WORD FROM THE BUTCHSTER
King of the Ring Preview Butchatolla Stizyle
What's the PPV comin' up that kicks some ass and takes no guff?
KING!
What's the tourney that won't hate that's got the kids talkin' workrate?
KING!
You know, I hear that cat Benoit is a bad motha---SHUT YO MOUTH!
Anyway, now that I've got that out of the system, welcome to the Butchster's
preview of KotR2K. We got a lot to do, not much time, so let's get it on
like Oracle neckbone:
{Evening Gown Match} [HARDCORE TITLE]: FIGHTIN' INJUN GERALD BRISCO v.
INSERT YOUR OWN JOKE HERE PAT PATTERSON
Background[B]: Brisco won and lost, then won the title with Patterson's
help. Of course, Pat executed a Machivellian scheme to turn on him and take
the belt himself. Whatever. Please, why? WHY?!
What I Hope Will Happen[WH]: Tazz makes a triumphant return by killing both
their asses.
What I Think Will Happen[WT]: Uh, the coin flip says Brisco. There you go.
{Handicap Table Dumpster} ROAD DAWG, EVERYBODY LOVES X-PAC & TWHORI v. RAGE
AGAINST THE MACHINE'S FAVE TAG TEAM THEM DUDLEY BIZOYZ
B: The DX contingent has proved to be a stumblng block for everyone's
favorite brothers of another color. Tori has turned the metaphorical tables
on them by putting them through literal tables, and the Gleesome 3Some took
it up a notch by putting them in a dumpster first and THEN pushing it off a
ramp through tables. For the heels to win, lock their opponents in a
dumpster. For the Duds, all 3 eat the lumber.
WI: Dudleys win by setting up 3 tables, stacking the Road Dogg one on top of
the X-Pac one and powerbombing Tori through the 3rd with authority.
WT: See above.
[WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES] TOTAL REQUEST WORKRATE CAROLINA (con Lita?)v. TWO
GUYS WHO AREN'T IMPORTANT (w/TRISH STRATUS!!!!!!! BOOYA!) v. THE CANADIAN
SHOOTERS (w/the support of the photographic industry) v. TWO COOL (w/shiny
belts)
B: Edge & Christian lost the belts to the Cool crew. Natural rivalry. The
other teams are added for a reason, and if you find out a good one, I owe
you a Coke.
WI: Dunno. I don't know if this is elimination or threat rules. Just some
cool stuff and Trish in something barely legal.
WT: If elimination does rule, expect the Shooters to take 'em back. If it's
the threat, I'd pick the Hardys.
[WORLD TITLE] VINCENZO MAC, SHANE-O, AND FLAIR200 (w/Steffi Baby and the
FacGime) v. 1976 CINCINNATI REDS, HIS WACKY HALF-BROTHER, & DWAYNE JOHNSON
SUPERSTAR
B: UT came back at JD to cost Rock the title to Triple H. This match was
set up, and Linda added the proviso that should *any* heel be pinned,
Helmsley loses the title to the pinner. Tricky!
WI: Shane bumps and Triple H carries the load. One of the faces knocks
Steph loopy and Kurt Angle is there to save her from doom. Despite this,
Triple H edges out a win and gets pissy pissy.
WT: Triple H pulls out a narrow pinfall win over Kane when UT & Rock fight
it out.
8TH ANNUAL KING OF THE RING TOURNAMENT:
Different format for this one. I'm attempting to predict the whole thing,
so obviously if one thing goes wrong the brackets go up in flames.
WI:
Quarters:
Angle over Jericho (This thing has got Steffi Baby's interference all over
it, plus Jericho can get revenge at some later point in time)
Crash over Bull (Because I want to believe there's a God)
Rikishi over Benoit (I'll say either Benoit gets DQed, or you can have
Benoit cost Jericho his match and vice the versa)
Val over Eddie (When the puppy turns heel. Seriously, Trishie gets involved
and T & A hold off Chyna--well, at least A does, we can get into semantics
later)
Semis:
Angle over Crash (In the NON-obvious way. Crash gets killed at first and
makes a comeback en masse. Just as the crowd thinks maybe David shall slay
Goliath again, Olympic Slam)
Rikishi over Val (They've been building this up huge. Expect a serious
bladejob from Rikishi and a very narrow win, so JR and Lawler can sell the
slightly harder road Rikishi goes)
Finals:
Kurt Angle pins Rikishi (Rikishi gets in his stuff, goes for the Banzai
Drop, but Venis comes out. Ref tends to him. Steffi baby returns and knocks
Rikishi loopy with something or other. Olympic Slam. And there was much
rejoicing)
WT: Let me say this in no uncertain terms: BULL BUCHANON BEST NOT WIN JACK
SQUAT OR OTHERWISE I WILL SCREAM AT AN OCTAVE THAT WILL MAKE DOGS COMMIT
SUICIDE. Other than that, they probably can't fuck this up with the roster
they've got.
Well, it's late and I'm done, so I'll sees ya when I sees ya.
SHOOTERS!
Butch Rosser
Supreme Overlord for Life, Future Husbands of Jennifer Love Hewitt
Intern, Owen Hart Preservation Society
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