~~~~~~ALL NAPSTERHOLICS, DON'T LET THE MAN TAKE OUR SCHWAG!~~~~~
Fight The Power! Stick It To the Man! No Nukes! Save The Whales! Lars Must Go Dowen And He Must Go Dowen Haaaaaaaaad!

TURN THE PAGE: Read "Ball Four". Still a classic 30 years later.

(Mandatory Oracles shout out here, followed by plugs for www.oracleswar.com, www.delphi.com/wehearttrish and /theoracleswar)

With that out of the way, I know it's been a fortnight but you can consider yourselves welcomed to Slash Is Rosser. The best thing I love about this gig is that I can be gone two weeks and STILL only get 4 letters (I guess some of it can be blamed on the absence, naaaaaah!)

Mr. "The Column" Brandon Boon responds: Hell yes, my friend. 15 shots of fuego, straight-up. Just make sure you've eaten something first. Oh, and if you've ever seen a picture of me, you'd know that I haven't fasted a day in my life. Lessee, I'm gonna be a bitch and rip comments off of your list now.

15: Truly, tradition sucks. At least Lombardi bladed--it's like a consolation job, I guess.
13: Tazz has become the psychotic bowling champion. Didn't you notice? All he needs to do is steal Al Snow's bowling ball downstairs move.
9: Still better than me. I go on vacation, and all I get is a new set of facial scars. Windshields suck.
5: I'd comment on this, but I'm laughing too hard to type long sentences.
3: I say we break one of Heyman's knuckles for every show in which Lynn doesn't main event.
2: Big Stevie Cool is the man. Why? Because you know he's been sneaking peeks while stealing our thrills.
1: I feel like Buh Buh Ray after a table spot.
-->Well, TLR-100 and all that good stuff. For my school paper wherein I ran for Prez I suggested "Flashlight" as a national anthem and was surprised at the support I got. I can't BUH-LIEVE I gotta wait till 2016 to win the damn thing.

Hey, speaking of Napster, Abe Tarkeshian plays Bitchfactor: Ya know, a ska band called The Berlin Project cover that song, too, but their cover is called "Rolling Down the Street". I think Ween do a country version of the song, as well. Thought you might be interested. Of course, neither of these even come close to touching the coolness factor of the acapella version of Radiohead's "Creep" which is also floating around on Napster. Anyway, I just wanted to point out the other "Gin & Juice" covers for you, and say you write a great prostate-poppin' column. The "Listo El Fuego" is man's first great contribution to the 21st century. You rule, dude.--> I had that, and didn't know who it was, so thanks Abe for IDing the Berlin Project. I have acoustic "Creep", and I hope I didn't damage your prostate too much.

The Delphi lurker IMMORTAL1: Butch, man, you're black, We don't get sunburns. Do we?? Good Column, I know you only write Rant Crew so you can have some feedback to stroke your ego. Don't worry we all do it. LOL.-->I did get a sunburn, didn't find out until I got in the shower---ow. Ow. OW. Yeah, I'm a feedback whore. Big whoop. :)

And the OWF International Champion Josh Haggard: {WL: Steph misses a chair shot, Walls of Jericho, hHh passes out, Steph goes with Jericho, double turn.} Oh, I wish. That would be SWEET.
I think your "What I'd Like to See" stuff is probably more correct than the "What Will Probably Happen." Then again, I don't know. We'll have to see. Until then, I'm the Black Plague, and I'm Outta Here Like I STOLE somethin'! ...Wait, scratch that.--> BTW, 3-4-1, and a misdemeanor for gimmick infringement.

Tanvir Raquib hates everything. Hi, Tan!:

15) **BLACKMAN'S HARDCORE!**
Two reasons to lead with this: 1) He lends credibility to a comedy belt and B) Maybe CRZ will give me a plug. ;)

14) **/JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!**
Subliminal message time: GIVE THIS MAN A SHOT VS. RHINO AT ANARCHY RULZ OR THE PROMOTION WILL FOLD.

13) **VAN TERMINATOR**
You know, does he stall and pose BECAUSE he can pull off kick-ass moves like that, or is it the other way around?

12) **SATURN WINS THE EUROPEAN TITLE**
Send the footage to two years ago when I might've cared. Poor Terri. Pretty soon, she's gonna be an armpiece for the Women's Champ again.

11) **MMMMMMMMMMMMMM...DAWN MARIE.............**
That is all.

10) **I TOLD YOU RICHARDS WAS THE DEVIL!**
He's censoring websites, and scantily clad women. What the hell is this worked sport coming to?! Can you believe how hated he is w/o having to grapple himself? (Free Idea: Put him over Malenko @ SS for the LHW Title.)

09) **WELLLLLLLLLL IT'S ANOTHER HEEL TURN**
I'm getting really dizzy--can he finish out the damn year as one?

08) **LAST MAN STANDING**
This just in: this Triple H guy is gooooooooooooooooooooood.

07) **RIKISHI'S A FOLEY?**
Ho. Ly. Shit. In the immortal words of Homer J., "Look at that blubber fly!" And anyone know how Venis is still amongst the living?

06) **HANCOCK/GUNNS @ NBR**
The cynical workrate freak in me would've complained about two non-wrestling chicks fighting at a pay per view but he drowned in testosterone.

05) **LANCE STORM: CANADIAN AND HARDCORE CHAMP**
Wow, and we were worried they were gonna bury him!

04) **BOOKER T WINS!**
YAY! A title defense on Nitro! I remember those!

03) **KANYON OWNS**
The man's funny. Tell Page to stay at home, as long as Kanyon keeps Kutting no-names and names on Thunder, I'll get at least a smile out of the show.

02) **SHANE'S STABLE**
Pretty good guys in it, but I liked it better the first time when it was called the Corporation. And are Edge & Christian in or out? 'Cause having E & C in would SO own!

01) **TRISH. LITA. STEPH. WHIPPING.**
That was the Almost Cinemax Segment of the Decade so far. :) And I think to myself, what a wonderful worrrrrrrrrrllllllllllddddddddddd...

@LARGE: WCW releases Piper and more importantly Mona, Mike Sanders pays for his 15 minutes, Triple H sits on the couch, Goldberg reinjured?, Gordon Solie, We Want(ed) Sting!

Back in seven. Keep it cubic zirconium.