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Welcome readers to what will hopefully be the first installment of a new column here at CRZ.net/wrestling. Your host for this action packed pleasure attack will be me, Scotso, and...well, that's it, just me. Just what the hell is this column about, you may ask? Why should you be reading it? Look, if you can't be patient with me this relationship is never going to work. And hey, most WCW programming isn't "about" anything, and they give you more reasons not to watch it, but you few faithful still do, so why hold me to a higher standard? And if at least 25% of this column is actual wrestling, I still beat out the Big 2, right? But who'd go to a wrestling web site to read about Well, if you still want a reason to read this, um, Tony Schiavonne called it "the best display of pure wrestling journalism in the history of wrestling journalism." Anyone still reading? I have to start out by saying I am a WWF fan, or mark, as they say round these parts. I spent years as the biggest supporter of the NWA/WCW and damned the WWF's childish storylines (even when I was 10), but everyone knows that Vince is a genius, and they do a damn entertaining program. But I am not above criticizing their stupidity as I see fit. We all know that Steve Austin hates The Undertaker. The Purity of Evil that he is, The Taker hates Austin just as much. So they wrestle on pay-per-view. And on Raw. And at house shows. And so on, and so on. I was into their angle last summer, but do we STILL need to see this? Can they not FIND other opponents? And for those of you who say I am wrong, picture this: Ten years from now, Steve Austin makes his dramatic in ring return after a layoff, comes out on Monday Nitro, and scores an upset win to end the one day WCW Title reign of the (reborn) Mean Mark Callous!!! Am I crazy? Am I really? Don't answer that yet...you hardly know me. And as if Austin-UT isn't enough, we get the "Kane and his big brother reunite again" angle replayed as well. This, however, is one of those things that can go either way, and I really hope they play this out well. Go with me on this. Kane was set to be a major face this year, right? He was getting over as the poor victim in the Corporation, and when he was finally out, he would be massively popular. Lately, although his team with X-Pac was working pretty well, his face pops diminished. So here's the new angle they try: We were never sure if Kane really was 100% with X-Pac, because Kane didn't trust anybody (he DID spend too much time around Austin!) and he still attacked his buddies on occasion since he never knew right from wrong. He is easily swayed back by his brother, because he is dumb, remember? This past Monday, he abandoned his only true friend to rejoin the UT, who is only out for himself and only wants to use Kane. In the meantime, we use this to have the Kane-Big Show feud we knew we'd see eventually to keep both men in the spotlight. Ultimately, though, this is the one final thing it takes to teach Kane right from wrong. He defies his brother and saves X-Pac, finally joining X-Pac in an ultra feminine heart warming moment, bringing new life to DX in the process. Kane does crotch chops as fire erupts from the ring posts, bringing the crowd to their feet and getting him back that huge pop he was lacking. Now that, kiddies, is a continuous , well-executed storyline. Or he'll just be a heel who sides with the Undertaker and I'll bitch about it but keep watching anyway. While I am pitching storylines, everyone wants to know what exactly Chris Jericho will do upon his arrival in the WWF, which will apparently be August 9. I vote for a debut match against his greatest rival, his biggest challenge, his worst nightmare.........GILLBERG! After WCW put the squash on the real Jericho-Goldberg match, wouldn't he make this hilarious? Even though Goldberg has his problems with WCW now, Gillberg can still get a laugh if used right, it is still a good joke. So what if Jericho comes out, takes a quick spear, goes down (to the shock of Gillberg himself), and then does the job after the jackhammer? Then, say Shane comes down, yells at Chris, and asks what is going on. Jericho, thinking he did something right for his new employers, says, "Wait, wasn't I supposed to lay down for him? The other place told me everyone lays down for that guy." After a great comical bit, Jericho of course would destroy Gillberg and establish himself as not only the wrestler of the next millennium, but the overall best entertainer that we all know can be. Hey, all this fantasy booking reminds me...did anyone know the WWF is actually asking for ideas for Fully Loaded? They have an address set up on their web site asking for fans to book the matches...not that the card isn't already set in stone, but ... no, I won't pretend to understand. Wow, this is kind of fun. Are you enjoying this yet? And the best part is that our main event is still to come! Staying with the WWF, it seems they have been trimming their roster as of late. Nicole Bass, who never found a comfortable place in the company (insert your own jokes about Val Venis here, I can't do all the work for you), has been cut. The question is, who noticed? She could've done a program with Chyna, I think that might have worked, but in the long run, Nicole just wasn't quite cut out for the WWF. I'm sure WCW would offer her something, if ECW doesn't take her back to boost their national run with a somewhat recognizable name. Also, word is that Goldust is also history, which makes about the same dent. He was never quite interesting in any gimmick for more than a few weeks, like when he came back to feud with Val last year and quickly faded from our view, or when he split with Terri, or when he had that "Artist" thing, etc. We were promised something big after Wrestlemania when he won the Intercontinental title and teased a surprise, but it never happened and we forgot him again. I simply never got why the Blue Meanie found him shagadelic, or why they were ever paired up in the first place. The best angle he ever had, or was rumored to have, was one he never actually appeared in, that being this GTV thing. It was obviously him as "GDTV", which was not funny with Mark Henry on the toilet or with Al Snow picking some dinner. However, they have really pushed this angle lately, and now it had better be someone better than Goldust. I don't much want to speculate, but don't let the "G" fool you. It could be anybody. Maybe even the mysterious Hummer driver. Then Lawler could say Hummer AND Puppies in one show! Now that is what wins an election! By the way, does anyone else remember when Dustin Rhodes was such a rising star in WCW that he was SURE to be a future world champion and carry on the legacy of his fat, fat father? Well, if you're still reading by now...BLESS YOU! I am sure I have about worn out my welcome, so I will sign off here. Thanks to CRZ for letting me do this, he is a beautiful man! Tell him how much you want me back! And maybe...just maybe...if I am in a really good mood...I'll talk about what's going on in WCW in my next column, rather than focusing on the WWF so much. But then again, ECW does have a lot to talk about lately... But for now...I think it's best for both of us if we just have a little space. Things are moving too fast here... I'll call you, I promise. Oh wait! The exciting main event...no, we're out of time! Til next week, Scotso freelance Mail the Author |
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