OH. MY. GOD.: If I had known they were going to do a Havoc pre-show, I would've recapped it. It was THAT bad, and reinforced just how far Bobby Heenan has fallen. "Highlights" from what I saw included: Jeremy Borash & Chad Damiani changing their predictions on Cat-Sanders after Cat dissed them both... the techs fading down Larry Zybysko during one of his commentaries, then cutting back to Borash & Damiani, who then started referencing things we never heard Zybysko say (they also mangled his name on the chyron - they put in a "C" or some shit)... "Count Bob"... Borash is clearly a proud graduate of the Tony Schiavone School of Shilling... they announced Lash/Chavo vs. Perfect Event during the pre-show.

CATACLYSMIC: 4 for 10... "Nice to see a booker actually doing jobs." - Zach Arnold on O'Haire pinning Disco... We can't get Lash and Chavo a feud of their own? What's with all this impromptu crap? This isn't ECW... There are no count-outs in kickboxing. Even I know that... Are they trying to get Luger to break Big Show's record for number of turns in a one-year period?... It's about time Major Gunns WOKE THE FUCK UP... Jarrett/Sting was, um, different... Well, OF COURSE Vampiro jobbed... Booker retained? The HELL? Not that I'm complaining... Kronik in the main event? And people think things are improving for this company?

LINE OF THE WEEK: The entire Rock vs. Jericho interview from Raw. Big-league shit, yo.

Let's just come out and say it... Halloween Havoc SUCKED. There was bad booking and convolution all the way around. For the most part, the right people went over, but in undesirable fashions ranging from lame to moronic. I'm gonna try to put things right.

Tag Team "Title" Three Way Dance: Mark Jindrak & Sean O'Haire retained in 10:07 with a Seantonbomb on Disqo to beat the Boogie Knights and Kidman & Rey Mysterio, Jr.

Rule of Wrestling #2,507: If no one's over, go with the talent. And in a division as weak as the WCW tag team division, the talent in this match is easy to spot. Rey and Kidman (who, surprisingly, didn't get pinned) should have won.

Hardcore "Title" Match: Reno retained in 10:47 with the "Roll of the Dice" on Sergeant A-Wall

Well, at least the decision stood this time.

Cpl. Cajun & Lt. Loco won in 9:23 with a Loco tornado DDT on Shawn Stasiak to beat Perfect Event

Lash and Chavo kick ass. But the angle they pushed with this match is that Stasiak's been dropping the ball, and he's eventually going to get turfed out of the Natural Born Thrillers and turned face to feud with Chuck Palumbo, I'd imagine. I don't know why. Neither guy is either over enough or talented enough to get people interested in their feud. Short run, nobody was helped. A feud between the teams leading up to this would have been nice, but I'm not going to argue with the decision.

Mixed Tag Match: Konnan & Tygress won in 8:39 with a double face jam on Shane Douglas & Torrie Wilson

Apparently, Torrie looked like she'd rather have been in bed with Shane Douglas than in the ring during this little encounter. This is why she and Tygress shouldn't have been involved in the match - indifference + incompetence = at least one star taken off the rating.

So if we do what should have been done and make it just Konnan/Douglas, I wouldn't have changed too much. Konnan should still win to complete the sweep for the Filthy Animals.

DNA Match (First Blood rules): Buff Bagwell beat David Flair in 5:34

First thing I would have done here is tell everyone that it was a First Blood match. I don't even think Buff knew, as he hit the Blockbuster and went for the cover after David bled, and the ref had to stop him and tell him.

Since Luger ran in afterwards and slammed Buff into the ring post to bust him open, David got his sample anyway. Luger's still useless, and Buff's an egomaniac, so the run-in wasn't exactly necessary. You can accomplish the same thing under First Blood rules by having Bagwell miss a move or something and bust himself open. That way, David gets his blood sample without the pointless interference. And it's not like anyone really "jobs" in a First Blood match.

Kickboxing match for the Commissionership - Three rounds: Mike Sanders (2:30 into round 3 COR) The Cat

What the HELL was THIS? First Douglas runs in for no apparent reason and whacks Cat with a chain after the third round ended. Then Cat leaves the ring to chase Douglas and gets counted out, giving Sanders the Commissioner title. Then Ric Flair shows up as WCW CEO on Monday, apparently rendering the entire match useless. Hell, this thing broke down so fast I was surprised Ric didn't run in with a strap and get pinned.

You can keep the same angle and make it work within the match by doing one simple thing: putting Ric in the match as the special referee. Have the announcers act surprised that he's in the building (when it can be easily explained away that he showed up to look after David) and wonder aloud whose side (if any) he's on. You can even keep the Shane Douglas run-in - just send him after Flair instead of Cat. As Flair fights Douglas off, Cat can catch Sanders with a Feliner. Douglas's presence means that Torrie will be there, too, so in order to distract Douglas, bring Kidman out to plant one on her. With Douglas distracted, Flair counts the KO for Cat, then announces that he's the new CEO.

Yeah, it's a clusterfuck, but it's a clusterfuck that makes some sense, and also allows the match to, you know, END properly.

For the Nitro title shot: "That 70's Guy" Mike Awesome won in 9:50 with a top rope Awesomebomb on Vampiro

Considering that Awesome won a battle royal to earn a World title shot on Nitro, you wouldn't have expected him to lose to Vampiro, who hasn't beaten anybody in months. Does Vamp have any cred left with the marks? Seriously. He's practically WCW's Gangrel at this point. And yes, the "70's Guy" gimmick still has to go.

Can-Am "Title" Handicap Match: General Rection won the U.S. Title from Lance Storm in 10:08 with the No Laughing Matter on Hacksaw Jim Duggan

Honestly, Rection should have lost here, because there's another handicap match later in the show that everyone already knew the result of. Plus, the title has become Storm's entire gimmick, and he's not over unless he's got it. So I would have had Storm retain here. Granted, he's winning it back at Mayhem, but still...

Jeff Jarrett & six fake Stings won in 14:38 when Sting ate two consecutive guitar shots

Has ANY Jarrett PPV win in this current WCW run not been an overbooked mess?

A big part of Jarrett's "Chosen One" character is that he's completely delusional, so him going over was the right result, because in his mind, it makes him a better man than Sting, and sets up whatever big angle they had planned for Sting (assuming it isn't just dropped without a second thought). But was the trip down memory lane really necessary? Sting was worn down by seven men. That's not a lack of heart; it's being outnumbered. (And very nWo-ish, I might add.) It's MUCH better one-on-one, especially if Jarrett gets a tapout with the figure four.

World "Title" Match: Booker T. retained in 13:23 by DQ when Scott Steiner attacked two referees

Somebody help me out. When was the last World title PPV match to end in a DQ?

I understand the point here - to make Steiner look like a psychopath. But snapping and losing the World title by getting disqualified makes him look more stupid than anything else. If you're gonna have him go nuts, have him get pinned first, then send him on a roid rage spree. Make it look like he went off because he didn't win the title. This'll both legitimize him somewhat, and make the title seem, you know, important and shit.

Handicap Match #2: Goldberg won in 2:26 with a spear through table on Bryan Clark, then won in 3:43 with a jackhammer on Brian Adams

This really should have been longer.

I say that because I doubt anyone really thought Goldberg was going to lose, but Kronik's "tough-guys" rep was shattered - maybe irreparably - by the quickness of the defeat. Remember what I said about WCW's weak tag team division?

As painful as it probably would have been to watch, this probably should have gotten 8-10 minutes to be really effective. Goldberg still wins, of course, but Kronik doesn't go down the crapper nearly as quickly.

And neither does this show if they'd bothered to do it right.

Now we go from bad to Better But Probably Not Good:

PREDICTIONS FOR NOVEMBER TO... UMMM... WHAT'S THAT AGAIN?

What's throwing this whole thing off is that Anarchy Rulz was actually in October, so it seems like it's too soon to be doing another one of these. There's also no Rob Van Dam, who's off beating up stuntmen in Thailand.

Tag Team Flaming Tables Match: Da Baldies vs. Balls Mahoney & Chilly Willy

These teams hooked up at Anarchy Rulz, and Balls got his eye stapled. Then the Baldies stole his chair. You do NOT steal Balls Mahoney's chair.

We've had tables on fire before in ECW, but I don't remember it ever being part of the rules. I could be wrong, though. Don't know if both guys have to go through, but I'd think not.

What I'd Do: Angel's gonna lose that do-rag the HARD way. Mahoney and Chilly win.

What They'll Do: I smell burning wood and a Baldies victory.

The REAL F'N Show (Super Crazy) vs. C.W. Anderson

Super Crazy returns! And talk about a contrast of styles. The popular luchador is going up against Anderson's power mat game.

What I'd Do: Give the fans a reason to cheer after the "WEL-COME BACK!" chant. Crazy wins.

What They'll Do: Same thing. Crazy's insanely popular with ECW fans. 'Cause he RULES.

Chris Chetti vs. Nova

Went over this when I thought they'd lock horns at AR. Chetti punked out Nova to break up the tag team after they jobbed in the tournament. He may have gotten sick of Nova claiming to have invented wrestling, promos, the Internet, and cardigan sweaters. No one knows for sure.

What I'd Do: Chetti gets all dickish and arrogant, then goes out and wins this one.

What They'll Do: Chetti wins.

Six Man Tag Team Match: Danny Doring, Roadkill, & Kid Kash vs. Simon Diamond, EZ Money, & Julio Dinero (w/Chris Hamrick)

Simon's regular partner, Johnny Swinger, is hurt (eye socket, I think), so he's been re-directed into this six-man. He's got a standing tag team issue with Doring and Roadkill, while Kid Kash has battled Money & Dinero on numerous occasions.

What I'd Do: Simon and Co. go over.

What They'll Do: The faces will win, but expect a heel beatdown afterwards.

Tag Team Title Match: FBI2K (w/THE MONSTROUSLY OBESE Sal E. Graziano) vs. Mikey Whipwreck & (yoshihiro) Tajiri (w/The Minister)

This will be the third time these teams have hooked up over the tag straps. To recap: Mikey & Tajiri won the tag title tournament, then lost the belts the next night to Guido & Tony. Tajiri went back to Japan for a bit, then returned for Anarchy Rulz, where he and Mikey failed to regain the gold.

What I'd Do: The Buzzsaw and the Nutcase get the belts back.

What They'll Do: My spider sense tells me the FBI will retain.

TV Title Match: Rhino vs. New Jack

Nothing will be no-sold. That's all I can tell you. I don't know how New Jack got this title shot; I don't know what sparked the feud, if any, between these two. Oh, wait... ECWwrestling.com tells me that Rhino jumped New Jack when he came back from his injuries from the Living Dangerously scaffold dive. OK.

What I'd Do: I'm tempted to move the belt to New Jack just for shits and giggles. Actually, you need somebody like New Jack to take down Rhino, so it's not as far-fetched as I'm making it sound.

What They'll Do: Having said that, I'm gonna take a flier and say that New Jack wins the belt here.

Double Jeopardy World Title Match: The New Show vs. Just Credible (w/That Slut Francine) vs. The Sandman vs. Steve Corino (w/Jack Victory and DAWN MARIE~!)

Lynn beat Credible at AR to win the title. Corino beat Anderson at AR to become #1 Contender. Corino and Credible have history from the Hammerstein shows. Credible wants his belt back. Sandman is here because he's tired of fighting Rhino, I guess.

Odd rules in this one - the wrestlers will pair off and run two separate one-on-one matches in the same ring at the same time. The winners of the first two matches will fight each other, with the winner taking the title.

Sandman's a three-time ECW World champion?

What I'd Do: I won't bother with the pairings, since there's gonna be interference between the matches anyway. Lynn goes over Credible in the end.

What They'll Do: Lynn wins, but he'll go over Corino instead.

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