I have RETURNED! Or something.

OUT AND OVER AGAIN: 2 for 7, just like last year... And HERE COMES THE CLUSTERFUCK... I STILL maintain that Steph's DDT is better than Triple H's... What the heck is Regal doing?... They're doing this NOW? Well, that means Rock's winning... I don't like the way this is going so far... And Triple H SLIPS AND FALLS ON HIM to take the match. Rock's definitely winning now... Kat's got the belt, thus guaranteeing that this will not end well... Angle is PISSED, yo... I don't think he got his shoulder up on that one... Does that count as "repeating the spot"?... This is #6 for him, isn't it?... Now, the big question: does anyone believe Rock has a chance in hell of retaining at WM?

COMPLETELY UNRELATED: I wrote most of this while watching Eyes Wide Shut. There's a fucked-up movie for you. So if this all seems stranger than normal, there's your excuse.

Just a note before I do this: it's somehow fitting that a company that lost $80 million in a year during a wrestling boom might close after a pay-per-view called "Greed."

PREDCITIONS FOR, QUITE POSSIBLY, THE BEGINNING OF THE END

Cruiserweight Tag Team Tournament Finals: Rey Junior & Billy Kid Man vs. Retro Elix Skipper and What Happened To His Glowsticks?

Kid Romeo got a big pre-debut buildup, with vignettes, even. WCW pushed a "mystery partner" for Elix Skipper in this tournament, who ended up being... Kid Romeo. Rey and Kidman, the "pre-tournament favorites", we know about, but Rey's taken to wearing the Hannibal mask to the ring for some reason.

I still don't like the idea of a separate Cruiserweight tag team title.

What I'd Do: Familiarity doesn't always breed contempt. Rey and Kidman win.

What They'll Do: I'll say WCW follows my lead.

Stacy Carter (can I still use that name?) vs. Positively Better Than Kanyon

Kanyon Cut Ms. Jones, because he's nuts, apparently. An enraged Cat resigned his post as commissioner to go after him. They had a fight in Ms. Jones' hospital room which may not have been the most absurd thing on Nitro that week.

What I'd Do: Kanyon goes over, as Cat should probably be more concerned with getting his job back.

What They'll Do: Whoever's running things now isn't as swerve-happy as Russo was, so I don't expect Ms. Jones to return and turn on Cat here. Kanyon is winning, though.

The Poor Man's Kurt Angle & Mike Awesome Is Not Canadian vs. General Hugh Morrus & Konnan

Morrus and Konnan are playing the injured members of Kronik this month. Seems they had a problem with Storm and Awesome bragging about putting Kronik on the shelf. This feud was re-booked to accommodate Kronik's injuries, and it also affects our next match, but I'll get to that.

The commentators have been putting over Morrus and Konnan as locker room leaders. On Thunder last Wednesday, Mike Tenay brought up the Dungeon of Doom. I changed the channel.

What I'd Do: Morrus and Konnan go over. Awesome turns on Storm.

What They'll Do: Morrus and Konnan win. Team Canada, sadly, stays together.

U.S. "Title" Match: Booker T. vs. The Worst Champion Of Any Kind Ever

Booker T returned rather unexpectedly while Scott Steiner was bragging to DDP about all the people he'd taken out. He probably should have waited a few days and done something about his hair - he's starting to look like the guy from the 7-Up commercials. Because of this, he was given the Rick Steiner U.S. Title feud, while Hugh Morrus, who had been programmed into this spot, was paired with Konnan to replace Kronik against Team Canada.

You know Booker's never been U.S. Champ? I'm just saying.

What I'd Do: If the legends are true, and the wrestling gods do exist, they will allow Booker T. to win this match. I would.

What They'll Do: There's no reason for Steiner to retain here. Which means he probably will.

Cruiserweight Title Match: Chavo Junior vs. Sugar Shane Helms

We had this match at... Sin, was it? I'm too lazy to check. Since then, Shane has gotten a brand new entrance that nobody as white as he is should be allowed to have.

What I'd Do: Even though something about Helms just isn't clicking, I think he needs to beat Chavo here.

What They'll Do: Chavo cheats to win.

Raw Meat (w/Ms. Skye Hancock) vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

If an old angle is resurrected and ends, but the ending sucks, does it still count? And has an actual baby ever come out of any pregnancy angle?

Anyway, Stasiak is Stacy's new boyfriend. He's taken to calling himself the "Mecca of Manhood", and I'm with Tanvir - Allah needs to come down and KICK HIS ASS. Instead, we get Triple B.

You realize that this can only lead to a David Flair-Stasiak blowoff, and no good can come of that.

Whatever happened to Mark Jindrak?

What I'd Do: They're giving Stasiak the megapush, whether I like it or not. He probably should win, though.

What They'll Do: It won't be a squash (how do you squash Bigelow?), but Stasiak's going over.

Tag Team "Title" Match: Sean O'Haire & Not Mark Jindrak vs. Totally Lame

And THIS is why I hate the idea of a Cruiserweight Tag Team title.

Buff and Luger became #1 Contenders after beating Kronik at Superbrawl Revenge. To their credit, they've been jobbing like mofos in the requisite singles matches, especially Luger. Granted, this means they're probably winning the belts, but...

What I'd Do: I'd let O'Haire and Palumbo win.

What They'll Do: Buff and Luger win.

The Greatest Intercontinental Champion Of All Time & Well, So Much For His Retirement vs. The Ame-uh-kin Dweem & Perhaps His Father's Charisma Was A Recessive Trait

And the Ric Flair-Dusty Rhodes feud begins anew.

This started up again when Flair made Dustin wrestle for his contract. Dusty came back to stand up for his son. Jarrett did a Dusty impression that ruled all. After too much Rhodes family interference, Flair challenged the clan to a tag match. Dusty threatened to make Flair kiss his ass.

Did Flair actually say he was honored to be teaming with Jarrett? Shouldn't that be the other way around?

What I'd Do: No ass-kissing, please. Heels win the match, though.

What They'll Do: For some reason, I think the father and son will win.

WCW World Title Match: The Pumpster vs. Cubic Zirconia Dallas Page

Scott Steiner's shelved Sting. He's hurt Goldberg. He's "retired" Kevin Nash. When this feud started, DDP, then allied with Nash, was the last big name left to hurt. Page has taken to calling him "Einsteiner", hanging out in the crowd, and shouting "I'm still standing!" to anyone who will listen.

What I'd Do: Do you want to switch your World title with the future of your promotion in serious doubt? Steiner retains.

What They'll Do: That, most likely.

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