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Matt Spaulding

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BLAH

THE IDEA MAN
No Way Out Of This Mess?

SETTING A PRECEDENT: Not a bad start to making pay-per-view predictions... I went 8 for 11 (missing on Booker-Big T, Bigelow-Knobbs, and Flair-Funk, which I flipped a coin for!), plus, as I had hoped, Sting did in fact run in during Hogan-Luger (I, like many others, refuse to call him "The Total Package").

BUT: Nobody noticed that at the end of my SuperBrawl picks, I incorrectly referred to Kidman's opponent as Psychosis instead of Vampiro.

AND, REALLY: The only good news out of WCW last weekend happened on Saturday Night, when Hacksaw Jim Duggan resurrected the TV title in an extremely rare display of continuity from WCW. (Outsiders toss belt in trash; Duggan, as janitor for the Powers That Be, finds it later) This move also makes Hacksaw arguably the most over champion in WCW.

So what does WCW do off the heels of a lackluster and deservedly panned pay-per-view?

They put Hogan and Luger in a steel cage in the main event for the sole purpose of milking the "Hogan's back!" heat for all it's worth (since, as always, it'll die down in six weeks or so), turn Dustin Rhodes against Terry Funk, and have the Harris Brothers run in and ruin a perfectly serviceable Lash-Kidman match. They also have the gall to say on their website (which blows, btw) that "New legends were challenged and born" at SuperBrawl.

They don't put Sting on the show, nor do they give us the obvious follow-up match between Sid and Jarrett. Heck, did they even bother explaining what happened to Scott Hall after SuperBrawl ended, even though it's obvious they no longer care about Hall?

Now, I'm not about to go into all of the obvious problems WCW has... I think we're all familiar with the issues. But they actually did something potentially very smart by bringing back the TV title - provided, of course, that they eventually put it on the right person. Note that when I say "eventually", I mean "within the next two weeks", and when I say "the right person", I of course mean "any of the eight remaining WCW performers under 30 who are over and/or know more than one wrestling move." I'm not sure who yet, though. Maybe by next week.

Speaking of TV, why can't WCW get their injured stars back on TV in some capacity? Nitro and especially Thudner (thanks Josh Frank) would be a lot more interesting to watch with Bret, Goldberg, Sting, et al. at least showing up to do an interview or two, or sit in with the commentators, or SOMETHING. Remember how well the WWF managed to keep Austin and Undertaker involved in storylines while both were hurt last September? There's no logical reason WCW can't do the same thing with those guys, especially Sting, who appeared to walk right into a ready-made feud at SuperBrawl only to not show up the next night.

WHILE WE'RE AT IT: Anybody got any suggestions for a new name for Nitro? THAT show's getting less "explosive" by the week...

BACK TO MY POINT: So instead of Sting, we get The Wall. Instead of Sid-Jarrett, we get Hogan-Luger. Instead of an ending to the Bagwell-Page feud, we get the beginning of a Cat-Maestro feud. Instead of pushing Booker to the U.S. Title, we see Crowbar job to TAFKAPI, the most un-over Cruiserweight champion since... well, the last three.

OH, YEAH, I'M SUPPOSED TO PRETEND TO BOOK THIS CRAP: There are two places this "Buff puts the moves on the women of WCW" thing should go. One is to Torrie Wilson (and, by extension, Kidman), and the other is back to Kimberly and that thing with DDP (Work? Shoot? Worked Shoot? Shot Shoot? Work That Needs To Be Shot?) that nobody cares about and didn't actually end.

A third option that might not suck is to have Buff and 3 Count compete for the affections of a "female fan". Buff goes over Karagias (Battle of the Pretty Boys!) in the blowoff, but Evan somehow gets the girl (use the cheesy "I'm a lover, not a fighter" line here), who turns into a latter-day Yoko Ono and causes the group to break up.

Push Lane and Idol to the moon, WCW. They're the only tag team you have that has two talented wrestlers in it. Restart that mini-program they had with the Mamalukes and put them over at Uncensored.

A lot of people are saying that Jarrett should have gone over Sid at SuperBrawl, but I can't agree with that. I don't think Double J has been built up enough to the point where he could be a believable world champion, but blame WCW's inability/refusal to elevate anyone or get people over for that, not Sid or Jeff. Maybe with a little more time, Jarrett could become this year's Triple H, although he has to get a clean win to pull it off (like HHH's at Unforgiven - he got WAY over during his second title run).

Naturalize Psychosis and put the Cruiserweight title on him. NOW.

Can you tell I'm not into this this week?

Now, on to pro wrestling...

PREDICTIONS FOR NO WAY OUT

The thing to remember throughout all of this is that WrestleMania is next.

Cactus Jack vs. Triple H: Hell in a Cell for the WWF Title

I want to see if you've noticed a recent trend here with regards to the Big Two's world championship: Return matches after a title change almost always go to the champion, while rematches after a title defense are a little harder to predict.

With that in mind, remember that Royal Rumble 2000 was a title defense for HHH. Mick Foley is probably best known for the Hell in a Cell match he (as Mankind) and the Undertaker put on at King of the Ring 1998 in Pittsburgh. And in all of the things I've heard and read about that match, something that is often overlooked -and something the average casual wrestling fan might not have known until SmackDown! last night - is that Mankind lost that match.

So I'm going to say that Cactus Jack wins, and Mick (Be careful!) gets his wish fulfilled - to headline WrestleMania 2000.

The Rock vs. The Big Show for a shot at the WWF Champion at You Know What:

If this one seems too obvious, it's because it is. Not only does Rock win, but I'll even say he pulls out a new spot in this match.

"But wait," you may say, "this makes it a face-face title match at WM2000."

Not necessarily... if that's the way it goes down, hang on for next week's column. If not, well, hang on for next week's column anyway.

Intercontinental Championship Match: Kurt Angle vs. Chris Jericho

This isn't bad, but with a little more time and buildup, it could have been a great feud. It almost sounds like somebody looked at the card and said, "Wait a minute... we forgot about Jericho, and we need to push Chyna to the back burner for a little while." Because of You Know What.

It's a little too early for Angle to grab the IC belt, so look for Jericho to retain.

Tag Team Championship Match: The New Age Outlaws vs. the Dudley Boyz
Edge & Christian vs. the Hardy Boys to determine the #1 Contenders for the Tag Team Titles

These two go together and directly affect each other. The feud with the Dudleys and the chase for the tag straps has detonated the friendship among Edge and Christian (and we need to come up with a team name for these guys, BTW) and the Hardys. It'll be interesting to see if Titan takes a risk and turns E&C heel here, since the Hardys will win this match and go on to face (drum roll, please) the Dudley Boyz, the NEW Tag Team Champions of the World.

Kane vs. X-Pac: No Holds Barred

Let's see... Kane beat X-Pac by DQ at Survivor Series, then he beat X-Pac in a cage match at Armageddon, then X-Pac eliminated Kane from the Royal Rumble, and now a No Holds Barred Match... what's left for these two guys to do? I do think Titan has one last trick for these two, and they're saving it for You Know What, so expect X-Pac to take this one and piss Kane off even more.

Six Man Tag Team Match: The Radicals vs. Too Cool & Rikishi

CRZ (Our Gracious Host) said it best in last week's SmackDown! recap: "Who is givin' whom the rub here?"

Actually, I think the Radicals are giving the faces the rub, as this is really Too Cool's first extended program on their own since they came back, and I think the wrestling audience is more familiar with what the Radicals can do in the ring. Benoit, Malenko, and Saturn go over here (since I think the WWF is serious about pushing these guys and don't want to job them on their first PPV), but Too Cool and Rikishi put on a good show and are elevated in the process.

Small Packages:

  • Don't be surprised if Acolytes-Hollys and/or a Tazz-Bossman squash is a late addition to the show.
  • I'll admit to being a Rock mark, and I'll also admit he's not the best worker in the world. But I defy anybody to tell me that Triple H is better in the ring.
  • The Outlaws get a lot of heat from smart fans for trying to be cool heels like the Outsiders with their pre-match intro, as they should. But chew on this: have they gotten a clean win in a title match since they won the belts back in November? They may not talk the heel talk, but they walk the heel walk. They've become rampant, shameless cheaters who I don't think get enough credit for their in-ring heel tactics.

NEXT WEEK: The aftermath of No Way Out, and we return to Extremely Crippled Wrestlers to try and figure out how Paul E. can pull Living Dangerously out of the fire.

Matt Spaulding
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