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Guest Columns | Ian Serotkin |
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Part 1: Obligatory Shots Out And The Like There comes a time in every reviewer's life when he takes some time to take a step back from his normal tasks (in this case, the mind-numbing and horrific task known as watching and reviewing Nitro every week) and tickles his own fancy for a moment. Stop laughing, you perverts. Anyway, I decided to take six hours of the cream of the crop, the Kings of Workrate, the Immortal Battles, the best damn North American matches (and one Japanese match involving two North Americans to spice things up) of the last two decades, put them all on the same tape and see how the hell they stacked up in terms of the only thing that matters... Heatrate! Part 2: Heatrate Review of the "Best of the Best" Match Numero Uno: Ric Flair vs. Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat for the NWA World Title, WrestleWar '89. Might as well start out with in style, right? This is widely considered the best North American match ever, period. Three judges are present (Lou Thesz, Pat O'Connor, and Terry Funk) to judge the winner in case of a tie. A fair and unpartial judgement, of course, unlike in boxing. :) I've heard a whole lot of people describe this a a perfect match, but I disagree. In fact, one thing bothers me abuot this match so much that I don't give it five stars: Flair is on the ring apron at one point. Ricky Steamboat hits a dropkick on him, sending him crashing to the floor. I use "hits" loosely, because he obviously misses and Flair sells it anyway. Maybe I'm just jaded because I was expecting the match to be that good, but the fact that the dropkick didn't even make contact in a contest applauded otherwise for its incredible stiffness (among other reasons) really detracted from the match for me. Don't get me wrong...besides that small flaw, it's artistry at it's finest--but it's still a flaw. Oh, by the way, Flair wins and Terry Funk goes nuts and beats him up after the match. Heat for Flair: **3/4 Heat for Steamboat: ***1/2 Heat for the match: ****. The crowd is into it, sure, but listen to the pops Hogan was getting around this time and you'll realize why I can't give five stars here. Workrate: ****3/4 Total Rating: 8.75/10 Match Two: Shawn Michaels w/HHH and Chyna vs. The Undertaker in a Hell in the Cell match, IYH: Badd Blood. Shawn actually had the WWF European Championship here, but I'm nearly positive it was non-title. This match has some of the best psychology I've ever seen, as Shawn Michaels gets his ass kicked eight ways from Wednesday, keeps making comebacks only by running like a little pansy and resorting to illegal tactics, and personally wets himself whenever Undertaker shrugs off moves that would put away just about everyone else. Undertaker, to his credit, sucks less than usual too. The ending is just as historically remarkable as the match itself, as Kane makes his first-ever appearance, rips the door off the cage, tombstones 'Taker, and draps a bloody and lifeless Shawn Michaels over him for the win. Heat for Michaels: *...very mixed reaction. Heat for Undertaker: **** Heat for the match: ****1/4 Workrate: ***** Total Rating: 9.25/10 Match Three: "Stone Cold" Steve Austin vs. Bret "The Hitman" Hart in an "I Quit" match, Wrestlemania 13. Simply put, this was the match that MADE Austin's career, as both men were in their prime, uninjured, and ready to go above and beyond for a Wrestlemania. You can see the subtle differences in how Austin moves here, before the neck injury. This is probably the most famous and well-executed double turn in wrestling history, as Austin ends up as a tough son of a BITCH that would rather pass out and lose rather than submit--hurt and bleeding buckets--to the Sharpshooter. Bret finishes his decent into total dickhood by assaulting Austin's leg with a chair after the match. Heat for Austin: *** Heat for Hart: *** Heat for the match: ****3/4 Workrate: ***** Total Rating: 9.75/10 Match Four: "The Macho Man" Randy Savage w/Elizabeth vs. Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat w/George "The Animal" Steele for the WWF Intercontinental Championship, Wrestlemania 3. I've reviewed this before and found no reason to change anything now: If you've never heard of this match or the feud building up for it...well...there's no hope for ya. Until Steamboat topped himself in his classic match with Ric Flair at WrestleWar '89, this was considered the greatest match of all time. Mark, smart, smark, whatever, it doesn't matter This match just rules. No stips, no 60 minute slobberknockers, just 15 minutes of the quickest, stiffest, all-around best wrestling you will ever see. And, just to top it all off, the heat is just as powerful here as the work is. The ovation when Steamboat FINALLY, after months of following Savage around the country in rage, becomes the NEEEEWWWWWWWW Intercontinental Champion is unlike anything I've ever heard before. It's just about the only thing I actually remember about the damn card from when I first saw it way back in 1987. THAT was the advantage of having champs STAY champs for years on end...the blowoffs were absolutely monumental. I won't bother to do play-by-play (do I ever?), which is available tons of other places. Savage picks Steamboat up for a bodyslam, but Steamboat grabs the leg and cradles Savage --> pin to become the new WWF Intercontinental Champion. Heat for Savage: ****3/4. Savage gets a small face pop when he goes to the top rope, so I'm forced to deduct 1/4*. Heat for Steamboat: ***** Heat for the match: ***** Actual Workrate: ***** Total Rating: 10/10. Still the only time I've ever given a perfect rating in a North American match, and the way North American wrestling is going right now...it may be the only time I ever do. Match Five: "Flyin'" Brian Pillman vs. Jushin "Thunder" Liger for the WCW Light Heavyweight Championship, Superbrawl II. This match was straight out of '95 Japan, and considering it's '92 WCW that's really saying something. Widely considered one of the three best opening matches in wrestling history. The thing that I personally like best out of this match is the fact that Liger couldn't speak a damn word of English and was thusly never given mic time, and he was still getting heat on sheer ability alone. So much for your theory, Vince Russo. Pillman regains the title here, and they do the Babyface Embrace after the match like only good workers can after a hardfought battle. Heat for Pillman: ***1/2 Heat for Liger: **1/2 Heat for the match: ****3/4 Workrate: ****3/4 Total Rating: 9.5/10 Match Six: Jeff Jarrett w/Roadie vs. Shawn Michaels for the WWF Intercontinental Championship, IYH 2. I really, really liked this match at the time, but when I watched it again now...nothing. I donno, maybe it was just the aura of Michaels winning the title from complete-dick Jarrett. It's good, but really slow compared to everything else on this tape. Michaels regains the title due to Roadie interference, by the way, finally waking the crowd up. Heat for Jarrett: **1/2 Heat for Michaels: ***3/4 Heat for the match: **1/2 Workrate: ****1/4 Total Rating: 6.75/10 Match Seven: Marty Janetty vs. Shawn Michaels for the WWF Intercontinental Championship, RAW is WAR '93. It has always amazed me how the WWF could pair up Janetty and Michaels anytime, anywhere, and it would somehow turn into a ***+ matchup with great heat. It happened here, it happened earlier that same year during their match at the Royal Rumble, and it happened three FULL YEARS later during the '96 Rumble itself. My tribute to the Rockers is probably still archived somewhere on CRZ's site, if you want to learn more about these two exciting individuals and why they never made it back. Oops, maybe that was just Marty "Rock Rock Till He Drops, Rock Rock Never Stop" Janetty. Anyway, Michaels made the DUMB IDIOT mistake of offering an open challenge to his IC belt, and who should take him up on it but Janetty himself. A great match follows, with Mr. Perfect appearing and preventing Total Pussy Shawn Michaels from running away. Perfect ends up throwing a HAND TOWEL OF MASS DESTRUCTION~! at Michaels, which stuns him long enough to get rolled up by Janetty and lose the title. I really despise that the WWF didn't just give Janetty the clean win here as long as they were giving him the title anyway, but I'll live. Heat for Janetty: *** Heat for Michaels: Either it's cut off on my tape or he didn't have an entrance. Heat for the match: ****1/2 Workrate: ***** Total Rating: 9.5/10 Match Eight: Chris "God" Jericho vs. Chris "God" Benoit, Super J-Cup '95. This was the first Japan match I'd ever seen, and I'll be damned if it didn't get me hooked. On the relative Japanese scale it might only be ****1/2, but for North America it's an easy perfect five. Add to that the fact that the crowd is red-hot, and this is an instant classic. It also made Jericho's career, as he would vault soon after to ECW and then WCW. Heat for Jericho: ** Heat for Benoit: ****. You'd think the Japanese crowd had seen him before or something. Heat for the match: ***** Workrate: ***** Total Rating: 10/10 The next two matches got erased accidentally, as I was galactically stupid enough to use the wrong cassette to tape the Mick Foley biography from A&E as I was midway through reviewing this tape. For the record, they were Michaels/Hart "Iron Man" match for the WWF Title from Wrestlemania 12 (which is about ***/**** heat/work) and Flair/Funk for the NWA Title from Clash in November '89 (****/****3/4, I think, but I haven't seen it in a vew months). Match Nine (or Eleven, depending on your point of view): Mankind vs. Undertaker in a Hell in the Cell match, King of the Ring '98. Okay, so maybe Scott Keith was right. Truth is, it's not the best piece of workrate in the world. It didn't have the best psychology, it was awkward, and it was extremely gloomy because everyone really did think that Foley was practically dead. But the fact remains, it was voted Match of the Year, it got Foley over (though not in the way anyone expected), and it has some of the most wicked and dangerous bumps you'll ever see. See it for yourself and decide. Heat for Mankind: * Heat for Undertaker: ****1/2 Heat for the match: **** Workrate: ** Total Rating: 6/10 Part 3: Thoughts... Well let's see...Mega-Total Rating comes in at an incredible 79.5/90 for the nine rated matches, and I doubt the two matches I taped over would have changed the percentage significantly. Now, is it too much to ask for Nitro to produce the same every week? Is it? In conclusion, Mideon = Ratings. Ian Serotkin Jobber-at-Large (for Shooters!) and Founder of the Heatrate Cru Mail the Author Visit the Shooters |
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