Well, that and MORIMOTO FUCKING OWNS. Yeah, I think Bree's cute, but I've got a mild thing for Janeane Garafolo, so as you can tell I'm a sick pup. And while I may have asked my barber for a Foley earlier today, you can sleep easy at night knowing that this is still, and will forever be SLASH IS ROSSER.

ORACLES UPDATE: Competing for our mythical World Title Saturday against Colton, Massa T, Eric S, and Martin, whom I've already beaten three times out of four. So THIS is what it's like to be Booker T...

ORACLES WEB SITE UPDATE: Getting set, early date should be around Labor Day. Of course, we'll be deliberating on a catchphrase until mid-August. Any ideas can be sent c/o moi or wind your way to www.delphi.com/theoracleswar. And catch /wehearttrish while you're cruising the Delphi off-ramps on the infosuperhighway.

This just in: sodas rule.

SHOOTERS UP: Hoo-ha! And EmZee may or may not be pulling a Lazarus. CRZ, you need that extra paycheck, don't ya? (Ha!) (How come they only provided a link to FREAKIN' RANTSYLMANIA on their interim page? HAH?? Fuck 'em - fuck 'em all! - CRZ)

NEEDLE DROP: Missed the Dixie Chicks concert, hope to catch RHCP and STP. Forgetting commercial radio--who needs it when you have Napster! We got to fight the powers that be!

Bite-sized CORE RESPOND DANCE. The minute waltz, mayhaps?

Jerry puts his Root down: I thought Eric S. was my own guilty pleasure. Great minds and all that.--> TLR-100, my man.

Brandon "The Column Writer" Boon: HHH is the smartest man in the WWF. We've got 2 fueds that would shape up nicely--Jericho/HHH, and Angle/HHH. No Rock/HHH, which is good if they really did have backstage heat as was "reported" a while back. And he's got job security.

Steph on a Pole match? Insert your own joke here, man. I'm still fearing the day where Vince Russo returns, and there's a 20-man Radioactive Sex Battle Royale.

Hardcore Title: I want Tazz to kill them both as well. Or Foley be the special guest referee, kick their asses like a pair of old, wrinkly little girls, take the belt, and lock it away, far, FAR away from Titan Towers.

I want to be in the Future Husbands of JLH. Not even a husband. Boyfriend or one-night-stand would do nicely. Can I pull a favor here, Butch?

Hey, I'm a big overweight guy. If I learn to do a hop kick and shave my head, can I get the push of god? Better yet, let's tell Lynn! That's the ticket!--> I think they're going with Flair2K v. Da Ayatollah and King Kurt v. DJ Superstar. There could easily be worse. I already made the joke---I didn't say what she was DOING with the pole, right? (Well, JetMet's going to chew me out for that one. Much like Steph would....well, I'm getting my own level of hell now, aren't I?) I have no idea what they're doing with Tazz yet, Bull still sucks a blue whale, and you can be Treasurer of FHoJLH. They showed the one on syndication where she and Bailey got together this weekend. Got a little verklempt, I have to say. Plus, the first time I'd heard "Out Of My Head". Just stellar, stellar work.

God bless the people on AOL who don't bother with the BS that is real names, LilAP83: Holy shit man! You called that tourney right on the money! Just thought I'd give you props for that.--> You damn well better.

PREDICTIONS: 8-3 (tag title match and the WHOLE TOURNAMENT)

And now the Listo El Fuego. Yes, it's always been called that.

08) **/JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!**
Because it's not like he deserves a TV Title shot against Rhino or anything at HeatWave. C'mon! If Paul's actually going through with the machinations of announcing matches IN ADVANCE and everything, give Jerry something! You're already going to make us sit through RVD/Clap Boy--give us something we'll like! Something we'll care about!

07) **RIKISHI WINS THE INTERCONTINENTAL**
Who's the #1 contender for this, now? Benoit? Tazz? And is this a stop-gap solution or will they give him a run with it? SAMOAN VIOLENCE!

06) **EVERYBODY LOVES X-PAC**
Are we ever going to get him vs. Malenko on PPV? Is he serving a purpose other than being unemployed (subtle joke)? Seriously, DX is a shadow of it's former self. They're just living off the name and the theme music at this point--come to think of it THE SAME EXACT FOLEYDAMNED THING THEY WERE DOING LAST YEAR. X-Pac: LHW, European, with ascension possibly into I-C status. Road Dogg: Hardcore and hardcore only. There.

05) **TRISH BUMPS!!!**
Chyna REALLY rushed through that powerbomb, didn't she? I mean, it's me standing there, it takes a week at least. Trish sold, minimal quality mic work, more reason to ignore those two guys--to think you people had written her off. Did I plug /wehearttrish? Yes? Whoops.

04) **GORGEOUS GEORGE AND DAWN MARIE SHOW ON ECW CARD**
And Joel Gertner did that arm thing so fast he actually caught air for a little while. I don't care what you people say, it just ain't the same without Beulah around. Or Kimona. Or Beulah and Kimona. Mmmmmmm....Beulah and Kimona........

03) **KING ANGLE**
Because I said so. ;)

02) **VINCE HAS APPARENTLY LOST HIS MIND**
Did I really need to think about the two of them going at it? I mean, c'mon, Vinnie, some of us are trying to eat dinner! But hasn't that stage right brought up a little oddity? Linda's at home waiting for Vince (shudder), Shane's AWOL since his shoulder met the business end of that table....OMG. Steffi Baby is the Last McMahon standing if you discount hHh. Ain't that some shit?

01) **FOLEY! FOLEY! FOLEY!**
Not since....uh...Mike Tyson won and delivered that inspirational speech have I gotten so many laughs out of such a big guy. And who knew he could sing? Hey, Vince: $20 if you get him to sing a pop song, $50 if he tries the moves, $100 if he screws it up and keeps going.

@LARGE: The flying (Canadian) Elvises, all the world is the Mid-South Coliseum, Dudleys finally get Tori, Big Shane the table Killa, Tazz izz back(z), Stevie Richards lives!

Well, until we next meet, Timmy should've died and what about him? What about Ron Siegel?