Well, I hath returned: hope all the masses had a good day of Thanks.

You would not BELIEVE who I ran into at the store yesterday. My mom asked me to pick up some milk and juice on the way some, and who should I find in the dairy aisle, but my A-Team namesake Mr. T himself! After assuring him that I was still drinking my milk and loving my mama, we ditched Mini-Me, and headed for my humble West Fort Worth abode. I poured myself a glass (and T just drank straight from the gallon jug) and I sat down to answer some of my email.

From: "Easy" Ed Ferrara [ PowersThatBe@Wcw.com ]
Subject: Oklahoma

Isn't my parody funny as hell? I mean, c'mon, JR liked it in WWF, so it can't be THAT bad.

T: Um, no. The one-trick pony (mocking Jr's mannerisms) was barely funny the first time, and the fact that the "comedy" framed a blatantly racist "Pinata on A Pole" match didn't help, either. Also, I happened to see that parody on Heat, and I seem to remember that not only did a heel (Tiger Singh) pay you to make fun of JR, Dr. Death came out and kicked your ass for doing it, so the parody was portrayed as BAD. The WWF didn't think it was funny: it protrayed it as tasteless and cruel, and it's no different now.

AT: I pity you, foo ...when WCW, that bunch of no-milk drinking, crack smoking foos fails and you are looking for a job, I wouldn't look in Stamford, ya punk.

From: The Kris Zimmermann is Biased Club [ CZRSucs@aol.com ]
Subject: Why do he write WCW report he biased ass

Why dont CZR just STOP writing those dam Nitro reports: get a transfer to a noter job, if he hats them so much.

T: Silly me, how could I have forgotten that the First Amendment *only applies* when YOU want to rant on your preschool desk. GET A LIFE, you goofballs! He has just as much right to recap Nitro and hate it as you do to recap it and love it. Go start up WWW.WCWISTHEBESTFEDEVER.COM and recap Nitro in all it's glory if you like; stop bothering us because we dare to have a different opinion.

AT: All these fools must not have a lot to do with their lives.

T: This coming from a guy who hangs around with Mini-Me.....[snickers].

AT: Foo, don't even start.

From: The Parent's Television Council [ ThePTC@PBS.com ] 
Subject: WWF Raw

The WWF is way too violent; kids should not be watching this crap! I mean, look at that Snow guy, and Austin!

T: Two Words for the PTC: South Park. While the Ignorant Crusaders attack the WWF, South Park episodes (pretty much agreed by ANYONE to be more vulgar and inappropriate for kids than the WORST episode of RIW) airs in the 9-10 pm CST slot on Wed., Thurs, and Sunday here in the Metroplex. Why yes, SP airs in the same time slot as RAW, on school nights at a time when the kids are likely to be watching TV!  Not to mention the fact that if the kids'' worst experience with violence is delivering the People's Elbow and trying to use Mr. Socko on somebody, I'm not too worried.

AT: Foo, the kids love their mamas -- if their mamas love them, they need to teach their kids right from wrong, and not have some yahoo right-wingers trying to parent their kids for them. 

T: [Impressed Look]: Deep, T! Are you a political man?

From: Annoyed Slash Reader [ WhoTheHellisCyan@flash.who ]
Subject: Good, Bad, And Ugly

Why doesn't Michangelo stop namedropping CyanWhoever and pay attention to the Good, Bad, and Ugly?

T: Seems to me a lot of people are wasting their time whining about this. DON'T read the damn column if you don't like it. By the way, giving it valuable column space bitching about it only *INCREASES* publicity and therefore the chance that they will keep on doing it. I, for the record, happen to like both the G, B & U, and Up Close and Personal. Power to the 10 & 11 Wonders [mock salute]!

AT [shaking his head]: You, foo, have issues.

From: Jim Ross [ EdSucks@WWF.net ]
Subject: Al Snow

Isn't it a damn shame how Walmart pulled his action figure? IT'S NOT A SEVERED HEAD!

T: Yes, it is, JR, now STOP SHOVING IT DOWN OUR THROATS! Geez, no one who has followed Al Snow believes the ridicilous claims made by people that it is a severed head, and (sadly) no one who doesn't know better is likely to change their minds, on the off chance that they ARE watching RAW. so whats the point of ranting on and on about this?

AT: Why is the damn foo carrying the head around again? I thought he flushed it or something. And started carrying around a dog. 

T: [sighs].

From: Billy Busch [ ATM_Eric_isgone@wcw.com ]
Subject: Powers That Be

Wasn't it SUCH a good idea to hire Russo and Ferrara away?

T: Yeah, sure. We've seen toilet humor, outright racist angles, a horridly bad attempt to adopt Crash TV, and the pissing away of the one good advantage WCW had over the WWF -- wrestling content. It's like watching a goddamn train wreck....it's essentially the same as the WWF ... the only difference being, the WWF has developed personalities that I care about; the WCW has none, save for the guys who have ruled the WCW roost since 1996 & Goldberg, who (with the exception of GB) are stale on top. I said it before: the reason why Vinny Roo's crashing and burning is the roster size -- he has gained one hour to get over 40 -50 more guys that he had to at the WWF. It's always more difficult to pull off the same trick on a larger scale. Nitro sucks dishwater, in my own opinion, and still will until they find something more compelling that the PTB storyline, and some focus backstage.

From Chris Zimmerman [ NoneOFtHESEAreRealEmailAddresses@biased.com ]
Subject: T, you are really cool.

See title.

T: Of course, I knew it all the time :-). You oughta give Andy a "/", the people's columnist is a

AT & T (together): DAMN COOL FOO, man!

AT: Will he actually PRINT that?

T: Who knows? Only one way to find out........[clicks send]