You are here
Guest Columns

Matt Spaulding

Main

BLAH

IDEA MAN
Give It Away

LINE OF THE INDETERMINATE TIME PERIOD: "The Olympic testicles are freezing." - Kurt Angle at the Feb. 10 house show in St. Paul, Minnesota.

Are people who order pay-per-views REALLY idiots?

I ask because WCW's already shown us five of the nine scheduled matches for SuperBrawl Revenge on TV. FIVE. Talk about unimaginative.

We've seen Rey-Chavo. We've seen Nash-Steiner twice. We saw Storm-Cat last week and at Starrcade. We've seen Totally Buff-Kronik at least once a week.

Would it hurt to at least switch things up for the pay-per-view itself if you're gonna do that? Make the PPV version of the match a gimmick match or something. As it stands now, I've already seen more than half of this show. (And I am NOT encouraged, by the way.)

A situation like this is why gimmick matches were created... to add freshness to what would be an otherwise stale matchup, or to heighten interest in what was already expected to be a hot match. They're like Heinz 57 sauce, or wasabi for you Iron Chef fans out there.

Take Cat-Storm. We saw it already, right? Why pay $29.95 to see the exact same match again? Now, if it was, say, a ladder match (which would be ideal given the situation), that adds a little bit of suspense to what hasn't been much of a feud. It also gives fans a reason to BUY the show, since it's not often you see WCW put on a non-Three Count ladder match.

Just make Steiner-Nash a street fight and be done with it.

As for Totally Buff and Kronic - geez, what could we do here? Table? Tornado tag? Both guys have to be pinned? It needs SOMETHING.

Hey, I'm just trying to help.

PREDICTIONS FOR SUPERBRAWL XI: THE APOLOGY

Cruiserweight Title Match: Chavo Junior vs. Rey Junior

Rey won a pretty good Cruiserweight Gauntlet on Thunder a while ago to become the #1 Contender for Chavo's belt. He then beat Chavo last week under the guise of "El Nino", who some thought would be Super Crazy. It wasn't, and it won't be - the Scott Steiner four-man squash scared him off, apparently.

What I'd Do: Chavo's been a good champ, and a win over Misterio would put him on the map for sure, but I think it's Rey's time.

What They'll Do: Rey's going over here.

Six-Man, Four Corners, Elimination Clusterfuck, Cruiserweight #1 Contender's Match: Yang vs. Billy Kid Man vs. Jamie Knoble vs. Evan Karagias Is Still Crap vs. Shannon Moore vs. Kaz Hayashi

This, I would imagine, is four corners tag rules, starting with four men outside the ring and two men inside. (Well, where ELSE would they be?) The winner, I assume, gets a title shot at whatever they're calling the March PPV.

Watch for continued tension between Knoble and Karagias. Something may go down between Jung Dragons Yang and Kaz as well. Kidman winning here and Rey winning the belt would require that an actual storyline be written for the cruiserweight division.

What I'd Do: Having said that, I'd make Kidman the winner, just because.

What They'll Do: My advice to you is to overlook the obvious. I hate to cop out on this one, but I am absolutely stumped. It won't be Yang, though.

General Hugh Morrus vs. The Aptly Named Wall

Sgt. AWOL turned on Morrus to officially finish off the Misfits in Action. Morrus is slowly reverting back to his Laughing Man persona, while the Wall is still actively being not good.

What I'd Do: Morrus goes over and goes after the U.S. belt again.

What They'll Do: It looks to me like they're setting us up for a Wall push, so look for him to win here.

Tag Team "Title" Match: Sean O'Haire & Not Lex Luger vs. Mark Jindrak & Not Curt Hennig

O'Haire and Chuck Palumbo beat DDP and Nash for the belts at Sin, and their former partners are SEETHING with jealousy. Stasiak actually said he carried Palumbo during the Perfect Event days. I laughed. Heartily.

They're actually going to break up the Thrillers? Wouldn't it help if they were over first?

What I'd Do: Well, Palumbo & O'Haire are the lesser of two evils, since Stasiak is utter crap. They should retain here.

What They'll Do: I don't know why, but I smell a title change.

Return Match For The WCW Commissionership: The Poor Man's Kurt Angle (w/Team Canada) vs. Stacy Carter (w/Miss Jones)

Lance Storm called out the Cat on Nitro and beat him to become commissioner, with help from special ref Mike Sanders.

I have to agree with Y Pac (and I believe Eric at The Shooters asked this as well): If Nash was holding David Flair hostage and making all of these demands, why DIDN'T he just order Ric to make Cat commissioner again on the spot?

And I'll add this: why didn't Storm, as commissioner, CANCEL this match?

What I'd Do: The Commissioner job requires mic skills. Cat has them. Storm doesn't. Cat wins.

What They'll Do: I fully expect Cat to win.

The Greatest Intercontinental Champion Of All Time vs. Cubic Zirconia Dallas Page

Jarrett and Page are in that strange nether region - they're not quite main eventers, but they're a little too high-profile to be sent back to the midcard. They're feuding again because they were the only two guys left in the Magnificent Seven/Friends of Bischoff stable feud.

Jarrett set up Page to be arrested in quite possibly the weakest way EVER.

The most notable thing about this feud is that Kanyon - who stole everything about DDP's gimmick but the girl - is back.

What I'd Do: DDP wins and moves on to deal with Kanyon.

What They'll Do: Since it's a Jarrett match, it'll be overbooked beyond belief. Kanyon will get involved, likely causing DDP to lose.

U.S. "Title" Match: This Is Gonna Hurt vs. David Flair With Skills

This was originally supposed to be face Rick Steiner against heel Shane Douglas. But Rick won the belt and turned heel two weeks ago (apparently Douglas is legit injured) and Dustin Rhodes was written into this spot. YOU tell ME Bischoff hasn't had a hand in the booking.

Dustin won his way back onto the roster by beating Rick last week, and now he's got a U.S. Title shot. Are we THAT short on midcard faces?

What I'd Do: Dustin wins, quickly, before Rick can kill him.

What They'll Do: Dustin should win on general principle, but sadly, he won't.

Totally Lame vs. Ckchrraownyichk

It's the tag team that couldn't beat Goldberg against the tag team that did.

This match is the epitome of what I'm talking about. These guys have fought more times than Luger and Sting, for Christ's sake.

It's a damn shame that the one decent wrestler in this feud got a legit pop on the head a couple of weeks ago. If Clark can't go, it's Brian Adams against Bagwell and Luger.

What I'd Do: Kronik wins regardless of who shows up.

What They'll Do: Buff and Lex win via chicanery.

World "Title" Match: The Pumpster (w/Entirely Too Much Makeup) vs. Big But Not Particularly Sexy Kevin Nash

Steiner's the focal point of Ric Flair's "Magnificent Seven", and Nash is in "Killer" mode and wants to take him out. But Steiner wrecked Nash's knee with his ever-present pipe (not THAT one) on Nitro. Will Nash be able to compete? I think so.

What I'd Do: Even though there are more heel challengers than face challengers, there's no sense in killing the big angle now. Steiner retains.

What They'll Do: Eh. Steiner's winning.

Small Packages:

  • For the two of you who haven't figured it out yet, that's Tori in the "ninja" outfit. And she's more over than Billy Gunn.
  • Is this the first SuperBrawl that hasn't been held in the Bay Area?
  • I have no athletic ability whatsoever, and I could do a better leapfrog than that.
  • All right, Billy... you've had a bad match with Chris Benoit, and a heatless match with Triple H. It is time to FUCKING GO.
  • Yawn. More midcard heels.
  • If Triple H is the "Cerebral Assassin", then why has Austin been winning all of the mind games?
  • That was the goofiest Vince laugh I've ever heard.

    NEXT WEEK: No Way Out, and a change of heart.

    Matt Spaulding
    The Oracles' War Room

    Mail the Author
    Visit Oracleswar.com

    Comment about this article on the EZBoard

  • BLAH

    Main

    Design copyright © 1999-2001 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications
    Guest column text copyright © 2001 by the individual author and used with permission