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/wrestling /guests /Serotkin |
| WWF Backlash | Ian Serotkin |
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Hey kiddies...time to take another exhilarating magic carpet ride out of
the land of workrate and into the land of heatrate. Encouraged by good response to yesterday's Backlash heatrate column (thanks guys!), I decided to give my heatrate predictions for the upcoming WWF Fully Loaded pay-per-view coming up this Sunday. Also a big thumbs up to the other columnists to [slash] so far. So far, everyone's been a real class act and I look forward to reading all of your future writings. And to answer the #1 question I've received so far: hey, what does jobber-at-large mean, anyway? you get punked off a site or something? Just my way of saying I'm a freelance/free agent or whatever you want to call it :) My favorite wrestler growing up was always Barry Horowitz, go figure. Well, without further ado...Coming to you from several days in the future, it's WWF FULLY LOADED! Match 1: Ken Shamrock vs. Steve Blackman, in an "Iron Circle" Match. This is an interesting concept. It will either kill the heat of the match or raise it to a new level. The "Junkyard" match WCW tried at BATB was a dismal failure, and I'm inclined to say this will be disappointing as well. Shamrock has always worked a bit stiff, but hardcore is a stretch. Wicked bumps do not a garbage match make, it also takes some charisma and mic skills to make up for the lack of technical wrestling. Just ask Foley or Snow. Blackman is freshly repackaged and hasn't had any heat of note so far. I expect this to unfortunately continue. Match 2: Mideon vs. D'Lo Brown for the WWF European Championship. This will be totally subpar/par and they'res nothing either competitor can do about it. Dennis Knight has never had ANY heat through ANY character he's done (save for "Mideon sucks" chants which come about largely due to the mass boredom of the paying public during his matches). D'Lo will do his thing and maybe make a decent match out of it, but everyone's expecting him to squash Mideon and the crowd will be dead. Match 3: Joey Abs vs. Test. This is my prediction for the sleeper hit of the card. Test has been gaining heat steadily ever since he tagged along with the Union, and Abs hasn't done too badly for himself since his debut a few weeks ago. Test has good in-ring ability and can carry (or possibly even be carried by) Joey Abs to a good, interesting match. Virtually any ending will generate heat, whether by a clean pin, Stephanie turning on Test, Stephanie helping Test, Shane punking Test, or even something totally unexpected (All the better!). Match 4: Jeff Jarrett w/Debra The Heat Killer vs. Edge for the WWF Intercontinental Championship. Well, Debra is sure to be there diverting any and all fan attention away from Jarrett. Christ, she managed to suck the heat from Owen Hart while she was managing that team, one of the most effective heels in the Federation in his prime. Someone just strip her naked in the middle of the ring, let the fans pop, and get her off my television set. No one will be paying any attention to the match until the requisite screwjob ending that Jarrett must have gotten in his contract way back when he signed. Zero heat. What a waste of good talent. Match 5: WEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLL IT'S THE Big Show vs. Kane, with the Big Hardcore Plugg Shot as the special guest referee. This match has the potential to be teriffic. The actual workrate will suck gigantic ass, but who cares? This is the one and only Heatrate Report. (I'm thinking of renaming it the Heatrate Cru just to watch the veins in the foreheads of the Workrate Cru explode. Whaddaya all think?) Anyway, Wight's theme song has really increased fan reaction to him in the last few months, and fans seem to be getting into the angle with him and the Big Shot as well. I've also never failed to see the crowd pop big for Kane's entrance. Nothing like the earthshattering reception he got as Isaac Yankum, DDS, but he'll have to make do. If they can keep the crowd interested past the entrances--and the way Holly has been trying out there, I think it's a good possibility--then we could see a ****+ heatrate here! Match 6: Road Dogg/X-Pac vs. Chyna/Mr. Rear End for DX Ownership Rights. The entrance sequence will be ****1/2 heatrate, I guarantee you that now. This match is begging for a screwjob. I'd personally LOVE to see The Rock come down and get involved in some way, because that could push this over the edge to a ***** heatrate match. As long as Jammes and X-Pac hide the microphone from the heels, we'll be just fine. Match 7: The Hardy Boyz/ w/Michael Hayes vs. The Acolytes in an "Acolyte Rules"-No DQ-Handicap match for the WWF Tag Team Championship. COULD WE HAVE ANY *MORE* STIPULATIONS HERE IF WE TRIED? What's that you say, a heatrate-on-a-pole match? I say go for it. This match is just a crapper to call as far as heatrate goes. The Hardyz have been producing it, the Acolytes have been extinguishing it for the past year, and the Wheel of Fortune booking could either help or hinder enormously. Taking this outside the ring effectively neutralizes the Hardy Boyz techincal expertise, so I'm leaning towards the pessimistic side here. Match 8: The Rock vs. HHH in a Strap Match, no DQ, with the winner becoming the #1 Contender and getting a shot at the WWF Championship at SummerSlam. I take it back. Apparently we COULD have some more stipulations. Rock's interview last week, "Bob and God", was an absolute GEM. I say let the guy job EVERY NIGHT if he's going to give interviews like that. As far as match predictions go, I'm going to go out in left field and predict the Rock winning, going on and facing Austin at Summerslam with *Austin* turning heel. Yes, you read that right. Rock is the only person who could pull that off because he'd be a legit heir to the the #1 face position, and it's a perfect way to bring the Austin/MacMahon feud to a screeching, mindblowing, clusterfuck halt. Anyway, as for the match against HHH...****+ on the heat scale just on the mere presence of the Rock alone. Match should be pretty good too. Match 9: "Some like it hot, but I'm Stone Cold" Steve Austin vs. The Undertaker in a First Blood match for the WWF Championship. If Austin wins, we never see MacMahon on TV ever again. If UT wins, Austin never ever gets another shot at the belt. I take everything I said back AGAIN, apparently we could have even MORE stipulations. I'm getting sick of this. Give me a nice, clean championship match with Hebner as the not-so-special not-a-guest referee, with no added stipulations, and I'm a happy camper. This crap just begs for even more screwjobs then we get now. I'm sure Austin loves it, because it gives him more chances to drop the belt without actually, you know, JOBBING. He reminds me more of the Orange Goblin every day, and it deeply saddens me. If he wasn't a near-cripple, things might be a lot different right now. Fans will eat the match right up, as usual, and we get a guaranteed ***1/2 on the heatrate scale. I'm predicting the match to be absolute shit, but it'll get above-average to mindblowing heat. I'm really hoping the WWF gives the undercard a chance to really shine on this card, because it has the potential to be the best card of the year, hands down. A great Rock match later on would assure it. Feel free to send email violently disagreeing with me, I take perverse pleasure in it! Of course, pleasant Happy Happy Joy Joy email is much more likely to elicit a response :) Until next time, I'm Ian Serotkin Jobber-at-Large Mail the Author |
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