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| Guest Columns | Nathan Spears |
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FULLY LOADED PREVIEW Well howdy everyone! I'd be Big Nate and I shall be your tour guide through a very special preview of the WWF "Fully Loaded" Pay-Per-View. The reason this is so special..... Well because it could be the end of an era? (No I'm not talking about the Austin/Undertaker main event!). This could be the last time you see me on this beautiful site. You might be thinking this is the only time you've seen me? You'd be right, but to quote the omnipotent CRZ "Sure, I'd be happy to put up anything you care to write ... well, at least once. ;-)" How's that for job security? Oh wait I'm not getting paid for this? Damn! But I must say that little winky happy face scares the shit out of me. So I'm George Jetson to CRZs Mr. Spacely, and here's hoping I get promoted to vice-president next episode! (It really sucks that I can't use my initials and be known worldwide by them.... but if I did we'd be talking major lawsuit from Nintendo, and none of us want that.) Ok enough stalling and on with the preview, and some predictions. I hope you brought your score card so you can play along with me! There will be some great prizes for anyone who supplies me with predictions that are 100% correct. - 'Iron Circle' Match Ken Shamrock vs. Steve Blackman: Both men will be surrounded by a ring of cars (with their headlights on), and the loser is the individual who leaves the 'Iron Circle' first. This is a really neat idea for a gimmick match, and the story that goes with it is pretty impressive as well. It kind of reminds me of an episode of "Kung Fu: The Legend" I saw awhile back (not that I expect very many others saw it.) But at any rate.... There is really very little doubt in my mind as to who will win this match. It has to be Steve Blackman. Why? Because even looking past the fact that Shamrock wants to take a leave of absence to go fight in the UFC, Blackman is a devilish hired assassin that is one bad mofo. At least that's what the WWF will have us believe, and Shamrock hasn't really been doing much lately other than saving Test. But with that said Shamrock can't lose face in this kind of match now can he? *Big Nates Prediction: Blackman by a screw job ending.* - European title Mideon vs. D'Lo Brown: No gimmick other than that lame Euro title. Not a lot to say about this match, and unless the WWF has decided to become the WCW and push unpopular wrestlers with no charisma D'Lo should win this match easily. No screw job, just Mideon taking up valuable PPV time with his imitation of a wacked out stripper. *Big Nates Prediction: D'lo over Mideon clean* - Joey Abs vs. Test: No Gimmick (Love of Stephanie?) Well here is where I'm going to deviate from general consensus a bit. Test needs to become more popular now doesn't he? And if he wins this match where else can this angle go to increase Tests popularity? (Other than some soft porn with the Bosses daughter.) So the way I see it.... Stephanie will turn on Test! No one in wrestle land is ever happy for too long, and this Test and Stephanie thing has pretty much run it's course. With Stephanie turning on Test, it creates a whole new part to this angle as well as earning Test the backing of all those women who feel sorry for him, as well as all those men who have had a girl leave them in a cruel manor. It's revenge time baby! *Big Nates Prediction: Joey Abs over Test with the help of Stephanie* - The Big Show vs. Kane: With Bob Holly as the guest referee. Now the question here is who is big bad Bob going to feud with? Because of this match it's either going to be The Big Show or Kane. While Kane is established in the WWF, TBS has to climb the ladder for a little longer to really make his impact. Kane will be the next rung, and at the same time help get Holly over. A quick count can easily set up their feud, and help big bad Bob get some measure of revenge. While TBS can move on to bigger and better things. *Big Nates Prediction: The Big Show over Kane the assist to Holly* - Intercontinental title Jeff Jarrett vs. Edge: No Gimmick Who doesn't see this one coming? Debra gave JJ that bloodbath on Raw, and Jarrett will be going the way of good old Mongo. (Kicked to the curb ala Springer, not in terms of ability or television presence.) Also test is in line for something big, and the WWF goes by the assumption that Debra will help him increase in popularity (I think she'll steal his heat... but hey). So Edge will win and JJ will blame Debra for showing off her bosoms (I refuse to say that annoying P word) and Debra is off to play patty cake with Edge. *Big Nates Prediction: Edge over JJ cleanly* - DX Ownership Match Road Dogg/X-Pac vs. Chyna/Billy Gunn: The Gimmick is for the ownership of the DX name and the kick backs that result from that name. Duh? Who really cares about this match? The only people buying DX merchandise any more is unhip parents who try to do something nice for their ungrateful kids, and don't even get a god damn Thank You! You kids know who you are! Go give your mom/dad a big hug and tell them how much you love that lime green shirt, then go hide it in the closet until everyone forgets about it. Can anything in what formally was DX be decided without having Shawn Michaels show his face? If you believe the world is flat you'd answer yes, if you answered no, then you'd be bang on. Michaels will play a roll, maybe just upping the ante a little. The only one using the damn DX music is X-Pac, and why would they change his entrance? This is a pay-per-view and Chyna is the weak link, so there won't be a screw job. But watch how Michaels figures in. *Big Nates Prediction: Road Dogg/X-Pac over Chyna/Billy Gunn clean* - Tag Titles: 'Acolyte Rules', Handicap Match The Hardy Boyz/Michael Hayes vs. The Acolytes: It's a handicap match for the tag titles, No DQ. I can't wait to see this one! Who gives a damn about what the Hardy Boyz can pull of? They know how to take a bump and make it look absolutely gruesome! I'm looking forward to the Acolytes just demolishing the Boyz for the aesthetic pleasure of it all. The Hardys will win the match and retain the titles. But not until they take some punishment from the Acolytes. Hopefully Hayes doesn't even get tagged in. Since this is a no DQ match the Boyz will do something to Bradshaw, like hitting him on his bad noodle. But it's still considered somewhat clean right? *Big Nates Prediction: Hardy Boyz/Michael Hayes over The Acolytes clean!* - Strap Match The Rock vs. HHH: Winner is the #1 contender for SummerSlam, they will be attached by a leather strap. Falls count anywhere, and no DQ. Lots of Stipulations and the winner of this match goes to SummerSlam and faces the champ with "The Body" as the ref. The WWF is definitely going to be thinking buy rate for that one, and the only match that will bring in the huge pay day is Austin/Rock. HHH and The Undertaker are going to have to be happy fighting in the semi-main event, maybe with TBS thrown into the mix somehow? Though I've pretty much given away 2 predictions at once I'll have more on the title match in a second. This match should end up in the crowd at some point, and various objects should be used. I expect it to maybe even resemble something of a hardcore match, possibly with one of the two getting busted open, to provide an analogy for JR to use before the main event. But none the less, the Rock is going over HHH repetitive tag lines and all. *Big Nates Prediction: The Rock over HHH clean* - Heavyweight title: First Blood Match Steve Austin vs. The Undertaker: It's a first blood match! I wonder if it only counts if it's on the face again? For the same reasons as above Austin has to win this match. The way it naturally works backs up this scenario as well. We haven't seen the UT bleed, and we've see Austin bleed multiple times. The decks are stacked against Austin, and that is why he has to win. It's a time tested formula that won't be broken tonight. You could even call it a time honoured tradition. Where this leaves McMahon is up in the air? Hopefully it will end his part in any future feuds with Austin? But I seriously doubt that. Maybe that bed was filled with disappearing blood? We shall see how that scenario plays out the next night on Raw, and I'm not previewing Raw, so I'll leave that to CRZ to cover. *Big Nates Prediction: Austin over Undertaker, bloodily* Well everyone unbuckle your seatbelts as you've made it through this preview, and maybe you've read the one and only column I'll every write? I hope not but time shall tell? Why don't all you out there write me and let me know what's going on? Let me know your predictions, win great prizes! Write CRZ and tell him to keep Big Nate around. Next week if I'm still here I'll be providing complete transcripts of Vince McMahon on Off The Record. And in subsequent weeks it'll be Linda, then Shane and Stephanie. Hopefully if I sweeten the pot a little and give him these perfect transcripts, in mint condition. Also I plan to uncover the secret online conspiracy between many of the major wrestling websites out there. There is something deep and dark controlling what you think of as your sanctity each and everyday. Why is it WrestleManiacs and Scoops moved at almost exactly the same time? Find out next week! Till then I'm, Big Nate (Am I a freelancer? Or a freeloader?) freefalling Mail the Author |
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