Well, if it's this Sunday, it must be Louisville, as YET ANOTHER DAMN PPV is on the books, and since it's the WWF: not only do I care, not only will it matter a week later, but we know ALL THE MATCHES BEFORE THEY'RE GOING TO HAPPPEN! Madness. Absolute madness. Only 6 matches because of the length of the main event, but there's going to be a real couple of jems in the undercard. And have a moment of silence beforehand for the King of Hears, would ya? I knew I could count on you guys. Let's get ready to PREEEEEVIEEEEEW!:

TWO COOL & RIKISHI (w/hip-hop gear & biggest ass this side of Bobby Knight) v. MASTERS OF THE RUN-IN & THE GREATEST AMERICAN HERO KURT ANGLE
Background [B]: Well, our fan-friendly tag team champs apparently took umbrage with the fact that a 400-lb man wanted to stick his face in their asses, so they relied upon the Olympic Hero, who has problems with the street, yo. Angle's involvement has lead to Too Cool's involvement, and we got the impending Pier 6 now.
What I Hope Will Happen [WH]: Cool pre-match promo by the heels, 10 minutes to work, Chris hits a 2C member with a belt leading to a Kurtains and a win. Rikishi cleans house, get down, get down.
What I Think Will Happen [WT]: Rikishi pins Edge to get his name out there as a KotR candidate.

{No DQ} WELL IT'S THE BIG SCHIZSHOW v. SHANE O MAC
B: Show got eliminated in the early going of the WM2K main event. Since then, he's taken on a more funny, friendly persona. Shane no likey because Show can be a dominating athlete focused and possibly used as another opponent for the Rock and friend of the Regime.
WH: Show chokeslams Shane through a table and tosses him like a salad.
WT: Half the free world comes down to beat Show up just before he can win. Shane just barely gets his bitch win and flees like a white man out of Compton.

{Tables-Nothing But Tables} LITTLE POOCHIE & NOBODY LOVES X-PAC (w/Towhori) v. RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE'S FAVE TAG TEAM THE DUDLEY BOYZ
B: Thanks to the anticts of D-Corporation-X, the Dudleys have found themselves on the business end of the wood, including both their opponents, Tori, and the Emperor of Hardcore hisself, Gerald Brisco.
WH: Tori? DEAD! Brisco? DEAD! Dudleys? TESTIFY!
WT: Seriously, they sold for Brisco! 3D Giveaway Night, and X-Pac gets put through a table to Sharon's joy and delight, totally justifying the $30 price tag right there.

[EUROPEAN TITLE] LIGHT HEAVY CHAMP AND CZAR OF CHARISMO DEANO MACHINO v. CROSS-EYED WONDER PERRIER SATURN v. EDUARDO GUERRERO (w/Wonder #9)
B: This started off with dissension between Dean & Perry. Ed and Chy went to stop them, since they're still loose-leaf associated with the R4dicalz and got punished for their good deeds. Now, this match will either see Dean become double champ, Saturn with his first taste of WWF gold, or Eddie retain.
WH: Ed kicks it froggy style after a ***-**** 15 minute match.
WT: They've been hyping the hell out of Saturn not winning the belt. Chyna screws up, Saturn wins, Eddie gets it back before KotR.

{SUBMISSIONS ONLY} [INTERCHRISINENTAL TITLE] SUPREME OVERLORD CHRIS WWY2JD? JERICHO v. INTERNET DEITY CHRIS BENOIT
B: Jericho didn't win at BL. Won on RAW. hHh shanked him out of it, and now I get the match I've been waiting 2 months for.
WH: After 25 minutes and *****, Benoit passes out from the pain of the Walls of Jericho. Ayatollah retains.
WT: See above, if they listen to me like it seems they do.

{I AM IRON MAN/SPECIAL GUEST REF SHAWN MICHAELS} [UNIFIED WORLD TITLE] THE GAME hHh (w/The McMahons of Greenwich, what's left of DX, Tori, that damn music and knee) v. DWAYNE JOHNSON SUPERSTAR (w/People's Support)
B: Triple H challenges Rock to this match since they've damn near done every other gimmick match under the sun. Pins, submissions, countouts and DQ's count. HBK added as the ref last week, thus reprising the question of last month's PPV: Will Returning Superstar Shank Rocky Out of the Title?
WH: Rock wins 4-3, cleanly. HBK & Rock take beatdown afterwards, Jericho makes the save.
WT: hHh wins 5-4 when HBK turns on Rock again and UT comes out to Tombstone him.

Well, there you go. We'll see how I do. Make sure you read MY COLUMN and CRZ's THUNDER RECAP. Catch ya next week.

Of course, I'm outta here like I stole something.