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SEMAJ SAYS

Well it's time for the first installment of Semaj says, and if you got no clue who I am, I'm sure CRZ, being the kind lad he is, will give me a link right about here to my last collumn. If not, just assume I've written something titled Semaj saves thw WCW.

Ok Gripes: 1) Never go down the "Easy hill" without first making sure it really is Easy on the map your first time Snowboarding or Skiing. I must say not knowing how to turn or stop on a hill meant for speed isnt the way to live a long prosperous life. Thank goodness my rear doesnt slide as well as the board, or this would be a mermorial service to one incredibly stupid Semaj guy. I shoulda known something was fishy when it was titled No Mans Land......

First things first, god bless the WWF right now, getting me through the lean times over on WCW. The other night I was lamenting in the now dead cruiserweight division on WCW when all of a sudden before my very eyes is some guy named Essa Rios and good old Elroy Holly brawling in what seemed to me to be a cruiserweight match by a different name. Well then add in Lita, who I might add reaches amazinglyfrickinghot on my scale of 1-10 flying around (If your reading this, I'll try and find time in my busy schedule of Differential Equasions to have lunch with you..), frankensteinering and moonsaulting poor Elroy. So then I got two visions dancing in my head.

One, a cruiserweight division with Edge, Christian, the Hardy's, Funaki, Elroy and Taka (maybe malenko, he is a tiny tot after all) all flying around for a belt that means more than the tin in Hotlanta. Exscuse me while I wipe the drool from my mouth, and if no one else finds this as enticing as I do right now, you all need to be shot, period.

The second was Lita, Jacklynne, Ivory, and Possibly Tori actually, uhm wrestling for the Womans title. And I relised it suddenly could vault from joke to potentially more important than half the tin in Hotlanta.

Now realise how much this scares me because I still perfer WCW, although WWF has about 9/10ths of my main favorites from WCW, all thier missing(I think) is Kanyon, Kidman, Smiley and, Dare I say it, Jeff Jarrett, and I think WCW will die a fast death as opposed to a slow one. Course once Goldburg gets back with Hart, and they might have a real main event, but somehow I doubt it. At this point the only thing that can save them is, oh scarry thoughts, Russo and Terry Taylor. Well that or me, but then again since I'm smart, and know how to think right, I'd never make it there.

Ok Enough about my daily thoughts lets get down to the nitty gritty.

Vince smells blood. He does, no other way to think of it. He obviously either 1) Reads the collums of everyone on the internet (In which Case, Email me, I'll gladly send you my resume, and then you can hire me to write shows, help people develop mic skills, and shine your shoes, at bargain basement prices.) 2) Has mind Reader on top of everyones TV Set or 3) Is the luckyest man alive when guessing what everyone wants.

I'll go with #1, and a bit of #3. Other than Mark Henry/Mae Young, he seems to be ale to do little wrong. He has gotten most of the big named, young guys from WCW, and instead of making them scrubs, or making them suffer through mindless crud, has let them do thier thing. Jericho talks a lot of trash, and Vince finally put a belt on him. Big Show has held the Big strap, Benoit SUPLEXES RIKISHI, ok I dont know about you, but I went "Holyfingcrud" when he did it, not once, not twice, but 3 times. Beniot is god, were all here to watch him work a match. Saturn, Malenko and Gurero have all been thrown into the limelight.

At this Point, Vince could make another Fed, and compete with himself, and do well :). We could call it, Notlanta Wrestling Federation (Or Association, but NWA would be kinda cheezy, yet kinda Ironic), throw everyone recently from Atlanta (Radicals, Jericho, Big Show), hire most of the rest of WCW who wants releases) and I'm willing to bet get 2-3 rating points higher than the WCW Should somehow this ever come to pass, you heard it here first :)

Vince has given us lightweights again, a credible womens division, advances anyone who gets pops up the food chain, and at this point has Depth and talent EVERYWHERE. He's going for the juggular by giving us what WCW was giving us before to keep in some kind of contention. If WCW doesnt do somethign soon, Turner will snap, close up shop, and Vince will rule Wrestling like he did not too long ago.

However heres my new foolproof plan on how to save WCW.

First have a "Shoot Show" Where every Wrestler apoligises for the lame product, and promies to raise it up a notch, and entertain the fans again. While this is going on, they come out and kick the Ever loving snot out of the Kevins for horrible booking, and insulting any fans intelligence for the entire 2 hour show, We could let them use bats and whatnot to make a fine example of what they will never, ever do again. After 20 mins of the beatdown, people might get bored, but 2 hours of saying I'm sorry is only the tip of the iceburg for what they need to do. Plus the Kevins need a beating, and I might actually pay good money to watch it happen.

Once this is over, Start putting on good shows. No I mean - Hey Kidman can wrestle, He and Smiley are going for the TV title NOW, while Booker (T) waits for the Winner, to help Boost him back up till he;s ready to vye for the world title!

Hey, Kanyon, you and DDP will feud for the US title, with Bam Bam Bigelow. Hogan, You now get to Job to whomever we say, and right now it's Flair. He's going to beat you cleanly with a figure four, and then after its over chase you around while you scream like a woman - now thats entertainment. Luger, your huge, so no more acting for you, instead you just look mean and hurt people, and go to the power plant to learn more moves. This goes for half the roster who has less than 8 moves they can use well in a match.

Someday soon, I'm going to snap and email WCW my Resume (Prefarbly right to Bill Bush and say 'Your ship is sinking, let me show you the path to glory' I mean whats the worst that happens, he ignores me? If he's smart he'll ask me a few questions, fly me down, make me write up a sample show, and try it out. When he realises it's roughly 40 times better than anything currently, He'll pay me untolds amount of money, WCW will thrive, and you can call me the second coming.

Heres to pipe dreams people, and the hope someday soon, I have trouble decided what show to watch on monday. I shall sayeth this once, My Email is open, someday i will get letters, and this time I mean it!

Semaj
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Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission