LINE OF THE WEEK: This week was full of great ones, but I finally went with:

Christian: "...the reason why we're here is, you see, in about three or four minutes, if Road Dogg here in fact does have the upper hand, you know, maybe he's gettin' jiggy and maybe throwin' some jabs or something like that, we're basically gonna interfere and cost him the match." Edge: "You know what, in wrestling circles, that's called a 'run-in,' derived from the fact that as it looks like Road Dogg's about to win that match, we're gonna cause him to lose."

Raw. Edge. Christian. Commentary. HILARIOUS. Obviously they've been getting pointers from their good friend Chris Jericho.

Honorable mentions to...

Joey Styles: "We are live on the only network whose corporate offices are on wheels... TNN." (ECW on TNN, April 21)

Rob from OUR So-Called SPORT: "Wrestling fans are pretty much mostly practicing involuntary abstinence anyway." ("On This Very Page", April 24)

(I was originally also going to have Bischoff's ripping of David Arquette after Arquette beat him up on Nitro, but given what happened after that, I don't want to risk putting either man over.)

I'm saving my reactions from the events at ECW's Cyberslam 2000 for the Hardcore Heaven preview in a couple of weeks, so this week, gentle readers, I won't be attempting any of that fantasy booking that CRZ hates so much. (I need to ask him about that at some point.) Instead, I'm going to bust out a good old-fashioned venom-laden rant, and if you've been paying attention this week, you know what it's about.

I've tried.

I really wanted it to work.

But nothing's happening.

I just can't get into the "new" WCW.

I think a big part of the reason why is that I absolutely hate the direction the New Blood vs. Millionaire's Club angle is going, which creates a rather large pile of dislike, since that's the only angle WCW has right now.

Bischoff and Russo have taken a "smart" angle and turned it around so that the marks' allegiance is solidly in the corner of the group that the smarts see as the heels in all of this. The fact that the Millionaire's Club is the babyface group goes completely against what many of the smarts have been calling for.

What's really bothering me is that WCW supporters seem to see this as something new, fresh, exciting, and innovative, while decrying the WWF's current McMahon/Rock feud as a rehashing of the McMahon/Austin storyline.

Fresh? Like a month-old banana. Innovative? Only in the way that that little plastic table they put in the center of your pizza when they put it in the box is innovative.

Let me spell it out for you: The NeW blOod vs. the Millionaire's Club.

The NWO wasn't just the biggest idea Bischoff ever had, it was the ONLY idea Bischoff ever had. He liked it so much, he's brought it back in three different incarnations, but the story's still the same. Gangland assault tactics, spray paint, leaders who think they're charismatic and put themselves over way more than they should (Hogan, Nash, and Hall; Bischoff and Russo), and an eventual forced takeover of the promotion.

And I already know how this latest version is going to play out.

After a couple of months, Bischoff and Russo will inevitably split, and the NeW blOod will split along with them into heel and face factions. (Hell, we've already seen the "B-team" of Lash LeRoux, Hugh Morrus, Van Hammer, and Chavo Guerrero Jr. on more than one occasion.) One of these factions will end up not being over. They'll feud among each other for a while, then after a year or so, the group will die out and things will go back to the way they were when this whole mess started.

Has any NeW blOod wrestler gotten over on his own since this angle started? By my count, no.=20 Kidman needs Bischoff's and Mike Awesome's help to beat Hogan, Russo's following Buff Bagwell and Shane Douglas around like a lost puppy, Jeff Jarrett and Bischoff are joined at the hip, and nobody else is even doing anything except for Booker and Steiner. There sure hasn't been any wrestling. It's not working for me.

Let's take this week, for example. How does WCW expect to rebuild the credibility of their World title if they do a hot-shot switch on Nitro? And if you're gonna do a hot-shot World title change, at least do it in a "hot" segment of the show. Having Jarrett drop the strap eight days after winning it was bad enough; airing it as the second-to-last segment of the show was even worse, and following it up with a Sting-Vampiro match that ended up grossing out the "crowd" killed any heat the title change drew.

Bischoff's hard-on for celebrities continues to rage, as we saw David Arquette's skinny white ass for the second show in a row (unless you count the "Ready to Rumble" and 1-800-CALL-ATT ads, in which case it's the 41,312th), and this time, he got in the ring with Bischoff and WENT OVER, setting up the title win for DDP. They can put David Arquette over Eric Bischoff, but they can't put Vampiro over Lex Luger? Blow me.

Do you sense increasing hostility? Good, because you know what's coming next.

Thunder on Wednesday.

Somehow, it's fitting that on a show that has always (and I DO mean ALWAYS) sucked, Bischoff and Russo would give its few remaining fans the ultimate "fuck you" to get their own booking jollies off.

No doubt you've heard the story by now, but let me rehash it just to put it in perspective. The scenario was idiotic enough. Bischoff and Jarrett kidnap Arquette and call out Page, challenging him and Arquette to a tag match with the title going to whoever got the first pinfall. (I... smell... CHEESE!!) Page eventually accepts because he has the brains of furniture polish.

Kimberly (mmm... Kimberly), who served Page with divorce papers on Nitro after turning on him at Spring Stampede for absolutely no reason, was the special guest referee for the match. Continuing the tradition of ref bumps and run-ins, Page planted one on Kim to take her out.=20 Jarrett covers Page, Arquette covers Bischoff, and the replacement ref counts Arquette's pinfall.

David Arquette wins.

David FUCKING Arquette is your new WCW World Champion.

You hear that giant sucking sound? That's WCW's little remaining credibility as a legitimate wrestling organization going the way of the brontosaurus, the dodo, and any show UPN tries to put on Tuesday night. Put these events all on top of each other, and it's obvious that the WCW World Heavyweight Title means absolutely nothing anymore. The hot-shot was bad enough. But this... this is nothing more than an unnecessary, risky publicity stunt that exposes WCW for the bush-league promotion it's become.

To put your world title on a guy who not only isn't a wrestler, but who isn't even in the wrestling business; a guy whose only actual connection to the wrestling business is having a starring role in an uninteresting movie that's gotten about two good reviews; a guy who, as a wrestler, is a second-rate, horribly overexposed actor, doesn't smack of desperation. It reeks of incompetence. It clearly shows that this fed is being run by two men who have no long-term plan to save it, have no clue how to come up with one, and, quite frankly, don't seem to care.

Now I can hear all of you WCW marks saying, "Well, Vince McMahon gave himself the WWF title!" Blow me. It's not the same thing. It's not even CLOSE to the same thing.

Triple H hand-picked Vince as his opponent on that episode of SmackDown!. Vince didn't want to do it because he wanted to honor the stipulation set at Fully Loaded that he would stay out of WWF business, but HHH goaded him and eventually pushed him over the edge. Vince - rightfully - GOT HIS ASS KICKED and his head busted open for a good eight minutes before Stone Cold Steve Austin ran in and hit HHH with a Stunner, then put Vince on top of him for the pin. The crowd, who hated Triple H and wanted somebody to hand him his arrogant ass, went nuts. THAT'S how you do an angle like that. And you ONLY do an angle like that when you have a story to tell.

There was no story behind Arquette winning the title. There wasn't even a reason for Arquette to be there in the first place. To even attempt to compare the two is like comparing Torrie Wilson to Rick Steiner. Kevin Sullivan is no doubt laughing his ass off.

The worst part of this whole fiasco is that if you pop over to wcw.com, they're actually proud of it. They're playing it up like it's the greatest thing to happen since the nWo reformed. Go read the "Thunder feedback" section and tell me you don't weep for the future.

Vince Russo actually said the following on WCW Live (from wrestling.ign.com):

"To say that this diminishes the WCW title is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard...Folks, it's a work...No one really wins that title... It's a story... I have respect for the Internet fans...but when I read and hear that statement, it makes (them) lose credibility with (me)... That statement is so ridiculous...It blows my mind..."

You have respect for the Internet fans? Then why have you taken an angle that was written for them and turned it around so it's the opposite of what they want to see? Then why did you take a job with a company that's spent the past year plus pissing on the fans at every opportunity? Then what in the name of God are you doing on my television?

"(I needed to) shock people. (That's why I made Arquette the champion). You're not even going to fathom that...People are talking about it...You're gonna have to tune in Monday night to see what happens...The story does go somewhere... It will become crystal clear by the time we get to Slamboree... Whether you agree or disagree, people are talking about... It's frightening that people could think that (Arquette's win could kill the company)..."

Yeah, people are talking about it, all right. And do you know what they're saying? They're all saying that they HATE IT. There hasn't been this much unity in the online wrestling community since... since... somebody want to give me a hand here?

You should be trying to build your talent and make your promotion respectable again, not switching titles around for the shock factor. That's my biggest problem with this whole farce; it does nothing to help the company.

I officially take back everything remotely positive I ever said about Vince Russo.

And I've had it with WCW. They did NOT have to do this.

What's ironic is that some observers thought WCW might have an opening because of the rampant dissatisfaction with the way WrestleMania 2000 ended. Well, the door was open a crack, WCW poked its head through, then slammed the door on itself.

And don't even get me started on that Bret Hart interview. That's worth a rant all by itself, and depending on what he scribbles down for the Calgary Sun this week, I may be writing it sooner than later.

I need a hug.

PREDICTIONS FOR BACKLASH

Once again, we go from bottom to top, and once again, there's a reason for it.

Dudley Boyz (w/tables, no doubt) vs. T & A (w/Trish Stratus)

If I didn't know better, I'd think Trish wanted Buh Buh Ray to put her through that table, which would bring her in line with everyone else following this angle. I think it's a little early to turn Trish, so T & A will get the win when Buh Buh Ray tries to kiss Trish, and the big guys, suitably offended, thrash him.

Acolytes vs. Bull Buchanan & Big Boss Man

Hired bodyguards versus heel prison guards. I think we can all agree that this will be the stiffest brawl of the year. Bull's impressed me, but the Acolytes are due for a win.

Six Man Free-for-All for the Hardcore Title: Perry Saturn vs. Tazz vs. Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Hardcore Holly vs. Crash Holly

Let's try picking Tazz again after the dust settles. I also won't complain if a Hollys-Hardyz feud comes out of this.

European Championship Match: Essa Rios (w/Lita) vs. Eddie Guerrero (w/Chyna)

Here's a question: who's going to take more of a beating? The men in the ring, or the women outside the ring? There's some serious hatred on both sides of what's become a more interesting feud than it probably should be.

There's really no reason for Rios to go over here, so Eddie will keep the belt.

Tag Team Championship Match: X-Pac & Road Dogg vs. Edge & Christian

The champs' heel turn seems to have been put on hold so they can deal with D and X, and a lot of people aren't happy about it. The X-Pac/Dogg team doesn't do a whole lot for me, so I'm angling for the Blondes to retain and keep that heel turn going.

Kurt Angle vs. Big Show

The Big Show's found a new fun-loving attitude. Kurt Angle thinks he's wasting his career away by acting like a big goof. Show is apparently bipolar at this point, going from laid-back cool guy to crazed, destructive killer whenever anyone interferes with his fun. This is a case where neither guy necessarily needs the win to get over, but I'm tempted to think that Angle will somehow pull this one out.

Intercontinental Championship Match: Chris Jericho vs. Chris Benoit

Former WWF Champion Jericho (You're damn right) wants his IC belt back. Benoit, who pinned Jericho to win it at WrestleMania, doesn't plan on giving it up anytime soon. It's as simple as wrestling feuds get.=20 Benoit wins because I feel like picking Benoit.

World Wrestling Federation Championship Match (w/Shane McMahon as special guest ref): The Rock (w/Stone Cold Steve Austin) vs. Triple H (w/Vince McMahon)

Almost everybody is betting that Austin's going to turn heel and cost Rock the title in this match.

It's not happening.

Despite the history between Rock and Austin that Vince brought up on Raw, Austin turning on the Rock at this point doesn't make sense.=20 Remember, Austin may not like the Rock, but he hates both Vince and Triple H. It also doesn't make sense from a long-term storyline standpoint... even a freshly turned Austin still won't be able to wrestle for at least a few more months, which would lessen the impact of the turn. (This also applies to the theory that Rock will turn on Austin.) Also, they've teased an Austin turn so heavily that the rules of wrestling almost demand that they swerve us on this.

But I do think someone is going to turn in this match, and that someone is Shane McMahon.

Now I realize that Shane turned on the Rock at No Way Out because he thought Rock was getting too big for his liking. But in a way, couldn't the same be said of Triple H? The unlikely brothers-in-law have had a somewhat strained relationship ever since Shane came back, and Shane's gone back and forth on HHH so many times that I no longer think it's a case of a giant plot hole opening up... I think it's by design.

So here's the call: Shane turns on his family and allows The Rock to beat Triple H for the win, which also sets up the rumored Rock/HHH/Shane triple threat main event at the UK Pay-per-view the next weekend.

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