Yes! The WWF! Where things are just better than WCW in just about every possible way! Oh, how I've missed reviewing you!

Part 2: WWF No Way Out 2000 Heatrate Report

Match 1: Kirk Angel vs. Chris Jericho w/Chyna for the WWF Intercontinental Championship.

Both guys do some short mic work while coming down the ramp. As long as Chyna doesn't turn on Jericho and open that whole can of worms again, I'll be happy. Both guys hit most of their main moves, leading into Angle hitting the "Olympic Slam" (reverse fireman's carry) and Jericho kicking out. Angle gets frustrated and tries to nail Jericho with the IC belt, but it's blocked. Jericho locks on the Walls of Jericho, but Angle gets to the ropes. Angle went outside and grabbed the Euro belt and went after Chyna (GO ANGLE!!!) but Jericho broke it up. Jericho went for the Lionsault back inside, but Angle held onto the European belt and smacked Y2J, covering him for the three count. Kurt Angle is the new WWF Intercontinental Champion, along with still being the WWF European Champion. Good choice for the opener.

Heat for Angle: ****
Heat for Jericho: ****1/4
Heat for the match: ****. Four or five loud "Y2J!" and "ANGLE SUCKS!" chants during the match.
Workrate: ***1/4
Total Rating: 7.25/10. Wow, I had forgotten that ratings above 4 existed.

Match 2: The New Age Outlaws vs. The Dudley Boyz for the WWF Tag Team Championship.

This is odd, having the IC and Tag Team Championship matches as the two openers. Short match, Buh Buh hit Gunn with a pipe in the shoulder to isolate Road Dogg inside. One 3D later, and the Dudley Boyz are the new WWF Tag Team Champions. NAO do the "we suck, but we're still gonna tease a breakup because we lost the titles" bit.

Heat for NAO: -***
Heat for Dudleyz: ***1/2
Heat for the match: **
Workrate: *
Total Rating: 3/10

Match 3: Mark Henry vs. Viscera.

Why? I mean really, why? This is what you choose to ADD to a PPV on Heat? Why not put a Light Heavyweight or Hardcore title match on the card? Hell, I'd much rather see Lita make her debut in the Women's Division then see this crap. The video feed cut out halfway through the match--and I swear, all fifteen people I watched it with started cheering. Sadly, it was only temporary. Mae Young somehow ran in and gave Henry the victory.

Heat for Mizark: **
Heat for Viscera: DUD
Heat for the match: ** for when Mae came down.
Workrate: DUD
Total Rating: 2/10

Match 4: The Hardy Boyz w/Terri vs. Edge & Christian.

The Acolytes came down to ringside, as Terri had paid them on Heat to protect her. (Memorable Quote from that scene: "You guys are big, and I'm small!") About what you'd expect from these two teams--take a Tank Abbott match and just do the exact opposite in every situation possible. Neat spot as Jeff pinned Christian and Edge pinned Christian--both teams kicked out at 2. Jeff Hardy was in for a majority of this match while Edge and Christian tagged frequently, which would seem to establish the Hardyz as the faces here. Jeff prepared to do his senton splash to finish the opponents off, but Terri got on the ring apron and pushed him off! Matt went over to yell at her, allowing Christian to hit the Kamikaze for the victory. Terri congratulations Edge & Christian, who appear confused. Stupid twat, shut up and show us your boobies.

Heat for Hardyz: ****
Heat for Ace and Gary: **...crowd seems not to be so into them, prolly because they're the de facto heels here.
Heat for the match: ***. Really loud for the highspots, but quiet for some segments inbetween.
Workrate: ***1/2
Total Rating: 6.5/10

Match 5: Tazz vs. The Big Bossman w/Prince Albert.

Again...why...add...THIS??? Lasts all of 60 seconds before Tazz hits the Tazzmission and Albert intereferes for the DQ. They doubleteam Tazz after the bell, but Tazz keeps getting up. I'd complain more, but it's actually establishing him as somewhat indestructable. The Bossman BREAKS his nightstick over Tazz's head, and an inexcuseable camera job clearly reveals that it's completely hollow.

Heat for Tazz: ***1/2
Heat for Bossman: *
Heat for the match: *...barely enough time for the crowd to open up their mouths.
Workrate: 1/4*
Total Rating: 1.25/10

Match 6: Kane w/Paul Bearer vs. X-Pac w/Tori in a No Holds Barred match.

YES! ANOTHER KANE VS. X-PAC MATCH! I'll leave my feelings on their current "feud" at that. Eighteenth verse, same as the first. X-Pac wins (ugh! UGH!) after Kane ate the ring steps and X-Pac covered him (with the ring steps on top of Kane's head). Tori did eat a tombstone, though, which is always a plus or ten. Way to bury a guy whose push you JUST STARTED.

Heat for Kane: ***3/4
Heat for X-Pac: *1/2. Take a hint, Vince. Please.
Heat for the match: ***
Workrate: **1/2
Total Rating: 5.5/10

Match 7: Too Cool & Rikishi vs. Deano and the Revs, Mark II.

Muahaha, beware me and my LONE (and now recycled) CATCHPHRASE OF DOOM! Right in the beginning of the match, Rikishi nailed Eddie in the elbow, prompting him to leave the ringside area. Pretty much the same match we've been seeing out of these six guys for the last few weeks, with a little more time between each of the highspots and some token psychology thrown in for fun. If Jim Ross says that Chris Benoit is a "rabid wolverine" one more time I'm going to strangle him. What kind of gimmick is that supposed to be? Can I be Ian "Angry Badger" Serotkin? As the other four guys were occupied on the outside, Rikishi hit the Fat-Assed Buttsplash on Malenko for the victory. And for those workrate freaks out there...yes, Scotty did the Worm. :)

Heat for Too Cool: ****
Heat for Radicals: ***
Heat for the match: ***1/2
Workrate: ***
Total Rating: 6.5/10

Match 8: The Big Show vs. The Rock w/Headbanger Mosh for the Right To Go To Wrestlemania And Fight For The WWF Championship.

Made ya blink, didn't I? Teehee. Standard Rocky brawling for five minutes or so. Then good ol' Earl Hebner gets bored and cues the overbooking. He takes a bump, Big Show gets a chokeslam. Tim White runs down from the back to count the pinfall, but Hebner pulls him out! They start arguing over who should ref the match, and who should come out but SHANE MCMAHON! Why do I not have such a good feeling about this...maybe because I'm writing this after I've seen the outcome. Whew, that was surreal. Anyway, Rock goes for the People's Elbow...but Shane comes in and whacks him with the chair (in Rocky-speak: comes into close enough proximity with a chair to make Duane feel as if he's actually taken half a bump today). Big Show covers, and Shane yells at Tim White to go in and count the pin. One, two, three, what a horrible, horrible, HORRIBLE booking decision.

Heat for Big Show: ***1/2
Heat for Rock: ****1/2
Heat for the match: ****
Workrate: *1/2
Total Rating: 5.5/10

Match 9: Cactus Jack vs. HHH in a Hell in a Cell for the WWF Championship.

...and if Cactus loses, he must retire. Both men enter the ring, and the cage lowers. Cactus goes for the door right away--he finds that it's not only locked, but chained about ten times over. They brawl inside for about ten minutes, with a chair and the ring steps featured prominently. Cactus, while using the ring steps, finds a weak section of the cage. He throws HHH through it, and we're outside. Cactus piledrives HHH on the American announcing table, but it doesn't break (at all, no less). Foley reaches behind the timekeeper's table and grabs...the 2x4 with barbed wire. Isn't that against the match stipulations? Oh, what do I know. HHH freaks out, so much so that he decides that climbing on top of the cage is a good idea. Right. Cactus starts to climb up, but HHH stomps on his hands. He falls through the announcer's table, exactly like the Shawn Michaels spot in the first HiaC. Both men are busted wide open at this point (0.4 Muta for HHH, 0.3 for Cactus). Cactus recovers after a minute and climbs back up top. He snap suplexes HHH...and then lights the 2x4 on fire. Hmmm, do you think HHH will actually take a hit with it? If you do, send five dollars to the Duane Johnson Retirement Fund. He does SUPPOSEDLY hit HHH with it, but it barely gets within six inches of his arm. He sets the flaming 2x4 down and goes for a piledriver on HHH...but it's reversed into a body drop. Through the cage. Through the RING (think about that Big Show chokeslam months back, except this time it was used to break his fall). Crowd chants "Holy Shit!"...loud, too. HHH climbs down, and Cactus gets back up. A few punches later, a Pedigree and a cover ends Cactus Jack's career.

Heat for HHH: -****1/2
Heat for Cactus: ****1/2
Heat for the match: ****
Workrate: ****
Total Rating: 8/10

Part 3: Thoughts...

First, the facts: Mega-Total Rating comes in at 45.5/90, or 50.6%. (If you take out the Viscera/Henry and Tazz/Bossman matches, which should never have been included in the first place, the average rises significantly to 42.25/70, or 60.3%).

Now...the crowd was ridiculously hot all night. Absolutely no problems there. The workrate was acceptable...***+ for the Jericho/Angle, Hardyz, and Cactus/HHH matches, exactly as expected, with everything else tolerable at worst.

The booking, on the other hand...how in hell do you have The Rock lose here? It's a month to Wrestlemania, when your #1 face and your #1 heel have to look their absolute strongest. So, you job Rock and have him (for the moment) out of the main event entirely? Entirely unacceptable. Even if he gets back in--which he inevitibly will--it makes him lose face. Angle getting the IC belt wasn't the outcome I personally wanted, but it's entirely reasonable. Dudley Boyz getting the title was fine and almost universally expected. Ditto for Too Cool. X-Pac going over Kane AGAIN prolongs that putrid angle even further and kills Kane's push to boot.

And the main event...Cactus losing I could deal with...but to do so without hitting HHH ONCE with a high-risk move off the top? That was the entire purpose of the match. It could be that Cactus was too hurt to continue after the fall from the top and told HHH to go straight to the finish, in which case it's understandable. Either way...it's a horrible end to a storied career that leaves a bitter taste in just about everyone's mouth.