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Matt Spaulding

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IDEA MAN
Expertly Crafted Work

THE PEOPLE'S MAILBAG: Robert Davitt offers a helping hand:

"Anybody know what Scotty 2 Hotty's finisher is?"

He only used it a couple of times, but during his Light Heavyweight matches he used a top rope jumping DDT to beat Malenko at least once, on Heat I think. Maybe on Raw too, not sure. I haven't seen it since, but it was a damn impressive move.

GREAT AMERICAN BASHING: 4 for 11. Was pleasantly surprised that Booker didn't job.

I've got a real problem with the fact that, except for one small detail, I predicted the EXACT finish to the Awesome-DDP ambulance match. (Kanyon wasn't actually hiding in the ambulance. Like it f'n matters.) Was anybody taking odds on that? I should have asked around - I might have made some money on Sunday.

My reaction to the "big surprise"? Play along with me here.

Imagine we're at an ECW show, and somebody (I'm thinking of Nova here, but your mileage may vary) blows a spot. I mean, really blows it. Blows it so badly it's not only obvious, but nothing he does after that can possibly make up for it. What does any self-respecting ECW audience do in response?

"YOU FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP! YOU FUCKED UP!"

I think that says it all.

Seriously, though, what was the thought process behind this move? "All right, we've got our top star coming back from injury, and he's not quite 100 percent. Let's turn him heel on the laziest slug in wrestling. Let's do it when we don't have any viable main-event faces to challenge him. And let's do it on a pay-per-view where we've already turned three other people and had a stuntman dive off of the video screen engulfed in flames. That'll pop a rating!"

Nitro's rating this week improved by 0.1 over last week.

(For the record, the "scary thought" I'd had about this show was that Nash would go over and win the title, setting up a Hogan-Nash match for Bash at the Beach. So it just figures that what we ended up with was the one scenario that's actually worse.)

Who's gonna be your cash cow now, WCW? I know, I know, "heels drive the storylines," but faces move merchandise. Faces put asses in seats. Faces get all the mainstream publicity. In short, faces are good for business. What you did on Sunday is bad for business.

And from a storyline perspective, who are the faces to challenge Goldberg? Hogan? Nash? YAWN. Scott Steiner? Don't make me sick. Jarrett? He'd be completely wasted as a face. Kidman? They won't let him beat Hogan. You think they'll give him a chance against Goldberg, who actually HAS some ability?

And Lance Storm wants to work for this company?

Speaking of Lance, where IS he, anyway? It's not like ECW did what WCW did with Jericho at this time last year and buried him until his contract ran out. His old work visa's still good through next month; he should have been able to come in and work right away. We can guess that WCW wasn't planning a huge buildup for him, or they would have debuted him at GAB.

But allow me to advance a radical theory.

What if this is all a work? What if Lance Storm never really signed with WCW? Specifically, what if Lance Storm, in fact, re-signed with ECW?

I know what you're thinking: "But there's no way it could be a work. There's been too much information about his status." To which I say: There are no facts, there is no truth, just data to be manipulated. (For the love of Foley, WHY am I quoting Don Henley lyrics?)

Still think I'm on crack? Let's walk through this scenario.

It's the beginning of April, and Paul Heyman knows Lance's deal is about to run out. He also knows that WCW is interested, and that Storm will likely be the year's biggest "free agent" wrestler. So he and Storm's representatives start talking about a new contract.

Then the Mike Awesome jump happens. Heyman is furious, as is most of the ECW locker room. Not necessarily by the jump itself, but by the way Awesome handled it. So after getting the ECW World Title back with Tazz's help, Paul changes the booking for Cyberslam 2000 and has Justin Credible trash the tag team titles and challenge Tommy Dreamer for the World title.

Then he pulls Storm aside and explains what's going to happen next: Storm will let his current ECW deal expire, then tell WCW that he wants to take some time off before he officially joins them. Paul gets Storm to agree to it by promising to elevate him as a singles wrestler and capitalizing on his feelings about the Awesome episode. Storm, who would no doubt see Awesome's actions as lacking integrity (and possibly intelligence - remember, this guy is the three I's), decides to give it a shot. He does the job to Credible at Hardcore Heaven, says his good-byes, then drops out of sight, but not before signing a new ECW contract the next day.

I know, I know, I'm leaving a lot of things out, like:

What about the reports of him being seen at WCW events? Injured or unemployed wrestlers visit backstage at Big Two shows all the time, for various reasons.

What about his call-in appearance on WCW Live? Remember, he did tell WCW that he would be joining them, but not when. He said he wanted to take some time off. He could have very easily called the show on his own (since they think he's coming on board, they'd know who he was) and put over how enthusiastic he was about starting with them.

What about his website commentaries? All part of the plan. Talking about going to WCW on his website only legitimizes it as fact. Plus, it keeps the fans from wondering what his status is.

What about the visa problems? Ah, the visa problems. This is easier to explain than you think.

Lance's current work visa expires in mid-July. If Paul came up with this plan back in mid-April, that's three months to get through the visa application process, which, according to the latest commentary on Lance's site, usually doesn't take nearly that much time. This "visa problems" deal is just another way to cover for his absence.

So where's he been all this time? Resting at home with his family. That part was a shoot. You know, he and his wife had a baby a few months ago. It's a perfect time for him to take off.

It wouldn't necessarily leak out that it was a work, either. And that's what makes it even better. Paul and Lance could have very easily cooked this up without anyone's knowledge. It's not like ECW has a booking committee to keep track of this stuff. All Heyman would have to do is remember to bring Lance back in at the right time. (Mind you, this may not be as easy as it sounds; he still hasn't remembered that he doesn't have tag team champions.)

The right time, of course, is July 16th at ECW Heat Wave 2000 in Los Angeles.

Here's the eerily familiar payoff: After Credible beats Dreamer (I'm assuming) in the main event title match, the Impact Players' music starts up, and Lance comes out, smoke figuratively pouring from his nostrils. He's got THE STICK (Foley help us): "Justin! You thought you'd screwed me, didn't you? You thought you got rid of me, didn't you? You thought the student had outsmarted the teacher, didn't you? Well, you've got one more lesson to learn, son."

Once Credible remembers to breathe at the shock of this, he responds: "What do you want, Lance? You want this belt? Huh? You want me to kick your ass again over this? Do you? Is that what you want?"

Storm: "You think you're up for one more lesson? Well, here it is, PARTNER... payback's a bitch, and so is she!" He punctuates this last remark by pointing at Francine. Justin rushes him at the entrance and it's on. They brawl all over the building for a good 15 minutes until Dawn Marie runs out and whacks Francine with Justin's Singapore cane as she tries to distract Storm. This does distract Credible, allowing Storm to hit Deep Impact for the 1, 2, 3, the title, and a face pop that blows the roof off. Dawn gives Lance the belt and a hug in the center of the ring, while the locker room empties and everyone welcomes him back and congratulates him.

There's still one question nagging at you, though: Why would ECW go to all this trouble?

One word: Revenge.

Heyman still has to be seething over the fact that he lost Awesome to WCW through a legal screwup. So what better payback than doing the same thing to them? Spending three months giftwrapping Storm for WCW and then pulling him out from under their noses would not only make WCW look stupid, but it would also enhance Heyman's reputation as a man not to be trifled with, and make him the master of the worked shoot.

Wherever he is, Brian Pillman would be grinning from ear to ear and thinking, "Those idiots got burned again."

And we'd all be thinking (once we got over the shock of being so thoroughly hoodwinked) that this would be right up there with the Pillman/Sullivan worked shoot as one of the greatest angles of all time.

Storm wouldn't catch as much flak as you'd think for duping WCW, either, since it will come out that he never actually signed a written contract with them, which also stops WCW from suing for breach of contract.

Of course, all of this is mere idle speculation, and he'll probably show up on the next Nitro and watch helplessly as Russo and Bischoff flush his career down the drain, but it's fun to think about.

Or maybe he'll join Misawa's new group. Hell, everyone else is.

Small Packages:

  • In yet another slightly scary coincidence, the Triple Threat is indeed back.

  • Sign at Thunder: "HEENAN ON NITRO = HIGHER RATINGS." That'd be a start, at least. And it's bitterly ironic that Heenan wasn't even at Thunder this week - The Dumbest Man Alive was filling in for him.

  • Niedermayer? DEAD! Dean Werner? DEAD! EmZee? DEAD! Oh, well.

  • Man, we lose the Bagpipe Report and Misawa leaves All Japan in the same week. None of this would have happened if Russo had just sold the figure four.

  • Want more proof that Jericho is indeed "almost there"? Did you see HHH's reaction on Raw when the Y2J countdown hit? He usually only gets that pissed when the Rock's involved.

  • I doubt this "Kimberly's leaving WCW" thing is an angle - it wouldn't make any sense for her character to bolt when she's being positioned as this big star and when DDP's character is the one who's talking about walking away.

  • Having said that, I've just GUARANTEED that it's an angle, because it's WCW, and it makes no sense.

  • Kidman's turning face? Well, there goes his "push." None of this would have happened if Russo had just sold the figure four.

  • Is there a whiter man in the WWF than Pat Patterson? Put some long pants on! I'm trying to watch a show here!

  • Stephanie hits the Rock with the Women's title belt, and has the nerve to be surprised when he glares back at her? Does she think before she does things like that?

  • Who had "six weeks" in the "Vampiro's next threat to quit" pool? No, you don't win anything... I'm just wondering.

  • And, oh, yeah... who are the WCW Tag Team Champions?

    NEXT WEEK: King of the Ring predictions, and... the end of a beautiful relationship?

    Matt Spaulding
    One half of the ECW World Tag Team Champions

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