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Guest Columns | Matt Spaulding |
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IDEA MAN To the Rescue THE PEOPLE'S MAILBAG: Did I mention I've been getting some truly bizarre e-mail recently? Somebody named "The Gruff" fired this gem at me: WCW management never gets fired. The latest crew to be taken off booking, I suspect that they will be paid for sitting on their a**. Not that they weren't paid for that anyway. What is disturbing, is so much money is wasted on know talent failed bookers. If their [sic] was back stabbing before, when Russo was in power, why won't it continue now? Especially, knowing that none of the people that Russo said did the backstabbing and the fact, that it has been independently confirmed, have been fired? They all have jobs. They nail wrestlers but not management. If they canned the old booking committee and a few geezer wrestlers, WCW would have plenty of money. Alas, WCW does not know what it is doing. I thought Busche [sic] was bad, I did not know that Jonathan Livingston Seigel was the real problem. Busche didn't get fired from WCW, he quit after being pulled.
LINE OF THE WEEK: Eddie Guerrero (to Chyna): "I mean, last
night, you were practically coming out of your pants at the sight of
me!" (Raw) Damn, I'd forgotten just how good a heel this guy is. And
it's not just lines like that; it's the whole aura he has when he's on.
The man just looks slimy. It's brilliant.
WRESTLEMANIA IN MY REAR-VIEW: Call it 4 _ out of 7, since
Jericho, not Angle, won the Euro title in the two-fall Triple Threat,
which was technically one match. And I was about 23 hours early with
Chyna's turn on Jericho.
Why'd they make the first fall for the Intercontinental title, anyway?
Crash winning the Hardcore belt back on Raw proved that they blew the
finish to the battle royal.
ABOUT THAT ENDING: Initially, both my "mark" side and my
"smart" side were furious, and I never even saw the show (I had to work
Sunday night as a favor to a colleague who let me take off for the
Royal Rumble), but when I got to the part where Mick was eliminated
second, I knew something was about to go horribly wrong.
Hell, even I didn't think Rock would win the belt after Foley was put
into the match, but what purpose does keeping the title on Triple H
serve? As I said last week, with Foley stepping aside and Rocky taking
May and June off to shoot The Mummy II, a finish with
Foley winning and a tournament starting the next night would have been
a great way to elevate another babyface to main event status. And the
Fed's going to need another top-level face with both Mick and Rock
gone, and Kane now out with a broken hand.
Rock winning the belt wouldn't have done much good in the long run, as
he'd have to drop it at Backlash anyway, and there's no point in going
through all that buildup to crown a new champ when he's going to lose
the strap at the end of the month. As it is, HHH is still champion,
and the McMahons now seem to be plotting a way to drive the Rock out of
the WWF, which actually makes some sense when it comes time to explain
his absence.
Mind you, this isn't a knock on HHH as champ; I, like almost everyone
else, was skeptical at first (and I would have booked post-SummerSlam
differently to get him over), but I give him credit for taking the ball
and running with it when Vince gave him the chance. I just think the
gold's been around the waist of a heel long enough.
Vince's lack of an explanation for his turn notwithstanding, the WWF
has accomplished its goal with this: they've gotten me to watch and see
where this angle goes. Right now, though, I can't help but think that
Vince may have outsmarted himself. But that's for another column.
Right now, it's time to get on with the business of saving World
Championship Wrestling.
I'd appealed to you, my loyal readers, for help in writing this week's
column, and I got a couple of pretty interesting suggestions. The
assignment I finally took was this: Assume all the titles are vacant.
Book the programs that rebuild them. Use anybody under contract with
WCW to do it. And "kill that f'n hardcore belt."
Since the situation in Turnerland has gotten so bad that this is
clearly bigger than a one-man job (and this column's late this week to
boot), I've enlisted Shadowlongknife, who suggested the plan to me in
the first place and offered to contribute his own suggestions, to help.
You can see what he came up with here. (Link, please.) (Ummmm, I guess I threw it away. Sorry. Fantasy booking generally sucks, by the way, and I can't believe I put as much of it on this site as I do... - CRZ)
The basic criteria I went with for deciding who would be involved in
the program and who would eventually get the belt are workrate,
charisma, popularity, and "elevatability", which is a word I just made
up meaning "ability to be elevated." (And yes, ALL FOUR are important.)
There'll be one or two wrestlers who end up lower that some people
would like them to be, but it's all about rebuilding the promotion, and
building stars (and maybe breaking a couple of rules) in the process.
The most important thing to keep in mind is that resuscitating WCW is
going to take time, but this is as good a place as any to start.
So anyway, here we go, for better or for worse:
WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: The Straight Shoot
The trick is, Hogan's not expecting a shoot, so he comes barreling out
and shoots on Sting, and a match is set up - winner gets the belt.
Sting shoots during the match, too, running circles around Hogan until
Ric Flair runs in for the DQ. Hogan offers Sting a rematch with Flair
as the guest ref.
Remember, Ric has long-standing heat with both guys, so he has to make
a choice here, and both Hogan and Sting know that. In a mild surprise,
Ric trips up Hogan, allowing Sting to take the title. Then Ric turns
on Sting the next night, holding up the title due to his own
interference! Another rematch is signed (not for that night, of
course), and Ric causes Sting to drop the title to Hogan.
THIS brings out Goldberg, and he's shooting, too: "Hogan! I hear you
talk about your LEGACY. I hear you talk about how the young guys have
to WORK to get to your level. I hear you CHALLENGE us to TRY to take
your spot. Well, on their behalf, I'm here... and you're NEXT."
It's easy from here. Sting finishes off Flair for the last time, then
Goldberg utterly destroys Hogan as the whole locker room empties out to
ringside to watch. Let this match be the culmination of the whole
shebang we're putting together here.
The reasoning: It's a dangerous strategy , I realize, but
the thing to keep in mind here is that it's not a worked shoot. This
is as pure as it gets. Sting's and Goldberg's shoots on Hogan help put
over the idea that things are finally going to change, and Goldberg's
squash victory at the end validates it.
What about the former champ?: Paul Heyman said it best
about Sid: He's best used once per show as an ass-kicking diversion.
Bring him in to clear the ring once in a while or do a quick filler
squash, but that's it. Besides, he sucked as champ. We have footage.
UNITED STATES HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: Four on the Floor
Start this off with an irate Jarrett skulking around backstage, pissed
that he's been stripped of the belt. He bumps into Buff, who tells him
that he's the REAL "Chosen One," and the next U.S. champion. Booker
overhears this and takes exception. Jarrett uses this opportunity to
punk out Booker and lay the boots to Buff before Hennig comes in to
make the save.
Buff challenges Jarrett to a match, and gets a guitar shot for his
troubles as he's about to hit the Blockbuster. Again, Booker and
Hennig come in for the save. Jarrett notes that since all three guys
are against him, he'll take on all three of them in a match. In THAT
match, Bagwell turns on Booker and Hennig, knocking Booker cold with a
guitar shot before Hennig comes back and waffles Buff with the U.S.
title belt, which Jarrett took from some mysterious "office" in the
back.
Hennig challenges Jarrett for a match to fill the strap, and is about
to win when Buff (who'd been beaten by Booker earlier) strikes again,
breaking up a Hennigplex and forcing the DQ. Don't worry; Curt returns
the favor during the Bagwell-Jarrett title match. Hennig duly beats
some humility into Buff when they finally go one on one. This leaves
Booker to challenge - and beat - Jarrett for the U.S. Title.
The reasoning: Eventually, Booker's going to end up in the
World title chase, and probably sooner than later. But he hasn't held
a singles belt in almost a year (losing the TV title at Slamboree to
Rick Steiner, of all people), and a run here re-validates his status
with the fans. Bagwell is here strictly to turn heel and get squashed
by Hennig. Hennig gets a face push because it's different.
What about the former champ?: As I said, Jarrett's a good
U.S. champ and would be a fine choice to take over the belt when Booker
moves up.
WORLD TELEVISION TITLE: Whose Time Is It?
This is where I'll run a 16-man tournament, since we can use it to
elevate some of the young guys, as well as set up the TV title as the
"entry-level" belt. The overriding angle here is cocky hotshot Kidman
and brooding loner Vampiro putting themselves over as the winners.
Round 1: La Parka d. Buzzkill, Vampiro d. The Maestro, Lash LeRoux d.
Evan Karagias, Fit Finlay d. The Demon, Norman Smiley d. Hacksaw Jim
Duggan, Kidman d. Dustin Rhodes, Disco Inferno d. Elix Skipper, Crowbar
d. Rick Cornell.
Round 2: Vampiro d. La Parka, Lash LeRoux d. Fit Finlay, Kidman d.
Norman Smiley, Crowbar d. Disco Inferno
Vampiro loses his semifinal match to Lash when Kidman,
after defeating Crowbar, turns full heel and crotches him on the top
rope, enabling Lash to hit the Whiplash 2000 for the surprise pin.
Kidman goes over Lash in the final to become TV champion and incur
Vamp's wrath.
The reasoning: This scenario gives both Kidman and Vampiro
some much-needed personality and puts them in a feud that's actually
about something, while establishing the other guys as legit TV title
contenders down the line. The title itself becomes the "first" belt I
envisioned it as earlier, and can be used as a springboard to elevate
both guys.
What about the former champ?: You made it back from
cancer, Hacksaw. Congrats. Here's a referee shirt. You'll ref the
final as thanks for digging this belt out of the trash.
WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES: The Juggernauts
During a match between - hell, between any WCW tag teams - Diamond
Dallas Page and Kanyon walk out, stand in the aisle, and shake their
heads in disapproval. After talking between themselves for a few
minutes, they rush the ring and clear it, then ask for the microphones.
They run down the entire WCW tag team division, finding something to
criticize for every team. They end the promo by inviting the teams
they just ambushed back into the ring for a handicap match. They
accept, and Page and Kanyon put on a clinic, destroying both teams. Do
this for a few weeks until you've run through the roster.
Then, send them into "the office" and have them pick up the tag team
belts and bring them to the ring. Page speaks: "You know, since we've
already beaten every single sorry tag team in the WCW, as far as WE'RE
concerned, we are the WCW tag team champions. But Chris and I, we feel
like making it official. So to prove to all the jabronis in the back
and all you idiots out here just how good we are," - did I mention
they're heels? - "we're gonna put up these belts in a gauntlet
match. Any four teams who think they've learned anything and
want to take another shot at us, we'll sign you up, and line you up.
And if any of you can take us down, all this," - they do a Vanna White
with the belts - "can be yours."
The Mamalukes, the Harris Bros., Los Fabulosos, and Lane & Whatever His
Partner's Name Is This Week step up. Harrises get squashed because
they ABSOLUTELY SUCK. The other teams put up better efforts, but Page
and Kanyon go over in the end.
The reasoning: This division is so bad that there isn't a
single current team that can carry the ball here. Whether you like DDP
or not, there's no questioning that he'll work his ass off, and
Kanyon's as good as anyone WCW has. Plus, these guys can both play the
arrogant heel to near-perfection and know each other well, so there
won't be too many blown spots on their part. Book dominance for these
two, so the other teams have time to polish their ring work and
characters.
What about the former champs?: Ron and Don go bye-bye,
never to be seen again.
CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE: Aerial Assault
Here's how it begins: Psychosis (w/Juventud) starts out declaring
himself the only worthy CW champion, drawing the ire of The Artist, who
dismisses him out of hand. An insulted Psyc later attacks TAFKAPI in
the back. Juvi continues to put Psyc over, and he feels the wrath of
"Hard Knox" Chris Candido. This eventually leads to Chavo Guerrero,
Jr. coming out and going after Candido. Shane and Shannon from 3 Count
are next, followed by the Jung Dragons. (Both these groups are licking
their wounds after getting spanked by Page and Kanyon in the tag
ranks.) Some Power Plant cruiser types get involved to flesh out the
field.
The preceding scene is actually stretched out over a few weeks worth of
TV, and the ensuing chaos leads to a battle royal for the CW title.
Like in the setup, there are no allegiances among any of the
participants, and the action, needless to say, is freakishly fast.
The finish is set up when Psychosis turns on Juvi mid-match and throws
him out. He then has a "Diesel moment," going absolutely berserk,
eliminating two and three guys almost simultaneously. Candido tries to
keep the fight on the ground, but it eventually doesn't pan out, as
he's the last to be tossed.
The reasoning: This is another division in serious need of
rebuilding. Psychosis is good enough and the blowoff will get him over
enough to be the standard bearer for the cruisers. Can't wait for that
feud with Rey Jr. when he comes back.
What about the former champ?: TAFKAPI goes back to jobbing
and trying to come up with a finisher he can actually hit.
HARDCORE TITLE: At Least It Won't Suffer Anymore
NOW do you see why I took this assignment?
Notes: Notice no Nash, no Hall, no Sid, no Luger. There's
a reason for that, and if I have to tell you what it is, you haven't
been watching the same WCW as the rest of us.
If Bret comes back (he wasn't included because that's still a
very big "if"), you can put him in Flair's spot, then move
him into a feud with Goldberg over the title.
Once these programs finish, don't go bonkers with the title changes.
Let all of these guys be champions for a while (especially DDP &
Kanyon) so the rest of the roster can be built around them. This will
also bring some value back to the titles, something that's been a real
problem in WCW.
Small Packages:
NEXT WEEK: Spring Stampede, I guess... will we have a
card by next Friday? And if so, will the new Nitro give us a reason to
care?
This BEGS for feedback, by the way.
Matt Spaulding |
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