Kane is back up in the meantime. Tombstone! 1, 2, 3. (6:25) - Kane is the #1Contender! McMahon gives Austin a salute, Austin flips McMahon off. Austin rips off his headset but Kane is there. He makes the "I want da belt" gesture, then lights up the turnbuckles. As they walk off, Undertaker is left to brawl with Mankind. McMahon: "I may change my mind about Mick Foley - he's really showing me some intestinal fortitude here, he's showing me some guts! He's impressing me! He's damn well sure impressing me!" They keep brawling until 2302, and we gotta go! " 6.01.98

McMahon: "I must say that your attempt at humour is only exceeded by my generosity but nonetheless I would like to thank you, and also to each and every one of you [the fans]. I believe, that indeed I humbly but yet deservedly accept this award tonight - there may be a few of you who disagree but the vast majority of you would concur that I deserve such an accolade based upon my efforts as of late to turn the other cheek, so to speak, and even tonight in a magnamonous gesture as I extend friendship to Steve Austin - and no doubt, my dedication and loyalty to each and every one of you all over the world. I vow that I will take these awards tonight and place them on the very same wall as all the other awards I have received over my lifetime - and one day they will be presented in a future WWF Hall of Fame. I thank you, thank you very much - hey! That's my money!" Austin has just lifted a wad of 50's from McMahon's back pocket. "There's exactly 1200 bucks here, and on behalf of the tightest sonofabitch in the world, Vincent K. McMahon, I'd like to donate these funds to a worthy cause, and I don't know if he should be Humanitarian of the Year, but if you think he should be Jackass of the Year, give me a hell yeah!" Autry and Martin split the cash and leave as BONG...BONG...six druids bring out a casket. The Undertaker's music is playing and we are left to wonder if the Undertaker is hear for McMahon - or Austin - or both. Suddenly, MANKIND, who was under the ring, attacks Austin from behind, as KANE exits the casket. The doubleteam is on, and Vince is cheering them on! At PAUL BEARER's direction, Austin is stuffed in the casket by Kane and Mankind - and that's it! -6.08.98

When we come back, apparently the bell just sounded. Mankind is STILL wearing his tie. The Road Warriors are doubleteaming Kane but it ain't happening. The MIDNIGHT EXPRESS is next. No manager with them, and Paul Bearer is still hanging around - it does look like Sunny is gone, however. Easy night's pay for her! No eliminations yet. Out come the HEAD BANGERS, so there's eight men in the ring. Oh by the way, the winner of this match becomes #1 Contender. SKULL & 8-BALL *walk* out after thirty seconds, and of course go straight for the LOD, which means this is probably my last chance to say "Those Beautiful Titan Bikes" even though nobody rode any this week. Maybe they should have made this interval longer. GOLGA & KURRGAN are next - oh man, we had a nice drought of Kurrgan-free RAWs there. Jackyl is NOT with them. Bodacious Bart istossed and the Midnight Express are the first eliminees. Your next entrants are TOO MUCH, making their RAW debut. Kane destroys Brian Christopher almost immediately. FAAROOQ & STEVE BLACKMAN (with Riggs & Murtaugh) enter the ring. There's a lot of bodies in the ring but not much real action to call. Kane & Kurrgan are toe-to-toe which is neat to watch, I guess. TAKA MICHINOKU & BRADSHAW enter as the DOA get eliminated. TERRY FUNK & SCORPIO are the last entrants - so I guess the Quebecers are gone for good? Funk immediately goes for Kurrgan, showing his senility - but it pays off as Kurrgan gets eliminated. Double feature shows Animal eliminating one of the DOA, which means we can look forward to another 23,745 matches between those two teams. Brian Christopher and Scott Taylor actually manage to eliminate each other, much to Lawler's chagrin. Kane tosses Mosh. Somewhere in here, EVERYBODY else gets eliminated except the Funks and Paul Bearer's team. Terry Funk has a chair and isn't afraid to use it. Scorpio and Funk try to get Kane out but Mankind makes the rescue. The end comes with Mankind holding the chair in front of Funk's face while Kane gives the chair the big boot. (8:30ish) So now Paul Bearer's cult are the #1 Contenders to the Tag Team title - maybe we'll see that next week? 6.15.98

MANKIND v. BADD ASS BILLY GUNN (with Chyna) - As Mankind talks about history, the (Hell in a) Cell is slowly lowering. "...Undertaker, when I think about our history, I couldn't help but believe...gathering together, years later, in the same hallowed halls where we did battle, in the boiler room of Cleveland, in Madison Square Garden, and then you went and attacked my Uncle Paul, and I got a new vision! One of me, urinating on your grave, you cowardly sonofabitch! ... Uncle Paul is many things ... but he is not a wrestler! ... He was defenseless, and you attacked him! We have every right in the world to arrest you, and put you behind bars, but oh no! You see, this is a family matter, and I'm going to put you behind these bars, because blood is thicker than water, and if that's not enough, I can guarantee that Mankind will have a surprise for everyone that you will not soon forget! So Kane, I ask you to listen close, because all is not lost! And when it's all said and done, Kane, you will have Steve Austin's Championship, I will have my vengence, and Uncle Paul will have the Undertaker's soul! Have a nice day!" The (Hell in a) Cell raises back up. The attack starts before the bell. It's all Mankind -geez, not a good night for the tag champs - each demolished in singles matches tonight. Mankind, by the way, is STILL wearing that shirt and tie. Gunn is firing back with lefts now. Mankind with a kick to the gut and a headbuut. Another headbutt. Clothesline and both men are on the outside. Chyna jumps on Mankind's back and punches away - and is relatively successful. That's referee "Blind" Mike Ciota's cue to bar Chyna from the ringside area. Gunn tastes the STEEL ringsteps. Trying to whip Gunn into the steps, Gunn reverses and Mankind not only hits the steps, but the steel barricade with his legs after flying over. Gunn picks up Mankind and drops him throat first on the barricade. He rolls in and out to break the count and takes Mankind to a post. To the other steps we go - Mankind blocks and hits Gunn's head on the steps. Back in the ring (for a change). Mankind drops an elbow for 2. Whip into the ropes, duck, sleeper by Billy. Mankind backs into the corner but Gunn holds on. Backs into the corner again, runs at Bill but eats a foot. Mankind with a clothesline. Mankind throws Mr. Ass out - runs the apron and drops an elbow to the floor. Mankind back in to break the count and they're both out again. Mankind grabs the top half of the steel steps -but Gunn dropkicks the steps! Mankind falls and the steps fall on HIM. Back in the ring. Rocker Dropper by Billy. Crotch chop for good measure. Piledriver attempt doesn't work. Slingshot by Mankind, and when Gunn staggers back, it's Mandible Claw time. Mr. Ass is out. (5:40) Mankind IMMEDIATELY takes off to the back. Hunter is quickly out to help Billy but we follow Mankind, who is apparently running back to Kane. But Kane is gone..." -6.22.98

"Courtesy: The Encore - we see still shots of last night's WWF Title match between Kane and Steve Austin - Mankind comes out with a chair, Austin stuns Mankind, Undertaker comes in with a chair - Undertaker and Austin both take aim at Mankind - Austin is busted open - and Howard Finkel declares that ladies and gentlemen, we have a new Champion." -6.29.98

"Ladies and gentlemen, the owner of the World Wrestling Federation - MR. McMAHON!" During his entrance, we switch shows (did you catch it?) which makes McMahon the anchor for both RAW and the War Zone. "And now, ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've all been awaiting, and certainly the moment every superstar around the world who can hear my voice is waiting for...before we name the #1 Contender, I would like to invite a number of individuals to step forward in this very ring. First I would like to introduce MANKIND." We still are spared closeups, and judiciously use the lack of lighting to not get a good look at Foley. Ross at least throws some props Foley's way this week for his lifetime performance at King of the Ring. "Thank you for joining us, Mick. And now ladies and gentlemen I would like to introduce - former WWF Champion - KANE!" Ross mentions that Kane is clad in "Satan's Red." Kane comes to the ring alone. McMahon has a nice "spooked" reaction when Kane sets the ringposts on fire once again. "And now I would like to introduce - the Phenom - the UNDERTAKER." I would venture a guess that these introductions have once again eaten up the necessary five minutes that the Nielsens demand you watch in a quarter hour period. We get to see 'Taker's Adam Bomb/Sultan-style mushroom clouds again, too. TV-PG-V box reappears just to signify the top of the hour. "Well, what an eclectic group. Which one of these competitors should be named the #1 Contender for the WWF Championship? Perhaps it should be Mankind - and Mick, with what you did at Hell in the Cell, risking life and limb, I want you to know that I feel your pain - I feel your hurt - and I want to publicly thank you for everything you've ever done for all of us here in the World Wrestling Federation - but is it enough to be named #1 Contender? Kane, last week, when I announced you as the new WWF Champion, I said you were a role model, I said you were a champion for the new millienium. How could I have known that you are one of the *stupidest* men that I have ever seen in my life?" Kane starts to rush McMahon but he stops him. "Giving Stone Cold Steve Austin a title shot last week was nothing short of dumb. That's all right, we forgive a lot of people for a lot of things around here, and I think that any man who would put into writing that he'd set himself on fire if he didn't win the Championship, well that's all right with me. And YOU..." crowd cheers wildly. "You evil, diabolical excuse for a human being...why should you be named the #1 Contender? Because you almost took that man's (pointing to Mankind) life? Why should you be named the #1 Contender? Becuase in an inferno match you set your brother on fire?" Crowd cheers. "Should you be named the #1 Contender because you asked yourself 'am I as good as Stone Cold Steve Austin?' Should you be named the #1 Contender because you want ot be the Champion again...(growling) more than life itself? - Which one of these men truly deserves to be the #1 Contender? Well you know what, gentlemen? We're going to find out right here tonight, in this very ring, when the three of you compete IN A TRIPLE THREAT MATCH!" -7.6.98

MANKIND v. KANE v. UNDERTAKER in a Triple Threat #1 Contender's Match - I have it as six minutes to the hour with two introductions to go, but since it was taped, I'm not too worried about running out of time. Austin admits that MAYBE Kane could have beaten him at King of the Ring but Undertaker made sure we couldn't find out. Ross asks if Austin has a preference of opponent, and Austin says it doesn't matter. While we wait for the final introduction, McMahon asks Austin how he feels about Fully Loaded's main event - and Austin reminds us that he don't trust no one. The Undertaker hasn't shown. A second introduction - and still no Undertaker. McMahon leaves the commentary table and hits the ring. Ring announcer I-forget-his-name-'cause-they-never-say-it says "Ladies and gentlemen - due to the fact that the Undertaker is not here - because he is too chicken - chicken - (looks at McMahon, who urges him on) chicken(bleep) (rhymes with "hit")..." the match has been changed to a no-holds-barred, falls-count-anywhere match between Kane and Mankind." Mankind, who has sat down against the ring steps, doesn't budge. "I've given enough, and I'm not giving you any more, because I will not - under any circumstances - fight my friend Kane." Well, the bell rings and McMahon motions to Kane to take out Mankind. "Dammit, start this match, I said! Get it on! Now! NOW!" Finally, Kane leaves the ring ("Austin" chant), grabs a chair and casts a glare at Austin. Instead of hitting Austin though, he *floors* Mankind. McMahon is wetting himself. "This is what the WWF is all about! Yes! Kane and Mankind! The Undertaker didn't have the guts to show up! Kane! KANE is going to be the #1 Contender! Cover him! Yeah, that's it! Drag him around the ring!" Kane covers Mankind in the funeral pose - 1, 2, 3. (2:17) Well, no match there. Whoa! The mask comes off - and it's THE UNDERTAKER! We get a reaction shot of Steve Austin, and we're OUT, just like that. 7.6.98

THE NEW AGE OUTLAWS (with Chyna) v. KANE & MANKIND (with Paul Bearer) for the WWF World Tag Team Championships - the Champs come out first, so we can all sing along with Colin - err, Jesse. Almost a whole hour has come by, and two chances, and Jim Ross has NOT said "hell fire and brimstone" a SINGLE time. I find this extremely troubling. The attendance is announced at 17,569 - I think Ross just wanted to sneak a 69 in there to see if I'd notice. Before the match starts, BONG....BONG...and out comes THE UNDERTAKER. Why? Just 'cause, I guess. I missed the opening bell, but James and Mankind start. Oh yeah, Mankind is still wearing the shirt and tie. Mankind and James go back and forth, then Gunn is tagged in - Gunn drops Mankind on his separated shoulder - before he can tag in Kane, he rolls to the outside, where Chyna is waiting, and whacks him in the shoulder with a tag belt. Back in, tag to James, who wraps Mankind's arm around the top rope. Mankind comes to, whips James into a corner, and lunges at James - who moves. Mankind whacks his own shoulder again. Tag to Gunn, who jumps - but lands in a Mandible Claw! James breaks it up, but Mankind gets a chance to tag in Kane. As you can imagine, Kane has no problem doing whatever the hell he wants. Gunn ends up outside, where Mankind whips him into the STEEL steps. Meanwhile, we have no idea what exactly Undertaker is doing out there. And here's THE ROCK & OWEN HART - what are THEY doing here? In the ring, Gunn and Mankind have butted heads and both men are down. Tag to Kane - tag to James. Jeames is a house on fire - or is he? All his punches have no effect on Kane. James give Mankind two shots to make sure he doesn't come back. Gunn is in - piledriver on Mankind! The Outlaws are doubleteaming Kane, and he's finally off his feet after Gunn hits a Rocker dropper. James with a side Russian legsweep - X-PAC and HHH are beating up Owen and Rocky. Gunn is out to help - MARK HENRY is out - referee "Blind" Tim White goes outside to break up THAT melee - wait! Now D-LO BROWN is here - frog splash on James, right on D-Lo's chest protector! Kane hits a tombstone on James - 1, 2, 3! Ladies and gentlemen, we have new tag team champions. (5:09ish) 7.13.98

KANE & MANKIND v. STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN in a Texas Tornado Handicap match - Ross hypes Code Red, where Shawn Michaels and Vince McMahon will be appearing. Anybody gonna watch this and report on it for us? Kane does that neat trick with the fire and the turnbuckles. Ross says "hell" to spike the ratings. Austin pastes Mankind with his title belt on the way to the ring. Austin is all fists a-flyin' but it only takes about twenty seconds for the Tag Team Champions of the World to beatdown Austin and take control. Kane whips Mankind into Austin, but Austin clotheslines them instead. Now Kane and Austin are outside the ring. Kane meets the STEEL steps. Back in to take out Mankind. 1, 2, no. A little more of this and Austin is tasting the Mandible claw! Outside the ring they go, Mankind puts it on again, Austin backs Mankind into the post. Kane accidentally hits his partner. Now Kane and Austin are in the ring. Thesz press on Kane! Now Mankind is tripping Austin outside, they're back out again. Mankind is introduced to the barricade, now all three man are in the ring and Kane is working on Austin. Austin ducks, tries for the Stunner, but Kane pushes Austin into Mankind. And now THE UNDERTAKER has returned - with a chair. But whose side is he on? Is he in cahoots already? Austin is in the corner and Kane has his foot on Austin's throat. Undertaker is apparently in Austin's corner and this has become a reg'lar tag taem match. On the outside, Austin takes a VICIOUS shot from Paul Bearer's...shoe. Yeah, right. Back in the ring again, it's Austin and Mankind on the inside, and Kane and his brother awaiting tags. Mankind misses in the corner, and Austin fires back with punches. Whip, reversal, duck, kick to the gut, Stone Cold Stunner, Kane breaks the count. Austin punches away at Kane, but he reverses a whip. While attempting a chokeslam, Austin kicks in a private area several times - Austin and Kane near the Undertaker's corner - Undertaker lifts the chair - and swings - Kane is hit but Austin was ducking! Who was he aiming for? Is he in cahoots? Anyway, the bell rings (DQ? 4:55) and Austin manages to get the chair and hit all three men before exiting with his music a-playin' and the fans a-cheerin'. -7.20.98

NEW AGE OUTLAWS v. MANKIND & KANE (with Paul Bearer) - how come if the Outlaws don't have the belts, I *still* have to listen to Jesse James run his mouth? The Outlaws attack Mankind on the outside while it's dark and Kane and Bearer aren't looking. It's Bart starting for the Outlaws. Not for long, tag to James. Here's the wobbly knees elbow drop. And now it's time for Mankind to turn the tides so the Road Dog can act as punching bag for the next five minutes. Lawler flubs his live commentary by making reference to something the Undertaker hasn't yet said in tonight's show. After Kane has had his way with the Dog, James manages to sneak in a tag. The Outlaws try a suplex on Kane, but Kane blocks and instead double suplexes the Outlaws. Tag to Mankind and out goes Gunn. Mankind takes a chair to James, Gunn takes a chair to Mankind, Kane takes care of Gunn with a lariat. Damn, this is pretty fast for these guys. Stri-Dex double feature is the double suplex, followed by the "human demolition derby." Back in the ring, Mankind has a sleeper on the Road Dog, who falls to break the hold. Tag to Kane. Hot tag to Gunn...Mankind's out. Doubleteam attempt works this time, suplex! Unfortunately, referee "Blind" Earl Hebner is watching Mankind put a Mandible Claw on to notice Gunn is PINNING Kane. Gunn gets up to break up Mankind and his partner, and ends up going over the top with Mankind following. Oops, he left Jesse James behind. The tombstone is academic. 1, 2, 3. (5:18) -8.3.98

"Fireworks! We're LIVE at Unnamed Arena in Omaha, Nebraska 10.8.98 and MANKIND is on his way to the ring! "I'm tired of being lied to. I'm tired of being deceived. All I'd like is THE TRUTH! And I've finally realised as much as it sometimes hurts that there is only one man who has ever really given me the truth. And it's not you, Uncle Paul. There's only one person that has truly given me the bottom line. And it's not Steve Austin. So I would like to bring that man out here right now - Mr. McMahon! Where are you? I need your help!" Who *didn't* think it was VINCENT K.? "Don't leave me hangin' out here Vince, I need your help, I need the truth, I need Vince McMahon. I'll beg if I have to!" And there he is. He looks a little nonplussed. "Quicker Vince quicker!" Of course, the fans chant "Austin" because they have nothing better to do. "Help me please." He offers the mic to McMahon and Vince finally takes it. "How humiliating this must be for you, to invite me, Vince McMahon out here to help you find the truth? Imagine that, me, Vince McMahon, helping you. I detest people who need help. I loathe people like you who rely on pillars of strength like me just to get you through the day! The mere sight of the infirmed and the invalids makes my stomach turn." Well, there go the humanitarian awards. "But you, Mick Foley, Mankind, Dude Love, Cactus Jack, whoever the hell you are - you're a special case, aren't you, 'cause I know you. You didn't invite me out here to help you, did you? You invited me out here to hurt you. And hurt you I will. Because when I tell the truth, the truth hurts, doesn't it? And last week on RAW, when your partner, Kane, rared back with the steel chair, he could've either struck the Undertaker or you - it was no accident that chair collided with your head, no. As far as the truth is concerned, when the Undertaker, snatched that chair from Kane last week on RAW, the Undertaker could have obliterated his brother - he chose not to - he annihilated you. And think about it, Mick, think about it. Just last night on Sunday Night Heat the Undertaker disguises himself as Kane. The truth is, it might as well have been Kane himself, because you see, the Undertaker and Kane are in collusion, not just against you, not just against Stone Cold Steve Austin, but against every superstar on the entire WWF roster. You see, what I'm saying is that Kane and the Undertaker are one and the same-" BANG! The lights go out and the pillars of fire alight - and out come KANE and PAUL BEARER. Mankind actually seems to defend Vince with the chair. Paul Bearer: "Excuse me, Mankind, for just a moment if you would. For once Vince McMahon, you're gonna listen to the fat man! It's true that you may very well be the big manipulator, the puppeteer of the World Wrestling Federation - it's true you may be able to get into Mankind's mind, but I'll be DAMNED if you'll get in my mind or my son's mind! Just think for one damn minute, McMahon - you have a son. How would you feel if somebody stepped into your house and tried to poison his mind like you've been doing to my son - I've stood by for twenty years and watched my boy suffer, and I'll be DAMNED TO HELL if I'll let you ruin it! I've been here seven damn years, and I've made a lot of money thanks to you, and I don't need you anymore, me and Kane can hit the road right now as far as I'm concerned - but that'd probably make you happy wouldn't it?" -8.10.98

"STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN & THE UNDERTAKER v. MANKIND & KANE v. NEW AGE OUTLAWS v. THE ROCK & D'LO BROWN in a Four Corners match for the WWF Tag Team Championship - Austin and Mankind start off. A little back and forth and Mankind leaves the ring after foiling a Stunner attempt. The Rock comes in, eats a punch and leaves. Mankind tries to suplex Austin to the floor, but Austin counters and takes Mankind's throat to the top rope. Austin suplex Mankind in. Mankind manages to suplex D'Lo. A fan ALMOST makes it into the ring and he's quickly moved out of camera range. D'Lo falls to a Thesz press, punches in bunches, and an elbow drop. Now Austin tags Kane, who continues to beat down D-Lo. Kane tags Billy, and D'Lo finally comes back with an elbow. Cross body for 1. Punch, head waggle. D'Lo puts his head down and Gunn hits the Rocker dropper. Gunn drops him on his face for 2. Tag to the Road Dog who hits the funky knee drop. Cover - 1, 2, 3. Whoops, D'Lo forgot to lift the shoulder but referee "Blind" Earl Hebner pulled up on the third count anyway. Ah well. We all know that Jesse James is the designated face in peril, so D'Lo rakes the eyes and tags in Mankind. Mankind with punches and boots to the face. The Dog manages a back body drop, but Mankind tags in the Rock. Kick to the head. Mankind is still in the Rock's corner and D'Lo is really confused about him being there. Mankind finally makes it back to his own corner and D'Lo is tagged in. Great suplex by D'Lo. Whip into the ropes, duck, James manages a kick to the face and a tag to Billy Gunn. Half hour suplex is impressive. 1, 2, Undertaker pulls Gunn off D'Lo. D'Lo manages a few punches to take control. Whip into the ropes, elbow. D'Lo tags Austin. Austin is punching and wrenching the arm. Tag to Undertaker, crowd goes nuts. Undertaker with punch after punch until Gunn is outside the ring. Austin drops him on the barricade. Undertaker with a kick to Mankind for good measure, and Mankind tries to fight back. Undertaker and the Bad Ass are back in the ring. Whip into the corner. Undertaker with a punch. Gunn turns around and tags Austin. Austin and Undertaker are in with a staredown. Meanwhile Gunn and Mankind are brawling on the outside. Now Austin and the Undertaker decide to just beat up the Outlaws. Austin tags the Road Dog. Undertaker does that tightrope thing. Double palm thrust. Tag to D'Lo, who continues hitting James in the head. Bodyslam, legdrop, near fall. Tag to the Rock. Crowd anticipates the People's Elbow and starts to shout. Side Russian legsweep for 2. The Rock takes the Dog to D'Lo's corner and hits his face with D'Lo's boot. Tag to D'Lo, headlock is applied. Hey, every heavyweight champion in the WWF is in this match, what does that tell us. James gets out and punches Brown. 'Lodown! 1, 2, Gunn makes the save. The Rock is in and NOW it's time for the People's Elbow - crowd goes nuts for that. 1, 2, and *Austin* makes the save. Tag to Mankind - geez, that's not smart to let another team get a chance for the pin. Another submission hold. We're in overtime now - it's past 11. Mankind with a few choice words for Austin and Mankind. Ross says we haven't seen Kane in this match yet, which is a lie. Oh well. Whip into the ropes - the Dog manages a side Russian leg sweep (popular move tonight). Mankind waffles Gunn to make sure James can't make the tag, so Mankind lunges for the Undertaker, and makes the tag! Now EVERYBODY'S in the ring, Katie bar the door, pier six brawl, etc. The ring clears out slowly. Undertaker chokeslams D'Lo, tosses Gunn over the top rope - Kane's got Undertaker! Chokeslam! 1, 2, 3! Ladies and gentlemen, we have new tag team champions. (14:30). -8.10.98

KANE (with the Undertaker, the TV-PG-V box and the RAW credits) v. MANKIND in Hell in the Cell - I have doubts this match will stay TV-PG, can I say that now. Mankind immediately starts to climb the cage - when two referees try to bring him back to earth, Mankind beats 'em up. The remaning two referees meet the floor. Kane lunges for Mankind - and meets the door. Mankind has a chair now and it looks like he's trying to throw it on top of the cage - he misses twice and hits Lawler the second time. As Kane climbs the cage, Undertaker is following - ah, there goes the Spanish commentator's table. (Ross: "It's happened again!") Crowd is chanting "Austin." Kane runs Mankind's head into the cage. I wish I got the SAP in my area. Taken back to the door area, Kane does the "I'm Curt Hennig, you're Ric Flair" door shot. Finally in the cage - Kane throws the STEEL steps into the ring. Kane uses the steps on Mankind, liberally - first to the shoulder, then to the back. Referee "Blind" Earl Hebner is insane to be in there with those guys. Pescado (!) onto Mankind, who hits the cage wall again. Kane throws the steps onto Mankind - no, he's out of the way - he's also got a chair and the bag o' tacks. Chairshot to Kane! Double chair! And now the bag is open - but Kane's got in tht first shot. Mandible claw - Kane punches out. Mankind is throwing a lotta punches here. Kick to the gut. Piledriver! (Not on the tacks at least). Kane ends up sitting in the pile of tacks. Kane does the Zombie situp and grabs the chair. Whack! Chokeslam by Kane as Undertaker looks on outside the cage. Tombstone by Kane and Kane turns to his brother - who gives the thumb-cross-the-throat sign. Kane takes the chair and places it strategically. No, he picks it up - chair to the head. Ross is apoplectic. Another chair to the skull. (Ross: "Dammit!") Time for another tombstone, this time on the chair. Before the count can happen - STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN appears from *under* the ring and unleashes some anger and furious vengence on Kane. Undertaker climbs the cage while Austin takes the chair to Kane. Undertaker is trying to rip the cage apart. Stunner for Kane! Undertaker is going through the cage - but it's being raised! And VINCENT K. is at the controls of the cage! McMahon apparently doesn't want you to see Austin and Undertaker for free - well, that's just good business. Kane gets ANOTHER Stunner, and all Undertaker can do is watch from about fifty feet in the air on top of the raised cage. (DQ? 7:41) Austin runs after McMahon - no wait, he's got the gurney... 8.24.98

MANKIND (with sledgehammer and ladder and TV-PG-V ratings box) v. UNDERTAKER (with sledgehammer and Kane), once and for all - the dumpster has made it's way to ringside before Mankind. He grabs a thick board and strategically places it as we Take You Back To Earlier Tonight where Mankind leveled Kane with the sledgehammer. Referee is Tim White and I wouldn't want to be him even if this IS all fake. Let's take an ad break before the second entrance! WWF Bone Crunchin' Buddies ad. I can't bring myself to make a joke here. If you think it's now the War Zone, you're right! Remember, laser pointers are $9.99 and up at Fry's. White manages to get a hold of Mankind's sledge - Mandible claw before Undertaker gets to use his. Outside the ring we go. Oh my. Undertaker meets the dumpster (not Duke Droese). Up the ramp, no Undertaker whipped into the dumpster. Ladder is out. Uncertaker kicks and the ladder is dropped. Punches by Undertaker, back down the ramp and to the barrier. Mankind's right arm against the STEEL steps. Hand to the steps. Undertaker takes them apart, lays the hand on top of one hald and slams the second half on top, sandwiching the already-injured hand. And STILL Mankind is punching back. Undertaker with a punch, now a right to the head. Another right. Wooden table (not a board, sorry) propped up against the ringpost - Mankind whipped into the table, which breaks. Karate chop to the throat, and another shot with what's left of the table for good measure. Double feature of the whip into the table. They're in the ring! Measured elbow to the mush by Undertaker. We see Kane looking on. Undertaker measuring every punch and all Mankind does is go down. Mankind to the apron - another punch and he's outside. Undertaker follows. Elbow to the back of the head. Taken back to the ring, Undertaker removes the mask and there's a hot shot-like manoeuvre. Mankind again meets the dumpster as Undertaker kicks him backwards. Both men on the outside, another meeting of the STEEL steps. Sledgehammer shot by Undertaker! But it missed, I think. Mankind backs up into Kane, who chokeslams him to the timekeeper's table. Another sledgehammer shot misses, but demolishes the table. Mankind has a chair. Back in the ring. Mankind with a chair to the gut! Chair across the back! Bangbang! But Undertaker kicks the chair into Mankind's face. There's a chokeslam. Chair - tombstone on the chair? OH SHIT! Completely BRUTAL looking. Undertaker casts a wary eye to the sledgehammer - picks it up - raises it - THE ROCK jumps out of the dumpster and chopblocks Undertaker! After tossing Mankind to safety over the barrier, the Rock walks away - Kane and the Undertaker, now each with a sledgehammer, slowly follow... (no contest? 7:something) Now THAT'S how you do a screwjob! 9.14.98

"MANKIND v. KEN SHAMROCK v. THE ROCK in a Triple Threat Match - Shamrock, from Lodi, California, is the hometown favourite - I feel like I should mention that, mostly because the commentators don't. Of course, THESE commentators miss an awful damn lot of stuff - not that it'll mean anything ten thousand years from now. Rock and Shamrock start off while Mankind watches in a corner. Mankind attacks Shamrock from behind, and now there's a bit of teamwork there. Double whip, double clothesline. Then Mankind turns on Rocky, including some munching. Clothesline over the rope. Shamrock baseball slides into Mankind. Then Shamrock takes turns slamming guys into the commentary table. Shamrock and Mankind brawl on the outside. Mankind meets the STEEL steps. The Rock walks over and takes some Shamrock shots as well. Shamrock and Mankind back in the ring, and Mankind is back on O. Repeated elbows to the jaw by Mankind. Knee to the face in the corner. Mankind points to the Rock, who is sitting outside the ring in a comfy chair. Choke of Shamrock. Belly-to-back suplex by Shamrock. With both men down, the Rock comes back in the ring. Kick to Shamrock, kick to Mankind. Kick to Shamrock - is the crowd cheering him? Mankind in the corner and Rock's laying the smack down, so they say. Shamrock comes in from behind to take control. Reversal, and elbow to the mush finds the mark. Bodyslam. Time for the People's Elbow! Loud cheers. Shamrock thrown over the top rope. Mankind tries to punch but it's blocked. Punches in bunches, whip, Mankind ducks, kick to the gut, double-underhook DDT for 2. Mankind pulls out his own hair for kicks. Elbowdrop on the Rock. Shamrock still outside. Big punches from Mankind (did I mention the Dude Love shirt under his corporate shirt and tie?). TO the corner, Rock steps aside and Mankind hits the corner hard, then goes outside. Whip, reversal, Shamrock grabs the ankle and pulls Maivia outside. Big brawl on the outside. Shamrock hits the commentary table twice. Whip, reversal, Rock hits the barricade and then eats a lariat coming back. Shamrock tries to get in the ring, and Mankind takes control. Body scissors by Mankind? Mandible claw gets nowhere near Shamrock, Shamrock turns it around and punches away. Sleeper by Shamrock - Mankind's scar tissue is bleeding nicely. Rock is in - double sleeper! This means it's time for the DOUBLE JAWBREAKER COUNTER! Yeah! Time to ruin the match as VINCENT K., KANE, and UNDERTAKER are out. Mankind has the Mandible claw on Rocky! Shamrock breaks it up. Belly-to-belly on Mankind! Ankle lock is on - but Mankind is not submitting. Rock taps Shamrock on the shoulder, and Shamrock, thinking it's the referee stopping the match, lets go of the hold, so Maivia clotheslines him - brilliant! Shamrock lunges at the Rock, but he's ready. Rock bottom! 1, 2, Mankind breaks it up. Now Undertaker has grabbed Mankind's ankles and dragged him out. The doubleteam is on as Kane joins his half-brother. Shamrock and Maivia, left in the ring, are toe-to-toe. Whip by Shamrock, the Rock floats over for the DDT but only gets 2! Mankind is out on the floor and Undertaker and Kane are looking on. Clothesline, no duck, Shamrock is punching away, whp into the corner - HIGH huracanrana by Shamrock! Yeah! Powerslam by Shamrock for ... 2! Rock manages to throw Shamrock over the top rope - and now here's Undertaker slamming Shamrock into the STEEL steps. Now Kane and Undertaker are taking turns damaging Shamrock as Vince looks on. And now Kane and the Undertaker are in the ring to take on the last man. The Rock has no chance against two fresh men, and the culmination is a double chokeslam. Referee "Blind" Earl Hebner STILL hasn't called for a bell during ANY of this, which is durn near amazing, isn't it. Kane and Undertaker go back to Mankind one more time, but McMahon is left alone...so STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN comes out and administers a beatdown with punches and kicks until the Fun Brothers come to the aid of the business partner. Replays of everything we just saw. McMahon, helped by a ref, walks to the back with Kane and Undertaker. And it's over. (12:30). 9.21.98

Michael King Cole interviews MANKIND. "Well, two things became very apparent after Break Down. #1, Mankind swings a mighty chair, and you can just ask Ken Shamrock about that, and #2 in the 100+ years of professional wrestling's existence, last night's People's Elbow was the worst move I've ever seen. But I'm not about to let the fact that I did a Mark McGwire impression with Ken Shamrock's head, OR the fact that I split the People's Eyebrow worse than Bill and Hillary Clinton's marriage Inauguration Day January 2001 stand in the way of tonight's match with Undertaker and Kane. I'm looking for our friendship and mutual respect to more than overcome Kane and Undertaker's prowess and geometric knowledge and it will be A Nice Day!" We see the Fun Brothers walking, and that match is NEXT! KING KEN SHAMROCK & MANKIND & THE ROCK v. UNDERTAKER & KANE in a Handicap match - Ken "is receiving a less than warm welcome," sayeth Ross, nudge nudge, you HATE Shamrock now, you HATE Shamrock...oh sorry, got mesmerized for a sec there. Mankind enters and immediately Shamrock is pummeling him. Can't quickly ID Mankind's T-shirt this week (it's not the Dude Love one, anyway). By the time Shamrock has punched Mankind out of the ring, the Rock's music starts up and the crowd just MIGHT be near their loudest of the night. After posing in the corner, HE rushes Shamrock and now THEY'RE at it. Mankind is now back in and Shamrock is being doubleteamed. A second ref is in but they're not stopping. Undertaker's music starts and the Fun Brothers come out together. Fluroescent posters look COOL in black light on my TV, don't they? Just before they enter the ring, Shamrock is hitting Mankind and the Rock turns to hit Shamrock, so Undertaker and Kane pretty much have no problem getting the upper hand on their feuding opponents. After Mankind and Shamrock brawl a bit on the outside, Mankind points to the center of the ring and it appears that a temporary truce may have been established. Meantime, Undertaker is doing his tightrope bit with the Rock. The Rock meets Kane's boot and there's a tag. Kane kicks the exposed ribs. Choke in the corner. Uppercut. Whip into the corner, Rocky puts up an elbow as Kane rushes him. The Rock with a flurry culminating in a clothesline. Kick, tag to Mankind. Mankind has his way until Kane remembers that he's Kane and overpowers Mankind. To the friendly corner with the head, tag to Undertaker. Doubleteam. Punch to the head. Whip into the ropes, duck, tag to Shamrock, eyepoke by Undertaker. Shamrock punches Undertaker, which staggers him long enough for Shamrock to turn his attention to Mankind. The Rock comes in, gives Undertaker a shot, then hits a lariat on Shamrock. Undertaker covers for 2 but Shamrock kicks out. Weird kick by 'taker for 2. Armdrag, tag to Kane. Kick to the ribs. Shamrock whipped into the ropes, lariat coming out, cover for 2. Right hand by Kane. Shamrock tries to come back but Kane's shots pack a bigger punch. Shamrock with a dropkick but Kane doesn't go anywhere. Shamrock with the 'rana and it works! Desperation tag to Mankind, who wails away and clotheslines Kane - both men out of the ring. Mankind with a somersault from the apron to the floor! But Undertaker attacks from behind. Mankind meets the STEEL steps. Referee "Blind" Earl Hebner comes out to try to restore order, but thinks better of it and runs away. Undertaker continues working on Mankind from the outside while Kane works on him from the inside. Kane with a hairpull and a boot to the head. Back up - bodyslam by Kane. Kane climbs the ropes and hits the goofy flying clothesline - Ross calls him "the big red missile" which is also goofy. 1, 2, no. Tag to Undertaker. Pound on the back by both men. Head to the turnbuckle. Choke. Haymaker. Undertaker with a kick to the gut and another right. Whip into the opposite corner but Mankind puts up an elbow as Undertaker comes in. Flurry by Mankind, Undertaker ducks a clothesline and hits one of his own. 1, 2, kickout. Headbutt by Undertaker and Mankind falls out of the ring, where Kane is waiting. Whip into the steps, and Mankind goes over the steps. Undertaker grabs a cable and chokes Mankind, hangman style. Meanwhile, Kane's got a chair. Anybody else thinking Rock and Shamrock might want to DO something here? Chairshot on Mankind. Everybody's back in. 1, 2, foot on the rope. Tag to Kane, stomping continues. Chop to the throat. Whip into the ropes, Kane puts his head down and Mankind hits a swinging neckbreaker. Mankind crawls to his corner but there's been a zombie sit up and Mankind doesn't make it. While Shamrock distracts Hebner, Undertaker does the illegal switch. Whip into the ropes, duck, kick to the gut, double underhook DDT by Mankind and both men are down. Mankind up at 6. Tag to Undertaker, tag to the Rock! He's a house afire! DDT! 1, 2, no. Bodyslam by the Rock - don't tell me it's time for the People's Elbow - it hits! 1, 2, Kane interferes. Shamrock is in and on Kane while the Rock continues on the Undertaker. Mankind is in. Shamrock clotheslines Kane out of the ring and he's out as well. The Rock takes Undertaker to the corner and tags Mankind. Punch - Undertaker meets the Rock's knee - tag to Shamrock, punching away but he runs into the big boot - as Undertaker tries to run over him, Shamrock catches the leg and puts on the anklelock but Kane interferes. It's all broken down now. Rock and Undertaker left in the ring, while Shamrock and the Rock doubleteam Kane - Rock hits the Rock Bottom! 1, 2, 3!!!!! (12:51) Rocky has now pinned the Undertaker AND Kane on separate occasions - well shoot, I guess he IS the #1 Contender. As Kane and Undertaker have a difference of opinion about how they lost that match, we fade out. 9.28.98

"We cut LIVE to the hospital where the nurse is telling McMahon that he has a visitor - an unruly feller who won't take "no" for an answer - you can hear Vince's heart rate rise as he thinks it's Austin - but it turns out to be MANKIND, complete with happy face sticker, balloons, blown up hospital glove and candies (half of them already eaten). But Mankind didn't come alone - did he bring Austin? No, it's not a him, it's a she. "I brought you some female entertainment, and I think you know what I mean. She does a trick with a dog that you wouldn't believe." It's YERPLE, a clown who does balloon animals. She presents a rainbow to Mr. McMahon, who appears quite uncomfortable. Mankind has one more visitor - MR. SOCKO, a puppet on Mankind's hand. He gives Vince's leg a big kiss - which hurts tremendously. Vince, after saying "please leave" about a hundred times, blows his stack and orders everybody out. "Mr. Socko..." he says with a sneer. This segment kicked ass." -10.05.98

"MANKIND v. MARK HENRY in a First Round Intercontinental Title Tournament match - Earlier Today, Mankind dropped these comments: "The fact of the matter is, is that Ken Shamrock doesn't really swing a chair hard enough to hurt me - as a matter of fact, in all the years and all the times I've been hit by chairs, the one by Shamrock was the weakest, wimpiest and wishy-washiest of the all, so I'm not all that concerned about Ken Shamrock at Judgement Day, and if he doesn't like it, well, I've got one word for him: Socko." Then Mr. Socko says "have a nice day!" Henry is slated to wrestle the Rock at Judgement Day - err, why? Oh well. Also, he's suing Chyna for sexual harrassment. Earlier Today, Henry said a little love poem to Chyna, which doesn't seem to make sense what with the lawsuit and all, nonetheless he reminds me a lot more of Mohammed Ali than the Cat ever did. Lockup, to the corner, clean break - no, Henry waffles him. Hey, there's CHYNA come out to cause trouble. They're trading blows in the corner and now Mankind is hitting more blows - until Henry powers him away. Mankind gets up and runs at him again, and Henry pushes him away again. Then, a GIANT clothesline from Henry. Whip into the ropes, military press slam by Henry (impressive!) followed by a big splash on the leg. Kick to the back of the knee. Elbowdrop on the knee. Another elbowdrop after some smack talkin'. Chyna looks on. Bodyslam by Henry. I bet Mankind wins...Henry positions him then goes to the second rope. Splash on the leg misses. Mankind with repeated rights. Whip into the ropes, reversal and Mankind falls - his leg is too injured for him to run the ropes. Whip again, Mankind ducks the clothesline and hits the double-underhook DDT. Mankind removes his show and then his sock - wait! It's MR. SOCKO and he's in the Mandible claw position - sure enough, he stuffs the sock down the gullet (ugh, I hope not) and Henry is out. Ring the bell! (3:18) Mankind limps away, leaving Chyna to enter the ring. "What do you want from me?" "It's out of my hands!" Hey, you know what would be cool? If Clarence Mason were litigating this sexual harrassment suit..." 10.12.98

"Knock knock knock - knock knock knock - McMahon looks incredibly afraid, but fortunately it's MR. SOCKO and MANKIND. Mr. Socko is now "Sheriff Socko, the new head of Security." He's brought candy (Vinnie's got a sweet tooth!). McMahon is happy to see Mankind. "Don't worry Vinnie, I've got your back - let's get to know each other!" 10.19.98

"They're playing Twister - well Mankind is, and he's trying to position Vince's good foot (James Brown reference!) on one of the multi-coloured dots. "What the hell are you doing? What the hell are you doing?" "Making you feel better makes ME feel better." Vince goes ballistic and throws him out. "I'm in danger and you wanna play games! Get the hell out of here! Get out! Get out!" 10.19.98

"MANKIND v. VAL VENIS (with Terri Runnels) - Let Us Take You Back to Earlier Tonight, when Mankind had a hand in Shamrock's loss to X-Pac. Still shots from last night show Terri attempting to interfere and Goldust kicking Venis right in the old love muscle. Venis tries to bump 'n' grind but he's still feeling some - discomfort. Lockup, Mankind with a shoulderblock, criss cross, both men stop at the same time. Lockup, to the headlock, Mankind powers out, Venis with punches, whip, knee to the abdomen, repeat, side Russian legsweep, bump'n'grind, more punches. To the corner, Venis with punches, ten punch count along is interrupted, Mankind carries him out but Venis hits a lariat. To the ropes, and Venis is choking him on the ropes, he's holding him by the eyes. Nice nipples, Terri - no really. Boss Man straddle attempt is missed as Mankind moves away, and Venis lands right on his injured area. Back bodydrop by Mankind. Legdrop to the crotch. Doublearm DDT by Mankind. Mr. Socko is out - here's the Mandible Socko, but while Terri argues with referee "Blind" Mike Chioda, KING KEN SHAMROCK comes out with a chair, smacks Mankind in the knee, breaking the hold and allowing Venis to cover for the pin (3:35). Mankind and Shamrock brawl outside the ring, now out through the crowd. Mankind finds a chair and gets a shot in on Shamrock. They disappear behind the curtain...10.19.98

"Michael King Cole interviews Mankind and Al Snow. And Mr. Socko. And the Head. Let's call the whole thing off. Oh, all right. Mankind: "Well, Al is an exceptional wrestler, and we need an exceptional wrestler when you take on the tag team Champions, even if I do feel that with the exception of the Rock's elbow that the Head is just about the STUPIDEST thing you'll ever-" "Hey! Now look, *Einstein*, if you haven't noticed, you're just talkin' to a SOCK!" "Well, aren't you the clever one, I know he's just a sock - I painted him myself! But isn't he cool?" If the Outlaws don't like it, they've got one word for them - but Mankind thinks the word is "Socko" and Snow thinks it's "Head." NEW AGE OUTLAWS v. MANKIND & AL SNOW (with Head) for the World Tag Team Championship - Mankind has been entered into the Sweet Sixteen. Foam heads have been passed out to one section of the audience. Gunn and Snow start. Lockup, Snow ties up his arms and headbutts away. Dueling missed moves until Gunn hits a gigantic press slam. Snow manages to tag Mankind. "Feeling out process." Lockup, to the corner, Gunn ducks and peppers him with punches. Mankind's head meets James' boot. Tag to James, who breakdances and punches him. Mankind rakes the face but James comes back with more punching and more dancing. Wobbly kneedrop. Whip, reverse, James holds onto the ropes, so Snow clotheslines him from outside the ring. Snow & Mankind work over James on the outside. I believe the "Road Dogg in peril" section of this match has started. James and the barricade have several meetings. Thrown back in to Mankind. Mankind imitates James' goofy dance and boots him in the head. Again. Third boot to the head. Whip into the ropes, kick to the gut, double arm DDT. Mr. Socko is out...but Billy Gunn comes in and clotheslines him to prevent any Mandible Socko. Snow comes in and also eats a clothesline. Mankind reaches for the Head, but Snow stops him, they discuss it, then go back to the match. Snow and James in the ring now. Commentators have noted that Vince usually never leaves before the matches are over, he must be distraught. Gunn AGAIN comes into the ring to keep things from getting too out of hand for his team, even though it appears that James told him to stay in his corner. Mankind comes in and Gunn clotheslines him out of the ring, going outside at the same time himself. James is peppering Snow on the inside while Mankind and Gunn brawl on the outside with referee "Blind" Mike Chioda trying to break them apart. James with the whip, Snow with the reversal, the gutshot, and the Snowplow. Ref isn't there to count the pinfall. Snow goes for the Head again, meanwhile Mankind has Socko and now they're both arguing. Gunn pulls out Mankind (who gets the Head) while James rolls up a distracted Snow (holding Mr. Socko) and scores the pinfall. (5:28) 10.26.98

"Michael King Cole is backstage with Al Snow and Mankind and their respective voiceboxes. Al calls Cole "Todd" which will always be funny, Mankind says that the Secrets of Professional Wrestling were revealed to him last night ("you stomp the mat!" Al: "NO!!") and then Socko says something about tie dye dancing (Dude Love?) and Snow says "Head." Yeah. KURRGAN & GOLGA (with Princess Luna Tunes, Giant Silva and Cartman) v. MANKIND & AL SNOW (with Head) - Did I mention Mankind has a new yellow tie with the Tasmanian Devil on it? Did I mention ZZ TOP is in the audience? You don't CARE? But, dude, the significance of the "Velcro Fly." I mean, "Sleeping Bag!" COME ON! It's ZZ Top! Oh, you're right. Anyway, Mankind and Kurrgan are in to start - Kurrgan dances, Mankind does a Dude Love move, Kurrgan tries to imitate it and Snow hits him from behind. Snow and Mankind take turns pounding on the Interrogator, who is wearing a pilot's helmet - all he's missing is the ugly scarf and the goggles. Crowd is chanting "we want head," well who doesn't. Kurrgan finally gets a brief flurry against Snow, who kicks the knee and takes him down with a dropkick. Tag to Mankind and they doubleteam for a bit. Big boot and tag to Golga. Announcers are hyping everything to come and not this match (MAYBE a wise move). Elbowdrop for 1. Tag to Kurrgan. McMahon is apparently yelling at the Fink. Sidewalk slam for 2, Snow makes the save. Mankind manages a double-arm DDT and motions for Mr. Socko - but darned if the guy isn't in the tights. Snow levels Kurrgan with the Head but Mankind is obsessed - he removes a shoe, no Socko there. He looks under the ring, nope, and now he's WALKING out. Meanwhile, Kurrgan has come to and gets Snow in the swinging sidewalk slam. Golga tries the Earthquake, but misses. Snow hits Kurrgan on the toes with the Head, pummels away on Golga, pummels away on Kurrgan, Golga finally grabs him, Snow ducks a clothesline but Kurrgan catches him with a chokeslam, Golga DOES hit the Earthquake buttdrop and that's all she wrote (4:36). Meanwhile, Mankind is still trying to find Mr. Socko." 11.02.98

"Backstage, we see McMahon talking to Mankind. McMahon says that if he'll keep from interfering in the next matchup with Ken Shamrock and the Rock, he'll give him a present. Mankind accepts, and Vince presents him with an old, broken WWF Championship belt with some duct tape applied - it's the "WWF Hardcore Championship Belt." Mankind loves it. Vince: "Just one thing - in some respects, I think I lost a son tonight, but maybe - maybe I gained another one." Mankind: "Really? Gee, thanks ... Dad." Vince pauses on his way out, but doesn't turn back and keeps rollin' on. Funny. 11.02.98

"Spencer Chestnutt wrote: I'd like to share a quick story about my experiences at the WWF house shows in Hampton and Richmond, VA on October 1st and 2nd, 1998. I had a great time, thanks in large part to Mick Foley. I didn't get to meet him, but I did have a rather interesting experience. Being big fans, my friends and I will usually wait an hour or so after the show in the parking lot to see the guys drive out. When Mick Foley drove by with his window down, I yelled "Don't sell the elbow, Mick!", a reference to Mankind's disdain for the People's Elbow. Mick's expression went blank for half a second, and then he started cracking up! He honked the horn at me, and then drove away. I was proud of myself for being able to do what not many people have done. I made Mick Foley laugh. Little did I know he'd return the favor the next night. I was shopping in the Wal-Mart in Newport News, VA about an hour later when I encountered D-Lo Brown shopping with one of his friends. I congratulated D-Lo on his great match with X-Pac, and he proceeded to give me the "I'm not me" business, the lamest excuse for a work I've ever heard. If there had been other people in that section, I would have understood his evasiveness, but I was the only one there. I could tell they were in a hurry, and made no effort to stop them. A simple "thanks" would have sufficed, but D-Lo chose to insult my intelligence and treat me like an idiot. I still think he's a great wrestler, though. One other thing about D-Lo. I thought I was being very considerate and discreet by not mentioning the fact that I recognized D-Lo's "friend" was none other than Glen "Kane" Jacobs. They were probably out in their van laughing hysterically at the fact that I had no idea that I was standing right next to Kane. I'd love to see the expression on their faces if they ever read this and discover that I knew EXACTLY who I was standing next to, but chose not to mention Mr. Jacobs' identity for their sakes. Maybe their attitude will change the next time they encounter a genuinely appreciative fan in an empty Wal-Mart. I was walking around the store feeling extremely disappointed when I saw a tie, of all things, that reminded me of Mick Foley. It was a bright yellow tie in the shape of a giant Mankind happy face, and had the Tazmanian Devil busting through the middle of the happy face. I took the tie and a greeting card with me to Richmond to give to Mr. Foley, and after about an hour of waiting beside the entranceway before the show, I finally found a sympathetic crew member. He said that if Mick was in the back then, he'd hand Mick my gifts, but, if he wasn't, he'd give them back to me . After about 3 minutes he came back and gave me the thumbs up, which I knew was the best assurance I'd get that Mick actually got the stuff. I thanked him and took my seat. So, if you ever see Mankind wearing the bright yellow happy face tie, you'll know who gave it to him. After a great show, my friend and I again went to the exit to watch the wrestlers leave, and wouldn't you know it, Mick Foley comes by with his windows down again. Of course, I took the opportunity to yell "Don't sell the Elbow, Mick!" He looked around, but didn't see me. My friend, who was further up the road waited until the vehicle was stopped, and yelled "Foley! Don't sell the elbow!" Mick looked right at him, actually leaned out of the window, and yelled back "I'm not gonna sell it!!" I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life. I yelled "I hope you like the tie, Mick!" He then faded into the distance, but not before giving us some great memories. I went to what I thought would be run of the mill house shows, and ended up with some great matches and great experiences. I'd like to thank all the WWF wrestlers for working hard for the local Virginia fans in matches that will never be seen on TV, and, of course, a very special thanks to Mick Foley for some experiences I'll never forget." 11.9.98

"Backstage, Mankind is getting a haircut. You have to see it to appreciate how funny it is, that's all I can say. Highlight is Mankind saying maybe Vinny will buy him some NEW new teeth. "What happened to the old ones?" "Austin threw 'em in the crowd!" 11.9.98

"KING KEN SHAMROCK (with RAW credits) v. MANKIND (with TV-PG-V box) for the Hardcore title - clip montage of Shamrock and Mankind "when they have rules!" What mayhem and carnage will take place with NO rules in place? Mankind is wearing a tuxedo and cummerbund, shaven face and shorn hair. Oh, and still that mask. Studs in the shoes, very natty. Shamrock attacks before the bell and takes the early lead. Hard elbows. McMahon and company have come out on the ramp to watch the action. Shamrock with a knee to the chin/neck. Again. Right hand, Mankind with one right hand and Shamrock goes down - oh, because that right hand was holding a shoe. Mankind takes off his tuxedo jacket and chokes away with it. Choke on the second rope. NICE vest there. Shamrock is tied to the Tree of Woe. Huge double axehandle to the chin. Mankind is out and taking Shamrock with him. DDT? No, Shamrock reverses and rolls him up for 2. Lariat by Shamrock. Shamrock with a right, Mankind drapes himself first over the announcer's table, then the timekeepers chair. Shamrock kicks him in the chin, then waffles him with his Hardcore belt. Mankind's head meets the announcers' desk. Another right. Repeat. Mankind backbodydrops Shamrock into the laps of Ross and Lawler, now he's stomping away. Mankind grabs a chair and throws it in the ring, now he's got Shamrock in there. Lawler displays the shoe, very nice. Shamrock reverses a powerbomb attempt to back bodydrop Mankind on the chair. And now Shamrock is back on the offense - big punches - Mankind is outside again, Shamrock follows. Whip, reverse and Shamrock runs right into the STEEL steps. 1, 2, no. Falls counting anywhere, see. Shamrock is run into the barrier, and they're over. Shamrock punches Mankind back over the barrier. Shamrock is choking Mankind with cable. Mandible claw! Shamrock wraps his arms around Mankind, and there's a belly-to-belly ONTO THE STEEL STEPS. That was pretty hardcore! I feel asleep during November to Remember! Nestle Crunch brings us the double feature. Shamrock whips Mankind into the apron, then belly-to-belly suplexes him onto the floor. Then he screams. Mankind hits a low blow, then a chairshot to the back. THERE'S THE DDT ON THE CHAIR! Cover - 1, 2, shouldabeen 3 but referee "Blind" Tim White waited for the shoulder to go up. Mankind has the chair, but Shamrock keeps ducking the chair. They're all the way up the ramp now. Shamrock hits a side suplex at the top of the ramp. Nice. 1, 2, NO! The five men at the top of the ramp haven't scattered, amazingly. Shamrock runs at Mankind with the chair but Mankind hits a back bodydrop. Shamrock does manage a HUGE chair to the head - while White is checking Mankind, the Boss Man gives Shamrock a strategically placed nightstick to KO him. Mankind happens to have an arm draped over him, so there's the 1, 2, 3. FINALLY a finish! (8:13) Mankind gives McMahon a hug - McMahon displays the appropriate facial expression when Mankind isn't looking. So who's Mankind's mystery opponent? When in doubt, think: THE BROOKLYN BRAWLER." -11.9.98

""MediEvil" brings you the Slam of the Week - Mankind explaining that he wasn't pinned and he didn't submit - followed by the Rock walloping him with the Championship belt. We see the Two Musketeers and the Comissioner outfited in football pads and helmets (it's all they could find on short notice - Sarge is wearing his army helmet) - They enter the boiler room and call out for him (Patterson: "Mick....Mick, we love you...") - Mankind, of course, has some cool weapons and has no problem taking out all three of the Stooges. He walks on..." 11.16.98

MANKIND v. KING KEN SHAMROCK v. TV-PG-V RATINGS BOX v. BIG BOSS MAN for the Hardcore Title - Shamrock enters the ring, RAW ends, Boss Man walks to the ring. Mankind is still wearing that storied Taz tie. Let Us Take You Back to Last Week where Shamrock and Boss Man served as an impenetrable wall to keep Mankind away from McMahon. Mankind is in the corner, Boss Man is twirling the billy club, Shamrock is also standing around. Finally Boss Man and Shamrock plan their strategy and attack. Mankind has his way for a bit as the nightstick falls by the wayside, but Shamrock and Boss Man take control. It's more like a Texas Tornado Handicap match, with both men just taking turns picking Mankind apart. Double whip, double back elbow. 1, 2, kickout under Boss Man. Boss Man protests the count to referee "Blind" Mike Chioda and drools on him (ugh) in the process. Shamrock whips Mankind into Boss Man's fist, but Mankind ducks, comes off and lariats both men, then takes Shamrock to the outside and follows. Lawler starts to talk about the hearse as Mankind delivers rights and he and Shamrock go up the ramp. As Boss Man runs to meet them, Mankind pushses Shamrock hard into Boss Man. After debilitating Shamrock, Mankind turns to Boss Man and pounds him down. Back to Shamrock, suplex on the STEEL ramp! But Boss Man hits a lariat to the back of Mankind's head. Boss Man takes Mankind back in the ring. Harcord rules are no DQ, falls count anywhere, by the way. Boss Man has picked up the nightstick and is choking away while Shamrock finally comes back and delivers some rights. Shamrock drapes Mankind over the apron and pounds away as VINCENT K. & SKIPPY appear at the top of the ramp to view the proceedings. Back up the ramp we go, Shamrock takes Mankind to the barricade. Boss Man delivers a nightstick near the eye. Shamrock gives a ribshot with the nightstick as Boss Man holds him. Shamrock holds Mankind for Boss Man to do the same. Boss Man: "This is FUN!!!!" Mankind has found a broom under the ring, and now he's coming back with it - to the gut, across the back of Shamrock, clothesline on Boss Man, across Shamrock's back again, and again which breaks the wooden handle of the broom. Shamrock and Mankind near the commentary table, near the Guy in Pink. Boss Man is finaly back and helping take control. Shot with Lawler's electric fan! Another fan shot! Shamrock stole Lawler's soda and waffled Mankind with the can! Right from Shamrock. Another right. Boss Man is getting a chair. Everybody's back in, along with the chair. Vince is all smiles - but the chairshot hits Shamrock after McMahon ducks. Mankind with a gutshot - double underhook DDT on the chair!!! All three men are down and Chioda puts on the count. At 5, Mankind stirs - the McMahons are walking to the ramp as Mankind is up after 6. Headbutt to Shamrock who falls out of the ring. Mankind follows and whips Shamrock into the STEEL steps, then he takes a sock from a fan in the front row - and it's MANDIBLE SOCKO! But the Boss Man has FINALLY come to and he hits a sledge from behind. Mankind manages an eyepoke but they're both back in - clothesline is ducked - Mandible Claw on Boss Man! Shamrock hits a clip but takes both men out - Boss Man rolls outside. The J.O.B. SQUAD is out - Bob Holly with a flying clothesline off the commentary table. Shamrock has hit a belly-to-belly suplex on the chair and cinches in the anklelock but Chioda is busy arguing with Scorptio, who's on the apron. Meanwhile, Al Snow is in and there's a Headshot to Shamrock - he's out cold. Mankind covers - Scorpio is holding Boss Man's legs - 1, 2, 3! (8:25) Mankind takes his belt and runs away - not before the McMahons do THEIR bit of running. At the top of the ramp, Shamrock and Boss Man have caught up and continue to administer a beating. So I guess all is forgiven between Snow and Mankind?" 11.23.98

BIG BOSSMAN (with Commissioner Shawn Michaels and the TV-PG-V ratings box) v. MANKIND (with the J.O.B. Squad) for the Hardcore Title - Michaels makes the "blow job" pantomime to some fans at ringside, what's THAT about? Also, Michaels forces Gill, Holly and Scorpio out of the ringside area as Bossman takes the nightstick to Mankind to start this match. This match TECHNICALLY starts in the first hour (albeit at the 59 minute mark). Michaels joins the commentators and tells us that he's gonna grade Mankind's performance in this match. Meanwhile, Mankind's taken Bossman to the STEEL steps and followed up with a ladder shot (Michaels gives it a "-2") Mankind takes the ladder and gives ANOTHER shot to the mush as the cameraman trips and falls over (ha!). Mankind suplexes the ladder onto Bossman ("1"). Michael says he didn't sell out, he made a decision that would be best for the fans as well as himself. Mankind has the ladder in the centre of the ring and is climbing, but Bossman is in, so Mankind hits an elbow off the ladder. Bossman is sandwiched in the ladder, there's an elbowdrop to the ladder (wow! - even Michaels gives it a "6"). Another elbowdrop on the ladder. Ladder set up over Bossman's prone form and he's climbing again - but Bossman springs up and punches until Mankind is off the ladder. Whip of the ropes, duck clothesline, double underhook DDT by Mankind. Mankind climbs the ladder, and stops one rung short, pawing at the belt (they ALWAYS do this in these matches, because they're stupid) until Bossman can knock over the ladder, and Mankind to the canvas. Bossman sets the ladder up in the corner and he might FINALLY get some offense in. Mankind meets the ladder in the corner. Bossman sets up the ladder and climbs very slowly - Mankind takes him down and Bossman gets the better of the traded bows. Bossman climbs the ladder as Michaels gives him a "10." Just before Bossman can grab the belt, Mankind has scaled the other side of the ladder and is punching away. Now he's got a sock and here's the Mandible Claw. Bossman falls, keeping the sock in his mouth. Mankind doesn't get the belt, though. Bossman delivers some kidney shots, but he's still woozy. But now THE ROCK is out and he pushes the ladder over - Mankind his the ropes and twists his leg in the ladder (wicked looking!). Rock sets up the ladder for Bossman but Mankind is up - Golotta for Rock and takedown off the ladder for Bossman. Mankind climbs, but the Rock gets up and pulls him off the ladder. Punch, ROCK BOTTOM!, kick. Bossman with a knee to the trachea as Rock sets up the ladder. It's all academic. Bossman grabs the belt, and, ladies and gentlemen, we have a new Hardcore Champion (6:21). Bossman gives a nightstick shot to Mankind, Shawn comes in and delivers some blows of his own (holding his back every time - yeah right Shawn), then the Rock gives some kicks (boy those shoes make him look gay - sorry), finally Shawn delivers a nightstick to the trachea. 11.30.98

"THE ROCK(Y MAIVIA) & THE UNDERTAKER (with Paul Bearer) v. MANKIND & STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN - Since when is the federation Champion the first guy entering the ring? Since the Champion is the least popular guy out of the four. This is actually the first time all night we've seen the Pale Destroyer, with ten minutes to the hour. I just thought that was worth mentioning. Hey, no McMahon speeches for the second week in a row either. I don't know HOW these guys manage to win the ratings every week. (That's sarcasm.) Mankind decides to try to start fighting as soon as he hits the ring. This proves to be a bad idea as the doubleteam takes hold. But then the glass breaks - and Undertaker leaves the ring - but the Rock charges ahead first. Austin takes control over the Rock while Mankind runs at Undertaker. Now they're paired off at different ends of them ramp, Austin and Rock at the top and Undertaker and Mankind at the bottom. This isn't exactly "scientific," you know. Judicious editing fails to show us Jim Ross sitting at ringside. Nothing worth writing home about here, just a lot of brawling around the ringside area. They're still in the same pairings - Austin tastes the STEEL steps while Mankind sits on the barricade and absorbs blows from the Undertaker. Austin manages a trick knee back kick to the crotch to gain momentum. Rock over the barricade and Austin following, meanwhile, Undertaker and Mankind are in the ring. Rock with a right that fells Austin. Mankind whipd, Undertaker, but he ducks - CHOKESLAM! Boots to the head. It looks like Austin and the Rock are FINALLY in the tag positions. Mankind's throat is 'cross the rope, and now the Rock is over to help with the choke. We are reminded that the Undertaker's symbol was lowered from the ceiling and set ablaze earlier in the show. Tag to Rock - punch near the heart by Rock. Rock with a series of rights. Rock threatens Earl Hebner while Undertaker gets in a shot of his own. Mankind tries to tag but gets caught by the Rock short of his goal. Rock gives Austin a shot for good measure. Head to the ... lower abdomen by the Rock. Tag to the Undertaker. Kick. Repeated boots to the head. Right hand. Mankind wanders into the wrong corner and the Rock hits him as well. Doubleteam. Austin has had enough - he runs around to the other side and pulls Rocky off the apron. Mankind finally gets control with a swinging neckbreaker. Both men down and Undertaker does the Zombie situp. Tag to the Rock, who stops Mankind short of Austin again. Bodyslam - it could be time for the Corporate elbow. Hey, Mankind's not supposed to sell THAT! 1, 2, kickout. Whip, reverse, kick to the gut, double underhook DDT attempt is countered by the Rock. And here's the Rock Bottom! 1, 2, Austin breaks up the count. Undertaker is in and Undertaker is all over Austin. Austin goes down. Austin thrown out of the ring, Undertaker follows. Now they're back and forth on the outside. KING KEN SHAMROCK & BIG BOSS MAN are in the ring. The bell is called for (DQ? 8:15) and Mankind is cuffed to the ropes. Undertaker is continuing to work over Stone Cold while Mankind helplessly tries to get anywhere he isn't cuffed and fails. And now Austin is coming back! Choke with the mic cable! " 12.07.98

"MANKIND v. KANE in a "No Holds Barred" contest - Did Mankind REALLY need his theme updated? No sir, he did not. It was just fine without those Broodesque drums, thank you very much. Commentators mention Jim Ross (by way of saying "if he were here, he'd say 'hellfire and brimstone'") which means he isn't forgotten yet, thank goodness. Cole mentions that these two are not only former partners, but coholders of the tag team titles - nice history remembering' there! They fight at the bell, punch, punch, to the corner, reverse, punch, punch, punch, you get the idea. Mankind counters an almost chokeslam with a knee to the gut. I'm still waiting for a wrestling move - just kidding. We go outside the ring now and Mankind tastes the barricade. Whip, reverse, Kane hits the STEEL steps. Mankind picks up the steps, but Kane kicks him and he drops the steps. Kane picks them up and runs them right into his head. Back in we go. Punch. Choke on the ropes. 10-10-220 brings us the Double Feature and Lawler says "those steps weigh 150 pounds" and I don't believe him. Mankind kicks back, Kane with a knee. To the opposite corner. Forearm to the back of the head. Head whipped back to the mat. Whip, head down, swinging neckbreaker by Mankind just MIGHT be the first wrestling move. Rights by Mankind, clothesline out of the ring. "Mick..." it's VINCENT K. "You want it, you've got it - MY way, no no, MY way, not yours. If you've got the guts, I'll see you in the parking lot for a good ol' bashin' street fight." Mankind walks out - umm, what about Kane? I guess it's the always exciting "No Holds Barred ends in COR" that the kids are always talking about as the textbook example of good booking. (about 4:half before the ad break)". 12.14.98

"Quickly, let's go outside to the parking lot where Mankind is giving McMahon punches in bunches. McMahon run into a cyclone fence! Again! McMahon run into a garage door! Brisco and Patterson converge and are quickly dispatched. Here's Mr. Socko! McMahon almost gets one shot in before Mankind claps on the Mandible Socko. Just as McMahon is shoved into the trunk of a waiting car, the Rock comes out and attacks. They brawl onto the hood of the Lincoln, where Rock delivers ROCK BOTTOM ON THE HOOD! Cool. Quick cut to the ad break. 12.14.98

Glover gives you the WWF Rewind - Shane's challenge to Mankind and Mankind's peals of laughter in response.

SKIPPY (with Two Musketeers) v. MANKIND - The BRAWLforALL theme accompanies Shane to the ring. Again, Patterson & Brisco try to convince Shane this is a Bad Idea and again it's nothing doing. Brisco is up on the apron and distracting Mankind - Shane hits a left. Here's another left. One more left, another and a right. Right by Shane, he comes off the ropes but it's Mankind with a big clothesline. TEAM CORPORATE has assembled at the entrance. Double underhook DDT! Michaels holds back the Rock as Mankind gets a chair and the mic. "Get up, Shane, I've got a Christmas surprise for you!" Shane drops to the canvas but Mankind doesn't waffle him - instead he hands him the chair and dares Shane to hit him. Shane hits him once but it doesn't faze him - Mankind attacks. He takes it to him until Patterson comes in - but Mankind steps aside and Patterson knees SHANE. Mankind clotheslines both of them in the corner. Now Brisco is in and gets punched out, then whipped into the other two. *Testicular claw* by Mankind on Patterson! Absolutely not. Cole dubs the move "Mr. Jocko." Mankind with another knee to Shane's face and finally, Mr. Socko is out - Shane tastes the cotton. Now the Rock decides it's time to come to the rescue and he hits Mankind out of the ring, then follows. Referee "Blind" Mike Chioda decides "well, a chairshot is ok, ONE or TWO running in is ok, but I draw the line at three" and rings the bell (DQ 3:05ish). Now D-GENERATION X runs in to even things up as Shane is dragged away with stars in his eyes. 12.21.98

Backstage, we see Mr. McMahon talk about firing Commissioner Michaels later tonight, and promising that everybody responsible for Mankind putting his hands on Shane last week will get theirs tonight. Then they enter the bowels of the building(tm) to find Mankind. Eventually, they do, as Mankind attacks - but they quickly swarm on him and present him to Mr. McMahon. McMahon reveals that his new year's resolution is to be kinder and gentler, even to Mankind - so tonight he's going to get a shot at the Hardcore title. As they walk out, the Outlaws' music plays - Vince asks what the hell is this? Shane says Commissioner Michaels already scheduled a Hardcore title defense tonight - Vince says "we'll see about that..."

ROAD DOGG JESSE JAMES v. MANKIND for the Hardcore Championship - The Rock *blasts* James for his opening spiel. "Oh shut your mouth, jabronie - yeah, that's real creative, real innovative, saying the same damn thing night in and night out, be like the Rock! Be electrifying like the Rock!" Rock talks about the Smackdown Hotel on the corner of Know-Your-Role Boulevard and Jabronie Drive. As Mankind enters the ring, we see that Shawn Michaels has just arrived and we take our final ad break.

When we come back, the match has apparently started during the break, as James is taking it to Mankind. Head meets buckle as Rock says "electrifying" several times, then says that both competitors are pieces of trailer park trash he couldn't give two pieces of monkey crap about. Mankind gains the big mo - clothesline and both men are out of the ring. James's head is taken to the barrier. Up the ramp we go, punch, punch, head to the STEEL, boot to the head. Cole says Mankind was named wwf.com Man of the Year because Time "screwed" him out of their Man of the Year award. Ha! Further up the ramp we go, punch, snap suplex on the stage! Mankind goes to the back, then emerges with a technician's table - scaring off a technician in the process - he suplexes the table on Road Dogg, sending cables and equipment flying. 2 count. (Hebner pounds on the table so we can hear it - very neat) Right hand from Mankind, Dogg back bodydrops him as he charges again. Cole asks Rock when he'll defend his title, and Rock says any time he damn well pleases. Dogg rushes Mankind with the table and clocks him. Down the ramp we go, Mankind picks up James and drops him on the apron. Another 10-10-220-sponsored Double Feature. Meanwhile, Mankind has found a toolbox under the ring, but before he can take it to James, it opens up and a lot of tools, screws and nails fall on him. James has found a cooking sheet and gives Mankind some shots with it - we miss some action as a fan jumps the barrier and we're not supposed to see it. Back in, James has a chair and Mankind gets a shot. Side Russian legsweep on the chair! 1, 2, kickout! whip, head down, Mankind with a piledriver! 1, 2, feet across the ropes. Cole wishes JR well, and so do I. Piledriver on the chair by Mankind! Cooking sheet laid across the face - LEGDROP! 1, 2, shoulder up *somehow*. Mankind pulls out some hair, just for kicks. Mankind puts Dogg through the ropes. Kick. Rock tells Cole he's gonna rip off his face and wipe his ass with it. Over the barrier we go - into the penalty box we go! Repeated rights from Mankind - he's got a monitor! But James ducks out before it can hit him - hey, it's just like the Nintendo game! Attack with the TV! Chairshot from James - mic cable choke - Mankind over the railing and he drops, and James hits the railing. Socko is out - Mandible claw! Cole: "Rock you know what THAT tastes like!" Rock: "You're gonna taste my foot in your ass!" James set on a table - Mankind climbing up the stands - ELBOWDROP THROUGH JAMES THROUGH THE TABLE! But Rock has left the booth - he's counting down from 5 - ROCK BOTTOM ON MANKIND! Cole: "I think he got his spleen slammed through his stomach!" James manages a cover - and Hebner counts 3. (9:30+ads) James is worse for wear but he's still the Hardcore Champion. Replay of the Rock Bottom on the "concrete" floor. Road Dogg sees this replay on the Titantron and gets a little pissed off that he won the match that way. Then he swears, not terribly creatively I might add. 12.28.98