ORACLES UPDATE: We are coming onto the web, @ www.oracleswar.net. Things are going swimmingly and with all luck, we'll be up and running before the summer is over.

R.I.P. EMZEE: As sad as it is that another quality site has gone the way of the buffalo, The Shooters will still be around for all of us to enjoy, as they're going to break www.TheShooters.net I'd expect within the next week. Need that Eric S. fix, you know.

NEEDLE DROP: Rolling Stone. Argh argh argh. Stop the world, I want to throw up.

The count is at three. The name is the CORE RESPOND DANCE. The plugs are for www.delphi.com/theoracleswar and /wehearttrish. And the time to start it is now.

"Mr. The Column" Brandon Boon weighs in on my changes: I'm the new kid writing The Column. Thanks for the, er, counterplug, I guess. Dude, the Listo rocks, man, why are you cutting it to 10? Just throw in a few extra ones, man, because I need 15 shots of Fuego every week or my [slash] goggles wear out... at the very least, the CANADIAN CHOP OF DOOM needs to get on there. Someone's gotta be using it this week. So, yeah. Expand the Word. (Spread the word might be catchier, but in this case, expanding would have a better effect.)

Oh, and something to notice. Test is a Canadian. Test is really damned tall. Test uses no Canadian chops o' doom. Does this mean that there's a "lazy tall guy" chromosome in the human genome that even beats out one's environmental tendencies to beat ass with Mighty Chops? Also--notice how popular the Russian Legsweep is with Canadians. Bret Hart used it as part of his 5 moves o' doom. Owen Hart's partner, Jeff Jarrett, used a variation on it as a finisher. Val Venis ends his twin-running-knee-to-the-gut moves with it. Canadians using a Russian move. Commie Bastards.-->I already went into why I cut down the Listo. I will not suffice until Booker T gets to choose the way Russo dies his ugly, bitch-ass death. In regards to Test: that face turn is coming back any second. It'll be interesting to see if they get him back to the levels he was at last summer. He's putting a lot more behind his offense now, that's good to see. And Canadians use Commie moves because, uh...erm...BLAME CANADA! YEAH!

"Stone Cold" Sharon Austin-Hardy: Butch, you so crazy! But I have to admit I got a kick out of Benoit's actions towards my favorite brothers too. (And so did Rebecca!) I was waiting for a mini-rant over Rikishi backing that az into Trish's face-what, you didn't mind? I thought for sure that's why we didn't hear from you last week! I asked Tan were you still screaming into your pillow! Well, you pick on me (and Martin) but I still think you're cool...-->Yes, I am. I should get that checked but I can't afford it. As for the stinkface, I was pretty much seething with jealousy. It was more like crying than screaming, but that's not here or there. I just joke about you and Martin 'cause you guys are doing it. ;)

Tanvir Raquib's brush with adequacy: I switched between Thunder and MTV True Life: I Am A Pro Wrestler. The MTV special blew Thunder out of the water. But that wasn't a shock. Hey, since Dale gave you his Chris Connelly story, I'll give you my Tony Chimel story. I went to MSG over a year ago for a house show. I sat in the upper deck with the TWO GREATEST FRIENDS IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. Anyhow, the view was cool. We laughed. We cheered. We booed Mideon. Okay, I cheered for Mideon, but that's because no one gave a shit about his match with Val. Boring chants abound. After the show was over, we scaled over a wall (no joke) and we actually got to the front row area. The floors were really sticky. Wrestling fans are such slobs. So we get up front. And there we see him: TONY CHIMEL. He's working with the ring crew to remove some ropes or something. So I'm like all scared and shit, but after much coercion, I yell "Hey Tony!" on the top of my lungs! He heard me and turned his back half wat and waved in MY direction! That was an awesome feeling. After that, nothing much happened...unless you count that homeless guy who tried to dry hump my friend. I think I got home at oh, 12:30 AM or something? It was worth it, damnit.--> This has got WHAT to do with JLH now?

Cut down from the former 15, this is my LISTO DEL FUEGO:

09) **ALL HAIL CONTINUITY**
So, it's pretty obvious Team Stratus is about to go kablooey. Test is off to becoming the fiery white-hot babyface he once was, and Venis is going align with Trishie to continue getting his heat. What about Albert? (chuckles) What ABOUT him??

08) **THE DON OF HEELDOM**
This is all well and good for now, you know, but what does he do in the fall? I still can't believe the man's 50.

07) **TRISH v. LITA?**
'Cause the idea I had was that they hollow out the ring and replace with a giant sundae with all the works. It's all about the ratings, baby!

06) **VENIS/RIKISHI WARS**
Wow! I haven't had this much fun watching a skinny guy and a fight guy fight since Siskel passed.

05) **/JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!**
Did you hear Meltzer's program where the lesbians called him up? I'm telling ya, Cyrus, never underestimate the drawing power of a World Champion in the lesbian demographic. They're good people.

04) **PUPPIES=RATINGS**
Note to self: buy 300 puppies, then when faced with any trouble with anything, hand over puppy. Seriously, a crowd that was chanting "Asshole", "Slut", and "Shane's a pussy" not half an hour before gave an "Awwwwwwww" en masse. And they say we're all just heartless workrate freaks. That'll learn 'em.

03) **hHh? 7+ MINUTES?! ON HeAT?!?!**
The best part? The crowd was absotively en fuego for it. One of the few times I haven't been pleased to see Jericho. But, seriously, must we be in a rush to turn him face? The RAW interview was really, really great. What can I say? He's that damn good. Now, if we can work to get TAKA a rematch...

02) **SHAFT! CAN YOU DIG IT?!**
Sure, it did "O.K.". But how many millions upon millions did they miss out on by not having Crash as a pimp?

01) **BEST KOtR FIELD EVER**
Angle. Jericho. Rikishi. Benoit. Eddie! Main event? Tag match? Just run the damn tournament already!!

@LARGE: Wall of Voodoo signs @ RAW, E.C. gets a shout-out, Edge & Christian work the mic, Dudleys get X'd out, Bull Beats Jericho?!, Sunday night Latino HeAT.

Anyway, I will have a KotR preview up Friday or this weekend, and I'm strapping in for New York Battle.

At my house, it's Toast Battle in honor of this momentous event.

Carson Daly's back in town. I hear my ball bat calling.