PREDICTIONS FOR UNCENSORED

WCW led me to an 8-for-11 performance for Not-So-SuperBrawl... let's see if they really are that predictable or if I'm actually that good. My instincts say it's the former.

WCW World Heavyweight Title Match: Sid Vicious vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jarrett's pinned Sid three times since the last PPV, so take that for whatever it's worth. Neither guy is a real draw for WCW, but Jarrett's even less so. Sid goes over again, since it'll be easier to job him out of the title as softball season approaches. This match may not even be the main event in deference to:

Strap Match: Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair

The strap is here to replace Hogan's stolen weight belt, and to give this match a much-needed gimmick, considering the display these two put on at the Dog Show Nitro last month. I know I shouldn't do this since Hogan's involved, but my gut tells me to go with Flair.

Lumberjack Match: The Total "Package" (w/ELIZABETH~!) vs. Sting for the 194,802nd time

And people say Russo's booking was unoriginal.

We haven't seen much of the Stinger since SuperBrawl, although he did show up on Nitro this week to conveniently remind us that he is fighting Luger once again on a pay-per-view. The Package has been getting pretty good heat the last few weeks, though you wouldn't know it by listening to the muted crowds on WCW television. Aside: You'd think with all the paper in the seats, they'd be amplifying the crowd noise.

Anyway, if Sting plans on sticking around for a while this time, they'll need to get him over again, so a win for Sting would be the way to go here. The lumberjacks, who will all be wearing casts, are irrelevant. (Note: A Sting victory would put the all-time match record between these two at 97,388-97,388-26.)

WCW Tag Team "Title" Match: The Mamalukes (w/Disco Inferno) vs. The Harris Brothers

Like last month's epic "Sicilian Stretcher Match" tilt, there's very little good that can come out of this. I don't like or care about either of these teams, but the champs at least have personality, so I'll go with them to retain because the alternative truly frightens me. I'd also like to add that it's a sad commentary when the best wrestler in this match is the MANAGER.

Harlem Heat 2000 vs. Booker and Kidman

Rhetorical question: Is WCW ever going to get Booker away from his talentless brother? Rhetorical answer: No.

This was supposed to be a pointless Booker-Kidman feud when it started, but then WCW teamed them up against the new Harlem Heat stable. But don't worry... the Booker-Kidman feud will start after this match when one of them turns on the other. Expect Harlem Heat 2000 to win in a screwjob ending.

Vampiro vs. Fit Finlay (Falls Count Anywhere)

What was this about again? Does anybody remember? Does it even matter? And I'll say it again, WCW: If you're serious about pushing Vampiro, PUT HIM OVER SOMEONE. For some reason, I think they actually will.

WCW Cruiserweight "Title" Match: The Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea vs. Psychosis

You know, the problem with Iaukea's gimmick is that nobody cares enough about the guy they stole the gimmick from to care about Iaukea. If you've been reading for a while, you already know who I want to win this matchup, and you also know that I'm cynical enough to believe that TAFKAPI will continue to be the Cruiserweight champion as well as not over.

Hardcore Title Gauntlet Match: Brian Knobbs vs. 3 Count

All three members of 3 Count pinned Knobbs to win this belt, and now he wants it back. This is hardcore rules and gauntlet rules, so Knobbs has to pin all three guys to get the belt back.

There are few things funnier in WCW right now than hearing Evan Karagias say the word "hardcore", but I think the joke's gone on long enough. WCW probably doesn't, though, so 3 Count will probably keep the strap.

Bull Rope Match: Dustin Rhodes vs. Terry Funk

Hmmm... out-of-shape old-timer face vs. talentless heel. Didn't ECW do this on pay-per-view last week? At least Corino's over.

A chicken will be involved. Rhodes will win. Yawn. Next.

Lane and His Partner Who Keeps Getting His Name Changed vs. The Demon and Norman Smiley

So he's Rave now, is he? Now, I seem to remember that at the beginning of the Uncensored month, Lane teamed with Norman in a match against 3 Count, and now they're on opposite sides because Lane and His Name Was Idol When This Happened tried to weld the Demon's coffin shut.

The Demon's presence here practically guarantees a win - for Lane and Rave.

The Wall vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

So the story now with the Wall is that Triple B brought him into WCW, even though he first appeared as the late, lamented Berlyn's bodyguard. Uh... OK. They've been pushing The Wall down our throats, and there's been no indication that it's going to stop, so look for The Wall to win.

NEXT WEEK: Uncensored fallout, yet another WCW shakeup(?), how to bring back WCW's injured talent, and the Road to You Know What continues.