Scene: Mr. T's humble house on the corner of Jabron..er, Cork Dr. in Fort Worth. The T-Squared Team (Myself, Mr. T of the A-Team, and Itty Bi, I mean, Mini-Me) are gathered around a big screen TV in a living room, with the appropriately decorated Christmas tree, stocking, and so on in the background. A gallon milk jug sits on a coffee table, in easy reach.

T: Wow, 1999's over.....

Mini-Me: No shit, Carrot Top!

T: Don't make me stuff you in the laundry hamper again, small fry...

AT: Whoa! Word, T, chill, itty bitty always gets this cranky around this time....

MM: And you get LAZY, Carrot Top, 

T: LAZY?

MM: Why haven't you written a column in a while then? [T grabs Mini-Me and hangs him by his shirt on a nail next to a stocking]

T: Doesn't Short Stuff make an excellent Talking Christmas Wreath? No batteries required, either....[chuckles]

AT [pulls MM down and sets him on a nearby sofa]: ALRIGHT, foos, CHILL! We know you had finals, T, and you were still hurt from abdomen problems, so lay off.

MM: What are we watching, Carro..[glare from

AT], er, T?

T: A '1999 in Wrestling Moments' tape.  

Moment 1: On a RAW is War broadcast in January, [taped 29 December 1998], Mick "Mankind" Foley wins the WWF title with an assist from Stone Cold Steve Austin.

T: Mick got the title -- going into the year, there were two people I desperately wanted to see wear that WWF Title, and I'll talk about the other one in a minute. Bigtime markout moment for me.

AT: That foo is CRAZY, he's been tossed off and thru cages, had an ear ripped off, bled buckets and fought in barbed wire.  It's a damn shame that it took em 13 years ta give em a gold belt!

MM: Hell, I wish I'd known, I'd melt your jewelry, AT, and make him one, save him all that fuss!  

Moment #2 - Test wins an emotionally charged matchup over Shane McMahon for Stephanie at SummerSlam. Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura then is the official that counts Mankind to a WWF Title Win on a WWF PPV.

T: Wow! Who would have thought that I'd be marking out over a Shane Mac match? SummerSlam gets the nod from T-Squared as the best WWF PPV of '99.

AT: Word, Jesse!

MM: What's the name of that ferret looking guy?

T: Test.

MM: DAYUM! Get him a hot blonde -- call her Crib Notes. Not that he could get one.....  

Moment 3: On 9 August 1999, Chris Jericho makes his WWF debut on Raw is War , and captures the IC Title a mere four months later.

T [Bob Ryder impression]: It sure was a mistake for Chris to move to WWF, yep, it shore was, [drops impression] the Ayatollah has done more good for himself in four months than in 2 years at WCW. The Y2J Bug lives on...

AT: It's Raw is WAR, not Jericho...that foo is confused.

MM: Look who's talking ....[snickers].

On RAW is War, the Greater Power is revealed to be ....Vince McMahon, putting a stake through the logic of the already-stunted "Corporate Ministry" angle.

T: Of course, not all the moments were shining ones for Vince and Co. "It was ME, AUSTIN, IT WAS ME ALLLLLL ALONG...."

AT: It takes SEVEN guys to hold down one bald Texan? WHHHHHO'S the foo writing this crud?

MM: What's wrong with Bald people , tough guy?

AT: The glare........

On the May 23rd "Over the Edge" Pay-Per-View, Owen James Hart plunges 50 ft to his tragic death, turning the wrestling world on it's ear. Owen was 34.

T: Remember the two guys I mentioned that I wanted to see wear WWF World Gold before 1999 was gone......here's the other one....We miss you, Owen.

AT: A Toast: To Owen!

T, AT, & MM: TO OWEN! [All three glasses smash as one against the fireplace wall].

At the No Mercy PPV, the Hardys put on an AWESOME ladder match against Edge and Christian, that draws a standing O both that night and an encore at RIW the next night.

T: What a match! Wrestling doesn't sell? Take a look at this match! I swear that I yelled "OMG" at least four times during this match - a tie all time with the HIC UT/Mankind match.

AT: Who's the cute chick?

T: [sighs].

At the February St. Valentines Day Massacre PPV, Vince McMahon and Austin tear down the house in a bloody cage match that ended with Paul Wights interference unwittingly working in Austin's favor.

T: The culmination of a fued that lasted over a year -- *THIS* is why I watch the WWF.

AT: YOW! That foo beat the holy crud out of him....

MM: Bald guys RULE!

AT: How the hell did they fit that tall guy under that ring?

RAW Short Takes: Shane McMahon does a cross body off the top of a cage; Steve Austin drives a Zamboni to the ring in Detroit; Undertaker tries to embalm Austin live on TV; Jarrett gets pinned by Stephanie and puts Debra in the F4; Patterson and Brisco draw THE HIGHEST RATING for a TV quarter hour segment in 1999; Jim Ross "wrestles" with Austin against Chyna and Triple H, the Rock and Mankind get 30 minutes for a cheesy "This is Your Life" soap opera-esque segment; and from Smackdown, Vince McMahon becomes the WWF Champion, defeating Triple H thanks to SCSA interference.

T: Good, bad, or just downright UGLY, there was no short of memorable and memorably forgettable moments on the flagship show of the WWF.

AT: Those two old foos' music [referring to Patterson and Brisco] sounds awfully familiar....

T: It should, now that I think of it.....ha!

Mini-Me: Yea, it's now the SECOND time people paid money to see two fools come out to that .argf[AT grabs him]

T[grinning]: I don't know if I pity you, small fry, but that was a FOOlish choice of words.

And Now, the T-Squared Moment of the Year. A lot [two minutes] of thought was put into this, and it's entirely appropriate:

On a RAW is War episode [8.16.99, taped 8.10.99], the last taped RAW to date, prior to SummerSlam, Mankind challenges Chyna for her #1 Contendor to the WWF Title spot after his interference in her #1 Contendors Match gave her the win.

Mick: Hold on, Chyna. Now I know there's always been a vague sexual tension between us - you and your revealing little outfits, and me in mine. I'm gonna try to put all that aside, and tell you that *I* want a piece of SummerSlam. And if you've got the testicu- the ovarialogical fortitude to give me a shot tonight in this very ring for that #1 Contender role, how does that sound, Milwaukee?"

Chyna, in response, low blows him and: "In case you don't get it, that means no."

Mick, howling in pain on the mat, responds: "Are you sure?"

I'd like to wish all the [Slash]izens a happy and very safe holiday from the gang at T-Squared!