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Ian Serotkin

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Part 1: Obligatory Shots Out And The Like

This line is dedicated to Corey Pierce. I'm sorry, but GTV just is NOT Gillberg. I mean, come on. He probably doesn't know how to use a television, much less a camcorder.

Big shot out to Pitbull3, the newest member of the Heatrate Cru! His work comes off much more serious than Mikey C's and myself, so I think he complements us nicely. Go check out his articles RIGHT NOW or risk being whacked with the dreaded WCW SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT that I stole from the neighborhood drugstore!

There's no video review for two reasons (I know you're all heartbroken): A) I'm waiting for some tapes in the mail, and B) The Rockers are swank enough to earn themselves a seperate column.

So, without further adoooooooo....

Part 2: Rant Mode

For around three years in the WWF (and several years before that in the AWA), the Rockers could do no wrong. Everyone's favorite JJTS tag team, Shawn Michaels and Marty Janetty held a clinic on high-flying, high-impact, fast-moving matches that were YEARS before their time. They took on the best the WWF had to offer--Demolition, the Legion of Doom, and Strike Force, just to name a few--and carried them to great matches. The most amazing thing is that (at the time), they were pretty much interchangable; neither of them really carried the load of a match on their shoulders. How often do you see THAT today?

Anyway, while just about everyone else was phoning in * efforts, Michaels and Janetty had nary a PPV match that fell below **1/2. The crowd just LOVED them, too. From 1989 until late 1991, we Rocked Rocked Till We Dropped, we Rocked Rocked Never Stopped. They were as fluid of a tag team as I've ever seen. And then came the kick heard 'round the world...

The Rockers had been teasing a breakup for weeks, doing miscommunication spots that cost them matches. The final straw came after they blew a title shot against the Legion of Doom because of such a spot on Superstars ('Course, I was shitting bricks seeing a competitive match with The Rockers on Superstars, so I didn't much care). On a segment of either the Barber Shop or the Love Shack (damned if I remember), Beefcake/Brother Love tried to get Janetty and Michaels to make up and give it one more shot. They both agreed, and life was good again. For about 5 seconds. Suddenly, Michaels turned on Janetty while they were celebrating, giving him a NASTY swivel kick-thingee that sent Janetty THROUGH THE GLASS WINDOW on the set. Primo blade job by Janetty, and one of the two most shocking things EVER seen on Superstars (the other being the Undertaker locking the Ultimate Warrior in a "airtight" casket and leaving him for dead). If you have a tape of this, just listen to the crowd reaction. Now THAT'S heatrate, my friends.

(HISTORICAL NOTE: Ironically enough, MARTY(R) JANETTY was originally going to be the Rocker turning on Michaels. But, Janetty got injured and they needed a way to dump him out of the storylines for a couple of months. Just think, we might have very well had "The Show Stoppa, The Scene Stealer, The Heartbreak Kid...MARTY JANETTY!" How's that for ROYALLY FUCKED UP?)

And you pretty much know how the story turned out. Michaels was elevated to god-like status after Wrestlemania X's Ladder Match, and Marty Janetty spent the rest of his career as a Jobber To The Stars.

Or did he?

Almost.

After 1991, Janetty, for all intents and purposes, was a glorified jobber. His heat was almost non-existent, he matches were nothing special, and he wasn't really pushed. Except when he got within 20 feet of Shawn Michaels. Then, something went off in the head of every wrestling fan in attendance, the millions watching at home, and Michaels and Janetty itself. It probably sounded something like this:

ROCKERS ROCKERS ROCKERS ROCKERS ROCKERS ROCKERS ROCKERS!!!

Every time they had a segment together or fought a match, the fans exploded for Janetty and the two of them wrestled a HELL of a match--guaranteed ***. They Rocked Rocked Till They Dropped, they Rocked Rocked Never Stop. The defining moment for this came in May of 1993. Michaels was IC Champ, and his scheduled opponent no-showed RAW. He was insane (read: stupid) enough to challenge ANYONE in the back to a match, and who should come out but Mr. Forgotten Rocker himself. They wrestled an unbelieveable match that got ***** from just about everyone at the time (and was probably around there in heatrate as well, giving it a total of at least *********1/2 combined on the ten star workrate + heatrate scale and making it one of the best matches ever seen). It got MOTY from numerous sources, and to top the whole damn thing off, Janetty actually WON the IC belt. If there was one thing around that time that you marked out for, chances are this was it.

You could probably put the two of them in a surprise match at SummerSlam NOW, with Michaels' back fucked up 10 ways from Wednesday and Janetty Rocking Rocking Till He Drops, Rocking Rocking Never Stopping somewhere out in La-La Land, and get a *** star affair out of them. And it would probably get good heat, too! That's probably why the WWF held on to Janetty for as long as they did...they knew that all they needed to do to rejuvenate Michaels' heat was stick the two of them in the ring together every couple of months to rehash the old Rockers Breakup Feud and the fans went nuts.

I shudder to think about how much more these guys could have done together if they had entered into the WWF when they were supposed to (1987 or 1988, I believe), instead of getting so drunk and high celebrating their call-up the night before that they were late to the next day's tapings and got immediately fired.

Rockers, I salute you!

Well, until we stop Rocking Rocking Till We Drop, Rocking Rocking Never Stopping, I'm

Ian Serotkin
Jobber-at-Large and Founder of the Heatrate Cru

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Do your homework! Who can forget it was THE BARBER SHOP?? - CRZ

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Guest column text copyright (C) 1999 by the individual author and used with permission