~~~~~~~~~~~~EDWARD KNOX II IS GOD~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ALL THINGS ORACLE: Our site is up, www.oracleswar.com for your not-necessarily-wrestling needs. We're like Vulgar Unicorn except we don't suck. Yours truly already has a burgoning archive and the first ever article that has an expletive in the title, censorship be damned! The Forum is also rocking hard, and two big names are set to debut at our second "PPV" Detonation on Sunday. Plus I'm going to win our World Title. Maybe. And our Word Association thread is spiraling out of control. Life's good. www.delphi.com/wehearttrish, and since I'm so kind, /theoracleswar.

NEEDLE DROP: Get Napster. Not just to stick it to the man, but because Phish covers "Gin & Juice".

AT THE MOVIES: "Scary Movie". Read this, gimme feedback, then go, damnit!

[slash] PLUGS: Thanks to Da Mixer, Gregg and Job Haggard...erm, JOSH Haggard for their kind words. I still like this, Eric S. help me. And btw, the Authoritah is a little-dicked biatch.

HOW I FOUND [slash] AND WHERE IT GOT ME: Waaaayyyyy back in December, I didn't have an in-home computer. The computers at schools I went to had blocked Wrestleline from the servers (more than likely for their reckless use of the word frig) and I still wanted to read CRZ's stuff. I found here. I thought "Hell, I could sort of write a column." And so I have. Sorry, not everyone's story is as cool as Rob's.

Well, to handle the titanic amount of Core Respond Dance, may I just say JetMet IS the Delphi litmus test for Steph marks, Andy Paves, welcome to the fold, and Brandon Boon digs wrestling babes.

HEY! Speaking of Boon, now that Russo seems to have--however briefly--done something right, the Listo El Fuego is BACK to 15, baby! Like Costanza after some mango, so tell Double B he can quit fasting.

15) **BRAWLER WINS!**
Oh, if only Horowitz was still around to feud with him. This has Jakked feud written all over it.

14) **VAL WINS THE INTERCONTINENTAL**
Nice haircut, Sean. Anyway, the Tennessee Valley Authority is doing quite well, those two guys are going up the tag ranks, Venis wins another reign...plus, I bet they're really, really in shape now.

13) **TAZZ...I'M STUMPED**
Is he joining Trish? Is he after Rikishi? Was he wearing platforms?

12) **KURT FROM THE WEST SIDE OF P-BURG**
Please, let him beat UT. If Calloway didn't know to counter the "My bad" with taking Angle to the learnin' tree, he deserves what he gets.

11) **AND PLAYING STING THIS EVENING...STING?**
Boy, those residuals from "Shutterspeed" must be crappy if he's got to lower himself to doing this...

10) **TORRIE PAIRS WITH SHANE**
A shame she's still with Kidman. If she were with Shane, they could get dinner together---half for her, one and a half for him...

09) **BLACKMAN: THE HARDCORE WEAPON**
CRZ goes on vacation, finds a soulmate, and his favorite wrestler wins a title. I go on vacation and get a sunburn. Grrrrrrrrrrr...

08) **MALENKO JOBBING TO GIRLS ON PURPOSE**
'Cause Dean's not only a studier of workrate, he's a PIMP.

07) **CANADIAN SHOOTERS~!**
You think those were special prescription glasses the Soda Pop Kid was wearing last night, or a shout out to his boy Sakai?

06) **BENOIT KICKS IT UP A NOTCH**
Yeah, that whole leaving WCW thing was SUCH a colossal mistake. We could be getting another best of seven between him and Booker T right now.

05) **STORM GOES BACK TO HIS ROOTS**
He realizes all the Canadians WORTH a crap are in the _other_ circuit, right? Thank you, thank you, that was from San Diego (dramatic pause) California. Play my national anthem! Flashlight, red light, neon light, ooh stoplight....

04) **JERICHO/HELMSLEY WARS**
Where was the Muta scale for that one, that was nasty. I would've killed if Lawler had said, "He hit him so hard a huge chunk of blood popped out!"

03) **/JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!**
And his TV Title shot will be happening WHEN?!

02) **STEVEN MUST GO DOWEN AND HE MUST GO DOWEN HAAAAD**
I was cool with him until last night. $20 if someone mails me his head on a stick. Bastard. I know it's a gimmick, I DON'T CARE!

01) **YOU STILL BEST BE RAISING THE ROOF YOU MILK-DRINKIN' FRUIT BOOTIES**
Yes, it's partially due to the lawsuit. Yes, Hogan and Russo are probably going to come back and piss me off further. But I just wanted to get this out: World Champion Booker T. Oh, that's good. World Champion Booker T. I need cigs and I don't even smoke. RAISE THE ROOF, YO!

@LARGE: Muta lives, Lenny Lane IS Horshack, LSD back from his bum trip, Norman comes back, Don of Heeldom.

It's good to be back. I may or may not be taking over Tan's spot as the co-Worldwide boy--fake excitement or masturbatory whatever. Hope we spend another year ripping off "The Simpsons", making witty one-liners, breaking necks, cashing checks, and calling fools fruit booty.

MAN I missed being able to say that!