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| Guest Columns | Shane Spear |
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I noticed that there was no review of Wrestlemania 2000 on slash. (That's a lie! There's FIVE of them! - CRZ) Well, with X-Seven just around the corner, I decided to pick up the DVD for the event, and share my feelings with everybody. Also, just because I love EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU, I'll be conforming to the WWF way of adding all the Z's I can. Wrestlemania X-Six (Gotta get with the new times...boyZ) is rated TV-14 LVND. My recap is rated JRTDT (Just Read the Damn Thing) It's Palm TreeZ! It's The Pond! It's Anaheim! It's Lilian GarZia! JR told me everything is better with exclaimation pointZ! And Z's! Lots of Them!!! Lilian is singing the Star Spangled Banner. Not Bad. ***1/2 Video Package includes Hogan, MichaelZ, Andre, Warrior, Undertaker, Austin, and Rock as a bad guy. BUT PISS ON HISTORY! That was then, this iZ now! When I think of March MaddneZZ, I don't think of Duke, UNC, Arizona, or Stanford... I think about the McMahons beating the crap out of each other!!! Hell, JR told me once that if it happens twice in a row it's tradition. Pyro City as 19,776 fanZ crammed the Pond. Jerry Lawler and JR are covering thiZ event. But hold the phone!!! Howard Finkel says Ice T'Z here!!! Godfather and D'lo do the required head boppin to tha beat. Holy Cow!!! This is SO not like Master P. And I'm not just saying that because I'm a WWF shrill. Really. I suddenly LOVE the Goodfather character. Here, let me transcribe thiZ so you know what I went through... Pimpin Ain't, Pimpin Ain't Easy Man... Pimpin Ain't, Pimpin Ain't Easy Man... Pimpin Ain't, Pimpin Ain't Easy Man... Pimpin Ain't, Pimpin Ain't Easy Man... Pimpin Ain't, Pimpin Ain't Easy Man... Pimpin Ain't, Pimpin Ain't Easy Man... Something....something....something... Pimpin Ain't, Pimpin Ain't Easy Man... Pimpin Ain't, Pimpin Ain't Easy Man... PIMP OR DIE!!!! GRAB YOUR BITCHEZZZZZZ!!! Bull Buchanan and Bossman then come out to...actual theme muZac. I'm already pulling for them. B&B vs The Nation Leftovers (Loser has to form a stable with Ice T.) ----------------------------------------- Bull Whiffs a few time, and D-Lo tries a little offense, including a heel kick. D-LO sayZ YOU SUCK!! Tag and a Bodyslam and spinning leg drop from Godfather. Bossman tags in and punches GF. GF with a clothesline to a "BoSSMAN SUCKZ" chant. D'LO punches as JR and King shrill Agression: The CD. D'Lo does the ten punch classic, throws Bull into the corner, but Bull jumps OFF the corner with a flying lariat. Nice. Sliding Bossman punch get two on D'Lo. Bicycle Kick by Bull, but a cover only gets two. Bossman tosses D'Lo on the security railing. Since there's nobody in the ring, GF decides to make a cameo, and wails on Bull, but gets his eyes rakes in the process. Back to Bull and Lo. Tag to Bossman and a cover for only two. Bull locks in a bearhug. Fans go take an early piss break. ONE!!! TWO!!! NO!!! Double-Double Axe Handle, and GF WANTZ a tag. BOSSMAN SUCKZ, by the way, so the crowd sayZ. D'Lo FINALLY getZ an offensive move in and promptly tags out. Ho train hitZ, but the Frog Splash is spoiled. Bossman slam and Bull Leg Drop do in D'Lo for the 3 count. (9:05) After the match the copZ decided to scare away the ho's. That'Z like...EVERY EPISODE OF COPZ EVER!!! Jerry Lawler is all decked out in his Wayne Newton suit, and JR is decked out in his Big and Tall attire. Earlier today, Mickey J explainZ the ruleZ to all the Hardcore wrestlers. Vis can't stop staring at the camera. Tazz apparently stole X-Pac's bandana that night. TAKA never changeZ his shirt, or just REALLY likeZ blue. Crash Holly lookZ short. EntranceZ start. Tazz comeZ out to a very nice reaction, looking very seriouZ. Big ViZ is out next, and the crow immediatly dieZ. Oh Joy!! It's the posse!! Hardcore Holly comes out to a HUGE reaction, that soon dies down after the crowd realized that Bob isn't Crash. Kaientai comes out, followed by the Headbangers, Madonna bra and all. The Acoylte theme breaks the crowd silence. Crash Holly finally comes out to cheers and the match begins. (OK, this Z thing is just pissing ME off more, which iZn't the point, so I'm stopping.) "13 Men, and I'll be damned if I have to think of clever nicknames and type them all out" Hardcore Title Match --------------------------------------- Ok, so keep in mind that this will be a fifteen minute match. Last one with the tile keeps it and gets a 24 hour reprive. King tells us Crash finally got a good night's sleep the night before. Well, he must've been sleeping early in the match because Tazz suplexed him right out of his bones a few second in. Brace yourself. TAZZ WINS A MATCH, and is the new hardcore champion. (0:24) But don't worry, he jobs it right back, to...Viscera??? Yes, the OTHER Big Show is the new hardcore champ. (0:59) Viscera pounds random people with a cooking sheet and trash can lids. Nobody really seemed to go after him for a while. Hardcore takes a few shots on the champ, but Viscera knocks him loose. Vis in the ring now, and Mosh JUMPS ON HIS BACK. But rather than do the squash spot we've seen about a million times, he pastes Mosh with an object. Meanwhile, the Acolytes double-finish Kai-en-tai off. Viscera climbs the ropes for some reason beyond me. The APA catch on to this and chuck him off. Bradshaw nails a flying shoulderblock. The Acolytes...place Kai-En-Tai on Viscera?!? In one of the funniest parts of the match, Mosh piles on top of the mess, trying to get credit for the pin. HA! TAKA dances around, until the announcer says that FUNAKI is new hardcore champ. (7:12) TAKA then knocks Sho down and chases him around to the backstage as the theme from Dudley do-right plays in my head. Slows down here and a lot of people win the title in a row after one move. This includes Rodney (Joey!! I won! Jo--AHHH!) (8:10), Joey Abs (8:23), Thrasher (8:42), and Pete Gas (9:28). Pete looks at the camera and HOLY SHIT that's a lot of blood! Back in the ring Taz nails a Tazplex. Why is it called a Tazplex? Because EVERY SUPLEX HE DID IN ECW WAS A TAZPLEX! Tazz takes over the title for the time being. (10:14) Under five minutes left, and they've pretty much brought the actually match down to three people. Tazz and the Hollys. Crash tries to pin Tazz, but Hardcore breaks it up. Hardcore tries to pin Tazz, but Crash breaks it up. Repeat this a couple more times and you'll get the idea. Crash finally gets the pin and the hardcore title after hitting Tazz with the cookie sheet about 4,672.49 times. (14:24) Crash gets up, just in time for the TAZZMISSION. Crash somehow lasts in the hold for about 25 seconds before Hardcore barrels in with a glass jar, and nails Tazz with it. Hardcore covers Crash. 1!! 2!! What? Ref Mickey Jay has a sudden spaz attack as he fucks up the ending, where I assume time was supposed to run out before Hardcore could get the pin. Well, whatever. Mess-up aside, they award this match to Hardcore Holly, which pisses Gummy Crash off, but what can you do? Pretty entertaining stuff, and if I believed in stars, I'd give it a few. (15:00) All the instant replay proves is that Jim Ross does a fair Jerry Lawler impression when someone steals his candy. You'll have to watch to understand. Axxxxxess. Wow. Chyna talks for about 14 minutes. DUD. More Axxxess. Jericho un-retires his heel "save the wwf" shtick. ***1/3 Even More Axxxxxxxxxxess. Kane wears a long sleeve shirt. ** Big Show loves axcess. He's so excited he's about to pee his pants. I actually didn't write that line. Test on TV? Jonathan gets pissy when somebody says that like HBK or than him. ***35/89 Here's the Cream of the Crop. At axxxxcess, some lucky fans got to sit down and call a match with the true great one, Mitchell Cole. Learn sayings such as HOLY SH-- HOLY COW!!!, Whatamove!!, and DOG POOP!!! I think I need a whole extra line for all the stars this deserves. I'd hype it up some more, but this fat kid from Notre Dame does it for me. I think Austin and Rock were there too...but I was off calling ticketmaster, because I want to make SURE I don't miss this year's Axxxxxxxxxxcess. Al Snow talking to someone in the toilet. Blackman comes back and starts getting pissed. I'm *almost* starting to think he didn't like teaming with Blackman. Trish has breasts. Really big ones. So damn big JR started his Rikishi's butt joke but had to stop himself. Headcheese comes out to Lethal Weapon's Music. You know what Axxxxxcess was missing? A pygmie in a cheese suit. But it's OK, because they remembered it here. T&A comes out to little heat. Head Games (I liked that better) vs This episode of Sesame Street was brought to you by.... -------------------------------------- Test and Blackman start, and somebody's prayer got answered as JR's headset goes out. Jerry go it alone, much to his delight. You know, this match is so damn boring, I think we'll play a game. I'll list seven moves, and you try to find me the two that were actually used in the match. Shoulder Jawbreaker Swanton Bomb 3/4 Facelock Russian Legsweep Punch Face First Stretch Slam Kick Back Mounted Side Roll Cradle 450 Splash Finish is a flying elbow from test onto Blackman. (7:03) After the match Headcheese destory the pygmie. Fun for everyone, especially midgets. Backstage, The Kat and Mae Young go all Austin Powers on us, teasing nudity and the such. Just be thankful that Russo was gone by then, otherwise the two would've made out for a while. The Dudleys, still supposedly heels at this point, cut a killer promo, that I'll be proud to transcribe here: Mitchell: Tonight you put the tag -- D-Von: Yeah, you right. Tonight is the night. But you know something? It seems like the WWF is always trying to put the Dudley Boyz down. Putting us in a LADDER match? Huh, yeah...I don't like ladders, and I'm a little afriad of heights, but I'm gonna forget all about that. Cuz tonight at Wrestlemania, huh, The Dudley Boyz will still remain the WWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!! Testify Buh-Buh!! Buh-Buh: TONIGHT! The Dudley Boyz take Wrestlemania to a WHOLE! NEW! LEVEL! Tonight, the Dudley Boyz take the LADDER MATCH to a WHOLE! NEW! LEVEL! of violence. When the dust settles, and when the Dudley Boyz are heading out with those tag straps around their waist, it'll be then when the Hardys and Edge and Christian that... THOU SHALT NOT FU--GRRRRR WITH THE DUDLEYZ!! D-Von: Ho-Ho!! My brother!! TESTIFY!!! Awesome promo. E&C enter the ring through the crowd, for what could be the last time. Edge had his own t-shirt? I don't remember that. Well, here's the Hardys. Jeff slides under a few ladder to show HE'S 2XTREME!!! Dudley BOMBS!!! Buh-Buh enters WITHOUT the belt around his neck, because it hanging way up in the air above the ring. Sign: Dudleyville - Population 10. All are wearing glasses, very creative. The Farrah Fawcett Fan Club vs 2Xtreme vs The Damn Dudleys in a super-sized tag team ladder match for the titles. --------------------------------------- E&C jump the Hardys from behind, and take them to the outside. Edge hits a spinning heel kick on D-Von, and everyone leaves to the outside. Back in, Buh Buh slaps Jeff on the chest a few times. Jeff counter a whip into a corkscrew moonsault. Buh Buh comes back with the mile-high back body drop, followed by the full nelson drop. Christian in, and setting up a ladder. E&C choke out D-Von in the corner, while Matt slams Buh Buh into the turnbuckle. Another ladder is in the ring, and controlled by Edge. Jeff Hardy hits a poetry-in-motion into a ladder, which crushes Buh Buh in the process. Christian tries a similar move in the other corner, but eats ladder instead. The Hardys do a double clothesline with the ladder on Edge. Matt bodyslams D-Von onto one of the ladders, and Jeff goes to work choking D-Von out. Matt hits a flying elbow on D-Von, causing to oversell A TAD! Jeff DDT's Buh Buh, and the HARDYZ ARE DOMINATING!!! Buh-Buh's lying on a ladder, so Jeff tries to 450 splash. I say TRIED, because he missed, and it looked like it hurt LIKE HELL!! Buh Buh is now on the second rope, and nails something that I'll call a relaxed senton I guess...I don't know. Edge grabs a ladder and rides it all the way from the top turnbuckle to the ground, running over Matt in the process. Body slam here, and this would be the point where they would do the Wassup/Dance/D-VON! spot nowadays, but since they were heels back then, D-Von did a leg drop instead. Buh Buh checks in on the Hardys to make sure they're OK, while choking them out. Buh Buh wears a ladder on his head and KO's anything that moves. After the damage is dealt, he hoists the ladder up to a HUGE face pop. But he makes the mistake of turning around right into an E&C double dropkick. It's set-up and rest time for a minute or two. C&E are the current standing ones, and they set up a ladder near the apron, when CHRISTIAN DOES A CROSS BODY OFF THE TOP OF THE LADDER TO THE FLOOR!!! Shit! Back in the ring, Jeff Hardy is climbing for the belts, but Edge in on the corner....SPEAR!!! Hot diggity damn!!! And everybody is down again, so we watch replays. Edge starts going for the win, but Matt busts out a modifyed sit-down Razor's Edge off the ladder. D-Von goes for the belts, but Christian just chucks a ladder AT HIM, which knocks D-Von off. Christian is on a ladder, but Buh-Buh pulls out a cutter (or 3-D if you're JR) fromt he ladder. Salt on the wound time as the Hardys climbs ladder, not to get the belts, but to squash Buh Buh with Leg Drops and splashes. 3 ladders in the ring right now, if you're keeping track. E&C now double suplex D-Von OFF THE DAMN LADDER!!! Awesome! Loudest Holy Shit chants comes though at this point. Now the action takes place on two ladders. Edge and Jeff on one side, and Matt and Christian on the other. A neckbreaker from Christian, and a side russian leg sweep from Matt send everybody down again. Buh Buh is by himself, so time for more replays. After the replays, everybody is up, and THEY ARE ALL ON LADDERS!! Jeff and Christian fall all the way off the top of the ladders to the mats on the floor. You can hype up that Swanton Bomb we'll see later all night long, but for my money, that was the move that they had the most guts to do. Even at Summerslam, Buh Buh wouldn't take that fall with some tables being there. Hats off to Jeff and Christian here. Meanwhile, Buh Buh just ends up pushing everyone who's left off the ladders, and Matt and Edge end up doing the crotch shot I think I've seen in every ladder match ever. Standing ovation at this point, well-deserved. The Dudleyz are left, Christian eats a ladder sandwich. 3-D on Edge, and HERE come the tables!! JR is still trying to play them up as heels. Let it go, Ross. It's set-up time, and the crowd chants for the Dudleyz. They create the structure they'll use later, and start to climb it, but the Hardys stop that. HUGE ASS HEEL HEAT FOR THAT!!! WOW!! Dudleyz set up some tables, and find some poor Hardys to go with them. Buh Buh climbs the Espanol Table, and signals to D-Von. D-Von goes through the table, because Jeff moved. Matt, however, gets powerbomb'd through the table by Buh Buh. Jeff Hardy tried his little "I'll run on the rail" move, but Buh-Buh creamates him with a ladder, and I'm running out of verbs. Buh Buh sets up the monster ladder, and a table to go with it. Huge Dudleys chant. Buh Buh rests Jeff on the table. Christian pops out of nowhere, and hits Buh Buh with the ring bell. Jeff climbs the ladder, and you know what's coming. Jeff hits the Blah-Blah Bomb, which looks like it hurt HIM more than it hurt Buh Buh. This is the end of those two. 18,692 replays of the bomb will follow. In the ring Matt Hardy hits the Twist of Fate on D-Von. Christian and Matt climb the structure. They are both on the table right next to the belts, but wait! Here comes Edge. He climbs up, and pushes Matt off. Matt ends up going through the last table standing, and E&C claim their gold. Awesome, AWESOME match!! (22:28) Even after the match, Christian takes a bump, falling into the ropes and rebounding onto the ring. Kevin Kelly is backstage with Mick Foley and Steve Blackman. Oops, that's Linda McMahon. Sorry, I see somebody with no personality, and Steve Blackman pops into my head. Mick Foley says he's gonna win. Go figure. It's now time for the Katfight. First person to leave the ring, loses. Val's out first, to a OK pop. Was the porn gimmick really that bad? Why did they mess with it? He was quasi-over then. Val Speaks: Hello Ladies! The Big Valbowski and Wrestlemania have a lot in common. We are both the single largest extravanagaza of all time. We'll both get your blood pumping. The only difference is, while Wrestlemania only comes once a year, the Big Valbowski cums every night. Maybe the RTC angle really isn't that bad ... Terri and Moolah come out to PMS muzac. JR warns Scott Keith and his star system to not even bother with this one. Kat and Mae are out now. Kat has blond hair, like we're supposed to be looking at THAT. Anyway, during this match I go over to rantsylvania and notice a couple of things. A. They post their Smackdown report six days AFTER the show. B. The quit the only cool thing on the site, Rantsylverse. C. Keith, being the no-hearing Jackass he is, decided to rate this match on the star system anyway. Good job, buddy Highlights of this match include Mae kissing Val, and Kat ripping off Terri's pants. Yippity-doo. I wish my great-grandma was as cool as Mae. Dallas earns the rights to Wrestlemania 2K1, as they claim they'll out sell WMIII. Well, that didn't happen, but oh well. The R4dicals prepare for their match backstage, and Saturn nails the line of the night: "C'Mon Eddy, you're not the only good looking guy in this room." - That Guy With the Cross Eyes. Too Cool and Chyna get ready to WALK! to the ring. The R4 (sans Benoit) enter first, followed by Too Cool avec Chyna. Too Fools and One Man-Beast vs Workrates R Us ---------------------------------- Eddy winks at Chyna. Eddy rules. Guerrero and S2H will start. Eddy can't stop looking at Chyna. Nice opening leads to a tilt-a-whirl on Eddy. S2H tags Chyna, the roof comes off, and Guerrero tags out. Heh. Malenko in now, and gets clotheslined by Chyna. Dean is lured to the Cool Corner and gets illegaly clotheslined by S2H. Chyna tags in GMS. They double suplex Dean, and Sexay dances with the man-beast. Eddy back in, and he gets back suplexed. GMS climbs, but the Hip Hop Drop is foiled by Saturn, and now he's in. Saturn knocks GMS' doo-rag off and wears it himself. Tag to Dean and a double clothesline. Eddy is in and suplexes GMS. Crows supports GMS enough to get the tag to S2H. Big Eddy Sucks chant. Eddy flips over the top rope onto Scotty and asks to hear it from the crowd. BOOOOOOOOOO!! Eddy pastes Chyna and rams her into the turnbuckle for no reason. GMS suplexs Eddy to the out-side. Everybody is in, clusterfuck time. And when I think of a move perfect for a clusterfuck, I think of the W-O-R-M. HOOTY HOO HOO!!! Chyna is being restrained by the ref while trying to get to Eddy. Uppercut to S2H by Eddy, and a nice superkick from Saturn. Eddy draws all the heat he can, and the fans want to kill him. S2H finally gets an offensive move, a superplex, on Eddy. CHYNA IS TAGGED. Wall of remaining R4dicals...clothesline'd over by Chyna! Handspring elbow on both Dean and Saturn is the set-up for the double low-blow. Eddy is in, and knocks down Chyna. Grinding powerbomb is reversed into one of her own. Testicular Claw on Eddy by Chyna into a body slam. Chyna with a sleeper drop with gets three. (9:32) We go into the two fall/triple threat match. With the DVD you can listen to the three stars do commentary on this one, so at high spots in the match, I'll transcribe the highlights of the commentary. Jericho: The shiny shirt with the sleeves, I went out the night before to Melrose Ave. I usually don't wear sleeves with my shiny shirts, but I thought it would be cool for Wrestlemania. Benoit: Jericho needs to hear the crowd cheer for him...he's very good at calling people names and that's real immature. <Benoit enters> Benoit: The crowd was very electric that night. Angle: Sure I respect Benoit as an athlete, but I wouldn't turn my back on him... <Angle Enters> Angle: It felt the same as it did at the olympic games. <Benoit sneak attacks Angle as we start the match.> Angle: You see?!? You can't turn your back on this guy!! <Jericho starts out with a nice chop to Angle> Jericho: You know when Benoit and I are out there, it's going to be a chop fest. <Benoit chops Jericho back, but ends up getting run into the turnbuckle. Lots of fighting amoungst the three.> Angle: I have to tell you, I thought I could slow the pace down, but my hands were full. I'm letting the other guys beat the hell outta each other. That was my idea. Jericho: I patterned my career after Chris Benoit, and I think that I have done that. The WWF made us change our styles, even though the WWF style is the best in the world, I'm glad when I fight Benoit or Eddy Guerrero. Then we can bring out some of that stuff from Japan. Kurt Angle held his own all the way. He's a loudmouth jackass, but he's a hell of an athlete. <Jericho locks in a camel clutch and hit a nice suplex on Angle but that only gets two. Angle fights back with rights> Benoit: When [The R4dicals moving] happened, I thought to myself "If eight days ago, somebody said I'd be in the WWF, I'd have laughed." <Angle latches on the crossface chicken-wing.> Angle: There might not be too many things Bob Backland taught me, but the chickenwing was one of them. Jericho: This a PAINFUL move... <Benoit breaks it up and throws Angle over the railing> Angle: Nobody's helping me. The crowd was kicking me. I don't know if they were Benoit's friends or what, but that's what happens when you have no intregity. Jericho: Especally that guy wearing the Vince McMahon mask that looks like Ronald Reagan. <Benoit hits a swandive headbutt and wins the I-C championship (7:57)> Jericho: I wasn't happy there, neither was Angle. He was almost crying. <Angle suplexes Jericho and is controlling the tempo. He tries a moonsault, but nobody's home.> Angle: I tried to moonsault b-- Kevin Kelly: Nice moonsault! Angle: Hmph! I MISSED HIM!!! HOW COULD YOU SAY IT WAS NICE?!? Kelly: It looked good. Angle: IT LOOKED PRETTY? YOU THINK I CARE IF IT WAS PRETTY?!?! <Jericho puts Angle into the Walls of Jericho. Benoit breaks it up before Angle can tap.> Angle: I didn't need Chris Benoit there. Jericho: Benoit is the X-Factor. I had victory in my hands, and Benoit took it away...again. Benoit: No such thing as a cheap shot in these matches. <Jericho has a rough time doing the double powerbomb late in the match, but gets it off to a huge pop.> Benoit: To do that at that point in the match takes a lot out of you. Angle: That was pretty impressive. Jericho: I pulled it out. That was just pure power and raw instinct. <Benoit hits a dragon suplex. Ref Tim White decided to count Angle out even though one of his shoulders were up. It only gets 2 anyway. Jericho is whip and ends up doing a ref bump.> Jericho: Timmy paid the price there. I figured "Tim, you made a bad call, I gotta knock you out now." Kelly: Didn't you feel bad at that point? Jericho: Did I feel shame? C'MON! He's a referee! Referee's are blind. <While Tim White is out, Benoit gets the Crossface on Jericho. Jericho taps, but nobody sees it. Jericho puts on the Walls to Benoit> Benoit: Who was the FIRST to tap out? Thank you. <Benoit goes for the another swandive headbutt, but Angle moves, and Jericho lionsault for the the three and the Euro title. (13:50)> Angle: Jericho didn't even TRY to get into the fight until the end!!! I was crying all night. The gold medals will never be on the line. Jericho: Baby Huey whines the night away here. One belt was good enough. It was a great match with two great wrestlers. Next year I want to be wrestling for the world title. ************************** Well, that didn't happen. Maybe next year. Anyway, Mitchell is backstage with Vinny Mac. Vince says that whereever he is, he's a factor. Regarding the other McMahons, he reminds us that he'll "make it right" tonight. Also backstage, HHH gets ready for the big match. He's that damn good you know. From the creative directing that brought you PIMPIN AIN'T EASY earlier, here's another great tidbit, brought to you by DX. The King of Rock. Who? The King of Rock. What? The King of Rock. Who? The King of Rock. What? The King of Rock. Who? The King of Rock. What? The King of Rock. Who? The King of Rock. What? GRAB YOUR BITCHES!!!!! (Actually, that's not in the song this time....) Dx and Tori head to the ring while JR shills of the CD with both those great themes on it. Tori's on her knees for the fireworks. You know, if I was a woman and could get on my knees for any wrestler, it sure wouldn't be the Pac-ster. Road Dogg says sucks it. Rikishi comes out while the commentators throw out every fat joke they could think of. Then Kane comes out to a huge pop. Bearer in a RED RED RED!! suit, which is actually pretty cool looking (***1/4) I hate DX vs Hellfire and Brimstone and Phat Ass. ------------------------------------- The fun actually starts with Tori slapping Bearer on the outside. Paul chases after her, while Kane gets out of the ring to help him. DX double-teams Rikishi in the ring. Kane's got Tori, but X-Pac makes the save. Cut back to the ring, because Road Dogg is getting a stinkface. Tori stumbles into the ring, in perfect position for another stinkface, but DX saves her again. Huge heat for that. DX is heading for the locker room, but Kane drags 'em back. X-Pac hits a spinning heel kick and the 3kick corner combo on Rikishi. Bronco Buster soon follows. Road Doog tags in, juke, jive, and wails on Rikishi. Knee Drop gets two. Pac back in, and keeps kicking Rikishi, but Keesh counters with a 3/4 neckbreaker. Hot tag to Kane. Mile-high back bodydrop on X-Pac. Kane cleaning house, and Rikishi is in too. X-Pac dodges a stinkface. Bearer rolls Tori into the ring, and Kane HARSHLY throws her into a corner. Ouch. Well, somebody's in the corner, so Rikishi decides to stinkface Tori, to a great pop. Tombstone for Pac gets the three. At least it was short. (4:13) After the match Too Cool shows up, and it's time for some dancing. Suddenly, the San Diego Chicken shows up, which everyone assumes is Pete Rose (You had to see WMXV to get it...) Kane sulks in the corner with Bearer. Aftrer the dance, Kane chokes the chicken, (that didn't sound right..) but in a shocking swerve the real Pete Rose shows up and gets chokeslammed and stinkfaced. Fun for everyone. Kane does his pyro, which scares the crap out of Too Cool, but they later dance to Kane's music, which WAS actually pretty cool. Kelly is back with the Rock. The Rock talks and says he's gonna win too. We check out all the celebrities. Michael Clark Duncan, French Stewart, Martin Short, and Screech are all there tonight. Short actually, is not the current WCW champion, thanks for asking. Mick Foley comes out as a wrestler for the last time. Linda's with him, and...is that a smile?!? Foley hangs with Duncan for a minute and then flashes a few BANG! BANG!s for us. Wellllllll...well it's pyro. Big Show is hanging with Shane McMahon. Show debuts his Big Nasty Bastard shirt, which remains the only good thing to come from the Bossman-Show feud. The Rock is out next and the crowd eats it up. He's with Vince, by the way. Champ enters last because CRZ said so. I still maintain that the guy in the song says "One's Self." Oh well, moot point now, eh? Triple H vs Mick Foley vs Rock vs Big Show -------------------------------------- Pairing off, Rock and Show fight as well as HHH and Foley. Mick with a thousand rights on H. BANG BANG! Show kicks ROck in the corner, and then double clotheslines the other two. Bodyslam for Mick from Show, and a gorrila press slam for the Rock. Show is a MONSTER!! Headbutt to Mick, and a choke on the Rock. Mick jumps on Show's back...and HERE'S THE SQUASH SPOT!! I hope Vis is taking notes. Rock fights back with rights, but Show sidewalk slams him. Show sets up HHH for the aaaaaaaaaaaaaaHHHHthechokeslam, but Foley puts a stop to that. Rights to show. All three nail the Big Show. They eventually get Show off his feet, and all three triple-team Show. HHH and Foley soon start fighting again. Show with a boot on the Rock. Rock wails on Shane and Rock Bottoms Big Show. See ya!!! The other McMahons wave good-bye to Shane while the refs make sure that he leaves. Back in the ring, HHH is trying to team with ANYBODY. Rock fools HHH into thinking he's with him, but Rock instantly attacks HHH. The Rock N Sock Connection is re-formed for a few moments. HHH is caught up in the tennis volley. Double clothesline, and HHH goes to the outside. Rock *accidently* BASHES Mick with the ring bell. HHH now is getting the better of the faces, but Mick found his barbed-wire stick. He misses the shot, and HHH low-blows him. HHH uses the stick on Mick. Rock is back in, but HHH tosses him back out rather fast. Mick sneaks up behing and Double Arm DDT's HHH. SOCKO!!! HHH eats it, and then gets hit by the belt that the Rock was holding. Rock sets up the People's Elbow, but MICK TURNS HEEL and stops it with the Mandible Socko. Crowd sayz BOOOOOOOO! HHH goes low on both of them to break it up. A few pin attempts later, and Mick grabs a chair. Rock kicks it into Mick, and DDT's Mick for a two-count. Mick and HHH form an alliance here, which ends with Mick trying to put Rock through the announce table, but he misses and crushes his own ribs instead. HHH just elbows Rock until he goes through. Mick is really hurting, so HHH ends it with a pair of pedigrees, the last one on a steel chair. Foley is retired again, but comes back for one last barbed-wire stick shot. So long Foley. Rock and HHH take it to the scenery near the double titantron. Rock suplexs HHH on the concrete. back at the ring, HHH piledrives Rock on the steps. Both men fair their finishers, and they go back to the crowd. After fighting in the crowd, Rock suplexs HHH through the other table. Shane McMahon is back to attack Vince. Vince needs help to the back. After some more wrestling, VInce is back and he chairs the Rock?!? AND THAT STILL ONLY GETS TWO!!! SO Vince does it AGAIN, and it gets three that time. HHH is still the champion, and my fingers are tired. (20:23somethingish) Post-match: Vince and Steph hug, and Rock beats up Steph. The show ends. I'm outta here!!!!! Super Shane Spear wrestlingtalks.com Mail the Author Visit wrestlingtalks.com Comment about this article on the EZBoard |
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