WORD FROM THE BUTCHSTER
Hello, fellow wrestling marks, smarts, ladies, fellas, hustlas, and bustas!
Here I am, the Full Blooded Iconoclast, the man with the Ezekiel 25:17
shirt, and YOUR WCW World TV Champ! A busy week in wrestling, and a busy
week for yours truly. Without any further report, let's kick off this
(mmmm) beefy Word, cause now is the time on CRZ or RANTSYLVANIA WHEN I CORE
RESPOND DANCE!
Mr.T (yes, him, CRZaholics) sez:
Good column, great list...stick here and maybe you'll get the ultra-cool red
/ thingie!
-->Um, what's that? I don't know. I'm new here.
Chris Fairbanks, second all-time, #1 in your hearts:
...I have no idea what your countdown is supposed to signify except possibly
your top 15 favorite things this week (some explanation of its purpose might
be nice), the cloumn was good.
--> Well, C-Money, you're pretty close to the truth already. But it's not
my favorite, it's just the 15 interesting things, what's hip as I write it
up. I settled on 15 cause everything else had been done: 5(Nat X), 10
(Letterman & every aspiring wiseass), 20 (MTV), 25(college sports),
100(newsmags), and 50(too lazy to get 100 or ended up with 74). 15 I
settled on for I count down my favorite songs that way as well, and I've
only seen the EW guy do it.
And Evan Parsley (stop laughing) chimes in:
Hey, nice column...DX is SUPPOSED TO be heels (someone tell the nAo that,
they don't get the concept...JLH is absolutely the People's Choice....
--> YOU DAMN RIGHT!!
Originally, I had planned to give this much more time, but oh, well here it
is: BUTCHSTER DOES PWI.
Rookie: Shane in 1st, Lash runner-up.
Inspirational: Foley, X-Pac
Improved: Kidman, Lynn & Hardys tie
Comeback: Vader
Manager: Fonzie, Debra
Fued: Vince-Austin, Lynn-RVD
Popular: Rock, RVD
Hated: hHh, Corino
Match: 10.7: Hardys/Suicide Blondes (No Mercy), 10.4: Hart v. Benoit
Tag: Hardys, Acolytes
Wrestler: Austin, RVD.
2K Is Theirs: Lynn, J. Hardy, Reckless Youth, Trish Stratus, Kidman
And as Bill Maher put it so eloquently: I don't pimp what I think is crap.
Now then, weighing in @ 291 pounds, he is being led to the ring by the
People's Choice, Jennifer Love Hewitt. Formerly from CyberSpace Unknown,
now from North Tijuana, California, born a bunch of wires, but his momma
named him LISTO DEL FUEGO!!!
15) ** TOO COOL, THE EPITOMY OF OVER**
Fire Thunder Driver, this week, Crash Holly's the one who burns.
14) **BLITZKRIEG TO ECDub?**
WHOO-HOO! More on this later...
13) **REFORM THE NATION**
Rock needs someone to watch his back with DX and La Programa Grande Alto
around. Henry, not doing much. D-Lo, wasted. Godfather over.
Hmmmmmmm...I remember back when I thought I'd never see DX again. Just
another Word From the Butchster.
12) **HARDYS v. DUDLEYS @ RUMBLE?**
Hell of a match last night I heard, and it wouldn't suck, and they do have
to fill another 90 minutes. Winner of the match becomes the Butchster's WWF
US Tag Champs, I promise ;).
11) **THEY DEFENDED THE HARDCORE TITLE? TEST WON IT?!?!**
The 8th Commandment of rasslin: if thou havest a Hardcore Champion, he shalt
not be a pretty boy. It's nothing against T, he's got skills, but he hasn't
even been in any matches, and now he's just become the champ? Was I the
only one who thought they'd start him with the Eurostrap, or am I getting
senile?
10) **JERRY LYNN WINS**
YES! Let the push continue! I seem to recall a high-quality match for the
TV Title at the Double 9 Living Dangerously...who was in that?
09) **KIDMAN GETS A PUSH**
Ambivalent. More later on, but,...well, let's just say pack a lunch for #1.
08) **PAUL CONSIDERING CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE!**
Apparently Mr. Heyman is one of the mill...um, doz...well....BUSHELS (AND
BUSHELS) of Butchaholics out there. Just do it, Paul. You won't even have
to name the tournament for me.
07) **TRIPLE THREAT FOR THE I-C STRAP**
Three words: Jericho better win.
06) **CAT FIGHT**
As a result of my little brother not taping RAW, I can now sell to you a
11-year-old slave for minimum prices!! Any takers? Any?
05) **SOULED OUT CASUALTIES**
Buh-bye, Bret. So long, Jeff. Isn't it nice we have a US Champ, Tag
Champs, and a Cruiserweight Champ who can't wrestle (lit or fig)? And
there's really only one tag champ (shudder), no TV Champ (hostility....urge
to kill rising), and no World Champ anymore. My Stamford-tuned transmitter
is just picking up this gleeful, evil, maniacal laughter...
04) **BIG SHOW TURNS HEEL (AGAIN)**
Yes, he's a heel, no matter what he says. Turning on the Rock made LPGA
(see earlier) the most evil man alive to 90% of WWF viewers. That's right,
even more evil than Hitler, who wasn't that cool, but surely would never
short-arm the Rock. Well, I'm going to hell for that one, aren't I?
03) **WOULD YOU LIKE TO BOOK WCW? SEND A RESUME AND A SASA TO...**
So, Russo, if you'd fucked yourself any harder, you'd be walking bowlegged
at this point. Vince won't take you back, you don't want to be anything but
top dog in WCW, and Paul is too perfectionist/anal to let anyone but him run
the show. I see him like the fake EZE was in "Dreday"--by the highway--will
book for food.
02) **MORE BANG BANG FOR YOUR BUCK**
First off: the music rocks the casbah. Second: it's about damn time.
Third: I like that Foley is allowing to go out with the character that
brought him to the metaphorical dance. Now, Helmsley must go dowen and he
must go dowen haaaad.
01) **EXODUS!**
Here we go: Shane, you got issues, my man. We told you to stay or go to
Vince, you didn't, and look. Lousy mid-card angle, two matches. May be
able to stay, but I'd suggest Vince or Paul. Rey, Juvi? Paul. Saturn
would probably get more face w/Paul but may just have to reform the
Eliminators to get a strap. Malenko? I'd say retirement cause he's in the
mid 40's, and has no charisma to speak of. As for Chris Benoit, hold a damn
auction between Paul & Vince. You saw what Vince did for Jericho on one
hand, but Paul is looking for someone non-Tanaka who can push Awesome.
Benoit-RVD? Benoit-Rock? Benoit-Lynn? Ahhh Benoit-X-Pac? ohhhhh
Benoit-Sabu? Benoit-Jericho OH GOD!!! Forgive me, I just got workrate all
over myself. I'd like to see Chris end up in Titanland, myself. Benoit is
the one person who is a gimme to profit immediately somewhere else if he
goes. And of course, even though he's the 1st (I believe) to hold WCW's
major 4 titles in the course of a year, you give him the belt and then he
goes? (CRZ, bold and underline please.) FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU, WCW!!! I
will not watch their programming until July at the earliest. I hope they
fucking choke. DIE, WCW, DIE!! Unless Benoit and the Cruiserweights stay,
in which case forget the last couple sentences.
@ LARGE: Damn it, I don't want to see Mae Young in a bikini, Hey, Buzzkill
didn't wrestle!, "Big T" comes back, Canadian Mafia forming?, Goldberg on
AMA's, Savage released, Al Snow crazy, Jericho caps on Tori, Ivory & Jackie
series on WWF B-programming.
To my peoples: based on response, I *MAY* have a Royal Rumble preview for
Saturday. And I may introduce Butchster Books over the weekends as well,
but it's up to you. I'm outta here like I stole somethin'.
And, boys and girls, it may have been eight months, but the true blue of us
will never forget this one little thing: there's a little bit of the Blue
Blazer in all of us.
WHOO!
Butch Rosser
President, Future Husbands of Jennifer Love Hewitt
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