NOT THAT YOU CARE, BUT WHAT'S MY EXCUSE?: I changed jobs last week - instead of working in Trenton, I now work just outside of Atlantic City, which means, among other things, my commute time is doubled. Also, due to poor planning on my part, I only got one day off last week, thus, no time to write. But THIS week, I got that day back because they needed to change my days off to what they were in Trenton, so I had THREE days off this week. Therefore, I return.

THE PEOPLE'S MAILBAG: Scott Christ thinks it's just WCW dropping the ball again:

How is this getting Kaientai over when it didn't get La Parka over?

I think it actually DID get La Parka over, but WCW didn't capitalize on it. It was just "goofy sideshow stuff" that was there so the idiots on the booking team had a Mexican to make fun of. And while the WWF's idiots might just have been doing the same with Kai En Tai, I think they have this thing called "logic" where they say, "Hey, these guys are getting a reaction from this. Huh. Well, we better use it."

And Shadowlongknife knows where those pictures of Steph came from:

That was all footage shot by the WWF during her Entertainment Weekly photo session of a couple months back.

Now...as to why it took them this long to USE any of it...?

That's the mystery...

GO RUMBLE FISH: Dudleys WIN!... Good GOD! Benoit is NUTS to take a chairshot off of that move... Was the human body made to bend like that?... Cool overhead shot there... Damn. 0 for 2 so far... Chyna's dominating Ivory here, which she probably should... What? They're gonna re-start the injury angle off of THAT move? How amazingly lame... You know, I think I've figured out what I don't like about Triple H. Take Steph and Trish out of the equation, and this match is boring as hell... Austin? Now? WTF?... Angle retained. That's FOUR. Austin BETTER come through now - if I pull a reverse Rosser, I'll never hear the end of it... Jebus. They're not gonna break up the Hardyz off of this, are they?... Carey's actually in the Rumble. Who thinks Kane drew #6?... Jackpot... If you haven't figured it out yet, here's the difference: If this was WCW, Carey would have eliminated Kane in three minutes... And this concludes the Hardcore Invitational portion of this year's Rumble... Kane, KILL HIM... Rocky at #13? Hmmm... And #16 is - Bradshaw. Well, I ain't winning the Rumble pool at Jenk's... WELL IT'S THE BIG SHOOOOOOW! And he looks - EXACTLY THE SAME... You know, Kane's been in there an awful long time... Billy Gunn at #28? They wouldn't... Haku? MENG?! Oh, the story behind THIS one ought to be a doozy... My reputation is salvaged! God bless you, Austin.

LINE OF LAST WEEK: Rock: "Everybody wants to know where the Big Show was at. Obviously, he was at the Ringling Brothers circus eating cannonballs." (SmackDown!, Jan. 25)

LINE OF THIS WEEK: Rock takes this one too: "Kurt, what in the blue hell was THAT?" (Raw, Jan. 29)

One year after WCW Version 3.0 comes WCW Version 5.0, or, if you're a cynical bastard like me, 1.6.3.

Ric Flair's the in-charge heel leading a stable, but Horsemen they're not. Scott Steiner, Jeff Jarrett, Lex Luger, Buff Bagwell, and Road Warrior Animal comprise the group. One's the champ, one's not over, two of them suck, and one's just standing around looking menacing.

Things are no better with the faces. When Diamond Dallas Page is the best wrestler in your stable, you've got problems. You've got even bigger problems when the Cat is second. Rick Steiner shouldn't even be on my TV. Or anyone else's, for that matter.

Both groups need more heat and more talent. We need to mix this up. And before I start, I am intentionally leaving Booker T, Sting, and Goldberg out of this. The first two are hurt, and the last guy is "fired." Besides, I'm trying to elevate people here.

Switch Animal for Kanyon. "Positively" Kanyon was the best thing WCW did all last year. Get him back on TV THREE MONTHS AGO. For one thing, bringing Kanyon back creates an instant feud with Page. The two can trade barbs back and forth - Kanyon and the Elite can gloat about how he was a better Page than Page, while DDP can make one simple comparison: Kimberly vs. Judy Bagwell.

The only reason Animal is even here is because he's Johnny Ace's brother. Since he came back at Sin, he's done about as much as Kanyon has.

Switch Rick Steiner for Mike Awesome. Yes, that does mean a face turn for Mike, but I've got four guys in mind for this little exercise, and I want to balance things out. Your mileage may vary. But by all means, get him OUT of Team Canada. The gimmick's played, it doesn't fit him (like almost every other WCW gimmick he's had), and he's the second fiddle in a midcard heel stable, and in WCW, if you're not main-eventing, you still ain't shit. Yeah, Awesome can be sloppy, but he'd look like Bret Hart compared to Rick. Besides, Scott Steiner needs credible face opponents (because of the aforementioned absences of Booker T, Sting, and Goldberg), and Awesome's a guy who, with the proper build, can fill that role.

Didn't we do Rick vs. Scott two years ago? Didn't it suck then, too? I'm shocked he's over, actually... the crowd actually sings along with that asinine catchphrase of his.

The third guy I'm looking at is Crowbar. He's been getting overtures from Buff, Luger and others that he's not impressing Flair, but they keep giving him chances to. Something's got to give.

Eventually, Crowbar gets fed up with trying to prove himself to Flair & Co. and calls them out. "Am I in... or out?" he asks, and he presses until he gets an "Out" from one of the Elite. As they turn to leave, he PUNKS OUT Luger. (Or whichever of the Elite you find the least tolerable.) The "Friends of Bischoff" (I call them that because you've got his next-door neighbor, his hunting buddy, and his kids' karate teacher in the group already; I'll be more than happy to take suggestions, and Boon, I'm looking at you) run in to save him from the beatdown, and he joins up with them on the next show.

The advantage Crowbar brings to the group is his versatility - he can work a cruiserweight style, but he's also big enough that he can handle a regular match or a hardcore brawl and look like he belongs out there. You can match him up with just about anyone in the Elite except maybe Steiner.

Put Chavo Guerrero, Jr. in the Elite. The reigning Cruiserweight champion is already tangentially involved in the main story arc via receiving offers from Flair & Co. to join their group. He should do it. And here's why.

With the return of the push of the cruiserweights, the great debate has been restarted: Do you keep them separate from the heavyweights? Those who say "yes" point to the history of WCW's big guys being, at best, reluctant to work with and sell for the cruisers. They also point out that when you put WCW's cruiserweights in the same ring as the heavies, they look like... well, cruiserweights, and they often get overpowered by the heavyweights. They also say that it diminishes the cruisers' stature when they're jobbing to bigger guys every other week.

I'm not sure I agree with that reasoning. WCW needs to get as much of its talent over as possible. If putting Rey Jr. over, say, Shane Douglas or the Jung Dragons over Kronik will do that, then by all means DO IT. Book the match so it looks logical and believable that the cruiserweight can win. Let him hit his moves. Make sure they're sold. This is VITAL. Do you push the cruisers within the division? Yes, but only to a point. This is something Chris Jericho has talked about as one of the reasons he wasn't happy in WCW - when you competed in the cruiserweight division, you got stuck with that label.

So push them as cruisers, yes. But if you've got a guy getting MONSTER heat, elevate him. Put him in a tag team with a midcarder. Let him feud with Lance Storm or somebody at that level. Or, in Chavo's case, have Ric Flair give him a rub as an "Elite cruiserweight." If he doesn't get lost in the shuffle, I think he can do some good things.

Small Packages:

This shit's getting weird, yo...