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Matt Spaulding

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IDEA MAN
On The Road Again

SEVEN DEADLIES: Actually, 7.5 for 9, as I'm counting the Palumbo tag title win as half a point... Nice little opener, that, which means the rest of the show will suck ass... Storm's too good a worker to be using such a weak finisher... Whoever booked this thing needs to be put in a penalty box... Hey, look, here come the Thrillers... Why are Buff and Luger out here? Oh, to assist Nash in not jobbing clean. How obvious. I apologize... What are THESE two doing third from the main event?... Did Buff and Luger just do something vaguely cool? That piggyback Blockbuster was kind of sweet... All right - let's see them get out of THIS one... Sweet Jebus, it's Animal. RVD was the better surprise... Raise your hand if you called an injury in the main. Keep your hand up if you called Sid suffering said injury. You, sir, are a LIAR... Thread aPa~! buddy Neurosis gave it a 0.7 Theismann. I have to concur... Like Eric S. says: things happen when Steiner's in the ring. He doesn't even have to be involved... In all seriousness, though, it does not look good for the big man. He broke BOTH bones in his lower leg. That's hard to do... Strange - everybody I pay attention to seems to agree that they blew it with the main.

LINE OF THE WEEK: ...wasn't on any TV show. We turn to Delphi and Michael Jenkinson: "In case your copy of last night's Raw didn't come with a screen crawl saying, "Austin vs. HHH at Wrestlemania 17!"..." The man speaks the truth.

And really, what's so wrong with that?

It's gotta happen. Plain and simple. We've got over a year of buildup, most of it unintentional.

Triple H wrecked Stone Cold Steve Austin's knee after SummerSlam 1999. Austin retaliated by mercifully ending HHH's first title run in mid-September, causing him to lose to Vince McMahon, of all people. HHH struck back by masterminding the plan that took Stone Cold Steve Austin out of the WWF for almost a year... but not permanently, as Austin did make an appearance at Backlash to cost HHH the WWF Title a second time; this time to the one man Hunter hates more than Austin - the Rock.

Then Austin went out of sight for a while, but never out of mind. And when he came onto SmackDown! and announced he was going to Unforgiven to find out who ran him over, well, the whole mess got dug up again.

First, Commissioner Mick Foley figured out that it was Rikishi who drove the car. He claimed he did it to help the Rock achieve the success that the WWF had denied its other Samoan talents. "Uh-oh," people said. "Race card BAD!" I pride myself on my skepticism:

"There's also the possibility that race may not end up being the issue at all. I'd believe it if it turns out that somebody got into Rikishi's ear and planted that seed in his head so he'd take out Austin for him. The use of the Rock's car could serve to put the heat on the Rock, which, in turn, could pit Austin against Rock, with the true mastermind waiting in the wings to pick up the pieces." - Idea Man #33, "They Got Us Again"

Well, that's sort of what happened - Triple H revealed himself as the man behind the whole scheme. And in retrospect, maybe that was the reason for the lack of HHH-like heel heat for Rikishi - the fans never really bought the whole race thing, and sensed that there was more to this than we'd learned so far. Or maybe I'm giving the fans too much credit. Who knows. But it made perfect sense that Triple H was involved - who lured Austin into the parking garage in the first place?

People are complaining that this feud is already played out and tiresome? WTF? The only decisive one-on-one encounter Triple H and Austin have had was all the way back at No Mercy 1999, when Triple H pinned Austin after Rock's interference backfired. This was supposed to lead to a HHH-Rock-Austin three-way at Survivor Series, but Austin's neck injury prevented that - and led to the hit-and-run attack. (I still believe a healthy Austin turns heel on Rock here.) Fast forward one year, when HHH was revealed as the man behind the attack, and we get their match at Survivor Series 2000, where HHH got dropped in a car from a forklift and somehow lived to tell about it. And since then, we haven't seen much of Hunter because of his injured back and all. He put in a few token appearances after his "miraculous" comeback from the car drop, wasn't much of a factor at Armageddon, and disappeared again until last week. You just don't let shit like this GO.

The one major problem with this scenario is it seems to give short shrift to Rock, who had his best year ever this year, and Kurt Angle, who's had the best rookie year since Goldberg. But this is OK, too.

Consider first of all that Rock is scheduled to shoot The Scorpion King after WrestleMania, and won't be on TV for a while. (Aside: He's billed as "The Rock", not "Dwayne Johnson", in trailers for Mummy II. Draw your own conclusions.) So having him go over and win the title would be a waste, since you'd have to job it off of him the next night, killing his WM buzz. Plus, at this point, it's a little late to dig up the back story between Rock and Austin, especially since they haven't dealt with each other much since Austin returned.

You could have Rock lose the Rumble via outside screwjob and make him win his way into the title match in a match at No Way Out, then make it the three-way dance we thought we were getting at SurSer 99. Although, I'm thinking that this is where you work Angle back into the mix, as he causes Rock to lose the Rumble, then beats him at said No Way Out match. Presto - instant 'Mania semi-main.

But this has to be all about Austin and Triple H.

Each man has tried to KILL the other, for Foley's sake. Triple H has screwed Austin out of title wins over Kurt Angle on two separate occasions (as "compensation" for the two screwjob title losses he suffered at Austin's hands. Call it a bastardized way of "getting the win back", if you will.)

Not bad for a storyline that wasn't even supposed to happen.

Triple H is long overdue for a complete and total ass-kicking. With extreme prejudice. At Austin's hands.

It'll come at WMX7.

In-DEED.

PREDICTIONS FOR LET'S GET READY TO

This looks like the best on-paper WWF PPV in a while.

Women's Title Match: Scary Library Chick vs. The 9th People's Republic

RTC's Val Venis & Women's Champ Ivory delivered a spike piledriver on Chyna a few weeks back, and she's been off TV until this week. Billy Gunn's been trying to return the favor, but failing, as Ivory's mocked and chastised Chyna from afar. The doctors don't want Chyna to ever wrestle again.

I'm wondering if the piledriver was banned just for this angle.

What I'd Do: It doesn't make a lot of sense to me to go to all this trouble just to job Chyna in the blowoff match. New Women's Champion.

What They'll Do: See above.

Tag Team Title Match: Messrs. Photogenic vs. The Dudley Boyeeeez

Both teams were involved in the four-team title match at Armageddon, won by Edge and Christian. Since then, we've seen a steady build of a feud between the two teams

The vicious side of E & C has come out recently, with a con-chair-to on D-Von on Raw and putting Buh Buh Ray through a table on SmackDown!

I still say this should have been the Fully Loaded match.

What I'd Do: It's the Dudleys' time again. A heel turn wouldn't be bad, either.

What They'll Do: Blondz win via CHICANERY~!; gear up for Hardyz at WM.

Intercontinental Title Ladder Match: Da Crip vs. Chris Jericho

Jericho's gotten involved with the Radicalz again, so you know what that means. "Injuring" Guerrero incurred their wrath, and Jericho's responded by offering a challenge to his old adversary. Benoit's making a big deal out of basically owning Jericho since he came to the WWF.

A ladder match? For the IC belt? At a Big Five PPV? We've seen this before... oh, yes, we've seen this before.

What I'd Do: Try this: I'd put Jericho over here. Then Benoit can hold it over his head that Jericho couldn't beat him in a wrestling match (playing off the "best technical wrestler" bit) and chase him, only to lose at WM in said wrestling match.

What They'll Do: This smells like a WrestleMania blowoff (Cage match, maybe?), so Benoit retains here.

WWF By God Title Match: Olympic Villain Kurt Angle (w/Twitch Stratus) vs. Lazarus Helmsley (w/The Corporate Bitch and Increasingly Worse Theme Music)

HHH cost Austin the title two weeks ago, then was named the new No. 1 Contender by Big Vince. Champ Angle asked Trish to be in his corner, since he doesn't trust the McMahon clan. (He's learning.) Steph hates Trish from the Hammerlock incident, and hates her even more now because of her involvement with Daddy. Drooling fanboys got to see a catfight on SmackDown!

I still wonder what Shane thinks of all this.

What I'd Do, What They'll Do, And What The American People Would Do: Triple H wins. Doesn't matter that it's a heel-heel match... the Rumble itself is gonna be what sells this show.

Speaking of which...

RUMBLE OF ROYALTY (2-minute intervals; announced entrants include Our Champion, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Hell On Wheels, Big Red, Just Send Beer Money, CRZ's Favorite Wrestler Ever, Hardcore Holly, and That Traitorous Samoan Bastard at #30, which means he won't win)

Austin demanded a spot in the Rumble after Triple H screwed him out of the title, and Vince obliged.

Concerted attacks on both Rock and Austin this week have the announcers speculating that Undertaker and Kane have formed Yet Another Unholy Alliance to eliminate their competition. Vince also had a limousine conversation on SmackDown! and dropped hints of a surprise entrant.

Expect this thing to fill up on Heat, like last year when they re-drew the field to get all of the big names in.

What I'd Do: Didn't you read this column? AUSTIN AUSTIN AUSTIN

What They'll Do: Austin wins when someone on the outside (UT?) causes Rocky's elimination.

Either they'll announce Test/Regal for the Euro title on Heat, or this is gonna be a long Rumble match.

Small Packages:

  • If you're wondering where X-Pac is, latest word it that his neck has healed, but is being held off TV for "creative reasons", meaning they're considering changing his gimmick, but probably won't. He'll likely come back as a face, though, according to J.R. Which is actually a good thing, since the Fed is severely lacking in the midcard face department.

  • If you're wondering where Dustin Runnels is... you're the only one.

  • Notice how Lilian Garcia always seems to interview Taker these days?

  • Did Alex Wright get fired again or something?

  • Yeah, I said it... HHH's new music SUCKS ASS. "It's all about the Game." PLEASE.

  • Where'd they get all of those extra pictures for Steph's entrance video? I should ask Jet; he'd know.

  • EmZee: Dead again. Yawn. Next.

  • How is this getting Kaientai over when it didn't get La Parka over?

  • "THEY WON'T STOP UNTIL SOMEONE DIES!" Does that include YOU, Tony? Does it? Shut the fuck up.

  • And when Nitro starts next week, I fully expect to see them ALL still fighting.

    NEXT (since I don't want to commit to "next WEEK" just yet): The "Elite"? "Known Friends of Bischoff"? We can do better than this, can't we?

    Matt Spaulding
    Oracleswar.com

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