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BLAH

 IDEA MAN
The Greatest Ideas EVER

Can you believe it's been a year since I started doing this? Can you believe CRZ hasn't kicked my ass out yet? (I can't.) Can you believe I didn't remember it had been a year until I read my note about the one-year anniversary of the Radicalz' debut?

If you're relatively new to [slash] and looking for an "Idea Man" primer, DON'T read my first column. It blew chunks. It's TRUE. But go ahead and take a bite out of these:

#3: "Rattling the Snake" 2.18.2000 - Post Survivor Series '99, a new twist for a healthy Austin

#6: "Jumping the Gun" 3.17.2000 - Putting the Rock in WrestleMania

#10: "To The Rescue" 4.7. 2000 - Can WCW be saved? I take a shot at it

#13: "Dig Your Own Hole" 4.28.2000 - Pissing on WCW's pissing on its title

#19: "Expertly Crafted Work" 6.19.2000 - Keeping Lance Storm from making the biggest mistake of his life

#24: "Booking a Better Champion" 8.4.2000 - What I think makes the top guy the top guy

#26: "Facing the Facts" 8.25.2000 - Triple H face turn = BAD

#27: "Means to an End" 9.1.2000 - Politician Nash strikes again

#29: "This is a Test" 9.15.2000 - Mix and match... what makes a bad PPV?

#41: "Choose Wisely" 12.22.2000 -The best and worst in booking in 2000

As for the rest....

"Val needs to turn heel again, by the way. And what better way for a European Champion and porn star to get over as a heel by dissing American women? Have him go back to that "Hello, SKANKS!" bit he did when he turned last time, all the while spouting something about how much more satisfying his "promotional appearances" across the pond have been. Then let him feud with D'Lo for a while." - "A Radical Turn of Events", 2.11.2000

"So Shane's back, and he's aligned himself with the Big Show because he feels Rock's an egomaniacal prima donna. He wants to keep the Rock down to avoid making the same "mistake" Vince did with allowing Austin to get to the top (nice to hear Austin's name get some pops from the Trenton SmackDown! crowd), and he wants the Show as WWF champion after You Know What. This makes me wonder two things:

1. What are Shane's feelings towards Triple H; and 2. Maybe it was SHANE who ran down Austin at Survivor Series?

Chew on this. Shane believes that Austin should never have been allowed to become the icon that he became, and in the past year, he's backed everyone who posed a threat to Austin either becoming WWF Champion or keeping the belt. (the Corporate Rock, Undertaker and the Corporate Ministry, Triple H going into SummerSlam.)

Cut to Survivor Series. Vince wants the belt off HHH in the worst way, so he sends Shane to take him out. But Shane, realizing that taking HHH out of the picture only puts Austin back on top, drives the car into Austin - instead of HHH. Then he goes back to Vince and talks him into putting Show in the triple threat match, figuring there's no way HHH and Rock can beat him. Vince, not knowing what Shane pulled, agrees." - "Swerve Alert!", 3.3.2000

"Speaking of Vampiro, WCW tried to push both him and the Wall this week, but didn't get the greatest results. Little tip, guys: You want to get Vampiro over? How about booking a WIN or two for him? You can have Schiavone and That Other Guy talk him up all you want, but Vamp will still be as over in WCW as I am if he keeps jobbing afterwards, and it doesn't boost the few shreds of credibility Tony has left." - "Spaghetti, ECW Style", 3.10.2000

"First of all, the New Blood should NOT be the heels. Isn't part of the point of this whole angle to want the fans to back the young guys? Nobody wants the bad guys to win. Nobody. Didn't these idiots watch WrestleMania 2000? It's not like they were working that weekend." - "Something Old, Something New, and Something Old", 4.16.2000

"What does it say about your organization when Scott Steiner holds your most respected belt? What does it say about the desperation level of your fan base when some people actually think he'd be a good choice as world champion?" - "Crystal Balls the Size of Grapefruits", 5.7.2000

"The REAL Franchise vs. Vampiro Jobs Again in an Inferno... no, wait, a Human Torch Match

Apparently Vamp has not yet begun to job, as he's told interviewers that this feud is scheduled to go on for some time after this match. Tony Schiavone actually said that this is the first time this kind of match has ever been attempted in wrestling, which proves that he's a COMPLETE FUCKING IDIOT. But you already knew that." - "Speculation and Hearsay", 6.9.2000

"While we're discussing Thunder, which moment did more to expose the business: Nash's interview, or the table breaking while Big Vito and The Artist were standing on it?" - "The Gamblers", 7.23.2000

"So not only has Russo failed to entice the smarts, but he's also insulted the casual fans by hoping that they're completely clueless and will buy the show because they think they're going to see a shoot. This, gentle readers, is why WCW continually pisses on its fans - it apparently thinks its fans are morons." - "Creative Bankruptcy", 8.13.2000

"Remember, on the April 10 Nitro, Russo said he came to WCW 'to beat Vince McMahon at his own game.' Obviously, nobody told Russo that McMahon changed the rules while he wasn't looking." - "Creative Bankruptcy", 8.13.2000

"Strap Match: The Transition Player Shane Douglas (w/Torrie the Fembot) vs. Billy Kid Man

Torrie dumped Billy to go with the "Franchise". Shane's been gloating at every opportunity. Kidman's shown himself to be a sore loser, digging up embarrassing video footage of Torrie. Shane beat him in a Viagra on a Pole Match, but Kidman took the pills and got sort of lucky with some Nitro Girls. Apparently, this pissed off some guy with a goofy ponytail named Reno (Rick Cornell, yet another WCW Saturday Night alumnus, in case E.C. Ostermeyer didn't tell you), and he's been helping Douglas beat on Kidman occasionally. And Kidman made Torrie cry with the "birthday party" video.

The strap? Kidman's idea, although he says he won't do to Douglas what he used to do with Torrie. For the viewers' sake, I hope not.

But one key question remains unanswered.

Who the hell's the FACE?" - "Creative Bankruptcy", 8.13.2000

"Remember all of the positive stuff I'd said about Vince Russo and WCW not ruining Lance Storm like we all feared he would? Well, I officially take it all the fuck back." - "Facing the Facts", 8.25.2000

"And wrestling polar bears might actually be a better alternative than WCW

  • at least then, if something goes wrong, and you die, the suffering ends."
  • "Facing the Facts", 8.25.2000

    "And now, because he's lost his precious WWF title and the manipulative bitch he married seems to have a thing for Kurt Angle, we're supposed to root for Triple H? Obviously, the WWF is banking on the notoriously short-term memories of wrestling fans, because, at least in a real-world context, it looks to me like the son of a bitch is getting what he deserves. 'You're not the champ? You're married to a conniving slut? Oh, well.' " - "Facing the Facts", 8.25.2000

    "They're trying to get Stephanie over as a sympathetic face so that we'll all be shocked when she turns on Triple H and goes off with Angle. This would be fine and dandy if anyone actually WANTED to like her. The problem is that we ALL KNOW she's going to turn on HHH at some point. That's WHY we boo her. That's WHY we chant "slut." (But not so much anymore.) That's WHY Rock slipped up on Monday and called her "Stephanie McMahon-Angle.' " - "Serve it Up and Hope They Swallow", 10.7.2000

    "And was I the only one who wanted to strangle JR when he tried to sell HHH as Benoit's technical equal? Nigga, PLEASE." - "Shameless Self-Indulgence", 10.20.2000

    "If I had known they were going to do a Havoc pre-show, I would've recapped it. It was THAT bad, and reinforced just how far Bobby Heenan has fallen. "Highlights" from what I saw included: Jeremy Borash & Chad Damiani changing their predictions on Cat-Sanders after Cat dissed them both... the techs fading down Larry Zybysko during one of his commentaries, then cutting back to Borash & Damiani, who then started referencing things we never heard Zybysko say (they also mangled his name on the chyron - they put in a "C" or some shit)... "Count Bob"... Borash is clearly a proud graduate of the Tony Schiavone School of Shilling..." -"Re-Wreaking Havoc", 11.3.2000

    "You guys want Jericho to get WWF Title shots? Pray he loses. I'm serious; go back to Fully Loaded - Benoit lost at KotR and got a title shot. Angle got a title shot at SummerSlam after losing at FL. Kane got a title shot at Unforgiven after losing at SS. Angle got another title shot at No Mercy after losing at Unforgiven." - "Big-Ass Monkey Wrench", 11.10.2000

    "Women's Title Match: Scary Library Chick vs. Twitch Stratus vs. Miss Molly Madness

    Spunky Molly doesn't like stuck-up Trish, nope. And prudish Ivory doesn't think either one of them deserves her title. I feel like I've just written a Sweet Valley High book." - "The Man Behind The Curtain", 12.8.2000

    "Molly's cuter than Mona was. And I'm not sure what that means." - "Put a Lid On It", 12.15.2000

    "I forgot to make fun of WCW failing to promote Tuesday Nitro last week. BUT SO DID THEY! AAAAAAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA!!! </Tazz> Jesus M. Foley, I apologize." - "Choose Wisely," 12.22.2000

    The Most Exciting "Small Packages" In The History Of This Great Column:

  • "The Dog?" Isn't this the kind of crap that got Russo fired?

  • Sid turns heel on Hogan? Does this remind anyone of Sting "turning heel" on Hogan at Fall Brawl? Won't this just make Sid a face as far as the smarts are concerned?

  • The Outlaws get a lot of heat from smart fans for trying to be cool heels like the Outsiders with their pre-match intro, as they should. But chew on this: have they gotten a clean win in a title match since they won the belts back in November? They may not talk the heel talk, but they walk the heel walk. They've become rampant, shameless cheaters who I don't think get enough credit for their in-ring heel tactics.

  • More useless: Luger or Steiner?

  • Remember when Scott Hudson was good? It wasn't that long ago! It's true! It's true! It really isn't his fault, though... there's only so much you can do when you're trapped in a vortex of unimaginable commentary suckiness.

  • PLATINUM?! That makes it official; Vince Russo is out of ideas. Although Goldust was the only time anybody ever gave a rat's ass about Dustin.

  • Want more proof that Jericho is indeed "almost there"? Did you see HHH's reaction on Raw when the Y2J countdown hit? He usually only gets that pissed when the Rock's involved.

  • Stephanie hits the Rock with the Women's title belt, and has the nerve to be surprised when he glares back at her? Does she think before she does things like that?

  • Turns out that Undertaker chewed out Big Show for his lack of effort at house shows over the weekend, which led to Show's demotion to Ohio Valley Wrestling. This is how a real wrestling company deals with situations like this, and this is why UT, unlike Hogan or Nash, still serves a purpose: he's a veteran who respects the business and has the respect of the locker room.

  • So THAT'S why they called it "Russo's Revenge." To bore us to death so we'd all stop criticizing him for overdoing things.

  • I'd better not have been the only one who laughed like a nut when they did the "Hong Kong used to be under British control" bit on SmackDown! to justify Al Snow's choice of a country to represent. Maybe I'm crazy, but I thought that was brilliant.

  • My only guess is that Stephanie lost some crucial luggage on the flight in to New York on Saturday. That was a LOT more bouncing than that outfit should allow.

  • Do we REALLY need a David Flair-Buff Bagwell PPV match?

  • Good Foley, Steph has GOT to rein those things in. Somebody's gonna get HURT.

  • And how long did it take the WWF to whip up the mini-angle after Lilian Garcia called Benoit "Jericho"?

  • You know, I don't watch BattleDome on BATTLEDOME. Why the HELL would anyone think I'd watch it on Nitro?

  • OMG ARMDRAGS FRONT CHANCERY WORK THE HEADLOCK AUSTIN AUSTIN AUSTIN OH HELL YEAH - sorry, started channeling Shapiro for a second there.

  • Words can't describe how unbelievably lame this "Vito and Reno are brothers" angle is.

  • Mark Madden shouldn't have been fired because he talked about Scott Hall and the sale of WCW on the air. He should have been fired because he SUCKED BIG DOGS as a commentator. That is all.

    Matt Spaulding
    The Oracles' War Room

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