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/wrestling /guests /Serotkin |
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/wrestling /guests /Serotkin |
| Guest Columns | Ian Serotkin |
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Part 1: Obligatory Shots Out and the Like Wouldn't you know it, one of our pledges has a meager wrestling tape collection. FRESH TAPES! Coming soon: A special heatrate review for a compilation tape I had put together. Possibly a heatrate review for the Netcop Busts tape too, just to torture myself. And, of course, the review for No Mercy sometime after Sunday. Looks like the Workrate Cru has actually noticed me (me being the Heatrate Cru). Of course, the first thing they have to say to me is that my rating system is flawed and unneccessary. Yeah, whatever. I'm just here to have fun (and to get myself over, of course!). The Continuing Soap Opera of Channel 12: Looks like Smackdown is off the air for good in the Champaign-Urbana area. If you've been keeping track, it was moved about a month ago from 11 PM to 4 AM CDT, but last week it wasn't even on at that time either...I just can't understand why the local station would want to take one of the few shows that gets UPN out of the ratings gutter and stop showing it. Of course, when I called the station a month ago, they told me it was off the air completely...after which I saw it at the 4 AM slot. Stupid execs. And yet they still show Jakked on Saturday nights. Feh. Part 2: Retro Heatrate Review for Wrestlemania XIV We're in Boston, MA tonight (but we're not going to Hahvahd Yahd and having beah in the bahr), and your hosts are JR and "Not the Mayor" Lawler. Match 1: Tag Team Battle Royale, winner gets a shot at the WWF Tag Team Championship. The "new and improved" Legion of Doom, with "new and improved (really)" Sunny, are team #15 in their surprise return. This really wasn't that enthralling, but at least it was short. And Sunny's boobs rock. Midnights get dumped --> LOD wins and earns their title shot. I don't rate battle royales because they always suck. Match 2: TAKA Michinoku vs. Aguila for the WWF Light Heavyweight Championship. This is a total, total spotfest...but a pretty good one. I don't think there was any buildup to this at all...in fact, I don't ever remember seeing Aguila in the WWF either before or after this match. The crowd actually wakes up out of their crusierweight-induced trance and applaud for a few of the more memorable ones. TAKA hits the Michinoku Driver --> pin, he retains the Light Heavyweight belt. Aguila and TAKA do the babyface embrace after the match. Heat for TAKA: * Heat for Aguila: DUD. Who? Heat for the match: *1/2 for the highspots. Actual Workrate: ***. Spots were great, but zero psychology or buildup. Total Rating: 4.5/10 Hey Ian, Aguila is Papi Chulo - ya loser - CRZ Match 3: Hunter Hearst Helmsley w/Chyna v. Owen Hart for the WWF European Championship. Welcome to bizarro world. Owen Hart was a face, and HHH was a heel. Owen would soon turn heel, and HHH would turn face the next day on RAW as he formed the new DX with X-Pac and the NAO. The live DX band is here, pissing me off. I never liked the way it sounded live. This is the match where Chyna is handcuffed to Sgt. Slaughter to prevent interference. HHH works like a madman on Owen's 'injured' ankle, and Owen sells like a champ. After a while, Chyna goes "to hell with playing fair", tosses powder in Slaughter's face, and gives Owen a wicked ballshot. Pedigree --> pin to allow HHH to retain the WWF European title. Heat for Owen: **1/2 Heat for HHH: ***. About **** of heel heat, but * of token DX face heat interdispersed. Heat for the match: ***1/2...crowd was hot for this one! Actual Workrate: ***, fun little match. HHH actually uses psychology and some moves that didn't involve his knee--unheard of for him back in '98. Total Rating: 6.5/10 Match 4: Marc Mero & Sable v. TAFKA Goldust & Luna in a Mixed Tag Team match. I hate Mixed Tag Team matches. Crowd is eating up Sable. Grrrrrowl! Mero is a face again for tonight just cuz he's with Sable. Sable actually pulls out a powerbomb on Luna...or a "Sablebomb", according to the announcing team. Goldust is basically here to sell every move done by Mero and Sable like he just got a 5000 Volt electric shock. Sable gets a TKO on Luna (really!) --> pin to allow Sable to go backstage and find crap in her duffel bag. Mero and Sable sort of nod to each other after the match. It wouldn't last. Heat for Mero/Sable. ***3/4. All for Sable, duh. Heat for Goldust/Luna: ** Heat for the match: ***. **** when Sable was in, ** when she wasn't. Actual workrate: **1/2 Total Rating: 5.5/10 Match 5: The Rock v. Ken Shamrock for the WWF Intercontinental Championship. The IC belt going up so low on the card almost guarantees either a heel win or a Dusty Finish. My boy Rocky is still in the Nation of Domination at this point, and Shammie somewhere near the tail end of his initial face run. The acutal match is only a few minutes, but surprisingly good while it lasts--probably custom made to prevent Rocky from exposing himself and Shamrock from being the stiff motherfucker he still was. Rock bleeds hardway from the mouth. Shamrock is possessed. He slaps on the ankle-lock --> submission, but then he goes off the deep end and refuses to relinquish the hold. A veritable bevy of WWF officials come down to ringside to restrain him, and he greets them all (along with the NOD) with belly-to-belly suplexes (such a wimpy move for such a badass, isn't it?). He finally gives up the hold as Rock is stretchered out, and then the announcement comes that the decision is reversed because Shamrock practically killed everyone presently under contract to the WWF. Shamrock, of course, snaps again, running after The Rock, knocking him off the stretcher, and beating the living daylights out of him again. So, after al that, The Rock retains the WWF IC belt. Heat for Shamrock: *** Heat for The Rock: ***. He was starting to get a bit of a face pop around this time, lowering his heel heat score a bit. Heat for the match: ***1/2 Actual Workrate: **3/4 Total Rating: 6.25/10 Match 6: The New Age Outlaws v. The Hardcore Legends in a Dumpster Match for the WWF Tag Team Championship. Kind of amusing...The Hardcore Legends are Cactus Jack, who's really Mankind who's really Mick Foley, and Chainsaw Charlie, who's really Terry Funk who's really old. Foley bumps like a fucking king. The fighting eventually goes backstage after a few near closes, where the teams find a second dumpster (behind a grassy knoll?). RD and Gunn end up laid out on a forklift(???), Funk lifts them into the dumpster while laughing maniacally, and Jack --> closes the lid, making the Hardcore Legends the new WWF Tag Team Champions. Heat for NAO: *1/2. They get good heat, but it's heavily mixed. The crowd WANTS to sing along, guys, turn face! Oh yeah, that would be tomorrow. :) Heat for Legends: **1/2 Heat for the match: *3/4...crowd just wasn't into it--especially when it went backstage. Actual Workrate: **3/4. I'd probably rate it higher if it wasn't for the really retarded forklift ending. Total Rating: 4.5/10 Match 7: Undertaker v. Kane in a "Who's the slower guy?" match. Pete Rose comes out, makes fun of the Boston crowd, and promptly gets tombstoned by Kane. Would have made much more sense to have UT do it (you know...the FACE), but then we would have been cheated out of one of his 20 minute long entrances. AND WE CAN'T HAVE THAT! His entrance happens to be really, really good--the full treatment, with druids and torches and scary music and everything, but it eats up time like a mofo. Quite a few restholds, but the rest of the match is surprisingly good. UT pulls out his suicide dive, and he even MISSES and flies into the Spanish Announcer's Table (tm). Taker kicks out of a Kane tombstone, and then he gets THREE of his own to finally keep Kane down (barely) --> pin. Heat for Taker: ****. He was right in the middle of his cool-ass face run before the Ministry ruined him. Heat for Kane: ***1/4. Gotta subtract some for the face heat he gets after dealing with Pete Rose. Heat for the match: ***1/2. Crowd, surprisingly, was in it the whole way. Actual Workrate: **1/2, but who the hell cares? It was actually entertaining, which was about a gazillion times more than I was expecting from these two back then. Total Rating: 6/10. Match 8: Shawn Michaels vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin with Mike Tyson as the Special Enforcer for the WWF Heavyweight Championship. Austin gets the biggest entrance pop I've heard since Wrestlemania III. Twice as loud as what he gets today, if you can believe that. We get brawling to start because both men are near crippled at this point. On top of that, Michaels hurts his back early on. He's visibly wincing for the rest of the match. Endgame: Ref gets bumped, Austin is down. Michaels revs up the Sweet Chin Music, but Austin ducks. Austin tries the Stunner, Michaels ducks out. A few moves later, Austin gets the Stunner and Tyson slides in and counts --> pin. Stone Cold Steve Austin is the new WWF Heavyweight Champion. Austin gives Tyson an "Austin 3:16" shirt. Michaels revives, confronts Tyson, and punches him. Tyson retaliates with a WICKED right, and Michaels drops like a ton of bricks. Tyson drapes the Austin shirt over Shawn to end the Shawn Michaels era and usher in the Stone Cold era. Heat for Michaels: ****. He's just not a liked man, but he's alternated between face and heel too many times to ever max out at over ****. Heat for Austin: ***** Heat for the match: ****1/2. Actual Workrate: Call it at ***. Total Rating: 7.5/10. Part 3: Thoughts... Nothing sucked. Not a single thing. Everything was entertaining, served it's purpose, and everyone got over. Factor in that it's one of the most historically significant shows ever, and it's pretty much a must see. And oh yeah, the workrate was pretty decent too :) Ian Serotkin Jobber-at-Large and Founder of the Heatrate Cru Mail the Author |
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